Weight Loss Support - Niece sent Valentine candy




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Ija
02-13-2009, 02:28 PM
Shortly after arriving at work today I found a big package with my name written in pink waiting in the mail room. I suspected it was from my 3-year-old niece, who sends me a Valentine every year (with the help of my brother and sister-in-law, of course). Last year they sent me lots of candy, but I figured that this time around they would be mindful of the fact that I don't eat giant bags of peanut M&Ms anymore. After all, I've been back home to see them a few times in the last year, and they know all about my new lifestyle (not to mention that I've lost about 90 pounds during this interval). So, what did they send me?

A giant bag of peanut M&Ms (and some other Valentine's Day sweets...)

So, two questions... First, what to do with the candy? And second, why on Earth do people not "get it?" :dizzy:


Thighs Be Gone
02-13-2009, 02:35 PM
Wow..well, listen my Dear Mother in Law sent 8 pounds, yes POUNDS of chocolate covered everything at Christmas KNOWING I was doing all I could to get in shape. (I never discussed it with her but she saw me in November). I packed it all up and sent it to Dear Hubby's work. The men there loved me! :)

I would go right back into that breakroom and open it up and put it out for everyone to enjoy. Give yourself a big pat on the back, freshen up your lipstick and get back to work. :)

mandalinn82
02-13-2009, 02:35 PM
First, on what to do with the candy - it's already at work. Put it in a dish in the break room or mail room. Others can enjoy and you'll keep it off of your desk.

As for why people don't "get it" - well, I can only speak from my perspective here, but I believe people are just trying to do something nice, and the bag of candy is "nice" for them. It's what they'd give to anyone they wanted to send a valentine's wish to. I doubt they're sending teeny bags to everyone but you, and sending a giant bag to tempt you, you know?

I try to take these things as what they are, a nice gesture, and recognize a couple of things: one, it is no one's job to keep me on-plan and avoiding temptation other than my own (this includes the people passing around brownies at the office and the people offering me another piece of cake at dinner parties), and two, just because I have self control issues does not mean others have the same issues or even realize that I have them. Someone with a "normal" relationship with M&Ms could probably have a few a day and leave it at that. I can't - I eat the whole bag - because I have a bad relationship with that food. But other people can't know that, or be responsible for that...that's my job.

Just my 2 cents!


MandiK
02-13-2009, 02:36 PM
They probably are just thinking that you deserve a treat after your great job of weight loss. They don't mean anything harmful from it, plus, if they didn't send you candy, what would they send?
I would just thank them for the gift and then put it in the breakroom at work for everyone to eat. If you can't do that, then see if you have a co-worker who wants to take it home.

Ija
02-13-2009, 02:47 PM
I know that it was meant as a nice gesture... I guess I was just hoping that by this point they would understand that I don't want the candy anymore, and that it's actually kind of a burden to me now. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the thought so much (I seriously have the best family in the world), it's just not easy having your biggest trigger food sent to your doorstep topped with a big ribbon. I guess you're right though, Mandalinn, nobody else is responsible for me but me....

Thanks all for your suggestions ;)

mandalinn82
02-13-2009, 02:54 PM
Drina - to them, though, it isn't "your biggest trigger food". It's just something they know you enjoy.

It blows my mind that people exist out there who can have a bag of peanut m&ms around and have a small amount each day (which isn't going to be a health-ruiner for anyone...the calories would fit easily into most days if you planned for them). I am not one of those people (and if it's your biggest trigger food, you're not either) but if you ARE one of those people, you tend not to see the issue. That's why if you brought it up, you'd get an answer like "We sent them because we figured you could have a few each day as a little bonus". Which, for normal people, works out fine. For me? TRAINWRECK. The bag would be gone in a day.

RedPorcupine
02-13-2009, 04:09 PM
There are tons of people out there who can eat candy and be absolutely fine, like mandalinn said. I personally can eat small amounts of chocolate and not really feel compelled to down the entire bag. When we get into chips, though, that's a whole other animal.

Holidays are a special occasion, because these are the opportunities relatives and loved ones take to splurge on eachother, and indulge a little bit for themselves. Sometimes we have to step back from our diet **** ways and just allow people to enjoy tradition without feeling like we're surrounded by bad influence or lack of support. I mean, it's not every day that people send you temptation by mail!

