100 lb. Club - ugh SO bummed!!!




View Full Version : ugh SO bummed!!!


Trazey34
02-18-2009, 09:55 AM
I ran into a woman who was secretly my weight loss hero -- she managed to lose 130 lbs. over 5 years ago, became a personal trainer after being inactive most of her life, ran 1/2 marathons, did all sorts of amazing things....

except now she's gained it ALL back PLUS 20 pounds she said!!! OMG it's heartbreaking AND terrifying!!! My biggest fear staring me in the face!!!

I wasn't going to mention it (much like no one mentioned Oprah was getting fat lol) but she brought it up and said she wasn't sure what happened, something snapped one day and she started eating and didn't stop for a year.

ugh I can't go thru this AGAIN nooooooooooooo once this weight is gone i want a "no return policy"

that's TWO people I know that have lost 100lbs.++ and gained it back :( What horrified me most was the person I was walking with when I met her (after she'd gone) kind of snickered and said "doesn't it feel good to have lost weight while she gained?" and I looked at her like WTF????? are you CRAZY????? who on earth would WISH that on someone, let alone a friend of sorts?? It made me look at HER with new eyes...

wow sorry for the morning rant!!!


pick7499
02-18-2009, 10:02 AM
It's sad to see, but I look at it as motivation.
They fell off but it makes you more determined to keep off the weight!

MugCanDoIt
02-18-2009, 10:16 AM
That really scares me too. Heck I cant even make it through losing over 30 lbs without gaining it back. Makes you think.......


Kae
02-18-2009, 10:29 AM
That would be sad... but it happens quite often. If anything, running into her should be new motivation to stay on track. Anyone can fall off the wagon but we just have to make sure we get back on...

rockinrobin
02-18-2009, 10:57 AM
Just like you don't have to be fat if you don't want to be - you don't have to gain the weight back if you don't want to! Period. End of story. Eating healthy is a choice. Always has been, always will be. That will never change. As long as you keep on making the decision to be healthy and eat right - you will keep the weight off.

And by the way, I'm scared too. I use that fear to my advantage. It keeps me vigilant and NON-complacent. The second you stop being scared IMO, is the second you "relax" and stop being on top of your weight and 5 lbs becomes 10 , becomes 20, becomes.......

I hope your friend finds her way back.

Rosinante
02-18-2009, 11:01 AM
the snickering friend clearly hasn't got a clue.

I'm the same kind of awful warning as the other lady tho:

lost 106lbs between 2002-2004
went on holiday with my platonic man friend, kept getting mistaken for husband and wife, which neither pleased nor offended me but For The First Time In My Life I felt his equal, appearance wise, I didn't feel ashamed.

I didn't pig out on holiday but I did eat 'normally' - what I call normally anyway, not concentrating on every portion size.

I'd got down to 136 by that holiday (September). By December I was 168 (I'm sure many here won't say, like doctors do, how can you possibly gain so much in such a short time?) but compared to how I looked at 242, I was still way hot! and still felt healthy too.

I took a winter city break in FEb 07 at 179lbs, and felt then - and still think now when I look at the photos - that I looked 'bonny'.

Then suddenly it was the end of jan 09 and I'm 225lbs, how the hek did that happen? It feels so stupid to say that I didn't notice, especially when I had to keep buying new shirts for work.

That's twice in my life now I've lost it and gained it
in my late 20s (and then I made it to 112)
in my late 40s

take me and that other lady as an awful warning, it is SOOOOO easy to slip back.
I'm trying my best to promise that in my mid 50s I will do it once and for all.

Good luck (and well done so far!)

junebug41
02-18-2009, 11:01 AM
I'm also a big believer that a healthy dose of good old fashioned fear is a good thing where this is concerned.

Still, it's incredible disheartening to hear something like this. Good for her for talking about it. Hopefully she can pick herself up again.

Thighs Be Gone
02-18-2009, 11:09 AM
I'm so sorry to hear about your friend gaining the weight back. I agree that fear does have it's place and can be somewhat motivating.

I wouldn't wish weight gain on anyone--especially not anyone I had positive feelings toward.

