Weight Loss Support - Bothered by nasty looks...




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Buttercup
02-07-2009, 11:56 AM
:mad:Let me start off by saying I am so thankful for 3FC and for all of us fighting to get healthy. I have been faithfully going to the gym and am making steady progress. I feel better, have more energy and am losing slowly. It was hard and still is hard to look at myself in the mirror at the gym plus always seeming like I am the fattest girl there. So...why did I let a snotty woman get to me? I have felt bad for a couple of days now. Why? I walked into the locker room after a work out, looking red faced and sweaty and a woman was in there with her two school aged daughters. They immediately stopped talking and just stared at me. I caught the Mom rolling her eyes at the girls about me. Normally I would have said something but I was so surprised at what I saw! What is a gym for but for people to get in shape? I haven't had a negative reaction before there but I went home upset.
My husband says to not give the b---- any power and to not quit. I am a little confused about it bothering me so much. I know I am heavy and am working on it. I have faced and laughed at some of the things that come with being fat but I am truly hurt by the look. Thanks for letting me vent. I did not go on a binge though!! So I am proud about that.


tanyaskees
02-07-2009, 12:02 PM
Hi buttercup. You hubby is right, the b**ch is not worth it. Don't let shallow people get you down. You're doing something very productive to better yourself and that's all that matters. Now that said, I know how you feel. I know the "look". But keep yout goal in mind and keep on trucking. Before you know it, you won't be getting that look anymore and it will feel awesome. Good luck....Tanya

krock614
02-07-2009, 12:14 PM
Don't let her bring you down. Some people don't care about how others feel. Just the fact that you are going to the gym and trying to be healthy is great. Keep up the good work!!


Jennelle
02-07-2009, 12:37 PM
Next time, DO say something! I had that happen to me at a gym about 15 years ago. I was lifting weights and a girl said, "If you want to lose weight, you need to lift lighter." I looked at her and said, with as much pain in my voice as I could muster and as loudly as I could, "Oh my gosh, you think I'm FAT?" She was *really* embarrassed and back-pedaled and it was pretty dang funny. Everytime I saw her from then out, she would avoid my eyes quickly.

RN BSN 2009
02-07-2009, 12:56 PM
Some people just can't handle others successes. Don't mind her. Take care of yourself.

JenMusic
02-07-2009, 12:58 PM
I think we all know that look, and the pain it causes. I, myself, have never been much for "comebacks" - why repay evil for evil? - but I hope that you can put this aside enough to focus on the good you're doing.

If this continues to bother you, or if you see her again, I would suggest just mentioning to this woman (not in front of her children) that her looks make you feel disrespected and less of a person, that becoming fit is hard, and you need all the support you can get. That may make her think twice about her actions, which may be (somewhat) unconscious.

:hug:

LovesBassets
02-07-2009, 01:26 PM
I am a firm believer that people treat others in a way that mirrors the way they feel about themselves. Meaning, people who are habitually nasty to others are usually very unhappy people. Just be glad you're not her. Can you imagine being so nasty and unhappy that you would roll your eyes like that and make that kind of judgment in front of your kids? She's teaching her kids to be cruel and judgmental and to value how someone looks over what's inside. Personally, I'd rather be overweight and A GOOD PARENT than "thin" and a lousy parent. I feel bad for those kids.

Hang in there! You're doing great! Don't let one nasty person spoil how good you've been feeling about yourself because of all the hard work you've been doing. :)

AngelMae
02-07-2009, 01:40 PM
Dont let her get you down. People like her arent happy with themselves so they have to belittle other people to make them feel better. Next time call her out on it.

I do understand how you feel about the gym and being one of the bigger people there but isnt that what a gym is for?? To get healthy!! Well dont let some rude, unhappy woman stop you from going there!!!

:hug:

choirgirlhotel
02-07-2009, 01:40 PM
I walked into the locker room after a work out, looking red faced and sweaty and a woman was in there with her two school aged daughters. They immediately stopped talking and just stared at me. I caught the Mom rolling her eyes at the girls about me.

I don't get this. At all. What were they staring at/rolling their eyes at? Am I missing something here?

