100 lb. Club - Dealing with jealousy?




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TheWalrus
02-05-2009, 11:51 PM
My husband, who has been OP with me since we started (again) a couple weeks ago, has lost so much weight that you can SEE it. In 12 days. He lost 5 pounds in under a week. He's 10 years older than I am, eats more than I do, and exercises less. How is this fair?!?

More important, how do I stop myself from

1. Getting jealous and pissy that this is SO much easier for him than for me -- I know it's not easy for him -- just a tremendous amount easier for him than for me...

2. Getting overly competitive and cutting my calories too far and exercising too much...

I've never had a huge appetite -- just no "off" switch -- and I'm having trouble persuading myself that I can't just eat 900 or 1000 calories because that's all I feel like eating.

I'm working out 5 days a week and counting calories. I give myself a free day once a week, but I still try to get my calories under a certain number (so it's more, but a controlled more).

Tonight, I did some extra exercise because I felt like it (I'm also having a hard time 1) not exercising on my two off days [which I feel my body needs to recover] and 2) stopping exercising [I've always been a distance person, so I can go for a couple hours without really feeling it at the time or the next day -- I have more trouble with getting bored...which is one reason I've stopped working out in the past]). So he gets on the bike and works out more than he has any other day this week. I should be happy and proud, right? And I AM. BUT, I'm also feeling pretty pissy because I want to be able to celebrate what I'm doing, and right now I'm kind of feeling like no matter what I achieve, his successes are always going to be bigger and better, making mine smaller in comparison.

I know, I know...I'm too competitive for my own good, but I REALLY am not looking forward to having to do this all on my own while he's hanging out maintaining...sigh...

Help!


Kelli
02-06-2009, 12:00 AM
Oh man that's hard! I think it would be hard for anyone. I guess probably the best thing to do is to only allow yourself to think positive and not dwell on how your husband is doing. Make sure you are encouraging yourself and not bullying yourself. teehee.

Kelli

iminhere
02-06-2009, 12:17 AM
it's because right now you need for this to be about YOU. you may be having trouble feeling proud of yourself because you feel like he is doing better.....but if you are both on pmlan than he's not DOING better....it just shows more...FOR NOW.....

he could plateau and you could leave him in the dust...!

anything can happen...so just keep plugging along ...do your best without doing anything unhealthy and focus on YOU.

I know it's hard...I'm not saying it isn't...just keep reminding yourself that you are doing this for you and right now thats all that matters!


gin
02-06-2009, 02:01 AM
Men suck.

Not really. But I totally hear what you are saying. My husband can half way follow what ever plan I'm doing and drop pounds so fast. Plus he has a LOT less to lose that I do. Maybe it would be helpful if you could think about being a team instead of in competition with each other. Kinda of a you and me against the world. I don't know if that would help but it might be a different way of looking at the situation.

Jennifer

heather88
02-06-2009, 02:28 AM
Competition can be a good thing but jealousy and cutting off way too many calories is not! I catch myself doing the same thing!

It kills me how most men can lose weight almost effortlessly! My bf has only cut down on drinking soda by just getting it at work or when we go out and he is dropping pounds while I'm sitting here logging my food intake and exercising like crazy!

Just stop and think about how only eating under 1000 calories is going to effect you in the long run. You can't get proper nutrition with that and most people absolutely cannot sustain such a low intake without getting so frustrated or stressed leaving them open to binges, giving up, starvation mode, and numerous other cons that will just stunt your weight loss journey.

IT is normal to feel a twinge of jealousy. Like kelli said, don't dwell on it! It is what it is and there isn't much you can do to change it. Accept that, and continue rocking out! Exercising 5 times a week is awesome and 6 is even better as long as you have at least 1 rest day! I tend to over-do it a bit, too, but I'll do my high impact workouts 5 days a week and on my 2 off days just do a lot of walking! It totally works! Good luck to you two!

