Overeaters Anonymous - i never come here ( big confession)




Nayex
01-16-2009, 12:34 AM
Im not sure why im reluctant, its such a weird emotion. i dont want someone to look over my shoulder and see that im in the OA section. and yet. its ok to be seen at 3fc in general. . im probably still in denial that im a over-eater. even thought ive been doing it for years. . everyone in my family knows.. its not that easy to hide, i am freaking 275lbs!! yeesh. but something in my brain just doesnt want that label. its weird.. maybe im werid! :dizzy:

i also cannot understand why, i hide what i eat. i hate to be seen eating, especially during a binge.!! now, for example, i was planning on eating this whole pan of dinner... the whole thing. i knew i was going to do it. there was no stopping it, its just a matter of fact that it WAS going to happen. i was alone, my child asleep. .. and than i heard a car door.. i panicked. i dumped the rest back into the pan, and tried to wash out my dish. and cover up what i had made. i dont understand this behavoir from myself.
i literally get scared. . i panic that i'll be found out. the thing is... is what i made is part of my diet ( im a low-carber) -- and cant really do much damage to me weight wise. . but i still binge on it..


and now... i wont touch the stuff. someone is home, i'll either put it away for later. or ignore and denie i would even eat such a thing.

im so screwed up man.... sometimes i feel that there is hope. and other times im like.. wow... Im pretty f-d UP!!! LMAO--- hahaha sometimes i just have to laugh at myself. . im pathedic.

alrighty well, to whomever got this far, thanks for letting me vent. .

*sighs*


Scarlet
01-16-2009, 12:59 AM
A lot of people on this site are overeaters, that's why so many of us have weight issues. A lot of people on this site hide food, eat in secret, have body issues, etc.

Being willing to admit it is a good step, even though it's a struggle. The next step is doing something about it. Take the advice of the people on this site who have succeeded, you can really learn a lot from them.

Take each day as it comes, be kind to yourself and try to make small changes in your eating and attitudes, this will really help you...

Good luck!!

2ndChance09
01-16-2009, 03:32 AM
I have binged (in secret) for 10 years and it has been a really tough thing to come to terms with. At first I didn't want to admit I had a problem. I thought maybe I was making a big deal out of nothing. Coming here and reading other people's posts I realized that I did have a problem. Because of that I decided to go to a local OA meeting and have been going for 2 weeks and have a sponsor. I am so glad I decided to do it. I really hope that by coming here and/or joining OA you will find some help and support as well. It really is tough to work on alone. Hugs to you.


patd
01-16-2009, 08:09 AM
Nayex, welcome to Overeaters Annonymous, welcome home!

Do you have face to face meetings in your area? If you don't know you can go to www.oa.org and find out for sure. If you have them I would suggest that you attend, they are wonderful and you will be welcomed.

You are not alone in this diesease and do not have to go through it alone. There are lots of us out here and we have obtained recovery by working the 12 steps of OA. It's a journey and you've taken the first step by coming here and posting, I pray you continue the journey.

Remember what you can't do alone we can do together!

love in fellowship,
patd

kaebea
01-16-2009, 06:18 PM
Nayex,
it's not so wierd.
I'll binge eat in front of my family, they know though cuz they grew up watching me eat like that. but i try not to be so obvious about it if my sister in laws are around, and i don't eat like that in front of anyone else. I mean really, it's freakish to 'normal' people! but my stomach can always make room for more, i don't know how it does it, but it's quite capable.

my worst issue is there is times i am soo wanting to binge that i can't focus on being social with other people because i'm just wanting to be alone so i can eat what it is i'm craving. it's getting better, but i know it will always be something i'll have to contend with.

