100 lb. Club - Boy, you WERE gorgeous!




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Slashnl
01-16-2009, 12:44 PM
I love my mom. She is one of the greatest people ever and she is such a supportive lady. She thinks I am wonderful and I definitely feel the love from this wonderful woman.

But...

She called me yesterday and told me she was looking through some old pictures from my high school days and early college (this would be about 25-30 years ago). Her comment was, "Boy, you were gorgeous." She went on to say that she can see where my 14yo daughter gets her beauty, because I was just as beautiful and sexy when I was in high school. (not the same words she used, but you get the drift)

I know she meant it to give me a compliment, but all I heard was that I WAS gorgeous...

Honestly, I'm not getting down on myself, but thought I'd share. Someday, I'll be gorgeous again?? ha! :D Or maybe I'll just get to the point that I don't pick apart what someone says to me.


froggie83
01-16-2009, 12:51 PM
meh. mothers. i just tune mine out.

scrappinRN
01-16-2009, 12:55 PM
I know she meant it to give me a compliment, but all I heard was that I WAS gorgeous...

I'm sure mom didn't even think about what she was saying and not meaning anything by it. Just think about your plan to get back to where you want to be, whatever it is that YOU want.:D


Lori259
01-16-2009, 12:59 PM
My mother is a PAIN In my BIG OLE BUTT ~IGNORE IT TOTALLY.

Lovely
01-16-2009, 01:03 PM
I'm sure that's not the way she meant it.

But I have the type of relationship with my mother that I would've simply said "Gee Mom thanks. I think I'm kinda pretty now." And then she would've said "Oh I know and that's not the way I meant it and you know that."

2ndChance09
01-16-2009, 01:05 PM
Lol I know how moms can be. Mine is the same way. I know that Mothers mean well but sometimes things don't come across the way they intend them to.

healthierme78
01-16-2009, 01:05 PM
Slashnl - I know exactly where you're coming from. I got comments like that all the time from various people like my mother-in-law, coworkers, etc. Actually, I had lost weight at one time and someone saw an older over weight picture of me and said "oh my gosh - you were so fat. I can't even believe that was you - you look great now." It makes you think of how much people judge you when you're overweight and how shallow or insensitive some people can be.)

I've since gained back the weight and then some (starting back again on the right track recently) but those backwards compliments hurt. I don't think they are intentional most times, but they can still hurt. I would try to forget it (if you can) and just focus on your mini goals and being happy with how you see yourself and with who you are. :hug:

Sassy_Chick
01-16-2009, 01:07 PM
:hug: I hate that! P's me off! :mad: We are all beautiful and you do NOT have to be Thin to be pretty! Infact that is on my Myspace Page! ;) I know some very UGLY Thin people! And not just on the outside! :p

I have heard that too and I said just what Faerie said. Usually they stumble around and feel stupid, well yeah you just put your foot in your mouth!

But like the others said, I am sure you mom did not mean it that way, even though I know it hurts a lot! My mil is very very good at putting her foot in her mouth, OVER AND OVER again! lol. But she means well.

:hug:

Scarlet
01-16-2009, 01:22 PM
my mother said hurtful things and meant them. It's good that you know she didn't mean anything but was just making an observation, like when I say my daughter was cute when she was little, I don't mean she isn't cute now.

focus on how supportive she is, and let the 'slip' go. you are so lucky to have a mom that loves you, I wish I had had one....

FB
01-16-2009, 01:24 PM
Oh, hugs! It probably just came out the wrong way, unintentional. I am guilty of doing that constantly - the people in my life are always offended.

Robin41
01-16-2009, 01:25 PM
Isn't it possible that your mom wasn't really referring to your weight at all but actually to your age? Perhaps she meant you were gorgeous when you were young, not necessarily that you were gorgeous when you were thin.

We all tend to see comments like this as if they're directed solely at our weight but maybe it was not so much a crack at your weight as a crack at the fact that you're getting older. (And yes, I realize that that is not necessarily any better.)

