100 lb. Club - Boyfriend jumped on the band wagon! Driving me CRAZY!! It's a long one..




Michelle98272
01-19-2009, 04:50 PM
Ugh! My b/f finally decided to join me in getting healthy. We borrowed a friend's scale (ours only registers 300lbs) so he could stand one foot on one and one foot on the other to get a better idea of what he weighs. He's 395lbs and motivated to make changes to lose weight. Great :) I think...We can do this together, support eachother, be buddies and have a built in cheering section.

What's the problem you say??? I am doing WW, just counting points and moving into this getting healthy slowly making small changes, 1 at a time. He's joined Daily Plate and is now on a 2000 calorie a day diet, drinking a gallon of water a day, going low sodium, low cholesterol, gung-ho gonna walk 3 miles before lunch!

I planned a healthy homemade chili with extra-lean ground beef, beans, onions, tomatoes, chili seasoning served with a corn bread muffin. It's too high in sodium for him, can't have the corn bread because it puts him over 2000 calories with what he's already eaten today. The chili is in the crock pot already to go for this evening but the new dieter can't have it. He can't just have a smaller portion or skip the cornbread...he's not going to have it. When I started doing WW, I didn't ask for anything out of the ordinary...I worked my eating around his cooking. I just at less of this and more of that to stay within my points. So now he's cooking up something that I planned for another dinner this week in addition to what I'm already cooking for tonight!:mad:

This is the same guy that didn't bat an eye a month ago adding an entire stick of butter to a pan of mashed potatoes despite me asking that he leave it out. (He did it on the sly)

I'm being a pissy baby, I know. I should be happy that he's joining me, that he doesn't want to suffocate to death due to his weight related apnea but I'm not thrilled about his all or nothing attitude. This is really going to sound silly but when I went shopping for groceries for this week (can't buy more, were out of $ until payday) He didn't let me know he was planning on changing his eating habits when I stocked up on my OP foods for this week. He's ate what I planned for my lunch tomorrow and at two of my 4 bananas that I planned for 4 breakfasts this week. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...

Thanks for listening. I'm gonna go smack him in the head now. (JUST KIDDING!!)


Beautiful Ace
01-19-2009, 04:55 PM
I would have smacked him already! I'm sorry that your diets are clashing, maybe you need to sit him down and have a chat about working together!
You already knew that I'm sure, but I lack any better advice to give. lol

Thin4Good
01-19-2009, 05:04 PM
I would be pissed too - and he would be buying me some more bananas.

This would be a lot easier for both of you if you could get on the same plan. Maybe you could both sit down and figure out how you can make your meals work for both of you.


heather88
01-19-2009, 05:05 PM
I feel the same way when my bf eats my food that I've already planned for the week. Now we are broke until tomorrow and I've only been able to eat about 1200-1300 calories the past 3 days when I should be having about 1800 -_-. Needless to say its had me smoking a lot more recently.

sprklemajik
01-19-2009, 05:05 PM
congrats on him getting on board, but I agree with Ace, you two need to talk and somehow get on a moderate plan. I think in fairness you might have to bend towards him some as well. Don't points kind of have a calorie conversion, so like 2000 calories is = to x points. maybe he could work it that way points wise and you could agree to use less sodium etc.

froggie83
01-19-2009, 05:06 PM
that would drive me absolutely insane, i'm riled up just reading about it. i can't stand that kind of ****. i bet he wonders why you're 'making such a big deal of it' if you get annoyed, too. MEN!

(sorry 3FC men!)

wchs2007
01-19-2009, 05:14 PM
I understand ! My hubby and I started a diet the same day. Our plans are the same and it is still hard. He always shows a loss every 2 to 3 days. It takes me about 2 weeks to lose what he does in one week.
Everyone can already tell he has lost some weight. Just makes me sick!
I am happy for him but Boy does he get the big head!

I do think you need to sit him down and have a talk. It will be better if you both could come to some understanding.

mandalinn82
01-19-2009, 05:19 PM
Sounds like you just need some planning. Here is what I'd do.

Mid-week (or before the next time you go grocery shopping) say something like "I'm so glad we're both focusing on being healthy. I want to make sure everything I have planned for meals next week works for you, so let's make our meal plan now and then we can do the shopping". Figure out what he's going to eat, what you're going to make for dinner...he may not be a planner, so he might need some prompting ("So, what should we get for snacks for you" or "I'm going to have X for breakfasts...should I put enough on the list for you to have that as well?").

Then make a list that meets BOTH of your needs and you'll be good to go! I do this...well, I take over the meal planning mostly, then ask "Does that all look OK to you?" at the end. It makes things MUCH easier and you always have the groceries you need to meet BOTH of your needs.