ChocLabLover
02-18-2009, 11:14 AM
I will raise my hand and say been there done that-at least 3 other times. Lost a significant amount of weight, only to have it come back on. I was also in a situation where I heard a person comment on the fact that I had lost a lot of weight but now look at her, she is so fat. You don't forget those kind of comments. For me, my own personal reasons for gaining it back:

1) I looked at it as a "diet" not a lifestyle change. Therfore, when I completed the diet I went back to eating what I wanted when I wanted. You can see how well that turned out

2) Being complacent (almost cocky I would say). Much like Oprah, I stopped paying attention to what I was doing and it just crept on. The first 10 pounds became 20 became 30-you get the picture.

This time, fear is a HUGE factor as well as finally acknowleging the fact that this is a lifestyle change.

JayEll
02-18-2009, 11:20 AM
If you are someone who has become obese, then you will always have to pay attention to what you are doing with food. That's just a given. The old ways are what got us into this place to begin with. Why would anyone think it's OK to slack off and go back there?

Yup, the relationship with food has GOT to change...

Jay

nelie
02-18-2009, 11:21 AM
I know I won't gain the weight back. In a couple months, it'll be my 5 year marker of when I started and although I've had periods of time where I've stopped losing weight and I've even gone up a few pounds at times but really nothing major. I would agree that you just have to not get complacent. It also certainly helps to ensure that you are making a lifestyle change rather than following a 'diet'.

mandalinn82
02-18-2009, 01:04 PM
It is THAT FEAR that keeps you from gaining it back. You have to know - every day - that you don't get a free pass from weight issues forever just because you lost some once. You have to KNOW that, at any point, something could tip and you'd have to bring it back.

Knowing THAT, you can fight it. But denying it is a ticket back to where you were. I remind myself of it EVERY DAY.

fiberlover
02-18-2009, 01:25 PM
It's scary. A couple years ago, I had started to gain back weight after losing almost 80 pounds. I put back on about 30 and was getting that really desperate feeling again. I realized that I had to *stop* the cycle of lose/gain/lose/gain.

I began losing again, and I live with the fact that I could so easily regain all the weight I have lost. Even though I have totally changed my lifestyle, I could slip back into it. Every holiday or family affair is testament to that. It's vigilance and respecting yourself enough to do what needs to be done.

howie6267
02-18-2009, 01:40 PM
I've been on both sides of that and now I'm in the middle somewhere. It's hard and it sucks. You can never let your guard down. You can't think "I will let it go for one week" because it will go all right. I can gain 10 to 15 lbs in one week no problem. I've never been able to lose it like that. This is a depressing scary topic but we just need to keep doing the right things and keep on taking it one day at a time.

JulieJ08
02-18-2009, 02:23 PM
I'm not sure what my thoughts are on someone who goes so far and gains it back, and how I would relate that to myself - but I am so disturbed over your friend being happy someone gained the weight back. :( I mean, I'm sure it's because she's pushing away her own pain, but I just hate that attitude. We have to be on each other's side, not in competition.

Scarlet
02-18-2009, 02:32 PM
I'll add my voice as another one who lost it and gained again---I lost 100lbs 3 years ago and gained back half of it---fortunately I've stopped myself before I gained it all back and am losing again....

For me I didn't deal with the reasons behind why I overeat and that is a very important thing to consider in keeping the weight off--as I am an emotional eater as well as a compulsive eater--so that is what I'm also working on this time as well as trying to eat healthier.

Also, for me I think my weight allows me to be more unattractive to men (I know that sounds weird but I was a battered wife and have had some very bad experiences) and I get rather thrown when I am thinner and suddenly start getting attention---something else I have to deal with, just enjoying my new shape and not letting it scare me...

So there is a lot more to this than just getting the weight off, but getting support and making good decisions still are key factors to success...

Pandora123a
02-18-2009, 03:00 PM
I'm in that "lost and found" group too. One of my conclusions this time is it can never be "over."

Merksie
02-18-2009, 03:00 PM
I'll add myself as yet another person who . . .

(1) has been there and done that . . . 80 lbs in a little over a year . . . it totally sucked

and

(2) is very fearful of having it happen again

and

(3) is grateful for the experience and the resulting fear . . . it is the best way to ensure that complacency doesn't set in again

I started my current fitness plan last January. I was far from perfect in 2008 - as a matter of fact, I was "on-plan" (journaling/generating a calorie deficit and exercising) for only about 6 months out of 12. The fear of repeating my experience from 2006/2007 is what kept me weighing in regularly during my off-plan periods and it is what caused me to get back on track each time I started to regain.

