General chatter - A tiny rant on some responses




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Callie
01-31-2009, 06:26 PM
I feel, after reading some threads, that there is a line between support and being part of the cause. There were a few threads that i've replied to..offering the advice that people were asking for. Reading back on some of those, It seems that there are a few people that don't want an answer. I believe that this forum shouldn't be used to aide someone in their negative self-esteem by agreeing that they shouldn't go out in public because its not comfortable. Or that someone ruined their "self-esteem"....its called SELF esteem!!! You ARE beautiful no matter your age, height, weight, hairstyle or the clothes you wear! If you aren't comfortable, do something about it! Thats what we are here for..support for those whom have decided to help themselves! We love and support everyone, and want to help everyone achieve their own personal goals.:hug:


MariaMaria
01-31-2009, 06:39 PM
If you have a problem with someone's response to you, you might get more satisfaction taking it up with that person.

Callie
01-31-2009, 06:47 PM
I appreciate your help, I don't have a problem with a response to me, but some responses people have to others. Some people aren't being supportive, rather, the complete opposite! I just hope that people think about their responses and how they can affect someone before they hit post.


Suzanne 3FC
01-31-2009, 06:53 PM
I understand what you mean. We do have a policy of "if you can't say something nice.." , but then we also try to make everyone aware that you may not always get the answer you want to hear - especially if asking for opinions. Unfortunately, the internet in general tends to give a lot of people a feeling of anonymity that allows them to say things that they would never dare say to someone face to face. The vast majority of the members here - and probably on most support type forums - really are sincere and supportive. But a few off posts can create a lot of hurt feelings.

L144S
01-31-2009, 06:56 PM
Callie, I have been her a LONG time and it is true, there are people who post who are looking for a pitty party and want you to come along. you have to let it go, when people don't get what they are looking for, ie agreement that they must be ugly, fat, and unworthy, they tend to move on...all I can say is it is January...and welcome to 3FC :)

ETA: Suzanne in her amazing chick suit said it so much better than I could ever had...

kaplods
01-31-2009, 08:59 PM
I think we all agree there is sometimes a fine line between being supportive and enabling. HOWEVER, I would also bet that each of us would draw that line in a slightly different place, so you've got to be very careful in deciding what should and shouldn't be allowed here. People have a wide range of opinions on how things "should" be done, and we've got to be really careful in deciding who can't be heard.

Personally, I believe that most of the time, reason bears out. Everyone who asks a question (intending a specific response or not) is going to be exposed to a lot of opinions, some of them extreme opinions, and some of them, many of us will believe are horrible pieces of advice. It is then our choice whether to throw our hat in the ring and declare why we think it is horrible advice (hopefully as tactfully and nonagressively as possible). Since a person is likely to get both good and bad advice, extreme and moderate advice, I don't really see a problem with that. Usually, if you look at these threads most of the advice will be spot on. Can a person decide to choose to listen to the crackpot advice (which of course is always the opinion some one else, not myself is giving)? Of course, but I think if you look at most threads, reason does bear out, most of the advice is good and even though some of it is bad, if you censor, you sensor out good with the bad, because bad is very much in the eye of the beholder. And sometimes making mistakes or seeing someone else make what we consider a mistake, is a valuable part of the learning process.

I also believe that folks who want a pity party, aren't always hopeless causes. Some may be in a temporary funk, and others may eventually grow and move beyond the need for pity or excuses for not changing. Yes, you can always find someone to agree with you, but if your thread has one poster in agreement with you, and 15 disagreeing, only the most stubborn of folks is going to say "see I'm right!"

Callie
01-31-2009, 10:45 PM
Thanks everyone.I appreciate the responses, and I understand to let it go. For now on, the responses I think may be inappropriate i will flag and let someone else help decide. I appreciate all the comments. And it makes me feel better about being with 3FC! I was really feeling down that those comments were being made, and, instead of flagging them, I got upset. I guess that's why i posted this. I almost left. It just still bothers me that there are people out there intending not to help people. I just keep wishing this world was perfect. That there was no evil out there.
I also think maybe I wasn't wording my blogs right. I'm trying to express that we need to support eachother, and unfortunately, some people were thinking I was being somehow rude or not abiding to the rules. In no way was it my intention for anything to be construed as a slight against someone nor a complaint. I am by far not one of 'those people'. I now see how words can be taken so many ways, and I apologise to those who understood my message differently than it was intended.

kaplods
01-31-2009, 10:56 PM
I think it's also important to remember that we often don't know what a person "needs." Sometimes a person throwing a pity party for themselves just NEEDS to feel they aren't alone. So someone agreeing with them (even wrongly) is what they need in order to move past the funk they've gotten in.

None of us will ever know whether it was the "snap out of it!" post or the "You are so right, and I'm right there with you" post that was what the person needed at the moment. I think we can only share our honest opinions (right or wrong) and trust that in the variety of posts, most of us will get what we came her for, or even better what we need whether we know it or not.