Weight Loss Support - Have you ever used 3FC as an excuse to over do it?




Lori Bell
02-19-2009, 11:19 AM
Why is everyone so nice??? I've been getting into these ruts lately where I'm just "tired" of being good. So I read here in hopes to get re-motivated, and it helps 99% of the time. I'm still losing weekly, although it is much slower and sometimes daunting.

Sooo, I'm reading along and then I find what I'm looking for, a post from a fellow foodie coming clean about a binge, confession time, accountability, or what ever you want to call it. After several pats on the back, and a "we are all human" speech, all is well, and the binge is "forgiven". Yeah...it's the excuse I've been searching for to head for the pantry...(well this time it was the kids Valentine's candy they were bombarded with at school and church.

I went so long without ever cheating, and now since the holidays it has happened 5 or 6 times. I don't want a licence to binge, I want someone to say, "What in the h*ll are you doing? STOP IT!!!" Though of course, I NEVER ASK FOR HELP before I blow it. It's like my mind is made up and of course like the old days I'm ALWAYS alone in the house. (Another bad habit not cured yet)

Yesterday my husband came home with a bouquet of flowers and I felt so ashamed. I told him I didn't deserve them and about eating approx 1500 calories just in candy. (not including my calories from my "healthy" meals.) He's so sweet and assures me I do, but I feel like I failed him, our family, myself.

Thankfully my binges have been controlled, and I have actually counted the calories and stayed below what I used to consume daily...but still it feels like I'm slipping, and haven't learned anything from all the hard work I put into becoming healthy. It scares the heck out of me....I haven't even reached my "overweight" goal of 175 yet and I'm already screwing up.

I'm done whining :?:


saef
02-19-2009, 11:27 AM
Are you saying, does reading about bingeing here on the Web site possibly make you more inclined to binge yourself?

Yeah, I worry about that. Binge porn, is what I want to call it. When I get in that mood, I try to avoid that part of the forum.

Fat Chick B Gone
02-19-2009, 11:31 AM
I think it's different strokes for different folks. I'm like you and find the "it's okay" posts enabling and not helpful. I imagine others feel they do help. I just avoid those types of posts and have to pyscially restrain my hands from typing out "Seriously? Again?" on some posts ;)


Lori Bell
02-19-2009, 11:32 AM
Are you saying, does reading about bingeing here on the Web site possibly make you more inclined to binge yourself?

Yeah, I worry about that. Binge porn, is what I want to call it. When I get in that mood, I try to avoid that part of the forum.

Yes, you nailed it. Never thought of it as "binge porn"...but that pretty much sums it up.

WormwoodDoll
02-19-2009, 11:35 AM
I can understand a bit. Sometimes we need to be yelled at to stop. My fiance is always nice to me. "Oh, it's okay." "You can eat this once in awhile". Sometimes I just want a slap in the face and be told "What the **** are you doing?!". I mean, I want to be able to eat a piece of chocolate or a scoop of ice cream, because let's get real -- I can't say I'll NEVER eat that stuff again and this is for life. But if I'm diggin' in the whole pint, that's NOT what I want to be doing.

Shannon in ATL
02-19-2009, 11:36 AM
I hear what you are saying on the 'it will be okay honey, tomorrow is a new day' kind of messages. I have myself sometimes looked for them when I wanted to go overboard, even said them to myself sometimes. Kind of like confession, just before I do the thing, not after... Sometimes I do need a kick in the head instead of forgiveness - unfortunately it is hard to know when a person needs which response, and the kick in the head responses often make people angry...

junebug41
02-19-2009, 11:36 AM
The flowers thing really stuck out at me.

I think people need to be realistic and face the facts about food accountability. Nowhere in this scenario will you find the word "punishment"!!

Be accountable, Lori. Going off plan, wandering off the reservation is HUMAN. If you don't accept that this is a possibility, it makes it all that much easier to stick your head in the sand. For me, not facing up to it just leads to denial! That's why I had to start weighing again every single day.

Lori, we make choices every single day. Some choices are better than others. This does NOT mean that you deserve some kind of punishment, like your husband not doting on you! Food does not equal love, nor does it equal hate (as cliche as that sounds).

And let me tell you something else, when I hit goal 4 years ago I was freaking out. Can I start drinking wine again? Can I have pizza sometimes?? I had no idea. But I found 3FC and that has helped guide the way. It answered a lot of questions without answering them for me.

Lori, you're here- and as far as I'm concerned, you are already a leg up because of it. This is one bump of many down the line. You WILL learn to navigate these, ok?

junebug41
02-19-2009, 11:37 AM
Yes, you nailed it. Never thought of it as "binge porn"...but that pretty much sums it up.

Interesting. I can honestly say I never thought of it that way, but it's a very valid point. Maybe I need to revise my previous post.

junebug41
02-19-2009, 11:41 AM
Sometimes I do need a kick in the head instead of forgiveness - unfortunately it is hard to know when a person needs which response, and the kick in the head responses often make people angry...


Shannon, you can kick me in the head any time. ;)

What I love about this place that I don't see out in the world is people (including myself) being called out on excuses. Sometimes people really really don't like it, but there seems to be a lower tolerance here, which I need.

daniela
02-19-2009, 11:51 AM
I kind of get jealous of the binge posts, crazy huh. I would love to go nuts sometimes and eat everything in the house but I don't because mmm I don't know, I just don't. If I want a treat I work it into my plan or I'll go over a couple hundred calories occasionally (I try to workout more that day if I know I'm going out and I'll eat more). I think the big thing is to not beat your self up about "going over plan" look, just don't go crazy and binge there's no need to take it to extremes. I don't post in binge type treads because I don't want to offend by saying STOP why are you doing this.

Lori, now that we know you need a kick in the a** from time to time we can do that :) I'm like you if I'm slipping or obsessing about something weight related I want someone to set me straight not sugar coat it. It's easier with friends in real life because they know your personality.

With that said STOP binging and have a reasonable treat now and then to stay sane. Lori you've been a huge inspiration to me so don't mess it up!! :p :hug::hug::hug:

JayEll
02-19-2009, 11:56 AM
Oh, I really do get tired of the "enabling" responses, because it's like, if someone feels guilty enough, and gets forgiven, then it's all OK. Well, it is NOT OK in my book to do some of the things that members describe.

Yes, I am very familiar with choosing to eat foods or amounts that I shouldn't be eating if I'm trying to lose or maintain. And I know what the consequences of those choices will be. I know who is in charge and who is to blame for it. It's like junebug41 said--people are accountable for their actions. Crying about it is not a solution; changing behavior is.

