20-Somethings - What's wrong with me...?

So, I've been looking at a lot of before and after pictures, I'm motivated, and these pictures are very inspiring, and everyone looks so beautiful. But I noticed that in majority of all before pictures, the person in them has a sort of "fake smile" or half smile, and uncomfortable look about them. And their after picture they are glowing, and look extremely happy and content.

I was looking at pictures of me, and I definately look VERY happy. I am VERY happy, right now I feel happy, but should I be sad about my weight? I am, however, I don't show it for some reason, but it's constantly on my mind. Every picture that's taken of me "I'm like, omg, I'm so fat," but shouldn't that show on my face? Am I REALLY ready to go on the weight loss journey? I am, but it's not affecting my life, I'm not slow (like some of my friends who are overweight), and I'm actually pretty active. Every once in a while, I won't sit on a chair, because I think it'll break. But who cares, chairs break and it happens.

I guess what I'm really asking, is if you have to really FEEL like you need to lose eight. I know I do, but I FEEL great.. I'm active, I eat somewhat healthy, I don't feel like blah. I'm ok with everything. Is that right? Or am I crazy? Lol..:?::?::?:

Everybody is different. I was actually a lot like you- I felt fine. I was very active and liked vegetables and didn't shy away from healthy eating. I just had NO IDEA how to lose weight. I didn't think I needed to lose weight for my health because I was healthy and active (except for raging pcos, which cleared up when I lost weight).

But the truth is, I didn't really know how good I could feel. Now, even though I've gained a little back, I feel like a totally different person than before. I think a lot of what you are seeing in those before and after pics is hindsight. As this "new" person, I can look at my before picture and know what that girl was feeling and know how much better she feels now. Maybe I didn't truly see it, but I knew enough to know that I did want to lose weight and that was enough for me.

Everybody feels differently and acts differently at any weight. You're not nutzo! It's really admirable to me that you're really comfortable and active, and happy.

Thanks!! Both of your posts really helped!! But if you felt any kind of sadness, or depression from being weight, was that sort of a motivational tool? Like something there that you didn't think would go away until you lost weight? Or..?

I never thought weight loss could be so confusing!

It's not really.. It's just.. I feel like I'm crazy! Lol. But I'm totally positive about everything. I suppose being positive should be a good thing about losing weight!

Welllll...... Okay. I'm a weird one. I am a super confident girl, who likes to dress up and look pretty. I think it's kind of nice that I'm overweight and pretty because that makes me unique and different. I know I'm pretty at this weight, so why even bother losing weight? Guys still pay attention to me, I have as many friends as I would slimmer because of my outgoing fun personality... Why do I want to lose weight again?
Oh yeh... because deep down inside of me somewhere, I am not as happy as I could be. I don't know how happy I could be, because I've been overweight my whole life... but I know deeeeeeep deeeeeeep down inside of me, there's a thin, athletic, active, girl in there waiting to be released into the wild!

I got so good at lying to myself about my insecurities that I hardly don't even know they're there anymore. But I think I only was able to do that because it was easier to hide my own feelings from myself, than to lose any weight.

Ace, I'm REALLY glad you feel pretty, and I looked at your pictures and you ARE very pretty!! Your face doesn't look overweight at all!

And I'm kind of the same way, I'm confident, I have lots of friends, I love my life and my family. I have a sense of humour (I think so anyway).

I don't think that I'm that pretty, but people always tell me I am, but I don't believe them.. I've been overweight a lot of my life - since I hit puberty.. ish.. So that's taken a toll on my self-esteem.. but that gets bottled away and no one ever hears from it again..

But now that you put it into perspective, about lying to yourself about insecurities, I feel like you just described me in a nutshell.. Lol. Thanks a lot!

Hahaha, I hope you meant thanks a lot in a non sarcastic way! If you didn't, I'M SOWWIES!!!! Didn't mean to make that come out if you didn't want it to:P

You are really pretty, in the picture on your profile. You have really nice shiny hair, and a great smile. I think it's time you start believing them. I only started believing people when they said I was pretty a couple of years ago. I got made fun of a lot during school, and the comments from my family "you would be so pretty if you lost weight" didn't help me on feeling pretty. lol

Thanks!! Both of your posts really helped!! But if you felt any kind of sadness, or depression from being weight, was that sort of a motivational tool? Like something there that you didn't think would go away until you lost weight? Or..?

I never thought weight loss could be so confusing!