ToniLight
01-21-2009, 02:40 PM
I was able to stop most of my binge behavior by telling my husband about all the lying and sneaking I had done in regards to food. He knows and doesn't judge me but will help me if I ask. This means putting away the leftovers for me, rinsing off all the plates and cookware, covering the stuff in the trash, or maybe just staying in the kitchen while I do the same. When it's all put away it doesn't bother me so much. We have a back porch fridge where I put all the stuff I don't want to be tempted with. The boys know if there are leftovers and they get hungry they are welcome to eat what's back there.
I still have to come clean about sneaking once in a while, not nearly as much as before though.

anastasia
01-21-2009, 03:01 PM
in general, i have real issues eating infront of people whether it's a regular meal or something else.

i think a lot of it stems from a fear of beign judged. it's ok when you're alone and eating cos you are the only one who can see but when someone else is around they see and they judge. whether they do or not isn't the issue but the fear of them judging you is always there. it's like the thought of "oh i'll have mcdonalds for lunch" and then "but if i order a big meal people will think "there's no wonder she's fat"".

Nayex
01-21-2009, 03:20 PM
you all hit the nail on the head.

im not sure yet, what im going to do. so far, ive been able to restrain myself and lose sme weight. but we'll see how long this lasts. .

i would be so mortified if i had to come clean to hubby. ive come clean with myself. . and im trying to work on it. we'll see..

thanks for all the responses and support. its helped more than you know.

ToniLight
01-21-2009, 05:08 PM
The thing about secrets is once they aren't secret anymore, they lose their power over you.

CorinneIrene
01-26-2009, 08:28 PM
I know how you feel. I hate eating in front of people. Absolutely loathe it. I figure if they see me eating something, they'll automatically snicker at the overweight person eating. In turn, I get so many people asking my why I'm not eating. "I'm not hungry." "I ate at home." Blah blah blah. Then when I do get home, I go mental and eat everything I can get my hands on. If a roomies around, I'll plan out what I'm going to eat when they've left- I've got their schedules down pat.
I've even gone to the length of eating their food...stealing, essentially. Finally, one of my roommates not so kindly confronted me about it...at first I denied it, but it was no use. I had to be honest with her about my problem. She's gone and locked all of her food in her room (even the stuff we normally would take turns buying) and has a mini-fridge. And that hurts, when you realize one of your closest friends doesn't trust you. She did this to make a point...she's a dramatic person and I hadn't touched much of her stuff, but still, what I did was wrong, and I would never do it again. It was a turning point which made me really see I need to get this under control.
As others have said, first step is admitting the problem. And with the support, we can all make it through.

Buttercup
01-28-2009, 01:27 AM
Your story really hit how I feel and what I do on the head. I have felt so bad for so long at not being able to control my bingeing. Like you at times I could not wait for everyone in the house to go to bed so I could eat. Often I have bought candy or cookies and hid them so I could have them when I felt the need. Then of course I feel awful afterwards. It is exactly like you describe about feeling out of control. I feel like I am on autopilot. It has been such a blessing for me to be able to admit this to you all. I like the idea of OA and will look for one here. I also like the idea of having someone in the kitchen with me while I clean up after meals so I don't keep eating what is left. It is a terrible compulsion. I have actually sat in my car behind the grocery store so I could eat a treat and then throw the trash in their cans before I go home with groceries. That makes me feel awful:mad:.
But I am working on stopping that.(I hope and pray)

mystyblue85
01-28-2009, 02:33 AM
I feel like I'm hearing my story from another person's mouth...its amazing that so many are going through or have been through what I am going through right now...
I have eaten when I wasnt hungry, gone to the store, eaten the food in the car, dumped the trash in the dumpster so no one would know i have eaten. I have planned my binges hours in advance and wait for hubby and kids to go to bed before i let loose on the kitchen...
i have eaten myself sick, i have eaten until i threw up, i have eaten until i cried...
it was a while before I realized what a huge problem i had and then it was time to work on it...
too bad i gained 60lbs before i realized i was trying to eat my problems away...

Buttercup
01-29-2009, 10:32 PM
I feel like I'm hearing my story from another person's mouth...its amazing that so many are going through or have been through what I am going through right now...
I have eaten when I wasnt hungry, gone to the store, eaten the food in the car, dumped the trash in the dumpster so no one would know i have eaten. I have planned my binges hours in advance and wait for hubby and kids to go to bed before i let loose on the kitchen...
i have eaten myself sick, i have eaten until i threw up, i have eaten until i cried...
it was a while before I realized what a huge problem i had and then it was time to work on it...
too bad i gained 60lbs before i realized i was trying to eat my problems away...