I'm sure most of you are aware that I can pull out the drill sergeant icons from time to time :drill: when I sense that a fellow member needs some tough talk. I try to do it with some humor, though, and with kindness. Just because I may not agree with "don't beat yourself up" in every case, that doesn't mean I get to beat anyone up! :no:

That said, Lori Bell, I think you are being too hard on yourself. There, I said it. Yes, you feel lousy and out of control. But that doesn't mean you don't deserve flowers from your husband.

What you need to do is :coach: STOP IT! There, I said that too!! :lol: If you can't be alone in the house with candy, throw away the candy! or get out of the house! Don't turn this into a battle of will.

Also, check your calorie level. Make sure you are eating enough. Make sure you have some friendly snacks around. You know what to do. :yes:

Hang in there! :hug:

Jay

saef
02-19-2009, 12:09 PM
The forums are a very useful tool, but they have their limits. Sometimes, you'll find they may not be the best place to be.

My problem is that my Web surfing takes place in isolation, and that's akin to the state in which I'm most inclined to binge.

You need to listen to yourself. Take a lot of soundings of your emotional state. If something feels "fuzzy" or not right inside you, and you know you are vulnerable, then step away from the computer. Get away from those posts here where people are describing consuming a pan full of something. (As a writer trying to make her post more vivid & relatable to my readers, I could specify what that pan is full of, but I won't, because I know how suggestible people can be when they are vulnerable. I know the effect such posts can have. We have to be very careful sometimes.) If you know that an image of that pan full of something is going to float just above your head all day, until it starts actually seeming like a solution to your sense of unease, then stay out of that part of the forums. There are other parts of the site that could better serve you. Or maybe get out of the isolation of viewing the posts here & find your real-life distraction, the one that's physically there, in your house with you. The friend you can actually call on the phone. The walk you can actually take out of doors.

We can help here, but we can't do it all for you, and in some moods, with the wrong post, we might inadvertently hurt. It's good to know yourself & know the limits of what you can get from certain remedies & distractions.

Glory87
02-19-2009, 12:10 PM
It is hard sometimes - some people WANT the kick in the butt, some people just want their hand held because they feel bad they messed up. I tend to err on the side of hand holding, because we all mess up and it's truly not the end of the world.

When I eat off plan, I always try to think "why did I do that?" Was I hungry, bored, deprived, had no plan going in (like how to handle a buffet)? I might think how I could handle the situation better the next time. Then, I forgive myself, because really - what's the alternative - NOT forgiving myself? I have lived in that pit of self-hatred and self-loathing when I wasn't "perfect" and it was pretty terrible. My biggest goal after eating off plan is to get RIGHT back on track.

I try to use my own system to help other people who seem to want help - figure out what happened, plan how to do better the next time, forgive, move on.

I know some people aren't as lucky as I am - I can de-junk the house so I'm not tempted all the time. Other people just can't!

kaplods
02-19-2009, 12:47 PM
I don't consider the blame-free or reassuring posts at all "enabling," but then again I never found harshness at myself or harshness from others as beneficial in any way. Getting angry, upset, disappointed or disgusted with myself never did me an ounce of good when it came to my eating, it just made me feel more worthless, and less worthy of all good things. But self-punishment gets old, and a glimmer of self-pity would arrive (but before self-respect) and I'd soothe my pain with carbohydrates.

Taking the blame, moralizing and deprivation out of dieting may have saved my life. It definitely allowed me to have life in my life, and it stopped the self-hatred/self-pity cycle that is so often part of the tradition of dieting.

For me, deprivation dieting doesn't work. Inevitably, the drill seargent in me gets soft and feels sorry for herself, but not confident, strong or valued enough to console or comfort without using food, the ultimate frenemy. So destructive and deadly, yet always available, dependable and soothing (in the moment).

Looking at healthy behaviors as a skill, like any other, I can be patient with myself and yet steadily make progress. Like playing a musical instrument, I can only improve with practice (but I don't have to get angry at myself in order to practice, I just have to remember that I want to learn to play the instrument of my body better).

When I was little, I wanted to play the organ so badly. I begged for music lessons, and the first year went great. As the pieces got harder, instead of being able to play several songs of my choice, I had to study pieces that the teacher assigned and all week would have to practice the song, whether I liked the song or not. If I played a song I liked instead of the homework, or if I didn't like the homework song, my mom would get very angry and stand over me when I practiced, transforming what I loved into a dreaded chore. It ultimately ended my interest in music. Several years ago, on an impulse I bought an electronic keyboard and am having a lot of fun with it, because I'm letting my interest determine what I choose to play. I had forgotten the joy that playing a musical instrument can bring when you're doing what you love because you love it.

I'm learning to treat my body like that. I'm not eating food I hate in order to get the body I want. I'm not sacrificing my life in order to hopes of a better life in the future.

Traditional dieting has an attitude of deprivation. You sacrifice what you want (say a candy bar) in order to get what you want more (a healthy body). There's nothing wrong with that per se, except that if you're only taking away things from your life, feelings of deprivation are a natural response. Basic behavioral science shows that punishment is far less effective than rewards in shaping behavior. It works not only on rats and pigeons, but on all creatures including human beings.

Taking the punishment out of dieting is surprisingly still a revolutionary concept. We're conditioned to think we are bad because we are fat. Instead, I see that I am fat because eating had rewards that no punishment was strong enough to overcome (electric shocks don't prevent rats from choosing tastey food over bland food, either). Rewarding myself for (or even by) making healthy choices has been a lot more effective (and makes for a much more pleasant journey). It is a little slower than the hard-core drill seargeant way, but I also see the path I'm taking as one I can live with my entire life and enjoy. I don't want to spend my life in bootcamp.

corazonas
02-19-2009, 12:49 PM
I think a lot of people are super nice on the board because 1. they're all super nice people and 2. you kind of don't want to be the jerk that says 'you suck' for not doing what you're supposed to be. especially if they're worried about really upsetting somebody because let's face it, we don't know everybody's personality around here.

i try to be that 'kill em with kindness' type of person and i can give em encouragement with the best of them BUT if i can see somebody's struggling and won't get super offended and all hurt because i crushed their spirit or whatever, i'm the kind of person that will tell you STOP.

so lori, it's NOT ok to use this site as an excuse. this place is a tool. a really fun, carefree, sometimes soul crushing tool. ;) you should come here to learn and share and chat vent and be ecstatic or be pissed off or whatever else you need but do it without the box of chocolates sitting next to you. nobody is responsible for you but YOU and using other people's positive feedback as a free pass is crap. but you know it's crap so there's no reason to do it anymore.

that being said, there's a bunch of people here that care about you and want to see you succeed- me being one of them. so i hope the next time you want to eat your whole day away in a bag of cookies or a gallon of ice cream or whatever that you'll pm me. or pm SOMEBODY. or post. you CAN do this- even if you do need your butt kicked around once in a while (which i'll be more than happy to oblige) :)

:hug:

aneleh
02-19-2009, 01:21 PM
wow this is kind of an eye opener for me.. I binge maybe once or twice a week, but I always think, ok tomorrow is a new day, it doesn't matter.

