It's only my 5th day of dieting and already i feel like i've hit a brick wall.
Although i'm 100% sure i want to lose this weight, today all i could think were negative thoughts about all my failed diets and exercise plans in past. Luckily, i stuck really well to my diet and worked my butt off in the gym today, but i think i'm just a bit apprehensive as i know it wont be a quick fix and i'm really worried i wont stick to it because of what has happened before.
I wish I had the magic words of wisdom, but I don't. A few nights ago I had a tough time, and if it hadn't been the middle of the night and I was in bed, I might have gone to the store for something bad. In my case it would have been a bottle of wine. I was reading a novel and the characters were hiking in the mountains and shared a packed lunch and a bottle of wine, and that wine sounded so damned appealing. It's the one thing I will have the hardest time giving up for good...but I have to if I ever expect to lose this weight and keep it off. It was my downfall last time. One drink leads to another and pretty soon I don't care about dieting any more.
I made it through that night, but how many more days or nights like that do I have ahead of me, and is my determination strong enough to resist each time? I don't know.
How do others here handle watching TV or a movie where people are eating succulent food or drinking alcohol and not get these horrible cravings? How do ex-smokers handle seeing others smoke when they cannot? Does the craving go away after time? It never did for me with the wine. Last time I went eight months or more without a glass of wine, and then I finally convinced myself I could have a glass now and then and control it, and then boom...in a year I had put all my weight back on. So making this decision this time meant telling myself I can never have a drink again, or I might as well resign myself to being fat the rest of my life.
It sucks. I don't want to live without wine the rest of my life. I can't even imagine entertaining and putting on a nice meal for a guest without serving a good wine with it. It's depressing to me to think about it.
I've been doing a lot of mental clothes shopping...looking at beautiful clothes, whether I can afford them or not and wondering how I would look in them if I were thin again. I love the Speigel catalog. Used to shop with them a lot when I was young and thin. Now I can look at them on-line and I spent a long time yesterday looking at clothes to keep me inspired. They had a few things I'd have loved to buy, but I'm still fat. I don't have anywhere to go to wear pretty clothes though, so why spend money on clothes if there is no place to wear them? I sure can't wear them at home, as this is dirt and animal property. I spend my time gardening and building things, not sitting around entertaining. The best I can do here is get some cute jeans and tops (haven't even been able to wear jeans for years...I live in sweats). I had a beautiful silk robe I bought from Speigel years ago...spent $100 on it when that was a lot of money. When I got fat I gave it to my sister, and now I'm looking for another one, so that when I get thin I can buy myself a special treat...but now I can't find one I like. Now my sis is too fat to wear it and it's probably still hanging in her closet, but I wouldn't ask for it back. I know she loved it and it may be her incentive some day to lose weight.
But looking at clothes that really inspire me still seems to help my resolve. Maybe it just distracts me. I've been thinking of maybe pulling out a few of my special "skinny" items I loved so much I had to save them, and hanging them in the open where I can look at them to encourage me to lose...but I'm not sure at my age I'll ever be able to wear them anyway, because even losing weight may not be enough if my body shape has morphed a lot. I may never have that tiny waistline again. So, am I setting myself up for dissapointment and defeat?
I don't know what to tell you, except to try to find a distraction...something that really interests you, and get into it whenever you feel like you are being drawn into the self-pity mode again. And don't try to make your diet so severe it's too hard to stick to. Keep the exercise going and eat enough you aren't hungry all the time, or weak, or you could be setting yourself up for failure.
Last edited by recidivist; 01-19-2009 at 06:13 PM.
Actually, it's quite comforting to know it's not just me that does get really down about stuff like that.
I think the fact that you've completely given up alcohol is fantastic and i really wish i could do that! Don't just think about the good it does to your waistline, but to your health as well!!
Sometimes i wonder if i'm just meant to be fat, i know i'm not, but it's hard to drag yourself out of it once you're thinking it.
My main past time is a band i'm in, and writing songs does really help me channel emotions like that. However, i played a gig last week and got compared to Beth Ditto by some mindless man, which not only made me feel bad about myself but made me feel i was letting my band down by not being a good frontwoman.
HOWEVER. I am hoping its just a glitch and I know if i keep going i CAN do it. I think.
This may sound odd, but I am happy that my weight loss is going slowly.
It makes me feel that I would eat this way, or close to it, for maintenance. And I feel like I could keep eating this way ( or close to it) for life.
So instead of feeling discouraged, I feel encouraged about it. I am losing about a pound a week, but have had a couple of weeks already where I didn't lose anything. I am not doing anything very major yet, eating regularly, smaller portioning, and avoiding binges and junk food. No calorie counting, or following a "diet:. I will go there if I need to.
harder for me is the fitness and exercise. Getting regular about these is harder, and I really envy those who have really gotten to enjoy it. I like me wii fit, but am far from a fanatic.
i'm feeling like my weight loss isn't going fast enough too.
in the past it was easy to reverse the first 5 lbs, and now after 4 days of eating well, i still am not to 175.
It makes me worry that i've screwed up my metabolism. That my abusive eating habits have finally left a mark.
I know i've made some positive changes though. if i can stick it out till the end of the week, i'm sure i'll see something.
you're right though fatmad, a pound or 2 a week is healthy sure weight loss.
I have been very good (aka binge free) and wroked out very hard for 16 days here! Today is day 17 and i know it is working but yeay, I think we all want instant results. I truly am taking it one day at a time. I set mini goals for myself such as I want to fit into a certain outfit by Valentine's Day, then another one by St Pattie's Day, then another one by Easter, etc. I also have a wishlist of new outfits i want to buy and i have skinny clothes i pull out and look at for motivation. The biggest thing for me too is writing in a journal and each night being able to write down "Day #16 Successful, blank more days until whatever event i am working towards". It really helps to see how each day brings us one day closer to the ultimate goal.
I've been dieting for a few weeks. During my first week, I had a massive binge. After that, I started to think of junk food as an addiction. I've been shopping the perimeter of the grocery store and trying to avoid situations where there will be a lot of sweets. Another thing that has helped...I read in a magazine that when you are craving something, think of a steak. If the steak also sounds good...you're actually hungry. That's been a good trick because I have cravings ALL the time!
I saw a posting earlier this week..i should have written it down, but it went something like this...in 4 months what would you like to see? a weight loss...a weight gain..or the same weight? because 4 months is gonna come and which one do you want to be?
I've been dieting for a few weeks. During my first week, I had a massive binge. After that, I started to think of junk food as an addiction. I've been shopping the perimeter of the grocery store and trying to avoid situations where there will be a lot of sweets. Another thing that has helped...I read in a magazine that when you are craving something, think of a steak. If the steak also sounds good...you're actually hungry. That's been a good trick because I have cravings ALL the time!
I've begun to think of food as an addiction as well. However, unlike other addictions such as booze/drugs food can't just be avoided altogether, which sucks. It's like every meal is a temptation to make bad choices.
Today was hard!