:o OMG! I could have written what you just said also! There is comfort in knowing I am not the only one. It really is an addiction. Someone wrote that on the 3FC site somewhere and that has really stuck with me. It feel like your body is taken over by the pod people during those treat times. We will beat this!!!!

Thighs Be Gone
01-29-2009, 10:44 PM
Nayex, thank you for your honesty. I could have written your post myself a few months ago. I once told my hubby I was going to an aerobics class and instead, sat in the parking lot and ate a box, yes box of Little Debbie striped cakes. I hid what I ate because I knew I was making stupid and irresponsible choices. I knew I had a problem. I guess I felt like the cheater getting caught or the gambler throwing down their last few dollars. I was ashamed. Admitting the issue is the first step we all take. Congratulations on taking yours.

cher37
01-30-2009, 12:19 AM
I feel like I'm hearing my story from another person's mouth
...I have eaten when I wasnt hungry, gone to the store, eaten the food in the car, dumped the trash in the dumpster so no one would know i have eaten. I have planned my binges hours in advance and wait for hubby and kids to go to bed before i let loose on the kitchen
...too bad i gained 60lbs before i realized i was trying to eat my problems away...

Wow, I really appreciate everyone's honesty. I get so disgusted with myself that I then go to the other extreme of vowing never to eat again (of course that never happens!) I can't understand why I cannot control myself around food - chocolate, popcorn, chips, cookies, breads (have you noticed that I don't have a problem with overeating/bingeing on veggies?? I idolize food - IT will solve all my problems, IT will make be less angry/sad, IT will make my life better .... IT is lying to me, but still, I go back to IT for more abuse. Why? If only I knew the answer. Why is it for some that they seemingly don't have to track their food intake/calories/points & not gain weight, while I on the other hand, go off plan for 2 days and gain 10lbs. It's like one extreme or another - "have some lasagna & garlic bread, it'll be ok", but do I put into practice everything I've been taught? ie. fill up more with salad than lasagna & drink your water ... nope, it's a food party & I'll throw all caution to the wind and eat what I want to! I act like a spoilt brat. The problem is, I don't like the end result & then throw a temper tantrum when my clothes don't fit. When will I remember to remember to stay focused and stay on plan, have minimal allowances for fatty carbs????

Nayex
01-30-2009, 02:21 AM
wow.. you all dont know this, but these posts came at a VERY crucial moment for me... ive been depressed for 2 days. . i had a binge last weekend. . and i just havent been 'right' since.. putting that aside i want to thank all of you for your personal insights, and responses. . its made me feel like im not alone. that maybe im not as f-d up as i think. maybe, just maybe, i can do this. (although im crying right now because in the back of my head im telling myself im hopeless)

maybe i have a chance.. maybe i dont. im not so sure. but thank you from the depths of my heart for all of your replies. . its moments like these that keep me going. (in more ways than one)--

cher37: i do that allll the time. think i'll give up food forever. (in fact the opposite happends.. but still i make it a few days)



i needed to hear all of this.. thank you so much. -- im not sure if i'll overcome this weight, these binges.. this 'Issue' - but im going to try.

CorinneIrene
01-30-2009, 05:44 PM
wow.. you all dont know this, but these posts came at a VERY crucial moment for me... ive been depressed for 2 days. . i had a binge last weekend. . and i just havent been 'right' since.. putting that aside i want to thank all of you for your personal insights, and responses. . its made me feel like im not alone. that maybe im not as f-d up as i think. maybe, just maybe, i can do this. (although im crying right now because in the back of my head im telling myself im hopeless)

maybe i have a chance.. maybe i dont. im not so sure. but thank you from the depths of my heart for all of your replies. . its moments like these that keep me going. (in more ways than one)--

cher37: i do that allll the time. think i'll give up food forever. (in fact the opposite happends.. but still i make it a few days)



i needed to hear all of this.. thank you so much. -- im not sure if i'll overcome this weight, these binges.. this 'Issue' - but im going to try.