HVEECK
02-06-2009, 03:34 AM
why does it seem like everything in life is just easier for men??? LOL but, seriously... NOT FAIR!!!! Just dont do anything drastic to harm your health. You will start shedding those lbs fast. dont worry. Tell him how proud you are of him, then give him dirty looks behind his back ;) hehe

CousinRockingChair
02-06-2009, 06:19 AM
How much does he weigh?

wchs2007
02-06-2009, 08:41 AM
OH MY YOU JUST WROTE MY STORY..... My hubby and I started the same day.. He has cut calories and that's about it.. No exercise at all besides the one time I made him go walk with me.. I think his my space status last night was about how much weight he has lost. He has lost 25 lbs in one month.
He started at 244..
Oh I am happy for him! But he sure has the Big head.! HAHA

TheWalrus
02-06-2009, 08:46 AM
Thanks for all the advice and support :) CousinRockingChair, that's one of the frustrating things -- he is older than me, does less than me, and both weighs less than me and has less to lose than me. His goal -- which I thought was reasonable -- was to lose 1 pound a week, on average, until goal weight. Mine was to lose 2, on average. We had weigh in this morning, and he's lost 8 in 2 weeks; I've lost 6. So that's awesome -- though it took waaaaay more work than I thought it would! -- but still a little frustrating. I guess I thought that I'd lose more, and more easily, in the beginning, and instead, I'm working hard for every pound, and he's just shedding pounds left and right!

It's a good thing he's so cute! :) (that's what we tell the cats when they are out of control)

JayEll
02-06-2009, 08:58 AM
You know, it's just biology! And there is nothing you can do to change that... Women's bodies are geared to the possibility of carrying and feeding a baby, whether you ever have one or not. So, storing extra calories as fat is a kind of priority for the female body. Men, it doesn't matter. In fact, from a biology standpoint, men are pretty much of no use except for one thing. :lol: (Now, I'm just talking biology here, and I mean no disrespect. )

Anyway, try to get your head out of the competition mindset. Focus on your own progress. Cheer him on, but mainly cheer yourself on! Compare, if you must, with other women. Find yourself a weight loss buddy of your own sex if that will help.

Jay

Beverlyjoy
02-06-2009, 09:12 AM
Jayell said exactly what I was going to say. It's strictly physiology. You physically cannot lose as fast as your DH. So, please try to not make it an issue. I know it's not fair - it stinks, in fact. But, this is one case where this saying rings true "It is what it is."

Carry on...you are doing so well!!!! Please don't compare numbers lost. No need to frustrate yourself with something out of your control.

Farseashore
02-06-2009, 09:17 AM
Everyone loses at different rates. Comparing your weight loss to others can be really frustrating.

When my husband and I started, he lost quickly and was reaping the compliments. I struggled a bit with jealousy at that point, forcing myself to cheer him on, reminding myself that I wanted him to lose weight because I want him with me and healthy for a long time!

He then plateaued for a couple months, and I actually started to feel a little guilty about my small weekly losses, and the compliments that were starting to come my way, instead of his.

TJFitnessDiva
02-06-2009, 09:36 AM
I agree with JayEll :) A male can eat more and burn more calories much easier than a woman (it's a biological fact & I'm not saying it to down play a guys weight problems)....I know if my DH gains 5 pounds & is like man I need to lose this extra 5 pounds and he'll drop it in like a week lol When he does that sometimes I feel like bopping him in his head ;)

You can't help that he is losing faster....what you CAN help is staying on your plan. Jealousy will only hinder your efforts so try to keep the negativity out! *hugs*

bindersbee
02-06-2009, 09:39 AM
I think what you are feeling is perfectly normal. I'm competitive too. I've got a 20 lb. headstart on my dh but I'm sure if he started doing something about his weight TODAY, he could catch up to me relatively quickly. And frankly I wish he would. He needs to lose a bunch of weight too but isn't ready to deal with it yet. Sigh.

I guess the upside for you is that you have someone in your own home to do this hard thing WITH even if it's a little frustrating that it so much easier for them than us.