~CGH~

shcirerf
02-07-2009, 01:49 PM
While I know it's best to not give any validation to people like that, given that I have a big mouth that is usually in overdrive and a brain that is in neutral, I would have probably said something like, "I can lose weight, but you'll always be an ignorant snob!" Or, "watch out for the lights, your nose is so far in the air you might burn it getting out of the building.":devil:

FaithBW
02-07-2009, 01:57 PM
Next time, DO say something! I had that happen to me at a gym about 15 years ago. I was lifting weights and a girl said, "If you want to lose weight, you need to lift lighter." I looked at her and said, with as much pain in my voice as I could muster and as loudly as I could, "Oh my gosh, you think I'm FAT?" She was *really* embarrassed and back-pedaled and it was pretty dang funny. Everytime I saw her from then out, she would avoid my eyes quickly.

:lol: That is something my mom would do! If you stare back and say something, that usually makes people feel really bad. Next time, the OP should say something like "didn't you mother teach you not to stare?" or "What are you staring at? I'd like to look too!" That usually stops people cold in their tracks.

Honestly, I never understood why people stare at people in the gym. I remember when I use to workout at gyms, people would sometimes stare when I first started out because I was out of breath and clearly out of shape. It use to annoy me but then I thought "well, how am I suppose to get in shape if I never start?" and "why the heck do people stare at people in the gym who are just starting and out of shape when the gym is suppose to be the place to get in shape?" Idiots! Is the gym only suppose to be for celebrity lookalikes who have been working out six days a week their entire lives?:rolleyes: People like that have their own issues that they need to work on. Keep doing your thing and ignore the naysayers!

ETA: If is still an issue after a while, is there another gym you can join? Some gyms are just very competitive like the gym at my first college.

Lori Bell
02-07-2009, 02:08 PM
Ugh...I'm so sorry this woman brought you down. What a way to start the weekend. I'm with LovesBassetts on this one. She is a terrible mother and teaching her daughters to be judgemental bigots. As my Mother-in-law would say, this woman is to pitied, not censured. She most likely came from a miserable family, and they LOVE company.

CousinRockingChair
02-07-2009, 02:53 PM
Not everyone who hates themselves is nasty to other people, I'd like to defend us miserable people please!

And what about those arrogant idiots who love themselves (as in, worship) and are snobby to other people?

But on the original topic (sorry), she's a total idiot and you ought to just smile at her. She won't have a clue what to do then.

maryblu
02-07-2009, 02:57 PM
Yanno the ones I really feel concern for here?

Those two daughters. We all know how much influence our parents have on our core values and behavior---especially the same sex parent. There is so much to learn about life and how to live..what a loud and clear lesson of being judgmental and so, so shallow.

What if one of them develops a weight problem? Can you imagine the self-loathing she will feel? How will she cope?

As for you Buttercup, you GO, GIRL. Can't wait to cheer you on as you keep on keepin' on.:carrot:

Thin4Good
02-07-2009, 03:26 PM
What a winch. Don't give her another thought. I love seeing people of all fitness levels and sizes at the gym. I love the rhythm and energy all of the different people bring to the room. and BTW- I am ALWAYS red and sweaty when I finish working out. I am there to WORK after all!

saef
02-07-2009, 05:59 PM
Good for you, for working out so hard that you sweat hard & your face flushed. You are really putting in the work. You are not just socializing or sightseeing or watching the overhead TVs. You're using the gym as it's meant to be used. I would like to see that woman engaged in a workout -- I wonder if she's just there to chat with her friends or something. Maybe she never sweats. Maybe she hasn't really got a body herself. Heck, maybe she is an android. That would explain why a normal human condition & appearance was so offensive to her. When the rest of us see you at the gym, we just think, "Good for her. I hope my own workout is really good today, too."

kalikat003
02-07-2009, 06:25 PM
I would have had to hold everything back in order not to say something, but I would just brush it off your shoulders. You know you are doing it for yourself so dont let that nasty b**ch dishearten you

inspired by you
02-07-2009, 07:01 PM
I just want to say congratulations on not letting her get the best of you and send you home to binge. You should be so proud of yourself, many of us would have gone home and drowned our sorrows in food. You did the right thing. Now get back to the gym and show her your there to stay. Congratulations on your loss so far, keep up the great work!