STOP binging and have a reasonable treat now and then to stay sane.
I know that's obvious but I had to hear it!

Jen415
02-19-2009, 01:32 PM
Something needs to be mentioned here....when people come on to confess their transgressions, most of the time it is accompanied by self-loathing. I think we can give support and help the poster separate the behavior from the person that they are. The person is good--the bingeing is not.

inspired by you
02-19-2009, 02:01 PM
WHAT THE **** WERE YOU THINKING?!!!!! Now you have to go work out more and carefully watch the rest of the day to try and make up for some of the calories without cutting yourself short on nutritious foods. Was it really worth it? *shaking my head in disappointment*

I love this post...it is so true on many levels. I can understand supporting people and being understanding, but I have never understood the enabling that goes on...Its not ok that you binged, and I swear sometimes when I see repeat bingers and people tell them its not the end of the world, it was one bad meal, they dont need to ruin their whole day or week they just need to accept it and continue on. I just want to say , yup, you blew it. Maybe losing weight really isnt for you, maybe your not ready. When you get serious then come back and talk to me. I know I'm not perfect, my food diary would make many of your heads spin (ex. last nights snack...a small banana cut up with a chocolate vitamuffin crumbled on top then covered with a 100 calorie chocolate pudding cup...an almost 300 calorie snack) but every thing I eat is accounted for and worked into my daily calories. This is not an every day thing, but some days are worse than others, especially during TOM. I want to lose weight more than anything right now and I feel so guilty when I eat over my 1450, I really couldnt imagine eating over maintenance plus work out calories. I am by no means playing the holier than thou part. I know binging happens and theres been many days where the stress has gotten to me and I feel like I could eat for days and I almost tell myself that the people on 3FC will say its ok, one bad binge isnt going to mess me up, but what it would do to me mentally is a lot worse than what it would do physically.

Lori, you have been such an inspiration to me and many others. Its nice to know your human, but accept the flowers from your husband because they were meant for you because your a good wife and mother. I'm sure he didnt buy them because you were doing so well staying on plan. Your going to beat yourself up for a while and your not going to get to have any yummy snack later, but you will have some beautiful flowers, and YOU DO DESERVE THEM.

inspired by you
02-19-2009, 02:05 PM
Something needs to be mentioned here....when people come on to confess their transgressions, most of the time it is accompanied by self-loathing. I think we can give support and help the poster separate the behavior from the person that they are. The person is good--the bingeing is not.


I do agree with this. I dont think EVERYONE who binges is coming here for acceptance of their binge. They just need to know they are not a bad PERSON for binging.

Jacquie668
02-19-2009, 02:24 PM
I'm an emotional eater, or I was until I gave my word to my guy I would stop it (more on that in a bit), and I have had several bumps along this journey so far. For a month, recently, I went off on "hey I'm gonna eat anything I want and make me feel bad" sort of spree and ended up gaining back 4-5 pounds. I also did a lot of emotional eating, comforting myself with food. Is that okay? Yes and no. Clearly it is not an okay thing for me to do to myself for obvious reasons. It is okay, however, as I'm human and I make mistakes. Okay = I'm not a bad person for making this mistake.

This is my personal opinion, but when someone talks about their binging or emotional eating, or whatever issues are plaguing them at their core, they are coming from a place of shame, of feeling extreme negativity about themselves because they feel that they cannot get it together. So, when someone replies to their cry for help/comfort with an "it is okay" and reassures them, it is about telling them that they are not alone, that we get it, and that you're not a bad person. I mean to me that is not enabling. To me that is a response of understanding and comfort. Once you get the :hug: then you can start opening up and confronting those core issues and feelings. That has to come from the person who originally expressed their feelings though. Now if you're choosing to take that comforting response and enable yourself, then that is another issue entirely.

Recently I made a promise to myself and my man that I will stop emotional eating. Since then I've struggled as things in my life have gotten a bit stressful to say the least. However, I'm doing it step by step lol. It is hard lol. I held myself accountable, I promised myself first, and I need to learn how to cope in other ways. That includes not punishing myself ANYMORE. To me punishment = negativity and I am tired of the negative things in my life. I want to learn how to accept and embrace positive things. I do have self loathing and punishment issues, but I'm learning. To me saying that I don't deserve something = the negative and punishment and I don't feel that is productive. I mean weight is just fat and saggy things...that is all physical. My emotional side, now that is where the real work is for me. I allow my fears, my negativity, and my other issues to stop me from getting physically healthy. It is all interconnected, but at the core I could be 140 pounds and STILL feeling the same way about myself.

Currently my inspiration is to fit into these jeans I have and wore a long long time ago. That is not a reward, but an inspiration to get me to a new place in this journey. The reward is feeling satisfied and encouraging myself to move forward. I have other inspirational goals that I think are helping me confront my negative and self loathing tenancies.

Lori, I'm not going to tell you to stop it, because I think that has to come from you. I will say that you're not alone and we all get where you are coming from. You are a real inspiration to all of us. You sound like a wonderful person. :carrot:

Everyone deserves flowers! :D

Newshinyme
02-19-2009, 03:00 PM
Its not ok that you binged, and I swear sometimes when I see repeat bingers and people tell them its not the end of the world, it was one bad meal, they dont need to ruin their whole day or week they just need to accept it and continue on. I just want to say , yup, you blew it. Maybe losing weight really isnt for you, maybe your not ready. When you get serious then come back and talk to me.


I do not agree with this part of your post. I do agree that we need to make ourselves accountable for our choices and be called on it when we don't follow our own plan. But if I had a bad slip-up or a binge and I got a response like that, then the whole guilt/punishment cycle that kaplods and glory mentioned earlier would start and I would equate a mistake with failure and me not being worth the effort and maybe just giving up.
One thing I have learned from so many of the women here is that if I have an off meal (if I decided to go out and not eat what I had planned for example), there is no use on beating myself over it for days or hours on end, it's better to just pick up where I left and go back on plan for the next meal. I can assure you, I've had far more success with this approach than with all my previous attempts when I would be riddled with guilt if I ate a piece of something i was not supposed to, it really is not the end of the world or of the healthy habits I am trying to build now.

