100 lb. Club - Keeping it private or shouting it aloud?




Rosinante
03-03-2009, 11:28 AM
Following a thought on the 'Are you sick?' thread:

personally, I get a big kick out of not telling friends and family that I'm dieting. Last time I had lost 50lbs before anyone commented!!:(!!
Lots of reasons:
my fat is a distancing mechanism ~ I'll let people know if I'm ready for them to come closer
say you're on a diet, and the whole world asks constantly how you're doing; or tries to 'tempt' you; or, if, like me, you prefer calorie counting, which means you can basically eat what you like, while making healthy choices, when you are seen eating your 1 cookie a week treat, or whatever, people feel they have the right to castigate you.

Thinking deeper thoughts now:
although my parents loved me very much (I presume, we're non-demonstrative) my mother was so intrusive into every thing I did and thought - and ate! - that I have big, big issues about letting people get close now. I've been told by a counsellor that, however well-meant it was, it Was emotional abuse I suffered. It has certainly screwed me up! Apologies to those who have had far more abusive lives than that.

also, my current job is very vulnerable-making - I'm on 24/7 call (minister of religion) and on the end of a huge weight of hopes and dreams and expectations.

So what occurred to me was the phrase, 'It looks like I chose to be fat because it was the only thing I could control' and that hit me with a thud - because how many times have I heard documentaries about people suffering from anorexia nervosa, who say that their eating issues were less about weight loss and more about controlling the only thing they could control?

Excuse the long post, I just suddenly feel a bit ulp, realizing that I've narrowed my control down to choosing to be fat. hm. idea needs work.

ps: when I say 'not telling anyone' - clearly I don't mean not posting!:dizzy:


anastasia
03-03-2009, 11:32 AM
i can totally understand.

for me, my weight loss is public in the way that i blog about it, am on here and go to my classes where everyone is doing the same thing. hubby and my parents know but no one else.

if people ask i'll tell them. if they notice i've lost weight that's great and recently a few people have said adni've said "yeah well it's cos of....". they know i've been dancing and karate but that was it.

it's for me to lose weight and for me that i'm doing it so i'm not bothered if others know really. in some ways i like to keep it private and wait for people to notice.

anastasia
03-03-2009, 11:32 AM
btw, how's giving up weighing for lent going?


MugCanDoIt
03-03-2009, 11:33 AM
I keep my weight loss private. I dont want people judging me. And if they notice, they notice. If they dont, they dont. Because Im TRYING for me.....and I dont want anybodys opinion, unless its from 3 fat chicks. That is that...(for me)

time2lose
03-03-2009, 11:40 AM
At first I definitely wanted to keep it private. I had failed so many times that I did not want people thinking, "Here she goes again!". After a couple of weeks I thought that I needed to tell my husband and children. They had an "Oh, OK" response, I think because they expected me to fail. When they saw me stick to it for a few weeks, they became really supportive.

Now, I am open about it at work after the "Are you sick?" question. I actually feel much better about that, it makes it easier. To clarify, I am not hiding it but I still don't talk about it much. That can get old in the workplace. I think it is key that everyone can see that I am sticking with it. They know that I am serious this time. After all, if I am successful, how long can I hide it?

macky
03-03-2009, 11:42 AM
So what occurred to me was the phrase, 'It looks like I chose to be fat because it was the only thing I could control' and that hit me with a thud - because how many times have I heard documentaries about people suffering from anorexia nervosa, who say that their eating issues were less about weight loss and more about controlling the only thing they could control?

Word. My dad had me on a diet since I was eight - looking back on childhood photos, I was an extremely normal weight child. Eating became my form of rebellion. In real life, I'm pretty private about losing weight (I don't go to the gym when visiting my parents!) mostly because I don't want my dad to know he's winning.

Which is screwed up, because really I'm winning, right? Ugh.

TJFitnessDiva
03-03-2009, 11:43 AM
I don't really shout it out (unless to close family or friends) or try to keep it private....it just is :)

Rosinante
03-03-2009, 12:01 PM
btw, how's giving up weighing for lent going?