Buttercup
02-07-2009, 09:50 PM
;)Thank you so much for all of the positive comments! I did go to the gym today and had a wonderful workout! I don't understand how I let a "look" and "eye roll" bother me. But it did hurt as if they had said something I could hear. I am just so thankful that I am not made that way. I too am glad to see all kinds of people in the gym. I do feel bad for the girls because unfortunatly they probably already have a warped perception on how to look at others.

I LOVE this forum and the support when things are good or bad!!! Thanks again.

Buttercup
02-07-2009, 09:56 PM
I don't get this. At all. What were they staring at/rolling their eyes at? Am I missing something here?

~CGH~

I know...it is dumb to be so sensitive. It is a small locker room and they stared at ME and when I glanced at the mother she was rolling her eyes at the girls about me. They them quickly got their things and went out. I felt like I was stuck in one place frozen. I know what I felt and I know what was meant. It was a surprise to me to feel the way I did about it. But it's over and I am still going to the gym!

vixjean
02-07-2009, 10:24 PM
awe that sounds very annoying. I'm sorry that it bothered you. Some people are so ignorant. You are working hard and that is what matters, good for you!!!! Keep it up, Look you are making GREAT progress already!

Amarantha2
02-07-2009, 10:34 PM
I'm so sorry you had this experience and sorry also if I'm repeating any posts as I don't have time to read all the responses.

I have been bothered a lot sometimes by rude people at the gyms I used to frequent, although I now have a gym room in my house with all the equipment I need and that saves me time and money and I can focus without socializing (although socializing is nice), so I know how you feel.

But I had one thought that unless you actually talked to the woman and kids about it (again sorry, didn't read all the posts, maybe you did), you don't really know what they were thinking about you or whether they were thinking about you at all or whether they were thinking about you in a positive rather than a negative way.

Most people who frequent friendly gyms (there are some snooty ones out there) are either silently or vocally cheering others on who aren't at a level of fitness that maybe some other members are. Sometimes they are quietly watching the progress being made and silently supporting and rooting for progress. So it is possible the woman actually was admiring you for your spirit and work.

It's also possible she was just staring into space and thinking about her own thing.

Whatever the children were thinking, hard to say. Kids are unreadable a lot of the time.

Either way with all of them, whatever they think is totally irrelevant to who you are and what great things you are accomplishing and you can't afford to give it house room in the brain. :)

Huzzah! Be happy! Fitness is a joy, it matters not what anyone else thinks, this is YOUR journey.

LookingForMeAgain
02-07-2009, 10:42 PM
Id have probably smiled my biggest smile and said
How are you ladies today? I hope God has blessed you as much as he has me today. :)

I know what you mean about being shocked so much you cant say anything though.
That is one to leave you speechless for sure. Some people have no class.

LookingForMeAgain
02-07-2009, 10:44 PM
Janga --- She said the lady rolled her eyes....had she just been staring thats one thing. I know exactly what you mean b/c I stare in to space all the time and have a tendency to look when people enter a room.
But to stare at someone them roll your eyes to the person your with is a lil different.

thinpossible
02-07-2009, 11:17 PM
Wow, I'm so sorry that happened to you. :hug: I know how you feel, because I've had something similar happen to me. It's hard enough to go to a gym and not feel self conscious if you're overweight. But forget about HER. YOU did an awesome job. YOU did not go home and stuff down your hurt with food. YOU went back, and didn't use it as an excuse to quit. YOU are working hard. YOU are moving on. So good on ya.

choirgirlhotel
02-08-2009, 04:18 PM
I know...it is dumb to be so sensitive. It is a small locker room and they stared at ME and when I glanced at the mother she was rolling her eyes at the girls about me. They them quickly got their things and went out. I felt like I was stuck in one place frozen. I know what I felt and I know what was meant. It was a surprise to me to feel the way I did about it. But it's over and I am still going to the gym!

Nooooo! I didn't mean that - man, I'm the most sensitive person in the universe! But at the time I posted I didn't understand why someone would stare and roll their eyes at someone who looked like the just worked out. To me, that's just very odd behavior.

Like, so you have a red face and looked like you just worked out. Um....what's the problem here? She never has a red face? She never looks like she just worked out? It's so ridiculous at first I thought I was missing something. Then, reading all the responses I realized it meant just that!

Man, people are weird!!! (i.e.,her and her kids!!)

and PS, why were her kids in the gym anyway? what, is she making her 8-year-old lift weights or something?