It's not really.. It's just.. I feel like I'm crazy! Lol. But I'm totally positive about everything. I suppose being positive should be a good thing about losing weight!
I don't think I felt sadness OR depression. I did feel completely frustrated. I knew I wanted to lose weight, but had no idea how to do it. I liked healthy food and knew how to move my butt, but I really didn't know anything about nutrition. It was a learning process. I didn't count a single calorie, but I read EVERY single label down to a bag of carrots. I cut out foods that I knew I was sensitive to and that led me to bingeing and that was all pretty easy. Nowadays I try to focus on macros and stuff, but at first I just had to keep it simple in order to stick to it.
Welllll...... Okay. I'm a weird one. I am a super confident girl, who likes to dress up and look pretty. I think it's kind of nice that I'm overweight and pretty because that makes me unique and different. I know I'm pretty at this weight, so why even bother losing weight? Guys still pay attention to me, I have as many friends as I would slimmer because of my outgoing fun personality... Why do I want to lose weight again?
Oh yeh... because deep down inside of me somewhere, I am not as happy as I could be. I don't know how happy I could be, because I've been overweight my whole life... but I know deeeeeeep deeeeeeep down inside of me, there's a thin, athletic, active, girl in there waiting to be released into the wild!

I got so good at lying to myself about my insecurities that I hardly don't even know they're there anymore. But I think I only was able to do that because it was easier to hide my own feelings from myself, than to lose any weight.

GREAT post. I felt confident outwardly, but not inwardly. I just didn't feel "right" in my skin, but I still felt pretty and wasn't afraid to show confidence. It was a bit of a paradox.

Ace:

No no! Lol.. I meant thanks for putting it ito words for me! Lol! At least I THINK that's a good thing.. Anyway, I like how it was worded.. :D

Lol. I have shiney hair because I use tresseme (spelling?) lol. It works wonders!!

Again, that's like me - I got made fun of too! Only in elementary school though.. Once I got into highschool I made a group of friends like liked me for my personality - not how I looked. They're all really pretty though, but they're so nice, too! And my mom's husband (the one in the picture with me) always makes fun of me and my mom (my mom is only like, 140!) and he's like, overweght himself. I dunno, hypocrite, but I still love him. But he never shuts up.

And I think you would be pretty at any weight! But health is important too!

Years of hating myself and being sad and angry for being fat, didn't help me lose an ounce. For me, I had to start loving and respecting myself, and knowing I deserved the very best, no matter what my size that really started me on the first real success I've had.

Little things like not letting my weight prevent me from doing anything the weight itself didn't prevent me from doing (running? not an option right now, but bicycling and swimming - yes, I can do that now, even though I know I look ridiculous, who am I doing either for, anyway? Just me!)

Some people have said that they had to get mad at themselves to find motivation. That's never worked for me, but I accept that that is their truth.

What's your truth? Why do you want to lose weight? How do you plan on getting there? What have you tried? What has and hasn't worked in the past, and can you identify why?

There is no one way to do this. What works for one person, might sabotage the efforts of another. You've got to learn who you are, what you want, and what's stopping you. It's all a personal choice, and a personal journey - not that you can't get help and inspiration for others, but there's no easy way to know what's going to work, except through trial and error.

Really, I think the only secret that might apply to everyone, is refusing to get discouraged. Keep trying, keep tweaking and tuning your plan to customize it to your needs and your life.

Yeh, the teasing stopped when I got to grade seven. I was lucky enough to have moved and was able to start fresh at a new school. I had a really good personality on me for somebody who was teased so much in elementary. I actually became quite "popular". I got the odd comment in high school but I told them off usually with a "yeh well at least I'm pretty, look at your ugly face!" or "you're not a looker yourself there buddy" ahaha I had a sense of humor about it more than anything.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAH Okay.. you might think I'm crazy but I just had this memory flash of a joke I made about my own weight not even 5 months ago. I started laughing out loud, alone, in front of my computer....
Anyways, me and a couple people were driving in the country and were passing a stable and there were some baby ponies in there, I looked at my friend and said "I WANT TO RIDE ONE!" and then gave my best impression of the pony breaking under the pressure... OMG ok ... I just had to share it, it was a good laugh we had.

Thanks Kaplods, that's really helpful!! Good post!! That answers (and asks a few more) questions that I had about mself and what to expect.. Thank you!

Adotj,

I think it's admirable and refreshing to see that you appreciate yourself, as you are.

Too many people (me included) think that life begins in ____(arbitrary or non-arbitrary number) pounds from now. "I can't be happy/love myself/date/run/enjoy life/buy nice clothes/look pretty untill I lose this weight! Once I lose this weight, life will be better!"

Truth is, I DID lose the weight. I was 116 pounds 2 years ago. I.was.miserable. I starved to be there. I hated EVERYTHING. I STILL thought I was fat/bloated/ugly. Now, I'm 135lbs of pure awesomeness. I run hard, workout hard and live life like I'm dying. I enjoy healthy food, a sweaty, quiving post-workout glow, but I also enjoy sunday brunch and stuffing more chocolate into myself than I should.