Thanks for remembering!

It's going really well, thanks. It's really motivating, because I'm still logging weightlosses, to keep my electronic calculator straight, and I will be SO disappointed if I get weighed on April 12th and find I'm miles off!

bargoo
03-03-2009, 12:04 PM
I don't tell anyone. This keeps the diet police from making unwanted comments.. Somehow when people know you are on a diet they feel compelled to make comments.

Rosinante
03-03-2009, 12:06 PM
Word. My dad had me on a diet since I was eight - looking back on childhood photos, I was an extremely normal weight child. Eating became my form of rebellion. In real life, I'm pretty private about losing weight (I don't go to the gym when visiting my parents!) mostly because I don't want my dad to know he's winning.

Which is screwed up, because really I'm winning, right? Ugh.

That rings bells too. All my life that I can remember I was pudgy, result of (apparently) having been a very light eater as an infant and mother was terrified I'd die, I guess. I have "known" all my life that I'm offensively fat - but, like you, now when I look back at photos, all I see is normal. I NEVER tell my mother I'm dieting. I would NEVER go to the gym if I were visiting her. That's letting her into my headspace. ack.

saef
03-03-2009, 12:14 PM
my fat is a distancing mechanism ~ I'll let people know if I'm ready for them to come closer


This rings true for me, but I'll offer a variation on it. I'm heavily padded, and that is for my protection. I put on the padding because it's a hard world out there & I am soft. I'm like an umpire, who needs a face mask & a chest pad. Or a hockey player, or a football player with padded shoulders. Or I'm like a fragile thing that's boxed up & being sent on a very long distance, in the back of a particularly bouncy truck, and I need bubble wrap so that I get there intact, without anything being broken off.

saef
03-03-2009, 12:18 PM
I'm not done yet ... ;-)

say you're on a diet, and the whole world asks constantly how you're doing

Yeah, I wanted to do this alone & for myself. It's almost a selfish act. I don't want any other participants. I don't want an audience. I don't particularly want their applause. I just wanted to blend in with everyone else, to be acceptable, which means being unnoticed, except when I step forth dressed up & **want** to be noticed.

Kae
03-03-2009, 12:25 PM
I guess I am more open with some people than others about it. My immediately family, whom I live with, know about it because they have seen me exercising and now I buy my own groceries and cook my own meals... so that was pretty much unavoidable. I also told a couple of my closest friends because it just seemed easier... I don't have to make excuses for not wanting to go out for dinner and drinks and everything fatty so we can make healthier plans together. Everyone else though... I am mostly keeping it to myself and I will say something once they start to notice.

Sandi
03-03-2009, 12:49 PM
Well, I wear my heart on my sleeve and the same goes for weight loss. My family knows (how could they not - I am always counting the calories) My work people know, my friends know. I don't talk about it a ton, but everyone knows that I have gotten the bodybugg and I am trying again!! :D

ChocLabLover
03-03-2009, 12:51 PM
I also play it pretty close to the chest, so to speak. Only my family knew at first, and then when everyone started to notice, the comments started:

1) How much weight have you lost?
2) How are you doing it?

For those that are really interested and not asking out of curiosity and I tell them what I am doing and I am very honest about it. Otherwise, when I get those questions, I am very vague and generic in my answers.

Numina
03-03-2009, 12:52 PM
I don't know how I could diet, etc. without my husband and son being in on it. They are both so supportive of whatever way I want to go that there is no problem there --- my husband will offer to cook or ask if there are things he should/shouldn't buy, etc. but doesn't get all into my face one way or the other unless I really encourage it.

WarMaiden
03-03-2009, 04:29 PM
When I started back in May, I did not tell my husband, my kids, my mom, my friends, or anyone. I didn't want to confront anyone's healthy skepticism about my ability to stick with it--especially my husband's. (At the time we were in a rough patch, and he was unable to believe I'd be able to stick with any positive changes at all.) So I didn't even tell him until I'd been off sugar and eating healthier for about 3 weeks.

