100 lb. Club - I feel guilty when I eat what I shouldn't!!

01-17-2009, 09:28 PM
Do others feel this way? You start the day out good...eating on plan. Then you leave for a movie without lunch, you're now starving, go through a arby's drive thru and get a large roast beef and fries. While eating it, you're thinking, I shouldn't be eating this. I don't need this. But I still eat it. All of it. I then go to a movie. Get a large icee and have some chocolate. I now have no calories left for the day....in fact I'm over. I feel really guilty. I also can't help but think of how far I'd be in my weight loss if I hadn't eaten ALL the things I knew I shouldn't of the past few months. ugh.

01-17-2009, 09:36 PM
Well, you've come so far already, I think you are doing good!

It is hard for me to stay on plan those days I forget to bring lunch or snack and there is a fast food joint on every freakin' corner. Not everyone can stick to plan all of the time, but if you stick with it the days that you are able the same outcome to someone who CAN stay on plan everyday will come, even if it is a little further on down the road.

I wish I could lose this weight fast, but eating the right foods ALL of the time EVERYDAY just doesn't fly with me, lol.

01-17-2009, 10:02 PM
Even when I wasn't on a diet I felt that way. I would always look at those fast food places and say to myself, "Oh, I shouldn't have that! But, what is one day being bad going to do?" And I would do it the next day too. It was a vicious cycle.

Don't feel too bad about it. Everyone has their bad days. Just make sure that was your splurge and start eating healthy again.

Good luck!

01-17-2009, 10:12 PM
Hey Borntofly, I still beat myself up every now and then. What helps me is to remind myself that it wasn't a single incident that made me heavy and to concentrate on getting right back on plan the next meal.

Sometimes, I also look at what happened to see how I can improve my choices in the future. Sometimes, there isn't a really good answer, I just ate whatever it was for no good reason. In your case - planning to have a healthy lunch and take a healthy snack into the movie theatre (I love to take dried mango to a movie) might have helped!

RN BSN 2009
01-17-2009, 10:17 PM
don't put foods on your naughty list. Just have foods that you can't eat huge amounts of. I find that carrying around bars w/extra protein in them will curb me over until I *can* find a place that will have foods for me that are at an acceptable calorie amount

01-17-2009, 10:18 PM
I'm pretty good at forgiving myself for one slip every couple of weeks it may slow down my loss...but no major damage done...twice will probably stop any weight loss...a third occurence means that I will definetly have to loose a pound that I already worked very hard to loose.

01-17-2009, 10:20 PM
So I'm going to be honest with you. You (me, ALL of us) are here for a reason. We are overweight and need to lose weight! Guilt can be a very powerful motivator! If we didn't feel guilty(motivated) we'd all stay 100+ lbs overweight. We are following our various diets in order to lose weight. If we don't plan and eat carefully we will never lose the weight.

Everyone here has fallen off plan, ate something that was not on their plan, binged, ate 3 days worth of calories in one sitting BUT the successful ones took the guilty feelings and used them to motivate themself to not do it again the next day!

I am trying to reframe my responses to food. I overeat, binged, pig-out rarely now, I am really trying hard this time to lose the weight. I feel guilty too when I don't follow my plan. In the past, guilt would have led to condemnation, something like..."You are NEVER going to lose weight! Look what you did now, you might as well eat whatever you want!" and then do just that. I'd throw myself down the stairs just for stumbling on the first step.

What is different this time....When I have the guilty feelings for over-doing it...I think of it as a reminder to myself to get right back on plan the next meal or the next day.

Guilt itself isn't a bad thing...it's what you do with it that counts! 69 lbs is an awesome feat! You must be doing a lot of things right!! Congratulations!

01-17-2009, 11:08 PM
I strongly believe that guilt and motivation are rarely the same thing. I had to give up on guilt in order to make real progress. When I labeled some foods as bad, I felt bad just for wanting them - and if I was bad then of course I was going to do bad things, because that's what bad people do, they do bad things.

Even at my highest weight, I was (and am) fat for a lot of reasons, but it has never been because I didn't feel enough guilt. One reason though has been that for most of my life, I put everyone's needs ahead of my own (to prove I wasn't bad, I suppose). When I finally decided that I deserved to treat myself with dignity and respect, and treat myself as wonderfully as I strove to treat others, I started to dig myself out of the physical hole I had dug helping everyone else. These last 60 lbs have been completely guilt-free, and while the loss has been slower than ever before, it's also been the longest I've ever gone without serious backsliding.