Kae
01-16-2009, 01:29 PM
Boy have I been there... I get the "wow, you WERE so thin... you LOOKED really good." *sigh* :)

I think she probably didn't mean it the way that it sounded...

MugCanDoIt
01-16-2009, 01:34 PM
Ive had people say that about me before...it hurts like nothing else. And yes you CAN get back to that point if you want it bad enough. I hope to someday receive compliments again myself.

zerocool
01-16-2009, 01:42 PM
I went to visit my grandma and the first thing she said to me is 'how'd you get so fat?' Anyone else and I would have told them where to go but this was my grandma. I'll give her credit, it sticks with me when I want to grab a snack.

quince
01-16-2009, 01:49 PM
I know she meant it to give me a compliment, but all I heard was that I WAS gorgeous...

Honestly, I'm not getting down on myself, but thought I'd share. Someday, I'll be gorgeous again?? ha! :D Or maybe I'll just get to the point that I don't pick apart what someone says to me.

oh, i understand you better than i would like to. ;) knowing how it hurts me, my mom learned to skip most of such comments, altough i know what she thinks of my weight (she is very loving and supporting, but she has been more or less thin all her life, so it is hard for her to really understand and let go).
a few monts ago i mentioned my friend's 4-year old son who is seriously overweight and how my friend tries her best to teach him how to eat more healthy. the look on my mother's face and the sentence she said filled with pain: 'oh, poor, poor girl, it is such a terrible thing to happen to a parent', the sadness that she expressed haunts me... to have an overweight child seems to be the biggest tragedy for my mom.
i know our mothers love us and care so we shouldn't take everything they say seriously, because they do see we are so much more then overweight, but... yes, it hurts. even if i also think i looked more gorgeous ten years ago, i would like our mothers to keep that to themselves.
my advice: just let go and continue your struggle. you know she actually thinks you are the most perfect human being there is! :)

H8cake
01-16-2009, 01:51 PM
I hate back handed compliments. A friend of ours saw some pictures of me from 20 years ago and told my husband "no wonder you married her, she used to be hot". I wonder what he thinks now that I've lost a lot of the weight. I kinda joke about that comment because it was such a huge foot in the mouth. One of my uncles loved to talk about how I used to be young and beautiful. This was when I was in my early thirties, I certainly didn't think of myself as old, so that hurt. Isn't it funny how family can be so critical? They age and gain weight and don't look so hot anymore either.

Pandora123a
01-16-2009, 01:54 PM
I think you are overreacting. I have thin friends who look great, and when we see pictures of them in the past we say "boy you were gorgeous" because at this age we don't have the bloom of youth, no matter how good we look.

She is referring to the past because you are not 16 any more. Doesn't matter your weight. I think she was giving you a compliment!

(Think about when we say "you were the cutest baby" do we really mean you aren't a "cute" adult?)

Sometimes I think we get oversensitive, particularly when folks get anywhere near our buttons!

kiki100
01-16-2009, 02:06 PM
Before I started this journey I was a size 24 and I recently bought a pair of size 18 jeans and my mom was with me when I bought them. She is SO proud and supportive of me but her comments are a little backwards sometimes. She says to me "Wow, an 18 that's great...just think 4 months ago you wouldn't have even been able to get your leg in there." Ya, thanks. I said "ya know mum, I KNOW you MEANT that as a compliment..." and we both laugh. She actually apologized 'cause it's totally not how she meant it.

I get you. Mother's have good intentions but don't always think before they speak. Sadly, I'm destined to be just like her. Hee hee.

Chin up!

beerab
01-16-2009, 02:19 PM
OUCH!!!!! That stings- sometimes people can be cruel and not mean to do it. My mom constantly says "honey I worry about your health, please lose weight" to the point where I was like mom STOP saying this to me it's bothering me- I KNOW I need to lose weight so stop telling me this.