Now, however, he is my biggest supporter. He works with me around my dietary changes and has made some big changes himself (consequently also losing around 70 pounds to date).

My mom is another big supporter--my giving up sugar has led her to work on giving it up, too.

People at work have been very supportive and positive too, as they notice the changes I am making--not just the visibility of the weight I've lost, which is really noticeable now, but also the very healthy food I eat and my daily walk at lunch.

So, I guess I'm not incredibly private about it now, though I did start out that way. Getting a bunch of success under my (smaller!) belt has moved that process along. It's easy to talk about success, hard to talk about hope.

lottie63
03-03-2009, 04:38 PM
I tell a lot of people, mostly because I'm building a massive army of diet buddies on thedailyplate.com from people I know irl.

:)

futuresurferchick
03-03-2009, 04:55 PM
It's easy to talk about success, hard to talk about hope.

Yep, this is so true. Once people are noticing and you have confirmed success, it's A LOT easier to talk about it. I didn't talk about it with anyone in my life (except my dietician) when I was starting out. Now my roommates know but we don't talk about it much, and I don't have a problem discussing it if others bring it up. But I'm still pretty private about it.

For example... my roommates know I'm going to kickboxing, but they don't know I went 5 times last week or that I'm planning to do the same this week. It's my little secret. :)

Thighs Be Gone
03-03-2009, 05:10 PM
I didn't tell anyone, not anyone. I just began. Some began noticing about 30 pounds down. This last week I have had 3-4 people see me that I haven't seen in several months. I have gotten the "I didn't even recognize you" comment.

I do not like putting the pressure on myself that would come from discussing this in real life. Weight for me is very, very personal. Here at 3FC I share every aspect of it. It is safe and comfortable for me. There is real information and real support here. That's hard to come by in real time in my experience.

When someone asks me about I try to shut it down pretty quick unless it's some select individual that I think really wants to discuss it. Then, I am an open book.

Newlywed
03-03-2009, 05:23 PM
I hate the comment that people ALWAYS give me, "oh, just one wont hurt" like my boss last wed, brought home some delicious looking cinnamon bread and offered me a slice. I said I think that I will pass this time, I am on a diet (she didn't know before hand). And she gave me the response, oh one piece wont hurt. I hate it, cause for me, yeah maybe the first piece wont hurt but the 2, 3, or 4 piece will... Man, that bread looked and smelled SO good.

I did stick to my guns and didn't have a piece, but it was hard.

I just hate it cause people just don't realize how hard it is to stick to the diet everyday and not make the bad choices. Obviously I am on a diet for a reason.

cfmama
03-03-2009, 05:53 PM
Everyone knows. I've not kept it a secret and I kinda wish I did... hindsight is 20/20 right?

What I AM getting is the "did you get gastric bypass or the lapband?" comments... lots of them. It's annoying me.

twish
03-03-2009, 06:57 PM
This rings true for me, but I'll offer a variation on it. I'm heavily padded, and that is for my protection. I put on the padding because it's a hard world out there & I am soft. I'm like an umpire, who needs a face mask & a chest pad. Or a hockey player, or a football player with padded shoulders. Or I'm like a fragile thing that's boxed up & being sent on a very long distance, in the back of a particularly bouncy truck, and I need bubble wrap so that I get there intact, without anything being broken off.

Wow. While I can relate to a lot of what other posters have said, Saef so beautifully articulates how I feel about my weight.

While the rest of the world sees me as a fat person (many of them making assumptions about why that is), I don't really see myself that way. The fat isn't "me". Not that it doesn't make me unhappy- and I do sometimes beat myself up about it. As difficult and time consuming as it is to lose the fat, I feel as though it is only padding- external to me. The rest of the world- their reactions to me- tell me I am fat. Most don't naturally see beyond the padding to the person within. I only feel like a fat person when I am around other people. So it is an excuse to maintain a distance, and there is protection in that.