Slashnl
02-18-2009, 03:01 PM
I think this is a good learning experience for anyone. I know I only lost about 15 pounds, but gained it back very easily. I guess we all have to stay vigilant and we can't ignore the scale!

Thighs Be Gone
02-18-2009, 03:15 PM
I lost 30 pounds three years ago and then gained it back when I stopped exercising. This is the first time I have ever lost this amount of weight. Things have been different this time for certain. I didn't join up for any programs or gyms. I just started to read. I didn't buy a bunch of fancy workout stuff I just got my fat butt out on the road and started walking. I have also surrounded myself with people who believe in me and want this for me. Above all, I have educated myself and not relied on information from others. In short, I guess I have very much internalized the whole process this time.

I know this is truly a journey for me. It will never be "over" for me. I will have to (vastly) make good decisions day after day, week after week, month after month or the weight will come on again.

ETA: Fear is why I get on the scale each and every morning.

saef
02-18-2009, 03:58 PM
How I wish I could sit down with that woman with cups of coffee between us & just listen to her talk for an hour or more about what it was like when "something snapped." Learning more about that would be key for me.

For me, it wasn't a snapping -- it was like letting out more & more rope gradually, over time.

I'm another who lost a dramatic amount of weight (from a size 20 to a size 4/6) and regained it, attaining a size 22 before I started over again.

For me, it had to happen to some degree because I'd dropped my weight to a point where it was unsustainable if my routines changed even slightly. I needed to be able to exercise two hours each day. I needed to eat very measured amounts. It had become a variety of obsessive-compulsive disorder. Going through therapy meant relaxing the rituals. Relaxing the rituals meant a weight gain. But it also opened up my life. I stopped thinking I'd always be a legal secretary. I finished my long-deferred bachelor's degree, which I'd given up on nine years before. I got a master's degree. I became a journalist, took on a job as a corporate business writer, became a poet & won awards & residencies & published a book of poetry. All this was immensely distracting. I clearly remember giving priority to writing in the mornings, rather than exercising. Also, I ate. Very badly. Very, very badly. I think I ate to relieve the stress of managing all these achievements.

I think I also created a false dichotomy: I could have a physical life or a life of the mind, but not both. I had to become sort of disembodied, if that makes sense.

I do not know why I thought I couldn't be a corporate writer who writes poetry or fiction & also runs 5Ks, but that seemed impossible to me. Because I had to excel & that requires dedication.

Now I'm trying to get my exercise in & at least also take up reading again. (I'd been avoiding reading as too sedentary & leading me to snack while my eyes are on the page. I think I have a handle on that now.) I am just not good at balancing. I want to be better at it this time.

But I can understand the snapping. Like an overtrained race horse, you duck your head down & say: "No more. I am NOT getting in that starting gate again."

Nada
02-18-2009, 04:29 PM
I know how you feel Trazey. I know a lady who used to be a Weight Watcher's leader who has gained (apparently) all her weight back. When I see her I want to either run screaming from the room with a garlic necklace to protect me or to sit her down and interrogate her as to how it happened so I can avoid the same pitfalls. Of course I just smile and do neither.

My plans for avoiding the same fate include not having any too-big clothes around when I hit goal weight and to weigh daily (or almost). Oh yes, and to
visit the maintenance forum here.

Star2Be
02-18-2009, 04:56 PM
I think I know how you feel--I've experienced something similar with one of my closest family friends, my mom's best friend, who I have known since I was a little squirt (and whom I refer to as my "aunt"). She has struggled with her weight a bit over the years, too, and though I was never very aware of things like that when I was a kid, my mom has told me that she has lost ~80 lbs or so on a few occasions, but unfortunately has gained it back every time. So of course, because my mom has seen my aunt go through this several times, I feel like she doesn't believe that I'll be able to stick with it, either--that I'll inevitably gain back all the weight I've lost. Similarly, one of my close friends has shared his concern with me that I might gain back the weight, because he knows someone else who lost a significant amount of weight and then "found it again."