:hug: We all have a chance. Don't ever give up! The cycle can be broken. And yep, I do the food give up thing to and deprive my self of everything.
I do, feel so great reading this thread...sad, but I love the knowledge that I'm not the only one going through this- I always feel so alone. Watching the "normal" people in my life makes me want to binge even more- my roommate (with the perfect body who can eat as much as she wants and do no exercise) has acid reflux, and the last week she lost a lot of weight because she couldn't keep her food down. I was secretly wishing I could've been in her place. Knowing that there are people out there who are going through the same thing is empowering.
I'm always feeling so hopeless as well...But, the thing is, you've just got to get out there and do something! What always makes me feel really good is waking up early and doing pilates or some sort of aerobics. It makes you feel so refreshed and alive and ready to conquer the day. Starting with a positive attitude is always the key.
Don't let the food beat you! When you're feeling a binge coming on, go for a walk, find a friend, log in here! I know how tough that is...I too am always thinking about what I'm going to binge on hours beforehand, but you've got to take a deeeep breath. It's all mentality.

I feel a little hypocritical, saying these things, because I've only just started to really work on my binging recently (and had a fall...two salami/cheese sandwhiches, two bowls of cereal, waffles, and cheez-its) but I've gotten better already with being positive alone. Small steps, and you can do it. :carrot:

kaebea
01-30-2009, 07:09 PM
Cher,
i could have written what you wrote :)
throwing caution to the wind, why do i have to monitor every bite i take when others don't need to, I slip up for 2 days and set myself back 10, and throwing a tantrum when my clothes don't fit!!!

I don't know how we can control ourselves around food. Gosh, i sure don't.
I can say this. Since the beggining of the year, i've avoided sweets like the plague. I won't say that it becomes easier to control myself around them, but i will say that i've entered into a mindset where I know i shouldn't touch them. If they are available to me, i don't take one.
i know that i'm still vulnerable, and they do call my name, but shunning them and complete avoidance helps. Alot.

part of it is i know the minute i make an exception, its' all over. and i really want to see if i can keep it up till 11:59pm, Dec 31, 2009 :) (11 more months!)

Plus i am starting to sense that my taste sensitivity is changing. I now look forward to my berries and other fruit as after-work and after dinner snacks.

The stuffs addictive, just like alcohol is for some people I guess. Some people are addicted to junk food, carbs, or sweets.

cher37
01-30-2009, 10:12 PM
... Since the beggining of the year, i've avoided sweets like the plague. I won't say that it becomes easier to control myself around them, but i will say that i've entered into a mindset where I know i shouldn't touch them. If they are available to me, i don't take one.
i know that i'm still vulnerable, and they do call my name, but shunning them and complete avoidance helps. Alot.

part of it is i know the minute i make an exception, its' all over. and i really want to see if i can keep it up till 11:59pm, Dec 31, 2009 :) (11 more months!)

Plus i am starting to sense that my taste sensitivity is changing. I now look forward to my berries and other fruit as after-work and after dinner snacks.

The stuffs addictive, just like alcohol is for some people I guess. Some people are addicted to junk food, carbs, or sweets.

Thanks Kae, I know, it can be done. I've done it before, I'll do it again. Just last year, I lost 30lbs, but unfortunately gained back the 30+10lbs the moment I went off monitoring my food intake. I just got so sick of "having" to have yogurt & berries, oatmeal & berries, veggies & hummus, brown rice, salmon, SF/FF jello, chicken, chicken, chicken etc. etc. etc. Don't get me wrong, I love healthy food, it's just the fact that I have to monitor my intake & exercise everyday in order to lose weight. I know, I know, if I want to lose weight bad enough, I will do what I need to to get what I want. Sometimes, I just want to whine!!! If there was a magic pill to take, I would definitely take it!!! I'm just so t-i-r-e-d of dieting. Oh well, I've realized that I do need to get back to weight watchers, so tomorrow morning I'm registering - it's worked once before, it'll work again, my mistake was stopping (thinking that I knew it all & could do it on my own .... boy was I wrong!!!) I really do think that I need to continue coming here for support though.