Nada
01-16-2009, 02:21 PM
Ouch I did something like this to my sister not too long ago---didn't mean to. I saw an old picture of some college age girls and did not recognise her. She was much smaller then and I forgot she ever looked that way. I extricated myself as best I could.

Slashnl
01-16-2009, 03:09 PM
Sometimes I think we get oversensitive, particularly when folks get anywhere near our buttons!

Actually, that's what I meant. I know that she didn't mean it the way I took it. I just heard it the way I would speak to myself. I really think her point is that my daughter gets a lot of her beauty (and she is a gorgeous girl) from me. I talk about how beautiful she is and I think my mom wanted to remind me that I was beautiful too. It is more of a problem with MY perception of myself. It is a big reminder that I need to be much more gentle with myself and a lot more forgiving. :)

Thanks for all the support, everyone! I appreciate it. I'm glad to have you all in with me as we work hard to stay on track and get to where we want to be.

rodeogirl
01-16-2009, 03:22 PM
We are all beautiful

I know some very UGLY Thin people!



This doesn't really make sense to me. Are you saying all fat people are beautiful but some skinny ones aren't? If not your sentences are contradicting themselves.

I decided to comment because I don't think everyone is beautiful. Some people are smart, some sexy, some pretty, some clever, some cute, some exciting, some analytical, some daring, etc. And of course usually we're a combination of a few of them. But nobody has all of them.

We all have different things that make us who we are. I don't think every single person is physically beautiful. I also don't think that's the end of the world. I'm half German and half Irish and the German's aren't particularly known for physical beauty, heh. I don't consider myself physically beautiful and it irritates me when people in my life try to tell me otherwise.

I don't think I'm hideous but I just don't consider physical beauty a part of my make up. So when a well meaning friend tries to tell me I'm physically beautiful I always wonder what their motivation to lie to me is. When I've called them on it everyone has finally admitted "Ok if I saw you walking down the street I wouldn't say "wow what a beautiful woman, I wish I looked like her."

Anyhow I just think it's best to be honest.

H8cake
01-16-2009, 05:11 PM
Rodeogirl, I think our perception of beautiful many times depends on the personality and heart of a person. I have a friend that I did not think was beautiful when I first met her. I thought she was very plain looking. Now I think she is very beautiful, it's mostly because of her big heart and fun personality. I think that when someone knows us well and says we are beautiful it can mean that in their eyes we are beautiful. The heart and personality are much more important than outward beauty. I'm sure you know that, but I bet your friends love you and you are beautiful in their eyes. You should take that as a huge compliment! We see ourselves through pictures too, which aren't always the most flattering. Many times when a person is animated they are more attractive. I can tell from your posts here that you are indeed a beautiful person!

Beautiful Ace
01-16-2009, 05:16 PM
I never got the boy you were gorgeous... I always, since I was six got the "if you just lost weight you would be so gorgeous" or "If you lost weight I would have to beat guys off with a bat" IF YOU JUST LOST WEIGHT???? Maybe if you weren't so mentally abusive to a little fat girl, SHE WOULD HAVE. I mean, I'm not blaming them for me being fat... but they didn't help! ahaha I'm over that now though.

Lyn2007
01-16-2009, 05:17 PM
I had someone see my pictures from 20 years ago and gasp, bug eyed, "Oh my GOD! Is that YOU? Holy crap, you were beautiful!" Uh... thanks?

baileycleo
01-16-2009, 05:28 PM
ohh the moms of the world! oye!!! I feel you!

WormwoodDoll
01-16-2009, 05:38 PM
I never got the boy you were gorgeous... I always, since I was six got the "if you just lost weight you would be so gorgeous" or "If you lost weight I would have to beat guys off with a bat" IF YOU JUST LOST WEIGHT???? Maybe if you weren't so mentally abusive to a little fat girl, SHE WOULD HAVE. I mean, I'm not blaming them for me being fat... but they didn't help! ahaha I'm over that now though.