It doesn't help that you hear so many statistics about how 90% of people who lose weight gain it all back within 4 years or whatever (I made up the numbers just now, but I'm sure I'm not the only one who has heard something similar). It IS very scary to me... Very scary. I never want to be one of those people! But you know what? As many of the other posters have been saying, just because some people regain the weight they lose does NOT mean that you will. Only you can determine that! Use the fear as a motivation. That's definitely what I do.

thisisnotatest
02-18-2009, 05:17 PM
--

iminhere
02-18-2009, 05:29 PM
I'm scared to death of gaining it back. I'm not even sure how it got here. I gained with my last pergnancy (18 yrs ago) and I haven't been the same since. Ive gained 50lbs more since then. in the last 5 years I have given up sugar, I used to drink a liter of coke a day PLUS several coffees with creamer and sugar....I have cut my fat intake in half and haven't lost anything. Dr. Phil always says that "if you cahnge this habit or that habit, you'll lose such and such amt over 1 year" well Dr. Phil is full of $h!t.

that's why I am being SOOOOO strict, and I get tired of people telling me I'm supposed to eat more...puleeze.

when I get the weight off I plan to continue weighing in every week and I am going by the 3 lb rule. I plan to make healthy eating a lifestyle and exercise too.

cfmama
02-18-2009, 05:51 PM
I think it's always a good idea to look at HOW they lost weight in the first place! Did they cut their calories so drastically that it became something they couldn't sustain. Did they deprive their bodies of much needed fats so they were starving for some nutrition. Did they remove entire food groups but then brought them back when they were supposed to be maintaining...

You HAVE to make good choices that you can stick with FOR LIFE! Losing weight should look THE SAME as maintaining!!! You can't lose a bunch of weight and then go back or change your way of eating and expect to keep it off. It's unrealistic.

I am so sorry your friend gained her weight back. But you WON'T.

joyra
02-18-2009, 06:05 PM
I felt the same with some of the Biggest Losers--like Suzy from Season 2. Both her and Matt have gained a lot. I know she just had some kids but still... I read some article about how hard she still works out and is so careful with her food and she's still gained... so either she's not being totally truthful about her diet & exercise or she continues to do a lot and can't sustain the loss. Either way, it's disheartening... I thought she looked so good at the finale and made me and others think that a person whose been overweight their whole lives CAN be slim and fit.

Obesity runs through my whole family and two of my heaviest relatives have both lost a lot of weight--my uncle lost 70, my aunt lost 110. I'm positive they've gained it all back. And it seemed like they lost it in a reasonable way, no extreme dieting or anything.. my aunt just said she walked for exercise and watched what she ate.

I think this situation is the total car crash that you drive slowly by... why do you drive slowly by? Because you want to see what happened to that person and ask yourself if that could happen to you.

I think anything bad that happens to someone strikes a little fear in us (or at least me). When the seemingly perfect couple divorces, you think--what happened to them? Could that happen to me? Or someone gets cancer. Or loses their job. Or gains 100 lbs.

My most recent gain of 25 lbs was totally because I was trying to act "normal" in front of my new boyfriend. I didn't want to seem the food-obsessed, weight-obsessed, over-exercising nut so I happy ate too much, frequented restaurants & bars, skipped exercising to hang out with him. Two years later, the weight-obsessed nut is revealed and I'd like to think the whole world can see me as this but who knows... I feel like I've had more of a lifestyle change than I ever have with weightloss (which by the way makes for sloooooow weight loss) and I sincerely hope this is forever.

iminhere
02-18-2009, 07:35 PM
I think it's always a good idea to look at HOW they lost weight in the first place! Did they cut their calories so drastically that it became something they couldn't sustain. Did they deprive their bodies of much needed fats so they were starving for some nutrition. Did they remove entire food groups but then brought them back when they were supposed to be maintaining...

You HAVE to make good choices that you can stick with FOR LIFE! Losing weight should look THE SAME as maintaining!!! You can't lose a bunch of weight and then go back or change your way of eating and expect to keep it off. It's unrealistic.

I am so sorry your friend gained her weight back. But you WON'T.


I think that in addition to looking at how we lose the weight, we need to spend some time looking at WHY we gained it. for some of us, food is like an addiction. we use it as comfort and we have alot of underlying reasons why we eat....and if we don't recognise that and learn alternate behaviors we may likely end up where we started.