When losing weight is punishment for being bad, it's really miserable and hard to sustain, but when you see it as treating yourself well because you deserve it, it's certainly a lot easier and less painful. It's a simple psychological principle that rewards work better than punishments, and also that punishment often does not eliminate behavior, so much as temporarily suppress it. The behavior will return if the situation in which it was punished changes. Rewarding incompatible behavior is more effective. It's a principle that works for humans and rats.

01-17-2009, 11:46 PM
No reason to feel guilty - real life happens, and sometimes it comes down to making the best decision you can out of a series of poor options.

However, if it becomes a habit that you stop at the drive through after every time you go to the movies, then you need to look at organising yourelf to plan a healthy meal rather than relying on the drive through, ie have some healthy snacks with you to eat at the movies or on your way home. Or if you do have to go to the drive through, pick the best option you can - perhaps have the roast beef (I assume sandwich/wrap or something like that?) without the fries or choosing somewhere with healthier options for...

01-17-2009, 11:58 PM
I kinda like what Michelle said. Maybe it's partly semantics but I don't see guilt/regret/conviction whatever you want to call it as a bad thing at all.

That little "guilt" voice inside my head that doesn't let me get away with sneaking an extra Triscuit and not counting it is super useful for me. Yesterday I had my first experience with going off plan - I went to a friend's house for dinner and Spanish practice and she is an amazing cook. I'd budgeted about 1200 calories for the meal (most of my day's allowance, heh) but when I was offered a kaluah drink made with cream to cap the night off I decided to go for it.

Was it the end of the world? Nah. But I do regret it. Not because it will mean I get to my goal 1/2 a day later than I would have, but because I went against my own plan and had a "oh who cares, go for it!" moment where I didn't say no. One is nothing to worry about - it's what happens today, tomorrow and next week that I'm worried about.

So that tinge of guilt/regret/conviction/whatever is working for me today. I went to the store and was debating between buying 2 packs of wheat pitas or one pack of wheat and one white. I really like the white ones better but they are 10 more calories each and less healthy. That little twinge of "remember yesterday" helped me decide to put the white ones back until I'm back on track. That example may sound trivial but it's 100 little decisions like it that all add up.

So me? I'm embracing my guilt and letting it work for me. Am I letting guilt run/ruin my life? No. But am I letting that little uncomfortable feeling help me make better choices? You betcha.

EDIT: Oh and one thing that helps me a lot is carrying a granola bar and apple with me wherever I go. They really work for me to get me through a time where I didn't take the time to eat and they travel pretty well.

01-18-2009, 12:17 AM
I'm feeling this right now. I have been struggling with whether I should continue eating healthier and journaling or doing WW. so, I decided yesterday that i was going to try WW. I was doing ok this morning, then i had lunch. i had baked catfish, carrots, and potatoes. so, there went all my points. after that, i was at my max points. this was at about 2 p.m. so, i was like i'm only gonna eat veggies the rest of the day cuz they were free. that didnt work. i got hungry again and had to eat something. so i had more catfish for dinner (thats all we had prepared). so now i feel like, blah. like i messed up so bad. but i only feel that way because of the WW thing. if i was doing my old plan, then i would have felt o.k. with it. but it could have been worse i guess. i could have went to mcdonalds cause i felt bad about eating too much fish. that would have been bad. fish is good for you. lol! i don't know. i'm thinking of doing my old plan again. it was working for me and i didnt feel so much pressure. well, just wanted to say basically I KNOW THE FEELING! just start again tomorrow. we're only human after all.

GOOD LUCK!! :cheer2:

nicki rose98
01-18-2009, 12:20 AM
I feel this way all the time!!!! All I do is say to myself that I shouldn't beat myself up. I'm doing the best that I can and you shouldn't always push temptation away. It's actually good to give in at times so that you don't feel so wound up and worried about it all the time. Kinda like letting frustrations out so they won't build up and release in a not so good way.

01-18-2009, 01:50 AM
Oh yes, I have my days. Trust me!

01-18-2009, 08:07 AM
I'm with kaplods. I've given up guilt. That being said, I try to review my eating after each meal or snack to see how I've done and what I might have done differently. I may occasionally and briefly regret something...but then I move forward.

For me I found that guilt too often resulted in punishment...and I most frequently punished myself by eating! (You fat pig, you ordered this/bought this, you deserve to stay fat!) That's how my head works!

