100 lb. Club - What would you have said?

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02-18-2009, 03:03 PM
DH and I were out for dinner with two other couples. One of the men looked at me, commented how good I looked and that I was losing weight. Then said "Are you going to keep it off this time?"

In fairness he's watched me lose and regain twice before. Still...I was stunned. I know others (including me) may have thought that, but no one else has said anything.

My response was "I hope so" and then to move on. What would you have said?

Thighs Be Gone
02-18-2009, 03:06 PM
You could have asked him how big his penis was. :)

02-18-2009, 03:08 PM
"You do a back-handed compliment so well."

02-18-2009, 03:09 PM
You could have asked him how big his penis was. :)

02-18-2009, 03:25 PM
I think you made the perfect response. What else could you say and not ruin the night?

Weight is a sensitive topic and everyone feels differently about it. Take the high road and assume it was a sincere question of interest and not trying to be mean and move on.

02-18-2009, 03:26 PM
He's an idiot and didn't deserve to be answered.

02-18-2009, 03:32 PM
"Nah, why would I do that?"

Stupid question, stupid answer.

02-18-2009, 03:38 PM
"Well, you know, that is usually the plan!"

02-18-2009, 03:40 PM
Interesting question.

I agree that you handled it very well . . . calling him out on the condescension of his question may well have put a damper on the evening, and it sounds like he was sincerely trying to be nice.

Maybe it is just me, but I hate it when people I don't know extremely well comment on my weightloss - it is just too personal a subject imho. There are plenty of other ways to give a compliment - a simple "you're looking great" or "I love that dress" gets the job done, and lets ME be the one to decide if I'm comfortable addressing my weightloss.

02-18-2009, 03:40 PM
BTW, I see nothing wrong with your response. That was the very first thing that popped into my head so it might have fallen out of my mouth too.

02-18-2009, 03:42 PM
I would have said

"Well my plans are to make changes that will last forever, but for you I am sure you will be rude for life"

But then again that is me.....I also like the penis question!

Shannon in ATL
02-18-2009, 03:51 PM
You could have asked him how big his penis was. :)

I just spit water out onto my laptop keyboard when I read that.. :)

I would have probably said exactly what you said. I tend to be one who tries to keep things smooth, so I downplay that kind of comment. I would have wanted to say something more witty, but inevitably wouldn't have thought of anything until hours later.

02-18-2009, 03:52 PM
I would've said, "No, I think I'll put it all back on after I reach my goal."

02-18-2009, 03:52 PM
I like GirlyGirls response of: "You do a back-handed compliment so well".

I hope you don't mind me using this one!!

02-18-2009, 03:53 PM
Love the penis response. That's usually my approach - involving genitalia insults when a stupid man offends me. Works like a charm!

Honestly, I would have been so shocked and taken aback that I would have been speechless. That's incredibly rude.

02-18-2009, 04:01 PM
Depends how important it was for me to have the night continue to go smoothly.

If I wanted things to be smooth and blow over, I'd go with something like "That's the goal!" and leave it be.

But if the people weren't that important to me, I'd go with "Are you aware you just said that out loud?" with a raised eyebrow.

And if I REALLY didn't care, I'd use my classic "Gosh, what an inappropriate comment. You must be terribly embarrassed!"

02-18-2009, 04:11 PM
I think I would have responded the same way you did.

Here is a question... does it matter how close you are when asked a question like that? The reason I ask is I could see myself asking a similar question to someone I was close with. I might word it something like what is your plan to maintain your weight lose?

Isn't that the kind of communication we have here on the boards with total strangers?

02-18-2009, 04:16 PM
But if the people weren't that important to me, I'd go with "Are you aware you just said that out loud?" with a raised eyebrow."

I LOVE this response and it's so appropriate in so many instances.

02-18-2009, 04:22 PM
I'm just dumbfounded that people really think he was just being nice. "Are you going to keep it off this time?" was condescending. He was just being a smart aleck at the expense of Pandora. As an adult, he should know better than to ask such a question.

02-18-2009, 04:31 PM
I think there wasn't anything wrong with your response.

02-18-2009, 04:31 PM
Well any idiot knows the plan is to keep the weight off, what kind of question was that in the first place. He was just making a jab.

Lori Bell
02-18-2009, 04:35 PM
^^Yea, there are some pretty dumb people out there. My DH has a friend who would say when describing an overweight person, "no offense Lori", but la...de...da...de....da. He always had to throw in that "no offense Lori" line in. WELL that was more offensive than if he just called someone fat and left it at that. I really can't stand smart @$$ men!

02-18-2009, 04:45 PM
Yes, there is no way that was a sincere question. Why on earth would anyone work to take weight off if they intended to put it back on again. He was being a jerk. Doesn't mean you can't take the high road, but let's be clear here. Jerk!

Do you think it's appropriate to write some of these down and keep them in my purse? No way I would remember them if I needed them. Well, except the penis one. I'm pretty sure I'd remember that one.

Oh, that "no offense, but..." thing drives me crazy. My DD had a friend that did that all the time. It's like "No offense, but I'm getting ready to say something really offensive, but if I say that first then I can get away with it." Now she has a friend that does "I love you to death, but" as in "I love you to death but that top is hideous."