WildThings
03-03-2009, 07:45 PM
My immedient family knows because they are VERY supportive and most struggle with their own weight problems so we are a very good support system for each other. Other than my family, I don't say anything unless someone ask about weight loss, then my only comment is "yeah, I've been trying to eat healthier," which is true. One of the nicest things is my office is a small office. Dieting and weight issues are never mentioned. It's a huge change from the last place I worked which was huge and everyone was always on or looking for the next fad diet. If anyone caught wind that I was trying to loose weight, they would hound me for my diet plan, even though no one ever wanted to here that it was simple whole foods, calorie counting and exercise.

Thighs Be Gone
03-03-2009, 08:05 PM
Everyone knows. I've not kept it a secret and I kinda wish I did... hindsight is 20/20 right?

What I AM getting is the "did you get gastric bypass or the lapband?" comments... lots of them. It's annoying me.

I got that on another site where I blog time to time. A PM with someone I never heard of asking me that. I wonder if people in my area don't talk about that possibility too.

Numina
03-03-2009, 08:13 PM
What I AM getting is the "did you get gastric bypass or the lapband?" comments... lots of them. It's annoying me.
Now, THAT I find just rude! Sheeesh!

Star2Be
03-03-2009, 11:37 PM
It's easy to talk about success, hard to talk about hope.
Yep, this is so true. Once people are noticing and you have confirmed success, it's A LOT easier to talk about it.
Yes yes yes, these two basically summed it up for me! When I first committed to doing this, it was a very personal moment of me switching my entire mindset... A total overhaul of my way of thinking about my eating/exercise habits... But I didn't tell a single soul. I eventually had to tell my mom, kind of, because I was home from school for the summer and she was paying for all of my food--so obviously I had to explain why I was choosing different things, and no longer wanted her to pick up unhealthy things for me anymore. But I downplayed it a lot. I didn't exactly say that I was trying to lose weight; I just let on that I was trying to eat a bit healthier.

I didn't say anything about it to any of my friends for a really long time, either. I started passing up on a lot of food items when we went out, basically under the guise that I was saving money for a trip to Florida that I took last summer (which was true, but it also provided an extremely convenient excuse for why I didn't want to go out for ice cream or go on a Taco Bell run, etc!). I exercised in private so my family wouldn't see, and I simply didn't mention it to my friends. And though I weighed myself dutifully every day, I never gave updates to anyone except my pals on 3FC. :)

I did everything totally secretively for the first couple months, and then by the time I had lost, I think, 35 lbs--a couple people started noticing. However, to me, at that point it didn't feel like quite a significant enough loss for me to take pride in it, or even act like it was something I'd done on purpose, so I kind of tried to play it off as a happy accident ("Guess I've been spending a lot of time at the beach!" :D). Then my friends and I all restarted school, so they didn't really see me for a while... So finally when we saw each other again around Thanksgiving, and I was about 70 lbs down, the reactions were pretty strong! At that point it was pretty undeniable that I had lost weight, and that at least SOME of it had to have been on purpose. But even then, it was really weird to start talking about it. It had been *my little secret* for so long, that it made me feel a little exposed to "admit" to it.

Definitely, I think the reason why I was so afraid to tell people about it was because I wasn't 100% sure that I would succeed. I was terrified of announcing my hopes to the world, only for all of my efforts to crash and burn and for everyone to know that I had failed. Ick, I hate failing. And in some ways, being overweight made me feel like I had already failed - failed to take care of myself, failed to eat healthy and exercise, failed to have an "acceptable" body - and having to publicly acknowledge the fact that I really needed to lose weight would have been really embarrassing for me. :o

