I just want to rant. I'm single, and I have no children. I'm feeling irritated about being hit up by the children of other people to give them money for this fundraiser or that fundraiser. I feel like I'm basically expected to give money to all these various families without any expectation that they'll ever "help out" my family in return because I don't have one, and it makes me angry and want to ask the parents why they had children if they couldn't afford to raise them.
I'm not a miser. I support community things with my time and money. I donate to the food bank, to medical charities and hospice and stuff, to arts groups, to other things I think will benefit the community and people overall. It's the direct request that really bugs me. I'm put into the position of having to tell a child no and feel like a jerk or having to fork over money when I'm trying to save up for something or even just watch my money because times are hard right now or even simply because I don't want to. It feels like it puts me out of control of my money. And that doesn't even count the neighborhood children, or the children I don't even recognize as being from the neighborhood, who want to sell me things. Or the children who come to my work.
Do I sound like just an awful person? If other people have this problem, how do you handle it?
[QUOTE=Ufi;2617523]I just want to rant. I'm single, and I have no children. I'm feeling irritated about being hit up by the children of other people to give them money for this fundraiser or that fundraiser. I feel like I'm basically expected to give money to all these various families without any expectation that they'll ever "help out" my family in return because I don't have one, and it makes me angry and want to ask the parents why they had children if they couldn't afford to raise them.
So you think all girls in girl scouts selling cookies were birthed by parents that couldn't afford to raise them????
I have a no soliciting sign on my door. If they ring the bell, I have no problem saying no. When I was working we had a rule about not bringing in fundraiser things. Most corporations in fact have rules governing that sort of thing so it wasn't an issue.
Our fundraiser for school last year was a check writing campaign. Each family was asked to contribute XXX amount of dollars for their own child. I loved the idea. This year we had a booster fun run. I figured out what our portion should be and just wrote a flat donation check. I don't ask family or friends to buy things off of us but am not offended by them asking me.
I operate from a perspective that people have the right to ASK me anything they want. Really! ASKING does no harm. They're not doing anything wrong by making the request.
BUT the other side of this coin - and equally important - is that saying no does no harm either. Just as they have the right to ask, you have the right to say no, with no guilt. You are not obligated to give your money to any cause you don't wish to, no matter how cherubic the face of the one asking you to donate. And there is NO reason you should feel badly about saying no.
It starts becoming a problem when people start feeling obligated, as you obviously are feeling now. You aren't! If you feel the need to explain yourself further than "Oh, I'm not able to at the moment" (and I don't, usually...I have no obligation to these people, so no need to further explain) you can always say "My charitable contributions for the year are going to X" and leave it at that.
Then you smile and say "Have a nice day" and that's that. And repeat to yourself...just as they have the right to ask, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SAY NO.
I know what you mean... the ones who have been taunting me lately are the Girl Scouts at the Blockbuster! I don't feel obligated or anything, and I have good reasons (I really am broke and I really am on a diet that does not include a sleeve of Thin Mints), but they're so cute and I used to be a Brownie. I have avoided the temptation so far, but I think it's gonna be a long Girl Scout season.
My rule is we only support children we know and like. It's easy for us that way. "Our" girl scout was actually our flower girl and I would have bought 100 boxes of cookies from her, but we're on a budget. Knowing that we've already "supported the cause" makes it easier to turn down the stands outside of grocery stores.
To be honest, I'm more annoyed by adult salespersons or donation solicitors who won't take no for an answer than a child. I can turn a child down politely with a smile, and I've never had them ignore me and keep right on pushing. They've not been crushed or disappointed, if I smile, and I say, "I'm sorry, I can't," they smile back and say "ok," and then go on to the next door.
I've always hated adult donation solicitors in front of stores, because I don't know how to respond. I feel like a miser, even if I've already donated to other causes or even the one I'm confronted with. I feel like a jackass saying "already donated," like they assume it's a lie or I imagine them thinking "what, lardbutt can't spare another measly dollar for a tootsie roll, but is going to go into this Walmart and probably buy a whole chocolate cake to eat herself."
I finally realized that's my problem not theirs, and like mandalinn, decided that anyone could ask, and I could say no (and without having to give a reason to them or to myself). This works at church too, when I'm solicited to volunteer my time or money for any project, or asked to any social event by friends. Before I got sick, I spent a lot of time on things I didn't want or need to be doing because I couldn't say no without feeling guilty. So I said yes to a lot of things and felt guilty when I said no, no matter how many yeses I gave - and I was angry and resentful of people asking for my time.
"I'm sorry, no" it was hard to say at first, but when I say it with a smile, I get a smile back. Maybe they are thinking "what a jerk," on the inside - but not my problem. The more practice I get at it, the more I think their return smiles are genuine and aren't covering a desire to see me hit by a truck for being so stingy. And I don't feel like a big jerk for saying no, but realistically as a person who can't say "yes" to everything.
i have problems with middle school/high school solicitors around my apartment complex pushing whatever it is they are selling at their school.
i will get knocks on my door 2-4 times a day on weekends. One kid was standing at my door when I walked up and was so pushy that he refused to move to allow me to enter my home! I had to pull out my phone and threaten to call the police!! Another one screamed into my house from the door when i said no thank you and shut the door!!!!
they also "troll" around the parking lots around here - coming to your car doors as you pull in or try to leave the store!! I will usually see them and skip going to that store to avoid the hassle!!!!