~CGH~

valpal23
02-08-2009, 04:20 PM
Next time, DO say something! I had that happen to me at a gym about 15 years ago. I was lifting weights and a girl said, "If you want to lose weight, you need to lift lighter." I looked at her and said, with as much pain in my voice as I could muster and as loudly as I could, "Oh my gosh, you think I'm FAT?" She was *really* embarrassed and back-pedaled and it was pretty dang funny. Everytime I saw her from then out, she would avoid my eyes quickly.

lol you're awesome! I wish I could have seen her reaction. seriously way to go :high:

valpal23
02-08-2009, 04:25 PM
and buttercup I'm so glad you didnt give up. People like that are miserable - it is great you're putting in effort. I joined curves for awhile just to become comfortable with the equipment/in a posititve affirming environment.

Daimere
02-08-2009, 04:45 PM
and PS, why were her kids in the gym anyway? what, is she making her 8-year-old lift weights or something?

~CGH~


I know. There is this whole family that brings 3 rambunctious and rude kids to the Y all the time during school hours.

DIVALISHOUS
02-08-2009, 05:02 PM
I know so many women who have quit going to the gym after a skinny little snot said or did something ugly, myself being one of them. The problem with that is, they win and you don't get any closer to what you want. We have to take those circumstances and turn it into motivation. I can't wait til the day when you reach your goal weight and she (the nasty lady) can see that she wasn't able to discourage or dissuade you. At the end of the day it is one more victory, one more mountain you've climbed and one more success. Keep on Keeping on.

Zen Pharmacy
02-08-2009, 05:07 PM
Having gym friends helps. A lot.

I go to the gym on campus because it's free. However, it's filled to the brim with sorority girls ambling on the treadmill in full make-up as they idly flip through a magazine.

The first time I started losing weight and was at the gym lifting, I overheard two girls with their two pound weights making snide remarks not very quietly. One verbatim was, "If I was that fat, I would be so embarrassed to even be at the gym".

Man, it felt good when two very attractive and well known guys came up and starting talking to me (they were on the football team). I tutor for the athletic department, and at the time the guys were always willing to give me pointers in the gym. Anyway, they came up and I tossed out, "Not doing too bad for a fatty, am I ladies?" Let's just say they turned red and jetted out fairly quickly.

Point is, there are always people that suck and are awful people. But they will always be awful people, and you are awesome people. I'm not saying that these things don't sting, but the sassy part of me won't let them get me down.

coco_chanell
02-08-2009, 05:10 PM
Its really sad the kind of example that woman is setting for her daughters, but do not let STUPID people like that stop your progress. You keep up the good work!!! :hug:

Ookpik
02-08-2009, 05:20 PM
Good one, Zen!

And I agree with the others, try not to let that ***** get to you. I also agree she is teaching her kids to be snobs (not a very good mother) and what I'm concerned with is, those kids would probably rather starve themselves in the future rather than have an ounce of fat, just to keep on Mommy's good side. It's sad.

Kudos to you for having the guts to join a gym. A lot of people wouldn't.

Buttercup
02-08-2009, 11:29 PM
Even though all of us have not met face to face it feels good to know we are all behind each other. And I think of that when I walk through those gym doors. Thanks again so much for the encouragement! You all are great! We shall succeed!!!!:cp:

vixjean
02-08-2009, 11:30 PM
great attitude... we will be here for eachother, i love this site

Operator265
02-09-2009, 12:08 AM
Knowing me, and I happen to know I'm a little s**t, about the time she rolled her eyes, I would have run over and asked(with all the phony a**ed sincerity I could muster) if she were having a stroke. Then, turned to her DDs and told them to go get help and call 911. But, I'm kind of rotten that way.:devil:

tanyaskees
02-09-2009, 09:39 AM
While I know it's best to not give any validation to people like that, given that I have a big mouth that is usually in overdrive and a brain that is in neutral, I would have probably said something like, "I can lose weight, but you'll always be an ignorant snob!" Or, "watch out for the lights, your nose is so far in the air you might burn it getting out of the building.":devil:


LOL, that's so me.

Drea78
02-09-2009, 02:22 PM
I have a big mouth, too. I would have asked what she was looking at, or if she had a problem.

And then rolled my eyes at HER, lol.