I think there's a distinction between being encouraging and supportive and being enabling. And her in 3fc, I have really found support and kindness even when I'm not perfect.

Cie
02-19-2009, 03:19 PM
To treat someone with compassion and kindness is not enabling. To enable would be encouraging the person to just go eat and it doesn't matter anyway. I have never read of any one doing that. I am an emotional eater (still) and I never needed 3FC to go on binges! You all were there to help me pick myself up and dust myself off even when I didn't post about it. Jacquie668, that was wonderfully put.

cfmama
02-19-2009, 03:47 PM
I totally understand where you are coming from. I strive to use a mixed bag of tricks... I feel badly that they felt bad because they binged BUT food won't fix anything and you need to get back on that horse and make a STRATEGY for dealing with it NEXT time. IE: get the freaking candy out of the house!!!

midwife
02-19-2009, 03:51 PM
From my iphone please excuse any typos....
I know I binge/ blow eat/ eat too much sometimes and then I come here and fess up and get back to to the plan. Maybe we tend to share the kind of support we need. When I eat 2 pieces of cake, I feel awful about it. The sugar but also self-contempt. Self-contempt is not helpful for me. What I need at that tome is to remember that it is not the end of the world, that I am not going to gain all the weight back from one indiscretion and that food ( for me) is not a moral issue. I am not a bad person for eating cake ( unless I stole it maybe!

We all make mistakes. I will binge again someday. It is a fact. I will never be perfect. That's okay. I'm keeping off 50+ pounds. This is not all or nothing. This is trying, falling, and getting back up. I used to try perfectionism and when I blew it and hated myself for it, I stopped my efforts and regained it all.

When I binge, I don't need to hear that I screwed up. I can tell myself that just fine. What I need to hear is that I can and must keep going. If someone told me that a binge meant I wasn't ready to lose the weight...well I would not find that helpful. Especailly since I have lost it and I am maintaining. That doesn't mean I am not changing. My binges now are different than they were last year and might be different still next year. We are all at different places in the journey, but one thing I know is that we all go off plan. And then our choice is to give up or keep going.

Lori he didn't buy you flowers because of your food choices. He bought them for you because you are an incredible woman. None of this is easy, and you are strong. Perfection isn't strength. Trying and persevering is strength.

JulieJ08
02-19-2009, 03:55 PM
Yesterday my husband came home with a bouquet of flowers and I felt so ashamed. I told him I didn't deserve them and about eating approx 1500 calories just in candy. (not including my calories from my "healthy" meals.) He's so sweet and assures me I do, but I feel like I failed him, our family, myself.

What do flowers have to do with what you eat??? If you eat something you "shouldn't," you don't deserve anything good in life in any way??? Are you serious?

How's that for not being sugar-coated and nice ;)

FB
02-19-2009, 04:24 PM
You do deserve flowers, most definitely. You do not deserve a binge - you're better than that, you've done an amazing job and naturally want to see it to the finish line (not that there ever is a finish line - but you get my point).

Regarding the binge porn, I cannot even read most posts about cravings, binges or over the top fried foods - because it makes me crave it unexpectedly and I don't want that. Most threads I have read on it have a few people agreeing, which is normal - that ___ would taste great. When in the mood, I personally need to hear that it's useless garbage and will taste like kaka!

rockinrobin
02-19-2009, 05:03 PM
Oy to this thread. I don't even know how to respond to half the things that have been said. I'm never sure if I should go with tough love or killing them with kindness. It's very tough.

One thing that stuck out to me, that we hear a LOT around here, - "tomorrow is another day". Well, this one does kinda get to me. Because tomorrow is a new day, but so is the day after that and the day after that. And then a new tomorrow again - and before you know it - you've tomorrow-ed away a week, a month, 3 months - a year, a decade..... So at some point, it's GOT to be TODAY. Right NOW.

LoriBell, the year I was losing, I was sure all my binges/bad days/off eating - whatever you want to call it were over with. Ha. Ha. Ha. on me. I was shocked when they came back. Shocked. And now I'm feeling kind of bad for posting about my bad times. But for some reason it does kind of help me to share it with others and I guess get it off my chest. I'm sorry if it's bothersome to others. But I think it DOES help to know that we are all human and they are BOUND to happen. I one hundred percent believe that they are inevitable. But that doesn't mean that we are failures and need to be punished. I've now come to accept that they are indeed PART of the journey, PART of the plan.

Please, please, PLEASE, I urge you to not punish yourself for these things. You have failed no ONE. NO ONE. You are setting such an incredible example to your entire family by taking charge of your life and implementing the changes that needed to make this happen. You have come soooo far and one or two or twenty-two binges does not negate that. This is not the end of your journey, just a small fraction of it. :hug:

kaplods
02-19-2009, 05:48 PM
We're so ingrained to punish ourselves in this society for being overweight and overeating (heck sometimes it seems that we're taught to feel more guilt over food cheating than any other cheating legal, financial, sexual.)

I've never met an overweight person whose main problem was not feeling bad enough about themselves. I also find it extremely difficult to believe that many (if any at all) have used 3FC as an excuse to overeat. I'd really like to know if anyone here really has ever thought "hm, I think I'm going to binge on a ridiculous amount of unhealthy food, because I know that after I do, everyone on 3FC will be so nice to me."

Sorry, I just don't buy it. And anyone feeling the need for punishment or "tough love", should know that this is the worst place to come for it (and not only because you're unlikely to get it). We are friends here, but we're also virtual strangers. If you want punishment, I'm confident that you can do more than an adequate job of it yourself - or if it needs to be from outside yourself, you really should seek out the people in your life closest to you provide it. When family's do "interventions" it's with close friends and family, not strangers, because "you're bad, I don't like you anymore" is meaningless coming from a stranger.

There's little to no value in virtual strangers getting on your case, because you're only going to think "they don't understand." (Heck, even if your loved ones do so, you'll probably think the same thing).

I think that if you really believe that you're eating is out of control because people aren't yelling at you enough, you're making excuses. You're saying, it's not my fault that I binged, because people weren't mean enough to me for doing it, and are too nice to me afterward. It's not our responsibility to punish you, and if you feel you need punishment I'm sure you can handle it yourself, or get someone in your "real life" to do it.

FB
02-19-2009, 05:56 PM
And now I'm feeling kind of bad for posting about my bad times. But for some reason it does kind of help me to share it with others and I guess get it off my chest. I'm sorry if it's bothersome to others. But I think it DOES help to know that we are all human and they are BOUND to happen. I one hundred percent believe that they are inevitable. But that doesn't mean that we are failures and need to be punished. I've now come to accept that they are indeed PART of the journey, PART of the plan.