And hey, it's a great opportunity to get some popularity points with coworkers. "Hey, Drina's so awesome, she just put out a giant bag of M&M's for everyone". Score!

I had to do that last week when a friend sent me brownies for my birthday, in the mail no less! It was kind of an inside joke between us, and he even told me he didnt expect me to eat one. (Now THAT may have been a little cruel, lol.) But I took them to work, and temptation fled quickly as my coworkers lit up at the sight of nut-covered dessert items sitting on the back table.

That's right. I'm da bomb.

RedPorcupine
02-13-2009, 04:10 PM
Wow, it just starred out a word that wasn't even a curse. Talk about censorship to the max.

beerab
02-13-2009, 04:14 PM
Yeah I told my hubby please no candy this year.

Though I did give everyone mini candies for valentines at work (200 calories only!)- but as far as I know I'm the only one on a diet in the whole building lol.

It's funny cuz at my work people seem to try harder than at home- my coworkers know to not offer me anything anymore lol since I keep saying "no thank you."

I'd just tell your little neice thank you so much and don't even say you didn't eat them- they don't need to know :)

Oh and I am DOUBLE screwed here- chocolate and chips are my trigger :p

Glory87
02-13-2009, 04:27 PM
I got a ton of candy from my coworkers at Christmas. I was pretty mystified. I've worked here a year, I eat salad every day for lunch and I don't eat candy (I mean rarely, yes, but hardly EVER at work!). I had 2 Godiva truffles and gave all the rest away.

I'm sure it's not a case of sabotage or cruelty, it's Valentine's Day, a holiday associated with chocolate.

DCHound
02-13-2009, 06:31 PM
They sent it to you because they love you. Call them, thank them, give it away. :)

Ija
02-13-2009, 06:40 PM
Thanks DC, I did... then I gave the M&M's away. Maybe next year I'll ask someone else to open the box and do a screening for me :D

Operator265
02-13-2009, 06:55 PM
When something goes well at work, we get food. So many days without a Loss Time Incident=Pizza. Monthly Safety Meeting=Pizza. Kick *** on the Blast Pattern=Breakfast Burritos. Every Friday on day shift=Breakfast Burrito(these are huge, potato stuffed yummies). And, when I say "No thanks" to folks who know darned good and well that I'm losing weight, I get hurt feelers.

They just don't realize that I now need to plan my "free" days in advance. They want to show their appreciation. My X was really bad about not using gifts I got him. My feelings would get hurt too. Isn't "re-gifting" considered a 3rd Degree Misdemeanor in this country. Don't matter if the other person actually needed it and you didn't.

Same thing happens with alcoholics who meet up with folks to socialize. "Oh, just one won't hurt." Well, yes it will. They're not always trying to undermine(although there are those folks out there), they're just trying to say, "I love you no matter what."

ZedAus
02-13-2009, 07:04 PM
I am in two minds about this.

First of all, it sounds as though they love you very much, and they probably don't have any idea just what you 'can' and 'can't' have in your new, healthier, lifestyle. When they saw you, you may not have actually let them know HOW you had been losing weight. Many people have not had to face this, so don't understand how you are changing your eating habits.

But!!! I also get a little disappointed with people around me if they still give me chocolates or candy, as it shows me that they are not really 'inventive' with their gift ideas. Pretty much everyone around me knows that I don't eat that sort of stuff, as I TELL them often enough when they ask me how I have lost the weight. So when I get candy etc., I just feel as though they have taken the 'easy' route and grabbed the same old usual thing that they give to others. I love it when I can see that obvious thought has been put into a gift. For example, my students may get me something purple, knowing it is my favourite colour, or a teddy, knowing that I LOVE teddies, or something to do with Winnie the Pooh, as they know that he is my absolute favourite bear of all. Things like that mean a lot more to me because of the thought they have put into looking for something ESPECIALLY for me.

OK... off my soapbox now.

I hope you find a good use for those candies, other than on your waistline.

x0me880x
02-13-2009, 07:25 PM
I'm glad I'm not the only one going through this! (no offence lol). I came home to a box of about 30 gourmet cookies on my doorstep. My aunt always sends these to my mother and I for holidays and such. Needless to say I was absolutely livid. My aunt has no idea that I have started this new healthy lifestyle, so I guess it's not really her fault, and it was a nice thought. But after that I got into the disgust that people give people food to show there love and how much they care about a person.