Now that I have make a fair amount of progress, and I've gotten to the point where everyone has noticed the loss, and there's no way I could deny that it was on purpose, etc, I find that it has gotten infinitely easier to talk about it. I still have a ways to go until I meet goal, but I have definitely accomplished something, and it's much easier to talk about weight loss as something I DID do rather than something I SHOULD do, y'know? I no longer feel so awkward, because now my body serves as "proof" that I am serious about this, and people who have seen my transformation thus far have no reason to believe that I won't make it even further and further, whereas it might've been much harder for them to believe the 163-lb me saying "Someday, I'm going to weigh 171 lbs." :chin:

Sorry for the uber-long post... This thread is really making me think! In fact, I feel like I could write tons more about this subject and STILL not be done, but I'll spare you all, heh.

cfmama
03-04-2009, 12:10 AM
Yep. No one actually believes that GASP you can ACTUALLY lose weight by diet and exercise! lol!

gin
03-04-2009, 01:38 AM
I have to tell my husband because he is my first line of support. Also because he needs to know not to be bringing home any total junk. He is very supportive of me and my efforts.

I didn't tell my mom at first, but then I did because she is trying to eat healthier too, and so we do share some ideas and such. I did tell my sister in law because she comes over to eat or we go out with her and so I wanted her to know we aren't doing things like we used to, so we need to go somewhere with healthier choices. She is pretty supportive and is trying to lose some weight as well, but she is my height and is currently at or very near my goal weight:rolleyes:.

So far I haven't lost enough for anyone to notice.

Jen

saef
03-04-2009, 10:18 AM
I didn't want to tell anyone partly because it was (maybe still is) a work in progress. You know if you are working on a project or a piece of art/craft or a home renovation, and you keep it under wraps because it's not done yet, and you want people to see the full effect only when it's complete? That's sort of how I felt about my weight loss. Only of course, that wasn't realistic, because I would have had to sequester myself away in an undisclosed location, like Dick Cheney or someone in a witness protection plan. (Also, losing 100 pounds ended up taking me about two years, so that really wouldn't have worked. Two years in seclusion -- ack!)

It's also why I kept wearing clothing that was too big for me for an inordinate amount of time. (I was not the person who goes down a size & celebrates by getting a whole new wardrobe.) Not only because buying something new in every new size would have been expensive, but also because I wasn't ready to wear anything really fitted & body-conscious until my "project" was further along. Those clothes were like the drop-cloth that you use to cover a picture or a sculpture when you're not working on it. When I was ready to show it, **then** I was going buy the expensive jeans with the label on the pocket. Or put on a dress & show my legs.

Thighs Be Gone
03-04-2009, 10:22 AM
saef, I really like your philosophy. LOL--YES on the old clothes covering a gorgeous sculpture in progress! Oh, how I love that.

Once my clothes started to be too big to wear, I did purchase a few things but not many. Are you buying your "final" clothes now? Just curious.

Star2Be
03-04-2009, 12:37 PM
I didn't want to tell anyone partly because it was (maybe still is) a work in progress. You know if you are working on a project or a piece of art/craft or a home renovation, and you keep it under wraps because it's not done yet, and you want people to see the full effect only when it's complete? That's sort of how I felt about my weight loss.
YEAH, that's a really good way of putting it! I felt like, I didn't want anyone to know about it when I was still in the process of losing weight... I'd rather wait for some kind of "big reveal" moment. That's why I get such a rush from seeing people who literally have not seen me since my highest weight, because instead of having to do the whole awkward "Heeey, you've been on a diet, haven't you?" I'm more likely to get a reaction along the lines of "WOW, YOU LOOK GREAT!! :yikes:" Hehe.

Though I must say, I can't relate to the bit about clothing... Throughout this whole thing, it's been sooo hard to restrain myself from going out and buying a new wardrobe for all the in-between sizes. I love showing off my new shape! Even if I'm not quite where I want to be yet, the better my clothes fit my current shape, the more likely people are to notice the progress I have made. And the better I feel! :D Though it's sooo impractical... I keep buying things that I LOVE and then growing out of them, grr. But I guess as far as problems go, that's not such a bad one to have, heh! ;)

xJox
03-04-2009, 01:04 PM
I dont shout it from the roof tops, but I dont really try to keep it a big secret either. All my family/ close friends know.