I hope I didn't come across the wrong way! The posts for me that are unbearable to read are generally the ones regarding old favorite foods - or if we could have anything to eat right now ignoring calories what would it be? To read post after post talking about doughnuts and pizza is hard for me.

I just recently discovered that about myself and those kinds of posts - it was a brilliant moment - to realize that I needed to stay away from them. I had been having crazy cravings after reading them and realized my life would be easier just not to participate. Well, duh on me!

Someone needing support is an entirely different matter and one I'm all too happy to help with, if I can. It doesn't set me off at all to read about foods in those instances, because I can sympathize with the poster - the foods aren't glamorized generally.

Priscatip
02-19-2009, 06:15 PM
I read this earlier today and wasn't sure what I had to say about it, so I had to think on this one. First of all - Lori, you're one of my 3FC inspirations, both because of your incredible loss so far and because of your insightful posts.
Two. I never really thought about 3FC that way, and now I can see that I have done that a few times. Not for 'binges' necessarily, but the few times I have gone over plan or planned a cheat day, I posted about it. And I was kind of asking permission. Mainly because I knew everybody would tell me it was alright and life would go on and I'd still lose weight. It let me justify it in my head

In fact, I posted one last night, about whether I should have a cheat day for my birthday when I plan on drinking.

Hmm. Now I have to think more.

Maybe we should label our posts to say whether we want a kick in the butt or a pat on the back or a hug. Maybe I should ask for a kick in the butt more often.

Eyeopening post, Lori.

joyra
02-19-2009, 06:26 PM
Lori Bell, I too have thought people are too nice here. And actually 90% of the time when I post an issue, I'm not looking for "tomorrow's a new day" "it will be okay"... when I posted about my plateau, "It's okay just stick with it, it will work out" was the last thing I wanted to read.

It's probably just me personally, but when I post problems, my favorite responses are others' personal experiences. With plateaus, I like when others said "I had a plateau for X long and I did X and that seemed to help." Or binges--"I was binging X often and then I did X and my urge to binge pretty much went away."

Maybe some people do come here for forgiveness. I think maybe because most people in my life now know I'm a) trying to lose weight and b) have struggled with eating, that it's not a secret.

Anyways, Lori Bell, when you binge, do you do it in private? And the foods you binge on, do you ever eat them normally? You said you overate on candy... do you eat candy in front of others' or your husband? Doing away with secret eating has been the number one help in overcoming binging. I used to be terrified to eat fast food or junk food in front of someone. Now I can eat it in front of anyone and guess what--the urge to binge has gone down a lot (do I sometimes wish I could eat a whole pizza by myself--yes! But that thought is a tiny speck whereas it used to be the only thing I could think about).

rockinrobin
02-19-2009, 06:38 PM
I hope I didn't come across the wrong way! The posts for me that are unbearable to read are generally the ones regarding old favorite foods - or if we could have anything to eat right now ignoring calories what would it be? To read post after post talking about doughnuts and pizza is hard for me.

I just recently discovered that about myself and those kinds of posts - it was a brilliant moment - to realize that I needed to stay away from them. I had been having crazy cravings after reading them and realized my life would be easier just not to participate. Well, duh on me!

Someone needing support is an entirely different matter and one I'm all too happy to help with, if I can. It doesn't set me off at all to read about foods in those instances, because I can sympathize with the poster - the foods aren't glamorized generally.

No, no, no - you never come across wrong. I LOVE your posts.

I guess I was feeling guilty because I recently posted about how I ate just one Peanut M & M in anticipation for a party that I was making and before you knew it - I kinda turned it into a food fest kind of a post. And the reason I was feeling guilty is because the very threads that you describe, kinda bother me as well. And yes, I have learned to steer pretty much clear of those. It's too much of a trip down memory lane for me, which I find bothersome. But there are many threads here I steer clear of - many I don't. That's the beauty of this place. You CAN pick and choose.

FB
02-19-2009, 07:55 PM
But wasn't the party an extravagant food fest that you were excited about? I think that's relevant!

I am so very glad I didn't come across the wrong way. Phew.

midwife
02-19-2009, 08:15 PM
I think Robin has a good point about steering clear of threads that trigger issues. I've been here long enough that I can usually predict how a thread will go and there are some threads that I choose not to participate in or add to if I feel I cannot be supportive or offer a positive viewpoint on. The bottom line is that 3FC is about support. Doesn't mean we all have to offer unanimous voices of support in all situations, but there are enough of us that everyone will receive some kind supportive words. If that makes sense....

Buttercup
02-19-2009, 08:26 PM
For me, one of the best things I have been able to do is ADMIT my bingeing and cheating. The 3FC forum is the FIRST time I have been able to talk about it and the shame that goes with it. I have received a whole lot of strength with my weight loss battle this time due to being able to get it off of my chest. It was good for me to know others knew how I felt and not only encourged me but also gave gentle kicks in the butt! I think folks write down their binges and their shame to get it off of their chest. Personally it strengthens me to know that I am not alone in this battle. There is no way I see someones post as "permission" to go crazy with food.

I don't think anyone wants sympathy, just support saying that they are not alone and can be victorious. I get a lot of motivation from reading the success stories but also from reading the failures. We are all human and it does help to know that tomorrow is a NEW day and we can start fresh and remember what we did wronge and work to correct it.:cbg:

Lori Bell
02-19-2009, 10:25 PM
Thank you everyone. I've been gone most the day and was kind of surprised at all the comments. First, I didn't mean to offend anyone with the "You all are too nice" comment. Really, that is what I like about 3FC! Seriously. I'm not blaming 3FC for my binges, I'm blaming myself for finding excuses for them on 3fc. I know that sounds odd. I've been trying to justify them because I see other people doing it and think if they do it, then I can do it. It's weird with food. I quit smoking quite awhile back, and I don't look for excused to smoke... Why is food so hard?

I don't know, I'm just ticked at myself because I *really* thought I had it all under control. I *really* thought I was able to control myself. To find that I can't really bothers me. Also the fact that I have used a terrific resource to justify my actions makes me even more disappointed with myself.

I read what each of you said, and I'll tell you, you all are a bunch of amazing people. As many of you said in so many words, I need to chill out and just keep on working it. And most definitely stay away from the binge Porn, (I just love that expression!)

kaplods
02-19-2009, 11:05 PM
Food IS different than most other "bad" behaviors, because it is so universally seen as a "good" behavior too. We sometimes give lip service to "healthy eating and exercise," but often it's only skin deep. The stereotypical fantasy is to be able to eat whatever you want, not exercise at all and yet look fantastic and somehow (amazingly even) remain healthy. People that seem to be able to do that are not criticized (at least not much) for the apparent discrepancy. They might be warned "you're going to pay for that later in life," but in the moment they are envied (whether there is any real basis for the assumption that they are truly eating excessively and horribly and getting no exercise).