When teens or adults are involved, some of the charities are bogus. There are even adults who will pose as teens or young adults or who will hire teens and young or young looking adults to go door to door selling stuff (magazines, candy, even high ticket items) under the guise of school charities or a young person trying to pay for college. Often the victim gets burned twice, once in making the "donation" and twice if the item is one to be ordered. The magazines never come, for example.
I've encountered a couple of the "I'm putting myself through college," lines that I felt were probably bogus, but thankfully only have had a couple who were hostile or pushy when I refused, and I did call the police. The officer who responded to the first call told us about the scams, and that they suspected it was a "ring" they were trying to bust. This was in Bloomington, IL. Since Moving to WI, we've not really had any door to door solicitations at all. Even the school fundraisers tend to be things like car washes and bake sales.
I have 3 kids in school. And mine are not the only kids in our extended family. I dont feel right asking the family for every fundraiser. So I take the list that the school will be doing for the year and each kid picks one campaign. Last year all the campaigns were for useless junk so I just wrote a check for each kid to take to school. My fave is laundry soap we all use it.
As a mother of two kids who have fundraisers, I can tell you that the fundraisers are not my idea and, yes, I have enough money to raise my kids. That doesn't matter when it comes to fundraisers. If the kids are in any clubs or even just go to school, they are constantly given the "opportunity" to participate in fundraisers. The teachers get them all excited about the fundraiser and they want to participate. I have never heard of any kid fundraiser where they want the kids to go door to door.
I don't like doing the fundraisers, but I understand the need for them. I usually end up buying the stuff myself, or we go to a few friends/family. There are other friends' kids who come to me and I'll support them. But you most definitely have the right to say no. If someone gets offended by you saying no, then that's their problem.
In my opinion fundraisers is the one thing that a child gets educated in while they are in school. While I do understand that it takes money for the activities that our children do, I have a problem with how different activities are handle here. If it is a sport or cheering there is no problem with money(the BOE seems to have plenty for that) but if is either academics or speech it is forget about it. As of this year academic teams have even gotten more support and have left the speech team out in the cold. We too did a check writing thing but then there have been some who have not turned in anything leaving the rest of the parents to raise enough for them to go to the comps. Yes I do fully support my child but it is those who do not that tend to make the fundraisers harder.......so in a nutshell I can no without a problem at all.....
I only donate to charities I want and support children that I want. Its not about parents not being able to afford them. I see it as partially trying to teach children about responsibility. The children have to 'do something' to raise money so they can go on this trip or participate in this activity. So they have to go out, solicit people, keep track of everyone, then go back and collect the money and make sure they got the right amount. We have next door neighbors that I really like and their kids participate in unicef and girl scouts. So I would give money for that, a few dollars but I don't feel obligated in any way. If a kid came to my door (or an adult for that matter) that I didn't know, I wouldn't give them my money. When I donate to charities, I like to give money directly.
I see it from the other side. I have three kids, and I'm with you! You have no idea how many functions and fund raisers the schools ask us to participate in. We usually get at least one a week. I don't mind doing one or two, but I will not ask people I know to donate.
I'm also a former teacher, so I know how desperately schools need money, but honestly I'd just rather write a check at the beginning of the year than have to deal with walkathons, cookie sales, etc. etc., which the school only gets a percentage of anyway.
I would put a sign that says no soliciting on your door, and then politely explain what it means to children who come to your door. As for your workmates, I'd just let them know that you don't want to donate to any fundraisers.
i really don't know how much the kids like doing them either. I remember being like 9 years old freezing in my campfire uniform (shorts with a pair of nylons underneath them) in February standing outside a grocery store peddling campfire candy. They make a big deal about it too- like so-and-so made this much money and YOU only made this much you're not pulling your weight blah blah. I hated every second of candy season.
Maybe it is the only lesson to take away from that time period- because most of us grow up to work in a job and hate every second of it too. lol. conditioning for adulthood.
When teens or adults are involved, some of the charities are bogus. There are even adults who will pose as teens or young adults or who will hire teens and young or young looking adults to go door to door selling stuff (magazines, candy, even high ticket items) under the guise of school charities or a young person trying to pay for college. Often the victim gets burned twice, once in making the "donation" and twice if the item is one to be ordered. The magazines never come, for example.
I've encountered a couple of the "I'm putting myself through college," lines that I felt were probably bogus, but thankfully only have had a couple who were hostile or pushy when I refused, and I did call the police. The officer who responded to the first call told us about the scams, and that they suspected it was a "ring" they were trying to bust. This was in Bloomington, IL. Since Moving to WI, we've not really had any door to door solicitations at all. Even the school fundraisers tend to be things like car washes and bake sales.
Sometimes when I'm having lunch at the student center they let some group of inner-city teenagers go from table to table in the lunchroom selling candy bars ("to pay for college" I guess). I HATE that! Assuming that the program is on the up-and-up, why don't they let them have a table out in the common area like they do for other fundraisers (some of which include bake sales) or groups distributing literature? Same goes (although I've never encountered this on campus, just at near-campus shops and eateries, and here they aren't asking for $) with deaf guys roaming from table to table, or customer to customer, handing out manual alphabet cards
children asking for money rant