You all are right, it does make me feel better knowing that there are others who overeat/binge/secretly eat for one reason or another - we need the support, not blame or negative words, especially if weight loss is a goal, because, I don't know about any of you ladies - but when someone tells me that I shouldn't be doing/eating that, I just want to do it in spite (oddly enough I will not enjoy eating that food but I'll do it anyways). How can this cycle be broken???

Nayex
01-31-2009, 01:23 AM
Cher, i can relate to everything you said in your post. EVERYTHING. ive lost, ive gained. i get so freaking sick of dieting... *ugh* im having one of those days today. but we *can* do it. we can. its just a mind set.

Kae-- ive been at the same thing. i avoid foods like that as well (im a low carber) so i *have* to in order to stay on track. --its the ONLY thing that has worked for me, and i admire everyone that can count calories and have some semblence of 'normalcy' - (DONT get me wrong. low carbs is 'normal' its just differant that wasnt what i was implying)


i find comfort in your posts gals. -- yes its anonymous. we've never sat face to face. . but i dont feel alone. i dont feel like there is something incredibly wrong with me that will never be fixed. it gives me hope.

we'll do this, and look back and wonder why we didnt do it sooner. :hug: to you all.. i hope we all find happiness and inner peace with our food demons.

Buttercup
01-31-2009, 10:58 AM
Cher, i can relate to everything you said in your post. EVERYTHING. ive lost, ive gained. i get so freaking sick of dieting... *ugh* im having one of those days today. but we *can* do it. we can. its just a mind set.

Kae-- ive been at the same thing. i avoid foods like that as well (im a low carber) so i *have* to in order to stay on track. --its the ONLY thing that has worked for me, and i admire everyone that can count calories and have some semblence of 'normalcy' - (DONT get me wrong. low carbs is 'normal' its just differant that wasnt what i was implying)


i find comfort in your posts gals. -- yes its anonymous. we've never sat face to face. . but i dont feel alone. i dont feel like there is something incredibly wrong with me that will never be fixed. it gives me hope.

we'll do this, and look back and wonder why we didnt do it sooner. :hug: to you all.. i hope we all find happiness and inner peace with our food demons.

:grouphug:I know exactly how you feel. I feel like this forum has saved my life and my sanity. It is good to know I am not the only one. I have been so excited about getting a treat in the store that I could hardly wait to get into my car to scarf it down. Then I feel ashamed as i find a trash can to destroy the evidence before I get home. We can overcome this together. I feel stronger already just getting it out. Please don't cry or get upset. We are all in this together. Hugs!

ASoutherner
01-31-2009, 02:41 PM
I have and am still where you all have been...except I was a Binge and Purger.

I am finally at a place where I very seldom purge anymore (Journalling works for me IF I can remember to Journal :(

I thought I was the only one who binged to this degree...buying and hiding food..waiting for everyone to leave so I could go hide in the bedroom to eat everything I bought and it was all different stuff..sometimes I would go the bedroom when we'd have guests and binge because I didn't want anyone to see me eat.

I think I may have found my 'home'.

Have a nice day all :)

ASoutherner~

kaebea
02-02-2009, 06:55 PM
I suppose i get 'tired' of doing it too, since i just don't do it anymore. I've just never thought of it like that, but it does get to be a bother. writing down everything.
I've had better continuity since i simplified my journal to basically just "food" and "calories". I was getting too complex with it. but it does help. Helps me see that "okay i ate 2500 cals that day, so i shouldn't be surprized about my inability to drop pounds."

I just always though of it as i was slacking off on the whole diet thing.