I am however very proud of the fact that I not only did not have any of the cookies, but they dont really apeal to me, at all. Which is great :D.

As to what to do with the M&Ms, maybe you can put a bowl of them out for everyone at your office. I'm sure they will enjoy them. Good luck on trying not to give into the temptation. Your better then that. They may (or may not) taste good, but will do more damage then good.

JayEll
02-13-2009, 07:46 PM
Everyone I know knows that I don't drink, or so I think--but even then, sometimes a friend will give me a bottle of wine as a gift. I am gracious about it. They are trying to do something nice.

Of course, I don't drink it, any more than you should eat the M&Ms just because they gave it to you. I often re-gift it if it's a nice wine, or I open it and give them some if they've brought it for dinner. If I have no use at all for it, then later I open the bottle and pour it out. No reason to keep it around.

With those friends, I make a point next time I see them to mention again that I don't drink alcohol. But I never insult their gift.

Jay

Ija
02-14-2009, 12:24 AM
Jay, I think that next time I'm home I'm going to gently remind everyone that I don't keep junk food around because of the temptation factor. Getting rid of those M&Ms today was really hard... for a few moments I found myself calculating how many calories were in the bag to see if I could somehow "plan" for it. And by that I mean skip the day's meals and eat the M&Ms instead.

Yes, I know, I know...

Anyway, after unloading the candy on one of my colleagues, I called and thanked my family for the gift. Hopefully, when the M&Ms arrive next time, this won't be so hard.

mrsprettyncurvy
02-14-2009, 01:36 AM
First, on what to do with the candy - it's already at work. Put it in a dish in the break room or mail room. Others can enjoy and you'll keep it off of your desk.

As for why people don't "get it" - well, I can only speak from my perspective here, but I believe people are just trying to do something nice, and the bag of candy is "nice" for them. It's what they'd give to anyone they wanted to send a valentine's wish to. I doubt they're sending teeny bags to everyone but you, and sending a giant bag to tempt you, you know?

I try to take these things as what they are, a nice gesture, and recognize a couple of things: one, it is no one's job to keep me on-plan and avoiding temptation other than my own (this includes the people passing around brownies at the office and the people offering me another piece of cake at dinner parties), and two, just because I have self control issues does not mean others have the same issues or even realize that I have them. Someone with a "normal" relationship with M&Ms could probably have a few a day and leave it at that. I can't - I eat the whole bag - because I have a bad relationship with that food. But other people can't know that, or be responsible for that...that's my job.

Just my 2 cents!

This is the BEST comment that I have read concerning CONTROL/WILL POWER. Awesome!! :carrot:

Pandora123a
02-14-2009, 06:07 AM
Drina,

When my DH used to bring home chocolate bars as a treat I loved him for it. Not only because of the chocolate, but because it subtly said that he didn't care or police my eating...something that others had done many times. (You know, that old "you shouldn't be eating that stuff you could lose some weight.")

When I really started seriously on this journey I realized I couldn't expect him to know I wanted things differently unless I told him explicitly, don't bring home any more chocolate, I love it and I love him for doing it, but it made it harder to stay on plan. It helped that I could suggest a few other "treats" he could bring. (For me the little desert sun cocktail tomatoes have become more of an indulgence than the old chocolate bars!)

Why don't you both thank your niece for the wonderful Valentine, and explain that far more than chocolate you would love....(fill in the blank) I might suggest a framed picture of her...a homemade Valentine (she's getting to that age) a cute t-shirt/pair of socks...something other than a gift for the mouth. If they want to send you something to celebrate (which is wonderful) help them do so with some ideas.

Meanwhile, congratulations! It was hard, but you did it!

fatmad
02-14-2009, 11:02 AM
I'm sorry, I tend to junk the junk, or put it out minimally.
If its in the break room and I know it, I may go in and binge.
AND, if some other co-worker is struggling with candy issues, and weightloss etc. I don't want to be a part of her tempatation and maybe slipping.
So I have been quietly throwing out some things when I am worried about my weaknesses.