:lol: I was told the same exact thing from my grandmother. She STILL says it. "If you lose more weight, you'll be such a knock out." "You'll be as pretty as your mother". Blah, blah, blah! It frustrates me since she is very overweight herself. But oh well. I need to focus on me and losing weight for myself!

I think mothers don't do it intentionally. Sometimes when we say things, they come out all mixed up and tangled. Sometimes they can sound mean. I'd just brush it off, but if she continues it, just tell her it bothers you. I'm sure she'll understand.

LookingForMeAgain
01-16-2009, 05:39 PM
Definately a mom thing! Mine always comes up with some off the wall backhanded compliment. LOL

((HUGS))

My DHs best friend was at our house one day and I had a pic on our fridge from my thinner (but still overweight) days for motovation. This was probably the weight I was happiest at. He is single and a horn dog and keot carrying on wanting to know who the hot chic was. I just looked at him like he was stupid thinking he knew it was me. But he honestly thought it was a friend of mine and had no clue it was me. And when we finally convinced him it was me he was like man you WERE hot...umm gee and Im a big ugly monster now or what? LOL

howie6267
01-16-2009, 05:46 PM
People don't tend to think before they speak. Most don't mean anything by it. Some do but most don't. We just have to take it with a grain of salt and go on. You get those kind of comments when your heavier and then when you lose it people seem to think it's all right to tell you all the fun they had at your expense when you were heavy. So we just have to be who we are and take it in stride.

Don't let it get you down.

rodeogirl
01-16-2009, 06:01 PM
H8cake - I was talking strictly about physical beauty - sorry should have made that more clear.

The instances I'm thinking of were times when friends were trying to make me feel better about how I looked and were telling me I looked physically beautiful - which is sort of an insult to my intelligence. When I talked with them about it (in several different instances with different people) they eventually fessed up.

I'm actually perfectly happy with how I look. My siblings and I all look A LOT alike. I actually look very similar to one of my brothers. I think that's great. I like that we share that common bond but as a family we are not physically beautiful. None of us. Again I don't think we're homely either - just kinda normal/average.

djay
01-17-2009, 09:09 AM
I can totally hear my mom saying something like that...and she loves me very much and thinks I am beautiful today. But she has her mom memories of my beauty throughout the years and her remembering how beautiful I was in high school would not strike her as a reflection of how beautiful I am today. Does that make sense?

TJFitnessDiva
01-17-2009, 09:27 AM
I would have told her "Well gee thanks mom.." just because I like to tease my mom when she does this.

If her tone didn't imply any kind of meanness & you have a great relationship with her then it probably was just the wrong words that came out of my mouth...last night my DH and I were talking about him having a regular job instead of one where he traveled a lot and I sure put my foot in my mouth lol I totally didn't mean for what I said to come out the way it did :) It can (and usually will) happen to anyone!

Slashnl
01-17-2009, 11:23 AM
I can totally hear my mom saying something like that...and she loves me very much and thinks I am beautiful today. But she has her mom memories of my beauty throughout the years and her remembering how beautiful I was in high school would not strike her as a reflection of how beautiful I am today. Does that make sense?

Totally! I know my mom thinks I'm the greatest. But how you put this is right on the money.

Coffee Luver
01-17-2009, 11:59 AM
When I read the begining of your post I had to laugh, because my mother has said the EXACT same thing to me (minus the daughter)! She will look at photos from 10 years ago and say, "You were so gorgeous back then - do you remember?"
Ugh. YES! I freaking remember never having to pay for a drink at the bar, being asked out all of the time, having customers stay in the lobby of the resturant I worked at until it closed so they could talk to me, never ever getting a speeding ticket (even though I always deserved them), and all of the million other little perks of being thin, young, and beautiful!!!! GAAH! I remember!
I am happy that I experienced that in my life, and it gives me a determination to get back there. I learned a long time ago with my mother that sometimes she is mean (and it is usually because she is miserable), and sometimes she is blunt because that is just the way she is - no harm intended. So, I just try to take everything she says at face value.
:hug: We just need to remember not to do that to our kids.

beerab
01-20-2009, 03:09 PM
I had one of "those" moments two days ago- I go over to my MIL's house and was telling her about a cute skirt my sister bought- and I said "she looks so good in it- but she always looks good anyways" and she said "don't feel upset cuz your sister has such a nice body."