Life doesn't begin in 10lbs. It began many years ago and it's happening. But it's never too late to jump on and live it.

Now, I'm 135lbs of pure awesomeness.

Whoa. Do you mind if I work that into a sig at some point?

Whoa. Do you mind if I work that into a sig at some point?

LOL, sure.

gosh! you ladies sure are amazing! i've been struggling with the self-loathing/if only i weighed ____ then everything would be ok/feeling fat and ugly thing since probably early high school or late middle school. i guess i'm a bit of a contradiction because other times i feel confident, like i'm really beautiful and have my sh*t together (which is apparently the aura i give off to everyone except those with whom i'm very close), but i always seem to waffle back to the fatty self loathing.
and i know this really isn't healthy, but sometimes i can actually harness this negativity for good. sometimes on the treadmill, the only way i can get myself to that next quarter mile or next 5 minutes is to yell at myself and beat myself for being so fat. i mean, this isn't really how i feel, at least not all the time on an average day, but it's definitely in there.
anywaaaaay, to get back to your question, no you're not crazy. i actually think that's a great starting point that's a million miles healthier an attitude to go into this with than how im probably doing it. so keep on loving, and good luck on your journey!

I was miserable at my highest weight but that doesn't mean everyone has to reach that point ya know?

I'm the opposite on the treadmill....I'm always like, "Hey, I bet I can run faster than him."

And I can. :lol:

There is this one girl at my gym and we always seem to run into eachother and run beside eachother. It's a silent competition, we keep eachother motivated. She said to me one day, "Aw, wish you were running today, I need some motivation!" Love it!

you should never feel strange about feeling good, no matter what you look like. you have a leg up on a lot of people, lots of people lose weight because they think it'll fix their sadness or depression or self image. you're a step ahead of the rest. your happy now, think of how happy, and proud, you will be whe you reach a weight you want. your in a wonderfull place. and there are many who envy that. :)

AHAHAHAHAHAHAH Okay.. you might think I'm crazy but I just had this memory flash of a joke I made about my own weight not even 5 months ago. I started laughing out loud, alone, in front of my computer....
Anyways, me and a couple people were driving in the country and were passing a stable and there were some baby ponies in there, I looked at my friend and said "I WANT TO RIDE ONE!" and then gave my best impression of the pony breaking under the pressure... OMG ok ... I just had to share it, it was a good laugh we had.

Yep, I switched schools in elementary school too, but my new school was better, but not by much.

LMAO!!! Omg, I can't stop laughing.. It's not even funny.. Lol. Well, yeah, it is. But I just pictured like.. Some random chick being like "GIDDY UP!" and it falling an it's legs sprawled out and a look of disappointment on a chick. Lol. It could happen to anyone. Lol.

Also, a few months ago, me and my friend were at our university, and we tried to go through the same door at the same time, and she is 290 lbs, and we actually got stuck for a moment, but I like squeezed out so quickly.. Lol.. I could just imagine how that looked to someone else.. Lol. We laughed about it though.

Oh, and also, we were in one of the elevators (going up to the 22nd floor.. So no stairs for us) and it stopped at one floor, and it was PACKED, and she like, fell over or something.. And landed on like, 3 people, and they all got pummelled to the floor.. I laughed hysterically! Lol. Sorry, I love embarassing moments. (Even though the ponymoment wasn't eembarassing), but yeah.. The sad part about the elevator story was when one of the dudes left, he was talking to his friend, and I heard him say "That fat chick just fell on me..." I was like.. aww.. He wasn't THAT skinny himself.. He had a fat head.. rawr! Lol.. Jk.:dizzy:

And you are all so great!! Thanks for your posts and I appreciate them a lot..
And Kataclismic, I do that too!! "Silent competition," or sometimes I'll cheat, and do an incline, and I won't be going as fast, but I would burn more calories (according to the treadmill screen thing) than the person beside me, and they're like.. WTH?! And start running faster.. And eventually they give up.. Lol.. But yeah, I feel bad, cuz they try so hard.. And probably got frustrated.. I suppose it's that feeling f success.. YES! I'M BURNING MORE CALORIES!!! ...

You're not crazy. I am the same way. I ate healthy - I looooove vegetables and fruits of all kinds and they were always in my diet. I love going out and doing fun things. I felt confident but not all the time. I didn't have many friends until High School. Once I got there, everyone liked me and no one made fun of me anymore. I never had trouble with guys. I got more attention then a lot of my thinner friends. But it's like what junebug said - I never felt comfortable in my own skin. I never thought of myself as fat until I looked in the mirror.