RN BSN 2009
02-18-2009, 08:02 PM
Yes, why the gain came along needs to be observed

iminhere
02-18-2009, 08:36 PM
For me I didn't deal with the reasons behind why I overeat and that is a very important thing to consider in keeping the weight off--as I am an emotional eater as well as a compulsive eater--so that is what I'm also working on this time as well as trying to eat healthier.

Also, for me I think my weight allows me to be more unattractive to men (I know that sounds weird but I was a battered wife and have had some very bad experiences) and I get rather thrown when I am thinner and suddenly start getting attention---something else I have to deal with, just enjoying my new shape and not letting it scare me...

So there is a lot more to this than just getting the weight off, but getting support and making good decisions still are key factors to success...

Scarlet, I completely hear you! not weird at all...I get it. there is a certain safety in being "sexually irrelevant" ....it's a safe and at the same time, sad place to be.

Buttercup
02-19-2009, 12:53 AM
I feel so bad for your friend that lost the weight and gained it back. There is no doubt as to how bad she feels seeing people who knew of her success. It is very scary. Even people who have weight loss surgery can gain all the weight back. My husbands Aunt did. So I think we have to realize it is a battle for our lives and we need to stay vigilant. Stories like this do put fear in you but can also make you feel like giving up! Which I will not!!! But, the friend that laughed has major character issues. To find glee in someone elses pain is sad.

valpal23
02-19-2009, 04:23 AM
this is why im maintaining at 215 lbs!!! I'm terrified of gaining it back. (ok I could be more terrified. at this point I think I've got it under control... but I really really really really dont want to get cocky and jinx myself)

lalique
02-19-2009, 04:41 AM
I would just take it as more motivation once you reach goal, not to let your old bad habits come back. Always be a conscious eater & stay active. :)

Cruebratt
02-19-2009, 08:59 AM
I really do not have a fear of gaining weight back once I lose it. Once I get down to the size I want to be, I'll love it so much and do whatever it takes to maintain. There's nothing like the feeling of looking at yourself in the mirror and liking the image you see.

Annie-Rose
02-19-2009, 09:21 AM
Maybe we pin all our hopes on life being perfect when we are slim and the reality is that being the right weight puts an end to some misery, health problems, self image issues etc but it isn't a magic wand. I put some of my weight back on after a bereavement and turned to food - my faithful friend - to get me through it. (Some faithful friend eh!!!) I know that I have to find different ways of dealing with stress or bad days etc without opening the biscuit barrell.

Jen415
02-19-2009, 11:07 AM
I am a "lost and found-er" too....lost 70 lbs on a liquid diet and gained it all back when life got tough.

Our addiction to food is not like any other addiction. We have to eat to live. We cannot NOT eat. So that means we have to be on our toes 24/7/365.

We have to say "thanks, but no" to those well meaning people that give us food as gifts or rewards.

We have to remember that "free food" at the office is NEVER free--we always pay a price.

We have to choose the best things to go in our bodies, not the most convenient.

We have to do what's BEST instead of what's EASIEST.

We have to put ourselves first. It's the only way.

Scarlet
02-19-2009, 11:27 AM
I work as the Manager of the Phone Center of a Pizza Co here in Seattle. Everyday they bring up 7-8 pizzas for the crew (and I often enter the order). So I fully agree with what is being said about making choices, and about the fact that we do have to eat being tough, as everyday I have to bring food in and make the choice not to eat pizza, and it can be very hard.

I do make a salad with the toppings sometimes--but I eat low carb so it's the crust that I have to avoid and tastes so good.!!

I do also think that for many of us we lose the weight, get excited about our new figures and that keeps us for awhile, but then the problems in our lives and frustrations rear up, or life in general, and we slip back into bad habits. It isn't something we're even all aware of, which is why it is so sinister, and why talking about it and preparing for it will make us stronger and give us the tools to really be overcomers this time around.

I think we can change those statistics if we help each other!

Tai
02-19-2009, 11:42 AM
That must have been very discouraging to see your friend regain her weight Trazey. You are doing so well; don't let it scare you.