In our culture, eating is good, being fat is bad. In fact, even at nearly 400 lbs, I had people pushing food on me. Why on earth would someone (stranger or friend) not accept a simple "no thankyou" when offering food (especially insanely unhealthy foods like "death by chocolate," after all the name says it all) to a super, super obese woman? Does this make any rational sense at all?

I think that control is the exception, not the rule. And I don't mean that pessimistically, it just means that I can take absolutely nothing for granted, and cannot assume this is easy. I also can't assume that I am terrible when I make mistakes.

I truly believe there are social, environmental, biological, biochemical, and even hereditary factors in this complicated equation. Our bodies are built for famine, but our environment provides a kind and quantity of food that is unprecedented in the "natural" world. Even critters prefer rich foods. Offer a polar bear or grizzly the choice between a large salad or even a piece of lean meat and a pile of candy bars, and they will take the candy bars. Because in the wild, fatty or sweet things are "goldmines." And I'm not sure I can think of a single natural food that is both fatty and sweet.

Last year, I saw that our "U-Bake" (a take and bake baked goods and baking supplies and ingredients store - a test of my resolve to go in there, but the spices are so cheap it's a necessary evil) was selling frosting (in bright colors no less) as "bear bait," during hunting season. Although not philosophically opposed to hunting, the idea of shooting a bear at his birthday party was the image I got. My husband explained that you can bait bears, but you cannot shoot them while you have bait out. So the bear actually comes looking for the 5 gallon drum of buttercream that was there a few days ago, and gets shot instead (without so much as a last meal). In some ways, even more drepressing than getting shot while enjoying the festive frosting.

I guess the image struck me so strongly, because I identify with the bear - I AM the bear, easily lured by temptations that have deadly consequences.

Knowing the deck is stacked against us, maybe should depress me; but instead, it makes me realize that I don't have time for self pity or self-blame. I've got to strategize. Fattening foods and inertia are the enemies (maybe even frenemies, so "good" to me at times, with such evil consequences just like the 5 gallon drums of brightly colored frosting to the bears). I can't allow myself to get lost in any emotions, I have to find strategies to defeat them.

Strategy is inherently emotionless. This is war in a sense, and I can't allow myself the luxury of loving or hating the enemy (and I am not the enemy). If I make a mistake, it doesn't matter how I feel about it, I need to find a way to prevent the mistake in the future (or at least increase the time between mistakes).

I KNOW that I make a lot of mistakes - far too many to feel completely successful, and yet I lost more than 60 lbs, almost completely guilt free. Knowing that I don't have to be perfect to succeed, I only have to be better is a huge epiphany for me. In essence I can "fail my way" to my goal. I never knew that in the four decades prior on the diet rollercoaster. I didn't know that I could pick myself, dust myself off, and keep on moving in the right direction. I really thought I was supposed to drive over the cliff after hitting a pothole, or throw myself down the staircase after tripping on one step. That's not responsibility, accountability or even guilt, that's wallowing. I do not allow wallowing anymore, because it's so counterproductive.

choirgirlhotel
02-19-2009, 11:28 PM
I've never met an overweight person whose main problem was not feeling bad enough about themselves. I also find it extremely difficult to believe that many (if any at all) have used 3FC as an excuse to overeat. I'd really like to know if anyone here really has ever thought "hm, I think I'm going to binge on a ridiculous amount of unhealthy food, because I know that after I do, everyone on 3FC will be so nice to me."

If you want punishment, I'm confident that you can do more than an adequate job of it yourself

Well said!

How about this -- anyone who posts a confessional binge type post just write either:
1) I want someone to kick my a** for doing this
or
2) I am just looking for support, and don't want my a** kicked.

simple solution!

and P.S., I'm not a binger, never have been, but reading some of the binging posts sometimes DO make me think "what would it be like to binge".

~Choirgirl~

EZMONEY
02-20-2009, 12:09 AM
Because this is a support site I think we lean more towards being too nice than the "I told you so" when our friends here struggle. I think that is a good thing over all especially since we don't really know where each of us is emotionally in our journey.

That being said...

LORI BELL...

Knock the crap off! :drill:

recidivist
02-20-2009, 02:19 AM
When I binge, I don't need to hear that I screwed up. I can tell myself that just fine. What I need to hear is that I can and must keep going. If someone told me that a binge meant I wasn't ready to lose the weight...well I would not find that helpful.
Exactly...if you feel like a failure for one mistake in the morning, what does that do? It makes you feel like you might as well binge the rest of the day, because what the heck...you are a failure and you just proved it. It's better to get encouragement to not beat yourself up over the little mistakes, before you turn them into bigger ones. The sooner you forgive yourself and get back on track, the better.

And now I'm feeling kind of bad for posting about my bad times.
Please don't. If everyone here was perfect and never made any mistakes (and how do we know unless you post them), then I'd feel like I don't quite fit because I'm not able to stick to my plans as well as you all do. Being able to admit our imperfection is part of the accountability we all need, and also part of the understanding we all share that we are all stumbling along on the same path to the same goal.

I just want to say that this thread has made me feel pretty emotional. I want to share with all of you how much I admire and respect the members here...so many beautiful, intelligent, and caring people here. And I keep wondering to myself, how can so many of these incredible people have issues with self-esteem that would even result in over-eating? They can't all be as unworthy as I am, right? I'm so proud of all of you for taking control (not matter how bumpy the journey) and taking back your life. Why are we, humans, so vulnerable to self-esteem issues? You know there are a lot of people who have eating disorders, or become involved in some other self-destructive act, like smoking, alcohol, drugs, gambling, promiscuity...lots of things where people go through life feeling like losers. And you know what? Because you are here fighting to be a winner? You are winners! WE are all winners. And I'm proud to be a member here.

I never really thought about 3FC that way, and now I can see that I have done that a few times. Not for 'binges' necessarily, but the few times I have gone over plan or planned a cheat day, I posted about it. And I was kind of asking permission. Mainly because I knew everybody would tell me it was alright and life would go on and I'd still lose weight. It let me justify it in my head
Are you sure you were asking for permission to binge, or were you asking for understanding so you wouldn't beat yourself up over it?