One thing that really annoys me is once Ive lost a significant amt of weight, people say the rudest things. Instead of complimenting, they will say "What are you doing, starving?" Why do they think you have to starve to lose weight?!

saef
03-04-2009, 01:27 PM
Thighs, yes, I finally have bought some classic, pricey clothes that I intend to wear for a while. In the after-Christmas sales, I bought cashmere sweaters over & over again. Like, a lot of them. A little rainbow of them. I also got a nice long cashmere-blend coat from Bloomingdale's. In my mind, those purchases meant that I was pretty much done. I would not have spent that if I hadn't figured that the investment would pay off in "cost per wear."

Star2Be, it was easy not to buy clothes in the various sizes along the way, because clothes shopping hadn't been fun for me for some time. It was a past-time that I associated with hopefulness -- finding something nice on the rack -- and then humiliation & despair, when I put the clothes on in the dressing room & they didn't fit or look quite right. I had self-protectively got out of the habit of clothes shopping or looking at clothes other than as nice design objects that I would never own. So it wasn't hard for me at all to stay out of the stores or think about cute clothes.

And my personal history is relevant here. When I lost a lot of weight many years ago & also developed an eating disorder, I was too obsessed with clothes. That was all I did on some weekends: I'd go to my favorite stores & try on big piles of clothes in the dressing room. If you have an eating disorder, that is pretty much one of the few things you **can** do, because other things involve socializing, and that could lead to food consumption. So you're alone a lot. And it's easy to shop while alone. I didn't have the concentration to read, for example, since that would mean sitting quietly, and when I did that, I felt guilty because I wasn't moving. (I worried that maybe while I was sitting quietly, the dreaded fat was **collecting** on my body.) Yes, that's crazy thinking. It's a serious illness. So you can sort of see why I wouldn't want to get back into the dressing rooms again as much as I used to, because it was a symptom to me. Also, I am perfectly capable of channeling my tendency to binge into bingeing on non-food items, such as shopping, and I don't want to do that. Moderation is key for me.

mystyblue85
03-04-2009, 02:08 PM
I can agree with much of what was said here, but I guess I have to add my experience...
When I first started this journey, the only person I told was my husband. It was a really sad affair, because he was losing his eating partner...lol
My husband is six feet tall and he weighs about 200 sopping wet...he eats whatever he wants and never gains an ounce. But he LOVES to go out and eat and he loves to take me out to eat...I think part of him loves to feed me, as he loves me at my current size. (wouldnt that be crazy?!!)
So when I told him that I wanted to lose weight and I would be making healthier food choices, he looked kind of sad and he took a deep breath and said, "Ok boo, what cant you eat now?" and I pretty much said "everything i used to eat" :)
But since then, he's been very supportive and he tries not to tempt me (even though he still does sometimes before he can stop himself).
But I havent told anyone else, even though many people have guessed as I carry water everywhere with me and when we go out I ask for salads with fat free dressing on the side, but no one close to me has asked me about it and I havent heard any discouraging comments or questions related to it.
But the best part in all this is the response from the people I work with. I always go to the gym at my job during my lunch break and now, when its time for my lunch, the people next to me are like "are you working out today?" and when I say "yeah" they are like:" girl you are going to be looking GOOD!" :carrot:YAY!!:carrot:

Rosinante
03-04-2009, 03:56 PM
The clothes one is interesting. Last time I lost, I didn't buy too many new clothes in the early stages, mainly because my clothes still fit, they just weren't stretched to their absolute limit any more, blush.
However, once I got into 'normal' clothes, i.e. the sort of thing I could buy off the peg NOT in a fat shop, it got harder not to buy. Particularly underwear/lingerie. The joy of a flimsy instead of foundation garments is huge!

