General chatter - LOVE ~ Is It Really ALL You Need?

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02-04-2009, 01:06 AM
One of the greatest bands of all time...THE BEATLES....had a hit song...ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE

I don't think anyone would argue with me that LOVE WILL KEEP US TOGETHER by CAPTAIN AND TENNILLE is definitely in ALL of our Top 10's

And who can forget MUSKRAT LOVE....another CAPTAIN AND TENNILLE "classic" ;)


Is it really ALL we need ~ does it really keep us together ~ and do we really wanna love a muskrat....I dunno....we don't have them here in southern California...not even sure what a muskrat is.

Here is my dilemma....

We all know football season is over for the most is a few weeks away from spring training...LAKERS are the only basketball team worth watching.....which leads up to nothing to talk about at lunch with 8 construction guys....

so we share our troubles and struggles

a young man in our mix is looking to "go for" a girl....thinking it is time for him to get serious and stop fooling around. Looking to us for advice he brings up the question....."How do you know if she is the right do you know if you really love love enough to get married over?"

Now between the 7 of us guys left to answer the young man's questions we probably have about 12 experts we are!

The answers varied and we only have a 30 minute lunch but the Cliff Notes version was this....

3 of 7 say ....never get married again!

3 of 7 is enough!

1 of 7 said....I think it is possible to love just about anybody. Love is an action not a feeling. I think it is more important to like someone....enjoy being with them when you are not on :love: date night :love: I told the group that I met several women that I may have been able to fall in love with over time but geographically....financially...and children/ex-husband situations kept me from pursuing the relationships. I felt that there was too much "baggage" from both of our situations.....being divorced and all.

The group told me I wasn't "fair".....that I should have re-married for love alone....

They asked me why I married Angie....I told them "because she had a van that would carry our 3 children"

What do you think?


02-04-2009, 01:12 AM
And none of you follow hockey? NHL has lots more to go. And as I have learned over 10yrs marriage. Its easier to figure out hockey than to figure out marriage/love.

02-04-2009, 01:18 AM
Not much ya gotta know about a puck JULIA....

now about us men...

we are delicate creatures

02-04-2009, 01:23 AM
A little bit of forebearance never hurt.

On a more serious note ... I just plain like John. There's nobody else I'd rather spend time with.

02-04-2009, 01:34 AM
I really, truly, honestly do not believe that love is enough to get you through. It's enough to get you going, but love isn't what carries you through the rough parts, where you sort of want to strangle eachother, or when external circumstances start pulling you apart.

What I DO believe is enough to get you through is 100% commitment to making things work from both of you. And I think it's hard to build that sort of commitment WITHOUT starting from a place of love. So love is necessary, but not sufficient, to have a long-lasting, successful CAN drive you to make a strong commitment, but it doesn't HAVE to.

02-04-2009, 01:37 AM
No. Love is not enough. You may find in the end that everything you did for someone was an act of love, but to make you continually do it is something else... work. Compromise. Devotion. Commitment. Faith. These are the words the come to mind. You do them in the name of love, I think. But all are necessary. I hope that makes sense.

On a side note, I walked down the aisle to the Beatles "All You Need is Love" played by a string quartet. I sang the whole way ;)

02-04-2009, 01:41 AM
Exactly what Amanda said.

Don't get me wrong, love is very important, but it's not everything. Even when everything's wonderful, relationships are hard work. I think both of you have to put in a lot of time and effort into a relationship for it to work and this has to be from day one of the relationship, not from the time things start getting rough. It's totally about being committed both to each other and to making the relationship work..

Love is essential, but it's only one essential element out of several that you need to make things work. It's basically the starting point...

02-04-2009, 01:44 AM
Whoever said "Love is an action, not a feeling" must have never really loved anyone. I CHOOSE to perform actions; walking, tying my shoes, bathing, etc....I don't CHOOSE to love someone, I just do....or I don't. Does anyone else feel that way?

However, I do agree that "sometimes love just ain't enough".