For me, one of the best things I have been able to do is ADMIT my bingeing and cheating. The 3FC forum is the FIRST time I have been able to talk about it and the shame that goes with it.
Yes...that's what part of the healing of a support group is all about. To be able to confess and not hide your eating disorder any longer. How can you face a problem and deal with it if you have to contstantly hide it from everyone? Who else would you admit this to? And hiding it is the first sign of denying it.

Also the fact that I have used a terrific resource to justify my actions makes me even more disappointed with myself.
You know what Lori? You also used this terrific resource to come clean about how you were feeling and that is nothing to be disappointed about. That is accountability.

Knowing that I don't have to be perfect to succeed, I only have to be better is a huge epiphany for me.
And this is a hard lesson for many of us to learn.

Pandora123a
02-20-2009, 03:07 AM
Lori, you say right from the start, reading the mea culpas and reassurances are the EXCUSE you have been looking for. If you want someone to say don't binge you need to post that, not look for justifications to indulge. The post should say "help, I need a kick in the butt, I'm on the edge." You would get a dozen or more responses telling you not to go ahead. I doubt anyone would say, "oh, go ahead, you are only human." You aren't posting that because you are looking for an excuse.

Forgive folks? Enable? I don't get this. I don't need to "forgive" anyone here for a bad eating habit, they did this to themselves not to me. The only 3FC behavior that may need forgiveness is the way we relate to each other.

I do respond to what I "hear" from others. I don't believe in beating oneself up, it has consistently been a negative for me and I think in general it is self-defeating. Therefore, if I see someone going down that path I am likely to remind them that life goes on, that it was an episode or a period, and that they can move forward if they so choose. (The if you trip on a stair you don't thrown yourself down the flight lecture.)

On the other hand, if folks come across as rationalizing (and are wanting some feedback) I'll call them on it. (The recent "help me eat a cheesecake" thread comes to mind for me, I'm wondering if she managed to stick to plan.)

Ultimately though, your behavior is about you, not me. If you choose to binge and post about it I have nothing to forgive. You didn't hurt me, you hurt yourself. Generally if I am going to binge I will find an excuse, reading about others binges may give me that excuse, but I have a hard time arguing that it gives me permission to binge, and personally I am much more "triggered" by the food porn on tv, in magazines, and on others plates!

recidivist
02-20-2009, 03:17 AM
(The recent "help me eat a cheesecake" thread comes to mind for me, I'm wondering if she managed to stick to plan.)

Yes...actually. I have had two slices in a week and the only reason I ate the second slice when I did was because it didn't fit in the gallon baggie I froze the rest in. I thought I explained that post. It was an accountablitly post, to let everyone know I had the cheesecake in my house, so I couldn't eat it in secret. But it turned out it wasn't such a temptation after all and proved to myself that I'm still refraining from binging.

How tempted am I? I have only eaten 335 calories today, because I really don't feel like eating. It's almost midnight. Am I out of control? Yes...but in the wrong direction.

dutchgirl
02-20-2009, 04:42 AM
Lori Bell, sweetheart,
you want a kick up the behind?
sounds to me that you are doing a pretty adequate job of it yourself!

There is nothing we could possibly say to you that you haven't said to yourself, and probably with a lot less loving kindness and good intentions than we would give you.

Perhaps it would be a good idea to start keeping track of the emotional state you are in when you get the desire to binge. These things rarely come out of nowhere. And then change what you're doing.

Instead of bingeing, go for a walk, go to the gym, go to the library, go see a friend, but get out of whatever it is you are doing at that moment!!!

And most of all, love yourself a bit more. We love you, your husband loves you (and he sounds like a gem), your familiy loves you, but all that falls on deaf ears if you don't love you.

shcirerf
02-20-2009, 09:41 AM
I think most people post about their binges as a sort of confession. We can confess here and know that the people reading and responding understand where we're coming from and won't judge us.

Now "PUT THE COOKIE DOWN, AND DROP AND GIVE ME 20!":D

CruiseCAT
02-20-2009, 09:48 AM
This has been a very interesting topic. Although I have not been around long I have learned that there are threads and posters that I need to avoid. Some of those are because of the "plan" they are on, some because they just don't get that eating 2000+ calories of crap and no exercise will not help one lose weight, and many because they simply are not ready.

For me this had to be about a lifestyle change I can live with. I LOVE food so I have to find and fix foods that taste good. A perfect example is roasted brussel sprouts; who would have ever thought that not only would I eat brussel sprouts but that they would become one of my "comfort" foods. I HATE to cook and it is one of the biggest lifestyle changes I continue to work on.

For me there is no food that is off limits if I have the calories in the budget; however, not all calories are created equal and at this point in my life I choose to mostly eat foods that fuel my body and keep me feeling full. I said mostly because at least a couple times a week I eat for the sheer joy of tasting something yummy. It can be a 3 oz. cup of Ben & Jerry's, a couple dark chocolate kisses; you know... those foods that most people label as "bad".

I can't be one of those people that goes on a diet to lose the weight and then change things around when I get to maintenance. I've proven that over and over again. The only thing I plan on doing differently when I reach goal is to increase my calories.

It really has become very simple for me this time; calories in vs. calories burned equal weight gain or weight loss. Those days that I eat too many calories I don't dwell on; guilt was always a good reason to eat. I make choices that help keep me clear headed and happy; binging on anything almost always makes me cloudy and miserable.

4star
04-21-2011, 09:01 AM
I don't use it as an excuse to over eat. I do see a lot of people with the guilt posts tho and sometimes it does feel like they are asking for an excuse for the binge instead of encouragement as if someone sympathizing that they too binge when stressed, depressed, or bored will take away all of those calories and the guilt. It really depends on the person but I do feel the sense of "enabling" sometimes. Let's face it, we wouldn't tell our alcoholic friend "that's OK" if they went on a bender would we? We'd tell them to get back to AA or their plan or sponsor, whatever has kept them from this behavior.

Here's where I turn into a softy about it...Sometimes people are looking for some sort of validation of self-worth b/c the binge has left them feeling worthless. I do sympathize but no one can give them that, it has to come from within. I sometimes struggle with that so I understand it but all I can really do is refer them to a counselor or even OA. Deep down, it's not about a person telling them via internet they are full of worth, it's about them telling THEMSELVES "I am full of worth, even when I make not-so-great choices!"

sacha
04-21-2011, 10:34 AM
For some people, food is a drug. To say, "it's okay, move on tomorrow" might not work for some people - people with food addiction. You wouldn't say that to an alcoholic or drug addict who relapsed.

So if that's the perspective you are coming from Lori Bell then yes, the 'binge porn' or encouragement for those who don't come from a food addiction perspective can be quite triggering.

Hugs!