Unfortunately, I spent so well that I got into financial difficulties, to put it mildly. I wasn't buying designer stuff, I just don't earn a lot and there was the credit card ... or two ... I became aware that I swapped over eating for over spending. Just an obsessive me.
Anyway, the good news is I've been debt-free for 34 months. What I'm working on now is being as automatically in control of my eating as I am of my spending. I'm on spending maintenance - I know where every penny is, every penny I own stands to attention when I come into the room. People think it must be a chore for me but it's absolutely second nature. Now, this time next year, God willing, I Will say the same about food.

btw, thankyou, this is a very interesting thread!

Lyn2007
03-04-2009, 04:15 PM
I didn't tell ANYONE. Well, except on my blog. But no one IRL. I had dieted and failed enough times that it gets embarrassing. My kids did ask me things like "why don't you ever buy ice cream anymore?" and I told them the reasons why (nutritionally) and also that I needed to lose weight to be healthy. But besides them, I told no one.

When anyone asked "are you losing weight/how are you doing it" I answer, but I don't go on and on. I do all my bragging and whining online :)

irishsarah
03-04-2009, 04:30 PM
I haven't shouted it from the roof tops this time either. My maternal grandma knows, but you couldn't ask for a more wonderful, supporting person ever. She loves me no matter what and tells me often.

My mom knows, which is a double edged sword. My mom is the textbook example of bad dieting. We don't really talk about it much, but she has done every unhealthy thing on the planet to lose weight for years. Here is a perfect example of how unhealthy her relationship with dieting is and how it probably affected me. I told her once that I would sometimes binge and make myself vomit. It wasn't something I did all the time, but that I did it. (That was in MY past.) Did she get upset? Did she yell at me? Nope. She asked me how the heck I did it because she's never been able to make herself throw up. :( We just talked about it like it was the most normal thing in the world to do. Insane. Totally insane. Don't get me wrong. I LOVE my mother, she is a tough, smart woman and a great mother and grandma, but when it comes to weight loss...she is a lost cause. I could write a book with all the stuff she's tried and diets she's been on. BTW, my mom isn't even that heavy. Seriously. She just has this overwhelming desire to be the undernourished sick little thing she was when she married my Da.

Husband, I do NOT discuss weight with my husband. He knows I am trying to lose weight but that it is not a topic of discussion with him.

I talk about it here and there are a very few online friends that I mention it to somewhere else. That is it.

I don't know why, but by NOT announcing it to everyone, everywhere I feel more in control, more serious about my decision. That's just me though.

shrinkingviolet
03-04-2009, 04:41 PM
I'm telling my friends and family I'm on a diet. I was just sick, and concurrently, I've lost weight, but not because of the cancer. I was dieting and lost 22 lbs. prior to my diagnosis. It did not spread to my lymph nodes and is gone. While I was recovering from my surgery I lost weight because of a lack of appetite. Some of the moms at my kids school are looking at me a little funny, like they are attributing the weight loss to the disease rather than the surgical "cure". I told two friends, two teachers, and my kids about the cancer, but somehow everyone knows. I see a pitying look in their eyes, which drives me bananacakes because I hate that people think I'm probably going to die. So, if they are brave enough to ask me about the weight loss, I tell them I'm on a diet and becoming gloriously healthy. And I posted my pic for an avatar, so if there is anyone on this site who knows me, they will recognize me. I, too, am not buying a whole new wardrobe for the way down. I have clothes left over from the way up, actually. When I reach my goal of 130 lbs. I'm going shopping.

H8cake
03-04-2009, 06:11 PM
I didn't tell anyone except my husband and kids at first. People started noticing at about fifty pounds down. After that it's hard to avoid the subject. I didn't tell anyone at first because I was so afraid I would fail. I was very determined to get the weight off, but I still didn't trust myself. Now I'm fine with talking about it unless the person is over the top shocked by it. Then I feel really uncomfortable and change the subject.

time2lose
03-04-2009, 10:43 PM
There is a common thread through many of these postings, many of us did not want to tell other people when we started our new way of eating because of fear of failure.