When I lost the first 10 pounds, my mother suggested we go out and splurge on a big special dinner (her treat!) to celebrate! Now mum is suffering from advanced dementia, so I didn't get upset, but I didn't take her up on the offer, we went somewhere that I knew I could handle the menu options ok.
But I do know people who have celebrated losses with over the top food treats. Maybe the candy senders want to reward you for your great weight loss, or they think your problems with food are over now that you have been successful in losing so much.
Yes, Mandalinn is right, it is our problem. But I also have realistic expecatations of myself. I don't go for coffee or tea with a friend to a cafe that serves the most decadent and fabulous desserts on the planet. I suggest we go elsewhere. I don't take my husband with a drinking problem to a kegger, or suggest we go drinking to celebrate a month with no booze.
But telling them, gently, maybe in the summer, not to send candy next valentines day, will be good for you, and for them, to understand.
Its so much easier to avoid temptation if the temptation isn't there in the first place.

jahjah1223
02-14-2009, 12:21 PM
Maybe its your niece that picked the candy out ? :shrug:

beautybooty
02-14-2009, 09:22 PM
sometimes people don't realize how much of a no-no it is for us to have that kind of thing hanging around. for them, when they are trying to eat healthy, having a bowl of m&m's around isn't a big deal. for us, it's like a bowl full of evil that just... won't... stop... STARING!
lol, it's not that they are not trying to be supportive, they just haven't dealt with it like we have.

RN BSN 2009
02-14-2009, 09:39 PM
a nice card would've done the same trick! **** maybe even a gift card to a local movie rental store

EZMONEY
02-14-2009, 10:19 PM
As you mentioned DRINA you have a great family and know it! Thank God for His blessings...

The important thing...YOU!...again I repeat YOU! get it....that's all that matters :)

Seeker
02-15-2009, 11:06 AM
My boyfriend gave me some chocolates for Valentines day, which was very sweet of him. It doesn't upset me in the least because he doesn't know I'm trying to get into shape and lose some weight (since I've only started a few days ago!). I'll have 1 or 2 of the truffles and the rest will go to my work, it'll be gone in 5 minutes flat! :p

Sofia
02-15-2009, 01:43 PM
There are some testing times where you are supposed to take a stubborn stand to resist the temptations. You are now on a similar kind of situation . Just take a firm stand and don't let down yourself emotionally.

Ija
02-15-2009, 10:02 PM
a nice card would've done the same trick! **** maybe even a gift card to a local movie rental store

Maybe that's the trick... making it known that there are plenty of non-M&M things I would love to get in the mail!

katie m a r i e
02-15-2009, 10:06 PM
Well I would probably eat one or two M&Ms, and give the rest away. Pretty simple.
But I don't think they meant to upset you by sending them.
I mean, I still give people candy who are dieting, when I know what they are going through. You just don't think about it all the time, and of course a three year old doesn't.

flatiron
02-16-2009, 01:22 AM
They sent it to you because they love you. Call them, thank them, give it away. :)

Yup I agree whole heartedly. Instead of being annoyed that you have family that would send you candy, turn it around and be thankful that you have family who think about you and care about you.

There are many, many people in the world who do not have anyone that cares about them, you are very fortunate!

Since you were at work it seems obvious just to give it to coworkers.

And I wouldn't tell your niece you didn't eat it, I would just say thank you SO much for thinking about me! :)

nikaylabramwell
02-17-2009, 07:30 PM
ok well me id probably eat a few m&ms just for a treat....you can always save them for company..or something like that..and 2 i dont know why people do it to..like they dont understand that were trying too loose weight insted of gaining it..but anyways...Hope it helps....

Ija
02-17-2009, 09:56 PM
Nikayla, I would save them for a treat, except that... I can't. Once that bag is open, it's empty.

Ija
02-17-2009, 10:00 PM
Instead of being annoyed that you have family that would send you candy, turn it around and be thankful that you have family who think about you and care about you.

I am absolutely not annoyed that I have a family that loves me and sends me candy. It's just that I don't understand why they would send me M&M's (as opposed to other things... cards, photos, anything) when they know that I'm making a serious effort to eat healthy and lose weight. My question was not, "how could they?" so much as, "what will it take for them to understand?"