02-04-2009, 02:08 AM
i think love is a motivater if any thing...

it motivates you to communicate and to trust and to stick together when times get tough. Compromise, Devotion, Commitment, and Faith are all motivated by love.

I dont think loves i ALL you need, but i know that you wont get anywhere without it.

02-04-2009, 03:52 AM
I think love is enough.. with a strong and abiding love, everything else seems to fall in place. about 2.5 years ago my family had a horrible event (wont give too much info) but without the love and support from my husband i dont know if i could have survived it.
we have been married almost 5 years.. we had that horrible family thing, severe money probs, moved countrys, i gained weight, the stresses we have endured have been gigantic... but... we are closer than ever.. we have Never fought or argued even tho we have had all this happen... and when 'life' seems to be too much for me, a hug, an i love you from my husband, his shoulder for support, etc.. gets me thru it all...
knowing he loves me 'unconditionally' gives me a power of sorts.. not over him, but just hmmm how to explain lol... kinda like.. i must be one heck of a valuable woman for someone as loving and wonderful as ian to love me so much.. so when others try to bring me down, hurt me, etc...they cant cut as deep cause of the love i share with my husband.. not sure if this makes sense.. prob not lol.. its 8am and im on my first cuppa lol

02-04-2009, 04:34 AM
what is it with wonderful guys who happened to be anmed ian? lol! That is my fiance's name.. and anytime i hear something about an ian, its never bad.

02-04-2009, 04:45 AM
aware- funny, i hadnt thought about it, but he is the First 'ian' i have ever known.. must be somethin about the name lol

02-04-2009, 09:53 AM
Was having a chat with my co-workers yesterday, several of which are Indian and have arranged marriages. We were talking about the differences between arranged and "western" marriages. The point was made that though the Indians may meet their mates as strangers, they trust in the people who arranged the marriages for them and they learn to grow together as they fall in love. While not all arranged marriages last, most do. Whereas Western couples meet, go ga ga over each other, marry and then fall "out of love". An interesting point I thought...

Being in a very long term relationship myself - I'd have to say that it takes more than love to get you through. Love will help you through the good times, but's it's the committment to stay together and work things through the bad times that matters most because if you look back, your relationship and your feelings ebb and flow as you go through life together.

As for you Gary - all I can say is that guys appear to look at marriage completely different than women do :dunno: :lol:

02-04-2009, 10:05 AM
I firmly beleive that love is a choice. Feelings mislead you. But for long term endurance after hurts and disappointments you can either choose to continue love, grow from the experience together & forgive...or you can choose to let your heart rule by hurt feelings and be crushed. But what good can come from that? To many people quit after the gaga feeling is over. They deprive themselves of the deeper love that can grow out of forgiveness. The unconditional love.

02-04-2009, 10:33 AM
See I'm more of a Captain and Teneille fan myself.

My boyfriend and I have been through a lot and I do mean a lot of things that many other people would've let break them apart, but we kept going because we knew we loved each other and we just had to find a way to work through the issues.

I love him more today than I felt in a while, it took a lot of faith, a lot of patience, and a lot of time, but I wouldn't change it for the world. We are strong and love kept us together :)

02-04-2009, 11:34 AM
Whoever said "Love is an action, not a feeling" must have never really loved anyone. I CHOOSE to perform actions; walking, tying my shoes, bathing, etc....I don't CHOOSE to love someone, I just do....or I don't. Does anyone else feel that way?

However, I do agree that "sometimes love just ain't enough".

Well, there's different kinds of love. Any day, hands down, I (for myself, and for my kids) would take a man who committed and chose to treat me well and was reasonably a good match for me, over a soul mate with addictions or other problems keeping him from functioning well, much less making me a better person.