JulieJ08
01-19-2009, 05:35 PM
I just have to laugh about the bananas. I think my roommates were ready to call the men in the white coats on me after I got up one morning to find my banana gone because one of their friends helped himself.

lottie63
01-19-2009, 05:42 PM
Augh.

Me and my bf are both doing tdp. (he's at 1600 cals I"m at 1400 cals and we are calorie cycling every other week)

so it's pretty easy for us, and he's very considerate and doesn't eat my food but if he did, WATCH OUT! lol.

I'd definately do what mandalinn offered as advice. sounds like a good idea.

Glad to see though, that you are both on the road to good health!

GirlyGirlSebas
01-19-2009, 05:47 PM
What's the problem you say??? I am doing WW, just counting points and moving into this getting healthy slowly making small changes, 1 at a time. He's joined Daily Plate and is now on a 2000 calorie a day diet, drinking a gallon of water a day, going low sodium, low cholesterol, gung-ho gonna walk 3 miles before lunch!
Just like in other areas of life, men approach weight-loss differently. Men do tend to be more aggressive and gung-ho and approach this as yet another problem that must be fixed....now! My husband and I are both doing this together, so I understand how difficult it can be when you have different approaches. But, just like in the other areas of life, you can compromise with each other in this, too. I recommend that the two of you sit down and have a chat....about menu planning, groceries, budget, being considerate of each other and not eating all of the bananas! Then, support him 100% and enjoy the new man who emerges.

Daimere
01-19-2009, 05:47 PM
I know how you feel. I had portioned out my dinners for the week that I precooked that weekend. I found out he ate at least two of those for lunch. I know he used to eat my meat that I used for lunch for breakfasts and what not. It is so annoying. Luckily, I've started to make the base meals so big, that if he takes a few, it will be okay. I know I still need to explain WW to him because he keeps making snotty remarks like, "You don't need seconds." Excuse me, if I have the points and the guidelines set, I'm going to have seconds if I want it.

FB
01-19-2009, 05:52 PM
I'm happy any time my husband wants to hop on the bandwagon but I draw the line when he's scarfing down my $40.00 protein shakes like they're dessert!

It's a new aspect of your relationship - with any successful relationship boundaries and limits need to be determined.

He's excited right now, that euphoria of positivity when you begin something new. We've all been there - try to encourage him while drawing whatever lines you need for yourself.

djay
01-19-2009, 06:10 PM
Sounds like you are a pretty good planner...He just caught you off guard. Hopefully when you have time to plan around both of your diets next week it will go a little smoother and you can both get healthy and Happy!

Until then...I'm with you! I would be nuts by now and so would he because I'm not going to be driven nuts without driving him nuts right back! Make the cornbread and make sure you REALLY enjoy it in front of him...for 2 nights since you are short a meal and short an eater for the chili.

Good Luck!

xJox
01-19-2009, 06:14 PM
Dh has always been health conscious so we have never really had that issue. We figured out long ago that I eat what I want, he eats what he wants. I do cook a meal for supper, if he doesn't like what I cook, he can cook his own.

howie6267
01-19-2009, 06:28 PM
Just doing a quick google search it appears that around 30 points is around 2000 calories give or take a few. I agree with others you should both sit down and try to work out the differences. Below is one link I found that kind of explains the point system and how they come up with it. Show him that and show him how similar counting calories and counting points are. Plus I find if your making healthy choices at 2000 calories a day your not going to be too high on fat, cholesterol or sodium so tell him to ease up a little or he is going to drive himself crazy trying to count everything. I love counting calories and the only other diet I recommend to people is the WW because it's almost the same thing. I don't care for any of the fad diets. Just eat less and move more.

http://www.thefactsaboutfitness.com/research/diet.htm

Sun_Flower2
01-19-2009, 06:35 PM
sounds like my boyfriend. all or nothing. when my boyfriend gets on a health kick, he doesn't eat-out AT ALL, he works out for 2-3hrs a day and has a drive and determination that I absolutely ENVY!

So I would recommend you try and work it out with him, without discouraging him and let him know he needs to leave your food alone because it is interfering with YOUR success at this! And since you both want to lose weight and be successful you need to let him know what you need of him and what you need for yourself!

Michelle98272
01-19-2009, 06:40 PM
We turned this into a big fight with a lot of "You Always..." and "You Nevers"...in the end he had to go to work and won't be back until tomorrow morning. *sigh* I guess I felt like he didn't give a s*** when I was trying to do this by myself, not expecting him to drop everything for me but when it's his plan, I need to twist myself around to conform to his plan--Or NOT?!