Many of us have lost and gained, lost and gained. I like what I read somewhere... multiple attempts to lose weight is not failing. It is learning what works for us. A baby has to fall many times while learning to walk. In our past attempts, we were learning and now will use that knowledge to be able to walk and then run!

fittermimi
03-05-2009, 05:37 AM
This is a great topic. I have kept mum as for several months as I have dropped from a size 24 to a 20. Now people are noticing, which is fine if they say I look great. But I hate it when they say "Wow, you look so much BETTER." Does anyone else think that is just rude?

Rosinante
03-05-2009, 07:19 AM
This is a great topic. I have kept mum as for several months as I have dropped from a size 24 to a 20. Now people are noticing, which is fine if they say I look great. But I hate it when they say "Wow, you look so much BETTER." Does anyone else think that is just rude?

I've had that in the past and decided just to swallow it. People mean to be kind but it really p.s me off!

Gretchy
03-05-2009, 08:36 AM
I don't go out of my way to tell people, but if it comes up in conversation I don't skirt around it. ie, if someone asks why I'm not eating a sweet treat at work or whatever, I'll tell them why.

time2lose
03-05-2009, 09:00 AM
Originally Posted by fittermimi
This is a great topic. I have kept mum as for several months as I have dropped from a size 24 to a 20. Now people are noticing, which is fine if they say I look great. But I hate it when they say "Wow, you look so much BETTER." Does anyone else think that is just rude?

Oh, yes, the backhanded compliment is rude!

MugCanDoIt
03-05-2009, 04:57 PM
I didn't tell anyone except my husband and kids at first. People started noticing at about fifty pounds down. After that it's hard to avoid the subject. I didn't tell anyone at first because I was so afraid I would fail. I was very determined to get the weight off, but I still didn't trust myself. Now I'm fine with talking about it unless the person is over the top shocked by it. Then I feel really uncomfortable and change the subject.

You described one of my main reasons for not talking about it. To a T !!!!

lonegirl
03-06-2009, 10:06 AM
I let my family and friends know so I have the support and not sabotage needed to get to my goal. They were with me 10 yrs ago when I dropped 100lbs...so having them with me again is great. everyone knows that Sat is the day I tend to have my extra calories so they don't even suggest treaty food on any other day. :)

Newlywed
03-06-2009, 12:34 PM
I told my husband, family, and really close friends, and now my boss knows. But other then that no one knows. Cause sadly I want to "YOU LOOK SO GOOD" moment. When everyone else realizes how much I have lost once I lose all of my weight.

Bee20nine
03-06-2009, 12:42 PM
I told my parents, my sisters, and my bible study group which is basically my immeadiate world. I have a "thread" on fb that I message every week what the status of my weight loss is. Its accountability for me and encouragement to know that people are there. I dont tell my family how much I am losing or gaining they just know I go to the gym every other day. I by no means shout it but if people ask I tell them. Most of the time I get the reaction "well good for you but I could never do that, that requires too much work." To which I usually think "yeah thats why your still unhappy about your weight"

Pandora123a
03-06-2009, 06:10 PM
I didn't tell anyone except my husband at first. Now I talk about it when others bring it up, but really try to limit it. I've been down and up too many times to feel okay about much focus from others.

I do take a lot of pleasure in wearing smaller size clothing, and in particular in being able to go into a store and try on a ton of things and they fit.

AmberShimmer
03-06-2009, 06:34 PM
I prefer to keep it to myself. Other than my family, and this forum, nobody knows that I am trying to lose weight. I've tried losing weight in the past and when people found out, they would start criticizing the way I eat and exercise and start giving me all kinds of advice which are, to be honest, kind of unsafe like drinking only soup three times a day. Or eating fruits only until you reach your goal.

Or when they bring food over like pizza and I refuse to have some if I had already eaten or planning to eat something a little healthier, I'm accused of being anorexic.

So usually, I just try to keep it to myself. :)