I was like UH I'm not upset...

In my mind I was like are you saying I DO NOT have a nice body? SHEESH.

beautybooty
01-20-2009, 07:10 PM
I can relate, once I heard my mother on the phone talking about how much weight she had gained and how disgusting she looked. Then she said, I almost weigh as much as my daughter! I knew she didn't mean for me to hear it, or for it to be so hurtful, but it really, really was.

LookingForMeAgain
01-20-2009, 07:21 PM
Oh MILs now they are a different species all together. My parents invite my MIL and her adult son to Thanksgiving dinner. She was having coffee with my dad in the dining room looking out the picture window and she says if you had made those girls run up and down that hill every day before school they wouldnt be so fat. Now mind you my sister, mom and I are a
few feet away in the living room and hear every word and she can see me thru the door way.
My sister is sitting on the couch about to croak she was so mad and I just start laughing.
Of course I tried to laugh it off but I was really offended that shed go into someones home and say something so rude about their children. Tactless IMO

Slashnl
01-20-2009, 08:40 PM
OMG. LookingForMe, that is awful! I thought that my MIL was bad....

xJox
01-20-2009, 11:36 PM
I never got the boy you were gorgeous... I always, since I was six got the "if you just lost weight you would be so gorgeous" or "If you lost weight I would have to beat guys off with a bat" IF YOU JUST LOST WEIGHT???? Maybe if you weren't so mentally abusive to a little fat girl, SHE WOULD HAVE. I mean, I'm not blaming them for me being fat... but they didn't help! ahaha I'm over that now though.

You were never told that? Thats suprising. Well, Im telling you now, you ARE gorgeous, right now. Love the Avi.

I can relate, once I heard my mother on the phone talking about how much weight she had gained and how disgusting she looked. Then she said, I almost weigh as much as my daughter! I knew she didn't mean for me to hear it, or for it to be so hurtful, but it really, really was.

Wow. :hug: I would have probably started bawling my eyes out.

I love my mom. She is one of the greatest people ever and she is such a supportive lady. She thinks I am wonderful and I definitely feel the love from this wonderful woman.

But...

She called me yesterday and told me she was looking through some old pictures from my high school days and early college (this would be about 25-30 years ago). Her comment was, "Boy, you were gorgeous." She went on to say that she can see where my 14yo daughter gets her beauty, because I was just as beautiful and sexy when I was in high school. (not the same words she used, but you get the drift)

I know she meant it to give me a compliment, but all I heard was that I WAS gorgeous...

Honestly, I'm not getting down on myself, but thought I'd share. Someday, I'll be gorgeous again?? ha! :D Or maybe I'll just get to the point that I don't pick apart what someone says to me.


:hug: Im sure she didnt mean anything by it, but it still hurts just the same.

Ive had my BIL tell me several times "You use to be beautiful before you got married to Michael and had kids." Um.. :o The first time I didnt know what to say. I really about cried. I get my feelings hurt very easily. Then after that if he says anything like that, I just say "Looked in the mirror lately?" Maybe its mean, but he obviously means it in a hurtful way if he knows it upsets me and continues to say it.

DollyR
01-21-2009, 03:56 PM
Lol I know how moms can be. Mine is the same way. I know that Mothers mean well but sometimes things don't come across the way they intend them to.

Same with me....my Mom means well but she just does not get how to say the way she intends it. She is almost 80 so I give her a lot of slack now.

froggie83
01-28-2009, 03:49 PM
my mom is learning to keep her damn opinions to herself. if she's lucky i won't tell her the scales in her bathroom is off by 7 pounds, and not in the good direction.