Jen415
02-19-2009, 01:36 PM
Thanks for sharing that with us....that is courageous.

xJox
02-19-2009, 02:55 PM
Wow. I cant believe your friend snickered. Thats just.. wow.. wrong. Has she ever lost a large amt of weight? Does she know what a battle it is? I surely would NEVER wish that on anyone.

Gaining the weight back is a fear of mine as well. Its so easy to do. Like others said.. when u relax.. it starts coming back on. I know.. Ive had it happen.

Trazey34
02-20-2009, 10:10 AM
Well I had my friend over last night, and we had a great conversation. She’s like me in a lot of ways, very matter-of-fact and pulled no punches. She lost 100+ pounds “the right way” for sure, reduced calories and increased her exercise every single day for about a year and steadily lost 10 ish pounds a month. She said she never once fell off the wagon during that year, except for a glass of champagne to toast at a wedding! My jaw hit the ground, a whole year without a slipup! Weirdly tho, she said that was her mistake?!? That she never learned HOW to deal with a slipup or what triggered it, she never learned how to ‘negotiate’ calories, as in a big blow out on the weekend equals a pretty dismal eating work-week, etc. She said it wasn’t one big traumatic event that sent her scrambling, it was one or two screw ups because she felt “finished” dieting, and not knowing how to handle the screw ups kind of threw in the towel and boom it all came back! She’d never ‘failed’ at it and still had that all or nothing mentality I guess?

I remember 4 of us started losing weight at the same time (this was a while back) I dropped out after 10 lbs :(, she went on to lose 130, someone else lost 100 on Dr. Bernstein’s and we all ended up fat again :( ergh! Not going to dwell on it, it is what it is and I really do believe the stats collected on gaining the weight back after dieting is only from certain sources – it doesn’t take into account the thousands of people who lose weight on their own and keep it off but just don’t report it anywhere, right?

WEIRDLY (sorry this is so long!!!) the other woman in the group who lost the 100 lbs -- I told you guys about her a while ago, such a bizarre story – she gained it all back but joined weight-loss websites and posted her before/after pics in REVERSE just to get praise?! WTF??? She would write that it’s sooo easy to lose weight and tell people that were struggling they just had to do what she did, it was easy-peasy! What a weirdo!!! Going out of her way to make people feel crappy! People are strange :(

Anyway, my friend and I decided to keep in touch more now that she’s back in town. I don’t know if she’s ready to be a walk-buddy (or I don’t know if I want one to be honest) but I hope we can support each other. I mean, she DID lose 130 lbs., I’d like to pick her brains over that LOL

Thanks for listening gals!!! Sorry it was sooooooooooo long & boring LOL

Jen415
02-20-2009, 11:06 AM
I'm glad you were able to have a conversation with her. Sounds like she has some really good insight.

As for the other "friend"....she reminds me of that woman that started the kim-kinz craze a few years ago. She basically did the same thing.

Nada
02-20-2009, 12:07 PM
Wow, her story does seem to illustrate the point that perfection is not all it is cracked up to be. We do have to have some experience with failure, don't we?

Lyn2007
02-20-2009, 07:27 PM
Yeah, I am scared too. I dropped 64 pounds and then I went nuts and have been battling up and down ever since.... regained as much as 23 pounds, then losing 15, then regaining again... so I can see just how easily it could happen. I am scared too but I have to just do the best I can. Better than doing nothing out of fear.

time2lose
02-21-2009, 01:05 PM
I bet most of us have done the lost and regain thing. Maybe not as extreme as losing 100 pounds but......

I have also lost and gained weight. I never lost 100 pounds, I think that 60 was my top amount. I know that I gained it back because I did not lose it in a healthy way. I took diet pills. While I still ate correctly and exercised, I depended on those pills to lose weight. This time I started with the pills but gave them up after a couple of months.

This time I am very afraid of gaining the weight back. I also know the pounds can come back on faster than I lost them. The fear is making a difference in how I am losing weight. I have realized that I need to make the life style change that we talk about so much. I am listening to my body and learning what I can do and not do.

I am eating 1600 calories a day. I think that I can do that the rest of my life. My end weight will be whatever weight I stop losing at while eating 1600 per day. I hope and think that I can lose the 100 pounds on this plan. I need to lose more but I would rather stop at 181 and maintain than to get to 135 but gain the weight back.

We will see when I get there. Any loss is better for my body than going on at 281 pounds.