LookingForMeAgain
02-06-2009, 10:36 AM
You know what reading your post actually gave ME some insight to myself.
I just realized that in the past when DH and I would lose together Id get jealous but also insecure. He doesnt have but maybe 50lbs to lose and I have 150. If he loses 50 in a few months and it takes me a year then I will be doing the WL by myself. And Id get to feeling like why would he wait around on me and I cant do this by myself ect. So I think I actually sabotaged us both b/c misery loves company.
Id rather we both be overweight so he cant say anything to me about being overweight if he is too.
Ive noticed this time around Ive been rather annoyed with him and hateful towards him over the littlest things. And maybe thats b/c he lost 12lbs in a month not even really trying and I busted my butt and lost 2.
Thank you for posting b/c it just made me realize I need to support us both and drop the jealousy and the insecurities.

TheWalrus
02-06-2009, 11:00 AM
LookingForMeAgain, I agree -- it's definitely harder for me to enjoy my progress now because I know that in 6 months or so, I'm going to be doing it on my own and living with someone who isn't interested in counting calories or exercising...sooooo hard to force myself to stop snuggling on the couch to go work out all by myself...sniff!

I'm trying hard to live in the moment and keep doing what I'm doing and hoping to feel better and better every day, but when he's eating chips and dip on the couch in front of me as I'm cycling my butt off, can I bonk him with a shoe or something? ;)

ladywinter
02-06-2009, 11:18 AM
I have the same issue. My husband has already lost 20 pounds and I have lost half that. I dont get jealous though because I know he needs to lose the weight so when we are older he can keep chasing me around our bed! :carrot: I will be skinnier then and harder to catch! :devil:

Eves
02-06-2009, 11:51 AM
It bugs me that men can lose weight eaiser than women can. My husband gave up full sugar soda and lost 8 pounds in a month. AND he's not huge, he was at 182 and now is at 174! Now, instead of eating a full dinner he eats two chocolate chip cookies! He still lost those 8 pounds.

Makes me want to beat him with his packet of cookies. GRRRR!

iminhere
02-06-2009, 04:03 PM
LookingForMeAgain, I agree -- it's definitely harder for me to enjoy my progress now because I know that in 6 months or so, I'm going to be doing it on my own and living with someone who isn't interested in counting calories or exercising...sooooo hard to force myself to stop snuggling on the couch to go work out all by myself...sniff!

I'm trying hard to live in the moment and keep doing what I'm doing and hoping to feel better and better every day, but when he's eating chips and dip on the couch in front of me as I'm cycling my butt off, can I bonk him with a shoe or something? ;)

hopefully he will continue to partner with you after he reaches goal. after all...do you plan to go back to you old ways after YOU reach goal? I see no reaso why you can't continue to exercise togater and eat healthy foods together.

MandiK
02-06-2009, 05:55 PM
I've been there. All my husband has to do is stop drinking soda and he'll loose ten pounds in a month. No exercise, no dieting.... how annoying is that?

Basically what I did was accept it. He's just going to loose more than me and he's going to loose it faster. It's not a competition, I'm doing this because I want to do it. In the end you'll both be thin, so who cares who gets there first? In fact, in the end you'll get all the compliments because everyone will have already noticed him getting thin!

LookingForMeAgain
02-06-2009, 07:32 PM
Yep bonk him on the head with the shoe if it makes you feel better LOL
My DH would probably rather I just hit him with the shoe then to get in a mood. LOL
We just have to hope that they will want to continue eating healthy with us and excercising with us even when theyve reached their goal weight. And if they dont we just have to do it for ourselves anyway.
Best of luck to you...and to your DH who may be getting hit in the head with a shoe now and then ;)

Redflame
02-06-2009, 09:13 PM
My DH started the second week of Jan, I started the 4th week of Dec, he has lost 20 pounds I have lost 10..............its just not fair and I really like the shoe idea! Now where are those spike heel boots?