01-18-2009, 08:17 AM
I have those days everyday! But i was asked : "When you fall on the sidewalk, do you just lay there? No you get right back up!" And i have been keeping that phrase in my mind at all times. I had a huge off day last week, and the day wasnt even over, so for dinner that day i ate some low cal soup with some tea, went for my walk and woke up the next day, got on the scale and was down 1 pound! :carrot::carrot::carrot:

01-18-2009, 09:06 AM
To lose weight successfully, a person has to stop these behaviors. The original poster "forgot" to eat lunch. And then it seemed like the only thing available was Arby's with fries. Then in the movie, it was more food, food that wasn't needed, "for fun" I suppose. :chin:

Guilt about this does no good at all. In fact, it's sort of a consolation prize for the behavior! As though feeling bad about it means maybe one is off the hook a little.

These actions are part of self-sabotage. When someone is ambivalent about changing their food behavior, all kinds of things happen--like "forgetting" meals, like only seeing the Arby's sign, like being at a movie and "of course" you have to have something at a movie.

Don't feel guilty! Just recognize what you're doing. No one else is making these choices--and if you see that, you'll understand what you have to do.

Good luck! You can do this! :cheer2:


01-18-2009, 12:25 PM
Wow, that was a great post, JayEll. You really said (in a very diplomatic and encouraging way) what I had tried to say earlier!

01-18-2009, 01:10 PM
Loved Jay's post as well.

A lot of these habits, even the guilt are little tapes we play over and over, for many reasons, but largely because it's what we're "suposed to do."

There are a lot of self-destructing habits associated with dieting, that we're taught indirectly or directly by watching others. Food guilt and punishing food guilt with more bad foods are both often part of that.

There is no "just semantics," because every word has a unique meaning because of semantics. There are very few true synonyms, and each unique word has a unique meaning. Those semantics are important. Guilt is not a momentary recognition of a mistake, or remembrance of the long term goal, those are not the word's definition. Guilt is deeper and involves having done something immoral, not just a mistake. You don't feel guilt if you misspell a word and have to erase it and correct it (you also don't punish yourself by misspelling a dozen words on purpose in reaction).

We have a culture that looks at weight loss in a common way. It's common dieting practice to binge after a mistake, despite the fact that it is usually the consolation binge that causes the weight backsliding, not the original mistake. Foods, especially the ones we tend to label as bad (the carbohydrate, and carbohydrate/fat combinations) tend to also be those that we consider "comfort foods," and not only because they are socially linked with comfort, but because they provide physical comfort - an almost drug-like reaction for some (even effecting brain serotonin levels).

It often takes thinking outside the typical diet box to succeed, because the common stereotypes about how one is supposed to lose weight is, for most people, is just plain ineffective. We don't treat it like any other goals in our lives (largely because of the guilt/pain/consolation cycle).

Guilt is never a motivator. Repentance can be, but even with repentence much of the motivation will be lost again at the very next mistake. I think looking at weight as any other goal to accomplish generally has a lot more success than looking at being overweight and eating as a serious breach of moral behavior (because that's what guilt is reserved for) or as a deep, pervasive character flaw.

Because what do you do when you have a goal? .... You work toward it. You plan for it, you don't let everyday inconveniences get in your way, and you don't throw it in the trash the moment you make a mistake. You learn from your mistakes and you move on (right away, not after deliberately sabotaging your efforts up to this point.

In college (if you really want to be there), you don't react to a disappointing grade on a test by deliberately failing the next one.

At work, if your boss corrects your work, you don't (if you want to keep your job) call him a nasty name and go home before your work day is over.

And of course my favorite analogy, if you trip on a step going up a long staircase, you don't throw yourself to the bottom to start over.

Guilt isn't the motivator, generally, in any case. The motivator is in working for what you really want in life, and if you really want it, you do have to find out what's stopping you and correct it, even if it means giving up what you thought you knew about weight loss, because a lot of the traditional methods and patterns of weight loss, are ineffective. Throwing yourself down the staircase may be customary, but it's going to interfere with your acheiving your goal if you're not willing to ignore tradition.

01-18-2009, 01:12 PM
Do others feel this way? You start the day out good...eating on plan. Then you leave for a movie without lunch, you're now starving, go through a arby's drive thru and get a large roast beef and fries. While eating it, you're thinking, I shouldn't be eating this. I don't need this. But I still eat it. All of it. I then go to a movie. Get a large icee and have some chocolate. I now have no calories left for the day....in fact I'm over. I feel really guilty. I also can't help but think of how far I'd be in my weight loss if I hadn't eaten ALL the things I knew I shouldn't of the past few months. ugh.

yes yes! welcome to the last week of my life.