The journey never ends!

Chubbykins
04-21-2011, 10:51 AM
Isn't that just an excuse to put blame on others for things you have to deal with yourself? :(

I don't want to sound mean and honestly try to help by pointing this out.

People do NOT enable you to eat if they are nice or "forgiving". It is you who takes this treatment as an OK to eat, not other people's intentions.
People can write/eat/say what they want. You take care of what is going into your mouth! This is why thin people that never were heavy are that way.

So what that my mother and boyfriend are obese? I am an adult, my hands and brain are healthy and what comes into my mouth goes there because of me. I CAN deal with this and so can you ;) We are our ONLY true enablers.

4star
04-21-2011, 11:17 AM
For some people, food is a drug. To say, "it's okay, move on tomorrow" might not work for some people - people with food addiction. You wouldn't say that to an alcoholic or drug addict who relapsed.

So if that's the perspective you are coming from Lori Bell then yes, the 'binge porn' or encouragement for those who don't come from a food addiction perspective can be quite triggering.

Hugs!

The journey never ends!

So true. Some struggle more with their relationship with food than others. It's not easy to find what will un-complicate things for you. Food being a necessity, it's just something you have to keep working towards.

Will the awareness of this tendency to use these posts as an excuse for bingeing put a halt to the behavior? Good might be able to come from this.

surfergirl2
04-21-2011, 01:14 PM
I ignore the "patting each other on the back" posts. I like to read the threads about binging...including those about how much they ate, what they ate, their self-hatred, etc. It does not make me want to binge. Quite the opposite. It makes me think, "I never want to experience that train of thought again." But i like to read it to learn more about the psychology of binging. Because i can't figure out how to stop it. I mean there are many little things i am doing...but i cannot figure out how to cure it.

seagirl
04-21-2011, 01:19 PM
People tend to report posts that don't say "It's ok :hug:".

Emmy1979
04-21-2011, 01:38 PM
Wow, I've never thought of it this way before. I am from the former school of "fall off the wagon once and it's time to quit." So, I see the encouraging posts to get back up and brush it off very, very encouraging.

It may not be for everyone, but I find during times of self-loathing for any reason, it is no good (for me) to be cut down or admonished. It does me good to hear encouragement.

To each his own!

ICUwishing
04-21-2011, 01:45 PM
Old post! We know Lori figured it out - she's a stellar example of gettin' 'er done, and she's still cruising! And still providing reminders that it's important to figure out the root cause of the, ahem, indiscretions and SOLVING it so that it doesn't happen again. There isn't any point in causing grave misery over a mistake/flub/weakness ... but that sort of behavior doesn't work, doesn't get us closer to our goals, and doesn't even feel good for more than a minute. Get to the bottom of it, and figure out why it happens, and make a change so that set of circumstances can't come up again. "Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result is the definition of insanity." Hopefully Lori will or did chime in on this again, several years later!

4star
04-21-2011, 01:50 PM
Old post! We know Lori figured it out - she's a stellar example of gettin' 'er done, and she's still cruising! And still providing reminders that it's important to figure out the root cause of the, ahem, indiscretions and SOLVING it so that it doesn't happen again.

WOW! Holy old post Batman! Good observation! Hopefully Lori won't mind us still yapping on about it.

On the bright side, maybe someone who hasn't been here long or seen it before needed to see this...

Lori Bell
04-21-2011, 06:07 PM
:) Like a blast from the past...lol

As ICU pointed out, this post is 2 years and 2 months old. :D

I did figure it out, and reached goal, and have been there for 21 months, though to be honest, it still drives me nuts when people pat each other on the back for a good binge...lol. But hey, I realized over time that some people like that reassurance. Not me though, I still like a good stiff kick in the pants. Keeps me slim and trim. ;)

sacha
04-21-2011, 06:14 PM
Hah I just realized this now. Eek!

fatferretfanatic
04-21-2011, 07:09 PM
I do not like being screamed at, getting a figurative slap in the face or being told I'm a bad person, or that I'm failing because I went off the deep end once or twice. I've done that to myself in the past, and I was more apt to fail! When I say to myself, "Well, you screwed up-but you know what? Right now I can pick myself up and start again!" One cookie doesn't mean you're beyond repair, and neither does 1500 cals worth of candy. It's a momentary lapse of judgement, so I am not going to come on here and say something like, "You've failed! What's wrong with you!" The only person who can give one proper motivation is themselves. We all come to 3fc as a suppliment, but we wouldn't even be here if it weren't for those awesome people we are. We obviously care enough to at least do that, right? So, I know everyone has already beaten themselves up enough after a binge. I'm not going to be fuel to the fire of self hatred. Being a supportive person is not enabling. Is it really the end of the world if you do binge? Absolutely not. Nobody is perfect, and I am no different. Progress is progress and transgressions happen. I didn't realize this post was that old, also, but my opinion still stands. :D

surfergirl2
04-21-2011, 07:50 PM
My mother being the "voice of reason" and yelling at me every time i ate "bad" food was how i got to where i am today with my binging problem.

Emmy1979
04-22-2011, 08:13 AM
Yeah, I noticed it was an old post, but I still thought it was relevant! :D

4star
04-22-2011, 11:02 AM
Yeah, I noticed it was an old post, but I still thought it was relevant! :D

Looks like it b/c the posts are still rolling in. The OP is past this stage but I am sure there are a lot of people who are coming into this phase as well. Just another reason our Maintainers are so encouraging and inspirational. :)

zoodoo613
04-22-2011, 11:23 AM
This is interesting. I'm wondering if there was a particular post that prompted this whole thread, or just the board culture in general? I wonder if it's changed since the time of the OP?

We all need different things. I think most of us are looking for a place to share our triumphs and struggles. Because there are struggles, and I don't see the point of sugar coating it. We all will have occassional setbacks, and it's nice to have a place to vent about them, just as much as it's nice to have place to brag about our triumphs without seeming like an ***.

Personally, I like having someone tell me that a piece of cake isn't the end of the world. It's good to have a reminder that the next step is to move past it and get back on track. That said, I haven't seen "people pat each other on the back for a good binge." Smaller slips, yes, binges, no. But that's not the territory I hang out it much.

However, yesterday I wandered over to the personal binging tales in chicks in control. THAT was dangerous territory for me. I've had my share of binges in life, although I guess it's not as bad as it could have been. It did me no good at all to read about ALL THAT FOOD. I was hungry, and pressed for time, and I honestly think it made it more difficult for me to make a good decision for dinner. (I didn't binge, I just wasn't as healthy as I should/could have been.)

That was the first time I'd looked over there, and I don't think I'll go back.