100 lb. Club - Jealousy rears its ugly head...

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01-15-2009, 08:20 PM
I really hate jealousy, it is such an ugly emotion. I hate it when I feel jealous of other people, I feel guilty and angry about it. Today I was talking to my mom and this girl that I had gotten to know last spring (we took a raw foods class together) came into my moms work today and my mom said she looked amazing and has lost about 50 lbs and looks radiant. My first though upon hearing this was that although I was very happy for her I was also surprisingly jealous. I feel sad and disappointed in myself that since I saw her last spring she has lost 50 lbs while I look virtually the same. I was thinking of getting together with her to hang out but now I really don't want to. I know that might sound stupid and petty. I am upset with myself for thinking this way. She deserves to look great and feel good, she has worked hard. I guess I just feel upset that she was able to stick to her plan and lost the weight and that I haven't. I hate feeling like this. :(

RN BSN 2009
01-15-2009, 08:25 PM
There's a difference between jealous and envious. Could it be envy?

01-15-2009, 08:27 PM
^Hmmm I didn't think of that. It def. could be. I want to be where she is! I know when I get to my goal I would hate the though of people not being happy for me and that is why I feel so guilty for feeling like this. I know it is because of my insecurity and unhappiness with my weight, it is still frustrating though. :(

01-15-2009, 08:28 PM
Been there, felt that. It's natural. Chin up you'll get there

01-15-2009, 08:29 PM
Thank you.

01-15-2009, 08:34 PM
I've been there too but you can overcome the feeling :)

01-15-2009, 08:44 PM
I am trying to just take a deep breath, be happy for her and know with hard work my time will come too. :)

01-15-2009, 08:46 PM
It will come...but dang girl you've lost 40 pounds already! That's nothing to sniff at :)

Beautiful Ace
01-15-2009, 08:46 PM
What's the difference between jealousy and envy? I would like to assume I'm envious of people, but maybe I'm jealous?! uh oh. lol

01-15-2009, 08:49 PM
It's a perfectly normal feeling. And it's okay to feel it, but don't let it rule you.

Go and hang out with her. And go ahead and ask her about her progress. Who knows? You might get a tip or two, and maybe even share some of your own! Believe me, I've found that women who have lost the weight are much more open to talking about other people's weight loss than those who aren't on this journey.

01-15-2009, 08:50 PM
Tanee- thanks. :) I guess I just feel like although I have lost 40 lbs I am technically still obese so I don't feel like I have done much but I know I need to be proud of each lb I lose and know it is one step closer to goal!

Here are the def. for envy and Jealousy:

Envy- a feeling of discontent or covetousness with regard to another's advantages, success, possessions, etc.

Jealousy- jealous resentment against a rival, a person enjoying success or advantage, etc., or against another's success or advantage itself.

I def. think I have felt both!

01-15-2009, 08:52 PM
Faerie- thank you. I think I will still get together with her. I really am happy for her and I bet she looks and feels great. She is a mom as well so I would love to find out how she has made the time to exercise and stay dedicated etc.

01-15-2009, 08:52 PM
I get like that too sometimes, not just over weight, but other things. You'll get past it (of course, you know that already!) and don't feel guilty about feeling jealousy because it's natural. From your ticker, it looks like you dropped a ton of weight already!

01-15-2009, 08:55 PM
^thanks. I know that some jealousy is normal and I too have experienced it with other things. I guess it surprised me today because I have been doing really well with my plan lately and have been exercising a lot and feeling proud and then after talking to my mom I just felt like maybe I am not doing that great.

01-15-2009, 08:56 PM
It doesnt sound like so much jealousy as it is disappointment in yourself and envy. Are you really not happy for her? Or are you just upset with yourself because she has done what you havent YET. :hug: We all feel this way, and it's not because we aren't happy for the other person, it's because we feel such negative feelings about ourselves. You will be there too. And we will have the joy of being next to you the whole time. :)

01-15-2009, 09:32 PM
Randi thanks so much. It def. is disappointment in myself more than anything.

01-15-2009, 09:33 PM
But you've lost 40 lbs too! And that's huge!!!!

01-15-2009, 10:23 PM
Don't discount what you have done - you have worked hard and lost 40 pounds that is awesome! Give yourself the credit you have earned!

01-15-2009, 11:17 PM
Thanks girls. I guess I am mainly jealous that she only had 50 lbs to lose total and I have a lot more than that lol. That of course is only my fault but still it is hard to not wish I didn't have any more to lose!

01-16-2009, 12:51 AM
Been there, felt that. It's natural. Chin up you'll get there

Yeah that! :hug::hug:

01-16-2009, 01:14 AM
Are you kidding me YOU HAVE LOST 40 POUNDS!!!!!! That's fantastic!!!

01-16-2009, 01:59 AM
^thank you!

01-16-2009, 02:30 AM
I think envious is "I want that" and jealous is "I want that, therefore, I don't like you."

I'm totally envious of people's weight loss successes. I remember hearing everyone raving about this girl I hadn't even met losing 40 lbs and I instantly felt envious... I hadn't even met her! But *I* wanted to be that person!

I get jealous/envious of other things too. I've made a habit to note whenever I am envious and figure out how I, too, can achieve that goal. If it's not a goal I want to achieve, why be jealous? If it is, well, I better start working towards it!

01-16-2009, 12:10 PM
It is a natural feeling, but try and push through it and ask her to hang out so you get over it. I've been on the other end of those feelings, too, where a friend of mine saw me losing weight and made a comment about "next time we get together, don't be skinnier than me!"We were both close to 300 pounds at one point and she was always "dieting." She'd call and say "let's do lunch, but I hope you haven't lost 50 pounds or something!" Next time I saw her (months later) I was definitely skinnier than her. I did not flaunt it or mention it or anything but she scowled and then tried to smile, and when we parted she said, "Next time I hope you're not a stick." And I've never heard from her again... in months.

I think I'll call and ask her to get together. I miss her.