Nayex
02-03-2009, 01:43 AM
well, i made a big step, and started admitting the truth to my family ( i always had excuses as to why i hadnt lost weight, even though to them it looked like i was trying.) -- i cried and it took me about 5 minutes to spit it out through the tears, but my husband knows, and so does my mom.. *SIGH* that was tough. to admit i had defeated myself all through these years.

i was surprised but telling them has stopped a lot of the binging. the "secret" is out and so its not so appealing. HOWEVER ive been struggling daily to not binge, and today is my 8th day. thats a huge huge huge step for me. everyone has been supportive and now, instead of battling in my head against myself.. i can talk about it.and work through the urges.. i think that was half the battle.

i *do* get so sick of haivng to keep myself in check. i just wish i was 'normal' in the fact i stopped when i was full, and could eat treats in moderation.. and since i cannot. i exclude them completly and almost feel as though ive lost a friend. i almost didnt want to let go of my binging. i felt as though it was the *ONLY* thing that has gotten me through some tough times. . im still struggling with that. . but we'll see. the benefits out weight the food.

im just soooooooooooooooooo glad im not alone in this. im so glad to know that there are other women out there that go through this too. when i was talking to hubby about it, i was actually able to say "im not the only one" and it somehow, to me, softened the blow.

--ASoutherner-- in a sick way, i always wished i could purge.. :( i know, its demented, but i could never make myself purge successfully.. good for you that you tackled that demon. if you can do that, you can do the rest :)

well, ive rambled on. thanks for letting me share. we'll see how this keeps up. i *really* hope this is it for me...

kaebea
02-03-2009, 09:23 AM
Nayex,
i'm so glad you made such a big step. a dancing carrot is called for : :carrot:

I can relate to being fearful of giving up binging. Or maybe it's just a belief i harbor that I can't give it up.
It's troubling that nothing gives me the same comfort that eating does. There is nothing that fully replaces the feelings it brings. ( or perhaps the feelings that it dulls??:?:)

I pray that we all find another way to bring us peace in life and that we learn to adopt new habits to where we rarely think about binging.

CorinneIrene
02-05-2009, 04:49 PM
well, i made a big step, and started admitting the truth to my family ( i always had excuses as to why i hadnt lost weight, even though to them it looked like i was trying.) -- i cried and it took me about 5 minutes to spit it out through the tears, but my husband knows, and so does my mom.. *SIGH* that was tough. to admit i had defeated myself all through these years.

i was surprised but telling them has stopped a lot of the binging. the "secret" is out and so its not so appealing. HOWEVER ive been struggling daily to not binge, and today is my 8th day. thats a huge huge huge step for me. everyone has been supportive and now, instead of battling in my head against myself.. i can talk about it.and work through the urges.. i think that was half the battle.

i *do* get so sick of haivng to keep myself in check. i just wish i was 'normal' in the fact i stopped when i was full, and could eat treats in moderation.. and since i cannot. i exclude them completly and almost feel as though ive lost a friend. i almost didnt want to let go of my binging. i felt as though it was the *ONLY* thing that has gotten me through some tough times. . im still struggling with that. . but we'll see. the benefits out weight the food.

im just soooooooooooooooooo glad im not alone in this. im so glad to know that there are other women out there that go through this too. when i was talking to hubby about it, i was actually able to say "im not the only one" and it somehow, to me, softened the blow.

--ASoutherner-- in a sick way, i always wished i could purge.. :( i know, its demented, but i could never make myself purge successfully.. good for you that you tackled that demon. if you can do that, you can do the rest :)

well, ive rambled on. thanks for letting me share. we'll see how this keeps up. i *really* hope this is it for me...


:hug: That is a huge step! And congrats on not binging for 8 days! I've made it 4 so far...and am only feeling weak in this fourth day, so I figured I'd pop on over here for some inspiration to stop me from scarfing down anything- and I'm feeling good and re-energized again! I can totally relate to you always wishing you could purge...I often have felt that way after a binge, and have sometimes succumbed to it. My mother was bulimic, and knowing what she went through has stopped me.

Kaebea- Me too, me too. There is always that troublesome issue haunting...questioning "will I ever be able to beat this?". It's constantly on my mind and usually leads to a binge.

We're in this together! We can make it. We will make it.