I ended up just telling him I am proud of him for wanting to get healthy but frustrated that he jumped in with both feet without clueing me in to his plan. I let him know that we had to really make my OP stuff last through until payday and that he couldn't eat all of what was there because I needed atleast 1/2 for my plan. I told him we'd sit down together, menu plan and make a list before our next grocery shopping trip (keeping in mind it needs to be lower sodium, lower cholesterol) and come up with foods for both of us.

I also decided to prepack lunch bags with what I need for my breakfasts and lunches in brown paper sacks so that he can't see the banana's or baby carrots or cherry tomatoes or boiled eggs and eat them before I get a chance to put together my lunch. Just so I don't sound like a big bi*atch...I left atleast 1/2 of all the good OP stuff for him and improvised other stuff that wasn't really OP but (like a granola bar instead of a banana for one of my days first breakfasts--I eat my breakfast in two shifts, one at 6am on the way to work...eat a banana or granola bar with my coffee and then have the yogurt or egg at 9am when I get hungry again).

Poor guy, he's thinking he was doing something for "us" and I flipped out at him. Mars and Venus for sure!!

LadybirdnFalcon
01-19-2009, 06:40 PM
Well don't be to discouraged.

I would give him a good lashing for chowing down all your bananas! :mad:

My dear boyfriend is on the diet wagon with me, but it is a little different because we live in two different states. When we are together, we both eat the same thing, because he loves the way I cook.

We both have different dietary goals, but we agreed to respect each others space and to replace anything that we over indulge in. We loves my blue bunny ice cream and he loves to raid my sugar free chocolate peanuts that I make.

He always makes an honest effort to replace the either the food or the ingredients to make it. I am sure if you talked to your dear boyfriend, you could come to an agreement. Just in case, hide some extra bananas at the office. :cb:

Michelle98272
01-19-2009, 06:42 PM
Just doing a quick google search it appears that around 30 points is around 2000 calories give or take a few. I agree with others you should both sit down and try to work out the differences. Below is one link I found that kind of explains the point system and how they come up with it. Show him that and show him how similar counting calories and counting points are. Plus I find if your making healthy choices at 2000 calories a day your not going to be too high on fat, cholesterol or sodium so tell him to ease up a little or he is going to drive himself crazy trying to count everything. I love counting calories and the only other diet I recommend to people is the WW because it's almost the same thing. I don't care for any of the fad diets. Just eat less and move more.

http://www.thefactsaboutfitness.com/research/diet.htm

Thanks, Howie..great advice...I'll do exactly that when I see him tomorrow afternoon.

foxxy511
01-19-2009, 09:23 PM
I feel for ya Michelle. I just about go nuts when an apple is missing or somebody ate my favorite flavor of yogurt that I'd been saving. I need to learn to label stuff...or hide it.

I'm sure you and your bf will work things out! I bet it'll get easier once you start making grocery lists together.

rodeogirl
01-20-2009, 02:06 AM
It kind of seems like we're being hard on the guy and jumping to conclusions. I think it's great that he's trying to get healthy and I hope Michelle can support him like she would want to be supported.

It sounds like you did a great job talking to him and coming up with a quick plan (I love the bags) to make it work temporarily.

I think this whole thing falls under the category of "Nobody likes surprises." Once you guys get the kinks worked out I hope you will have fun getting healthy together! :)

Callie
01-20-2009, 02:20 AM
all this talk about nuts and bananas is making me hungry! Ha ha! My boyfriend knows how im working out, trying to eat healthy and he's decided to do it as well. BUUUT he comes up here (he's in new york in in calgary) and makes fried chicken and biscuits and mashed potatoes with BUTTER AND MAYO in it on his night to cook.....why do they have to taste so good? grr...he really enjoyed the turkey and salad and roasted veg i made him the next day...bwahahaha.....

howie6267
01-20-2009, 08:32 AM
Now I've read all these post and there are some good points but ease up a little on who ate what. I know in our house the table has been turned and she ate something I wanted and I know I've ate something she wanted. That is just going to happen when you are living with someone. Whether it's OP stuff or junk food it's happened both ways. We just have to work together and talk through things. I wonder if skinny people fight over who ate what? LOL

S.A.S.H
01-20-2009, 09:06 AM
:hug: Im coming in a little late on the subject, but I wanted to offer my support. It sounds like you have figured out (mostly) what you want to do. Everything I would say has already been said. :lol:

fifitrix
01-20-2009, 09:28 AM
I wonder if skinny people fight over who ate what?

They do but it's less emotive I think. The problem is that most of us trying to lose weight are struggling with the emotions of being overweight as well as the practical side of dieting.