02-18-2009, 04:48 PM
WOW, I too am absolutely appalled that someone would say something like that! Where were his manners?! It seems like he wasn't trying to be a complete jerk, since he did also compliment you on the loss, but it is very rude and inappropriate to call attention to the fact that someone has regained the weight they lost in the past. Who cares if he's seen you do that before--that doesn't make it any more acceptable! There's no excuse for that kind of behavior, and if a friend of mine said something like that to me, I would be extremely disappointed in them.

I agree with much of what the other posters have already said: I think the "correct" response depends heavily on how much you care about glossing over the awkwardness of the situation, or whether you truly want to shame him and let him know that his question was unwanted and unacceptable. I'm trying to imagine what I would do if I had been in the exact same situation, and I can most easily picture myself saying something like, "Well YEAH, that's the plan..." It answers the question, but with enough of a sarcastic edge that he would understand how dumb he was to ask in the first place. But I am a very sarcastic person in general, heh, so that comes easily to me. Perhaps it would also be effective to answer the question completely deadpan, like "Yes, I'm planning to. Why on earth would I want to regain all the weight that I've worked so hard to lose?"--you would deny him the satisfaction of getting a rise out of you with his little jab, and hopefully make him feel a little stupid. Of course, I think the penis question would be extremely effective, too! :lol:

02-18-2009, 04:52 PM

02-18-2009, 05:32 PM
You could have asked him how big his penis was. :)

I love you.

RN BSN 2009
02-18-2009, 05:37 PM
lmao @ genitalia

02-18-2009, 05:38 PM
I would have made a penis crack too. Or something along the lines of, "I'll keep it off longer then I've heard you can keep it up."

Then again...I can be really mean when I want to. Its sorta a gift. :devil: ;)

Your response was fine. It may not have packed a punch but who the **** would have seen THAT coming? (Unless you were speaking to an in-law or a "well intentioned" family member.)

People can be idiots. BIG idiots. :hug:

02-18-2009, 05:43 PM
Wow.. what a jerk! All things considered I think you handled it well. I probably would have sat there with my jaw hanging before saying, "Excuse Me?!?!"

02-18-2009, 05:46 PM
The 'No offense but' and 'I love you to death but' remind me of the ultimate Southern church lady comments I heard on a daily basis as a little girl...The Bless Her Heart ladies. As in 'Bless her heart, but she's the ugliest girl I've ever seen' or 'She can never keep a man, bless her heart.' When I was 5 or so and said it about someone in preschool, my mom had to sit me down.

02-18-2009, 06:18 PM
It's kind of like using the line "With all due respect..." and then totally disrespecting the person.

I think you handled as well as can be expected! When you are shocked by a comment like that, it is hard to respond. Just don't let it get to you! What does he know???!!

02-18-2009, 06:26 PM
I've had people say that very same thing to me...

what I said?

"do you have ANY idea how incredibly rude and insensitive it was for you to say that?"

They usually stammer and look away... I've also had good results with people I DON'T like by saying "wow... that took some balls. most of them I'd wager."


02-18-2009, 09:55 PM
Oh wow - I really love these responses - I am committing them to memory!! :D

I think that you did the only thing that you could have done and still keep the peace.....but that man was a PIG. How on earth he could count himself a friend and say something like that....

Hopefully - someone - ANYONE takes him aside and explains to him just how boorish his behaviour was!

Priscatip - You brought back a flood of memories with the "Bless her/his/your heart" comment - I grew up hearing that and you are dead on - it is like once they say that - they have the license to say ANYTHING they want... LOL

02-18-2009, 10:39 PM
Another good response to these kinds of questions is to assume a quzzical look as if you are totally confused by the question and say, "Why do you ask?". This usually leaves people stammering as they realize that they have to say something even more outrightly rude if they're to answer.

Does it put them on the spot? Yeah. But I usually don't care by this point when I've been asked a rude question.

02-18-2009, 11:03 PM
I have an "acquaintance" that's always asking inapprorpriate things like that. LIke, I don't know if she honestly doesn't realize it or just doesn't care. We were standing outside church one morning and it was really cold. She asked me why I didn't have my jacket zipped and I said, "well this jacket doesn't exactly zip at this particular time." and she says (now keep in mind this is the last person i'd talk about weight with), "Well you're working on that right?" and i said, "yeah, working on having it let out so it will zip." shock and awe ladies, shock and awe!

02-19-2009, 12:34 AM
Loved the responses...some reactions.

This is a group we have symphony tickets with, and at one times considered this couple close friends, the other couple still is. We have dinner before the symphony 6-8 times per year, so I don't want to make things difficult for anyone.

I think he thought he was being clever. I wasn't upset so much as stunned. I loved the "how big is your penis", he actually had prostate surgery and in retrospect I could have asked "are you still impotent?"

I am mostly stunned that folks say these things. I am a peacemaker by nature and would rather not escalate...so I love the responses but they will mostly remain in my head. (Although I think I could look at him icily and say the "are you aware what came out of your mouth?" His wife would die, I suspect he got a major lecture on the way home.)

02-19-2009, 01:21 AM
You could have asked him how big his penis was. :)

lol i cant stop laughing about this .. i could just picture someone saying this back as a smart a$$ comment .. hilarious!!

how rude of him .. some people just dont think before they speak!! i would have had something smartassy to say!!

02-19-2009, 04:50 AM

This makes me mad! I would have slapped him!!!!

You probably gave him the best answer. But seriously. Thats just uncalled for.