02-04-2009, 12:22 PM
Gary-first, I'm totally shocked that a group of men was actually discussing 'relationship' issues:lol: Are the planets realigning or something?;)

Anyway, I agree that love is something that you can have with just about anyone, but it won't keep things together when the going gets tough. It helps, but it's not the totality. My mom still loves my dad and vice versa, even though neither one would ever say that, but there was no way that they could live together one more day, because there wasn't the trust or respect that is necessary to support the love. If the respect for the other's opinions and needs isn't there, communication breaks down and you're left with a hollow shell of a relationship. Going through a bit of this with my DH right now and I know that the love we have isn't going to be enough-it's going to take an attitude change toward respecting and trusting for our marriage to survive, even though I know some of it is residual from his first marriage and his general unhappiness right now. But, anyway, maybe Aretha had it right with "R-E-S-P-E-C-T"!

02-04-2009, 01:20 PM
I agree 100% that Love is a choice

02-04-2009, 11:21 PM
I think when the one you love is being "sweet on you" it is easy to love them is when they aren't that real love from you is either given or not.

RONNI ~You might just be surprised about what guys talk about! We just might be....some of us anyway...a bit more "observant" than you think ;)

happy2bme ~ Not so sure....what attracted me to Angie was the fact that she was not afraid to be herself ~ we met in person (we had talked on the phone) when she was sick as all get out....all bundled up and blowing her nose every few minutes....she was so cute ;) I just asked her what was "it" about me and she said that I was comfortable to be with and not offended that she was going to get a tattoo....which she did the following week.


4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

02-05-2009, 12:19 PM
I guess it depends on what someone's definition of love is. When I think of love, I think of respect, and sacrifice, and patience and faith... they are all part of that "action" of loving... so by my definition, then, yes, love is enough. But someone else may see "love" differently.

I personally feel that the reason most relationships fail isn't because they don't love their partner... I think it's because they didn't love themselves enough first. Loving ourselves, and learning as much about ourselves as possible, and respecting ourselves... I think it's more important than loving the other person. When you can be happy on your own, and love yourself and respect yourself, and take time to make sure you have all your own priorities straight... loving someone else is a whole heck of a lot easier. When you don't love yourself or know yourself enough, it's easier to make bad choices ... to let people disrespect you, treat you badly, and make you unhappy. I think people who don't love and respect themselves first end up picking a partner that doesn't treat them right or isn't a good fit, because they are blinded by infatuation (not love).

So, I think love is enough (by my definition of love, anyway)... but love of self first, and THEN loving someone else.

02-05-2009, 02:09 PM
All you need is love.

Without loving someone you dont want to make a commitment, you dont want to work at a relationship. Everything that makes a good marriage in my opinion comes from love. Love is what keeps you from cheating. If you dont love someone you dont care if you hurt them.

Just my two cents.

Ps. the Beatles in my opinion are THE greatest band lol. I walked down the aisle to "She's got a way about her" and walked back down it to "8 days a week"

02-05-2009, 02:35 PM
All you need is love.

Without loving someone you dont want to make a commitment, you dont want to work at a relationship. Everything that makes a good marriage in my opinion comes from love. Love is what keeps you from cheating. If you dont love someone you dont care if you hurt them.

I'm not so sure. Love might keep me from ending things, but choice is what keeps me from cheating, regardless of love. But maybe this is just a semantic difference.

02-06-2009, 03:18 AM
Love is not enough. You have to be willing to put work into a relationship, to compromise, to be honest, to trust. How many times have you heard an upset friend say "But I looooooooove him!!!" after crying about how horrible they are for each other?!

That being said- I also think that you can make a relationship work with anyone- depending on how much of yourself you really are willing to compromise.

In the end I think you need both love and a willingness from BOTH PARTNERS to work hard for a relationship to work and be worthwhile.

02-06-2009, 11:42 AM
I'm not so sure. Love might keep me from ending things, but choice is what keeps me from cheating, regardless of love. But maybe this is just a semantic difference.

I see your view point. From my view point my choices are influenced by my feelings....feelings like love.

02-06-2009, 09:38 PM

you are a pretty smart kid!