Michelle - the reason you feel pissy (and you have every right IMO) is that he has effectively sabotaged your diet. There is an element of betrayal there because he should be supporting you, not standing in your way. I have this problem, I'm living at home right now and my younger brother is always trying to be more healthy. So if I bring home food which is on my plan, he then eats it because he thinks it must be more healthy than other foods in the house. It drives me up the bloody wall. Especially as he will eat the whole packet of something that should last me a week or two on my plan. I'd tried talking to him about it myself, but he told me I was being "petty" and "childish" and not being a good sister by sharing my stuff. It's got to the point where I had to get my Mum to tell him that he was sabotaging my diet. I now have my own shelves in the cupboard and the fridge and if he touches my stuff, I retaliate by hiding his protein shakes. He's finally learned not to touch, but I pretty much had to stoop to his level to get it. And given that he is an adult it's pretty pathetic that it came to this. If he had been my boyfriend I'd have dumped him over it, seriously!

But you don't have the same problem with your boyfriend - you know he didn't mean to make you feel crap. The advice you've been given above about explaining to him the consequences of what he is doing, how it made you feel and also offering to meal plan for the both of you, is all excellent stuff. I'm sure that once you've done that you will achieve harmony on the dieting front, and start to feel the support that going through it together can bring. Best of Luck!

TJFitnessDiva
01-20-2009, 09:46 AM
Now that your SO is on the same plan (yes it can be the same...calorie counting and WW isn't really that different when you look at them) you can fill the house with healthy foods when payday rolls around :)

Looks like you've found a temporary plan until then and I hope you can find a common ground.

I've been there with people eating *my* food. I bought some Laughing Cow wedges the other day (the 1pt ones) and I got one wedge & my husband ate the rest when I had to go do a party.....talk about pi$$ed!!

Schmoodle
01-20-2009, 10:31 AM
I made a rule in our house that the food belongs to everybody. It is a pet peeve of mine. We've got 5 people here and I got tired of hearing "she ate all MY granola bars", etc. When I shop, I can't buy 5 different sets of food for 5 different people. Even if they specifically request something, it doesn't "belong" to them. So that rule has to apply to me too. The kids have gotten so they really like some of "my" stuff (turkey bacon, etc.), so I just have to buy more of it. It's a good thing that they are eating healthy food.

TJFitnessDiva
01-20-2009, 10:51 AM
In general most food in my house is up for grabs since this a lifestyle, not just me being on a diet, and I don't mind sharing usually but there are certain treats that are only for me, like my cheese and ice cream....those are usually so expensive and I can't justify letting my clan of hoover vacuums have it (my DH and kids ages 7, 4, & 2). ;)

slimmingsi
01-20-2009, 11:04 AM
well as a person that just gets urges to do things for no apparent reason i can understand him being bloody minded and just doing it. he didn't tell you when you did the shopping because if he's like me he wouldn't have known, he probably just woke up and something happend saw himself int he mirror a photo perhaps even noticed that your losing weight and is jealous. so grin and bare it until you next go shopping then sit down and sort yourselves out.

apart from that get him on here i'm sure howie and i can relate to him.

rodeogirl
01-20-2009, 02:26 PM
It'd be great to get more guys on here - sometimes that straightforward approach many men have is super refreshing!

Michelle98272
01-20-2009, 04:05 PM
I asked him if he'd like to join 3FC and he declined. He said that it's my thing...He doesn't want to intrude. He really is a good guy. I'm not at all grumpy about it today! I'm excited that we're going to be doing it together.

What it really comes down to here is communication. This is a relatively new relationship and we've just started living together, so we're still learning about eachothers quirks.

Thanks for all your advice and commiseration!

WarMaiden
01-20-2009, 04:33 PM
What it really comes down to here is communication. This is a relatively new relationship and we've just started living together, so we're still learning about eachothers quirks.

Ah, the newly-living-together fights. When my husband and I were newly married, we used to have regular fights about the dishwasher: I was convinced he loaded it entirely wrong, he was convinced I loaded it entirely wrong. It was pretty heated for a while.

Then we realized that, hey, whoever is doing the dishes--just let that person decide how to load the dishwasher! And we haven't fought about it since.

You'll figure it out, and someday you'll probably be able to laugh at the silliness of adjusting to each other :)

The epilogue to our story is that we now load the dishwasher THE SAME WAY. But we have no idea who changed, or how.

Ten Years
01-20-2009, 08:54 PM
It'd be great to get more guys on here - sometimes that straightforward approach many men have is super refreshing!

Wouldn't it be nice to just do the whole eat less/exercise more thing like a man and leave out all the emotion and drama that ladies have to bring into it!

slimmingsi
01-21-2009, 06:14 AM
no emotion? you need to talk to my gf apparently i'm so emotionless i'm like a robot she hates it