100 lb. Club - Why Are You Fat?




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GirlyGirlSebas
01-14-2009, 09:04 AM
On this season and last season of Biggest Loser, Bob (one of the trainers) has talked about how exercise and the food are only components of a bigger picture. He said that we must deal with what's going on in our head or we are in danger of gaining back what we've lost.

I've never been one to really delve into my mind and my thinking about weight loss, but I've realized that what I've been doing for the last 40+ years isn't working. I'm missing a vital component. I have issues that lead to me being 264 pounds and I need to deal with them. If I don't deal with them, I'm very likely to fall back into my pattern of stuffing down my emotions with food. So, this time, I'm journaling. I'm being honest with myself and putting it all down on paper...in black and white. Today is OP day #14 and I've learned a lot about myself. Some of it is good and some of it is very difficult to admit, but I'm finally dealing with all of it. This time, I will reach goal and I will keep the weight off forever!

Why are you fat? Do you know? What are you doing to find out?


irishsarah
01-14-2009, 09:24 AM
I have a pretty darn good idea why I am fat. I've often thought about starting a blog or something to explore it more. A private blog though. I've tried keeping a paper journal but I usually forget about it and then my kids use it for drawing or whatnot. Another example of being good with initiating, bad with the follow through.
I have plenty to sort out. Some of it is emotional, but some of my eating is also selfcontrol and saying "ENOUGH". Just because something feels good or tastes good doesn't mean its good for you and to have/do as much as you want.

ChocLabLover
01-14-2009, 09:30 AM
For me, completely stress and emotional eating. I know what are the good foods, but I choose not to eat them. I have my trigger foods which I know I can never ever keep in the house on a regular basis-chips (of any kind) and chocolate.

Here is an example. I was doing very well over Christmas, but I received a box of truffles (my absolute favourite) over the holidays. I brought them to work so I can share with others. Last week, the announcement came down that there were going to head count reduction, but we would not know who. So, what did I do? Gorged on the bloody things. I was able to take a step back and talk to myself and say "What the heck are you doing?" I threw them out. A big win for me. Knowing what triggers that mindless eating is key.


seashell
01-14-2009, 09:30 AM
Im fat because I worry and stress and worry some more . . . the only thing that makes me feel better is sweets. Then I crash and fall asleep . . . and I can't worry when I am asleep. Food is my drug of choice. I am a food adict. I eat to fell better.

TJFitnessDiva
01-14-2009, 09:44 AM
I do know why I'm fat....it's a really sad story when I sit down and think about it but I've made peace with myself & forgiven those that had a hand in it, including myself. It really helped me to start writing it all down and when I think I'm about to throw this all away I come here & sometimes read my journal, they both give me the extra boost I need to keep doing this for myself.

lalique
01-14-2009, 09:57 AM
I'm fat because I developed bad eating habits as a child, and as I grew up they only got worse. I also was homeschooled in high school & was left alone because my single mother worked, so I spent my days eating tons of junk food in front of the computer/tv/books, and rarely got out to do anything.

Now into my 20s the habits have stuck true.

Now I'm trying to break the only thing I've known which is sedentary-ness & junk food.

With the few exceptions why I attempted weight loss I never touched a fruit or veggie. & I never exercised.

Until now.

BAILYBOO
01-14-2009, 09:58 AM
Oh I understand this one GirlyGirl. :) A lot of this is due to my beliefe system that I learned growing up. I need to make changes in my life which I am but it's hard and I really got to keep the focus on myself .As I do and take better care of myself I DO LOSE WEIGHT :) But it is hard work. :) I am now working on getting the outside of me to match the inside .:) As that comes together the weight will come off and stay off. :) Tanee sending you a hug :)

Jen415
01-14-2009, 10:08 AM
I am a peacemaker by nature. I'm also a chronic pleaser. As long as everyone around me is happy, I am too. Growing up in an abusive alcoholic home, there was ALWAYS unhappiness around me, no matter what I tried to do to make it peaceful. So the peace I found was in food. And thus began my lifelong dependency on it.

I have been more conscious of my relationship with food this time. I can see where certain disruptive instances of late has driven me to the desire to eat. (Luckily, I was able to find something else instead of food to soothe me.)

I have a LOT of work to do.

nitenurse
01-14-2009, 10:09 AM
we are too fat because we eat more than we are burning off, anything else is just an excuse to eat, you can rationalize any behaviour. just like quitting smoking stop buying and bumming cigarettes problem solved. To loose weight eat less and exercise more.

Thighs Be Gone
01-14-2009, 10:18 AM
Jen, I could have absolutely written your post myself. As I think about it right now, usually mealtimes were the only peace you could count on in my home growing up. As I became an adult I found acceptance in this "people pleasing" thing. As long as I could give other people happiness, make them laugh, make them feel secure, then I was okay. I have a hard time knowing where appropriate boundaries are too in many facets. I don't know if I over react or under react or ??? The thing about giving and giving giving for so many years was that it emotionally and physically drained me. I think I got into that mode because deep inside me I am really trying to get acceptance I never had from my mother. In the end, I kept trying to give but my pot was empty and nothing really left to give from. So, I am working on keeping something in the pot this time--for myself and for those that mean the most to me.

Thighs Be Gone
01-14-2009, 10:19 AM
we are too fat because we eat more than we are burning off, anything else is just an excuse to eat, you can rationalize any behaviour. just like quitting smoking stop buying and bumming cigarettes problem solved. To lose weight eat less and exercise more.


You know, I have never heard that before. That is really, quite novel.

slimmingsi
01-14-2009, 10:20 AM
cos im lazy and i eat to much. pretty simple.i like bad food it tastes great, i hate fruit and veg as they dont' satisfy my sweet tooth and i'd rather sit in the warm and watch a movie than go outside in the wet

GirlyGirlSebas
01-14-2009, 10:20 AM
we are too fat because we eat more than we are burning off, anything else is just an excuse to eat, you can rationalize any behaviour. just like quitting smoking stop buying and bumming cigarettes problem solved. To lose weight eat less and exercise more.
That may be the physiology of weight gain and weight loss, but it is far from the real reason why we are fat. What makes one eat more than their body needs? Willpower will only take you so far. At some point, you must deal with the issues and change your behavior. I'd rather do this now while I'm losing than to reach maintenance, fall back into old patterns and gain everything back. For too long, I've ignored the inner me. That is why this journey has taken me so very long.

Jen415
01-14-2009, 10:24 AM
Jen, I could have absolutely written your post myself. As I think about it right now, usually mealtimes were the only peace you could count on in my home growing up. As I became an adult I found acceptance in this "people pleasing" thing. As long as I could give other people happiness, make them laugh, make them feel secure, then I was okay. I have a hard time knowing where appropriate boundaries are too in many facets. I don't know if I over react or under react or ???

Yep, that is one of those classic issues with adult children of alcoholics--not knowing what is truly appropriate for the situation. It's a wonder my siblings and I turned out decent. I think it was our determination to NOT be like our parents.

But--I can no longer use this as an excuse to continue down this path. It is up to me to go the way I want to go--and the way I do that is by the choices I make. Every choice I make is a conscious decision to change my life.

No more living on auto-pilot!

Thighs Be Gone
01-14-2009, 10:25 AM
Girlygirl, you are right on.

Some eat because they don't feel worthy of feeling their best and looking their best. Some eat because they are depressed and not in a mindset of health and wellbeing. Some eat like I did--because I didn't see myself as a priority. The reasons people are overeat are as vast as the day is long. Nurse, you need to go back to nursing school.

Thighs Be Gone
01-14-2009, 10:27 AM
Jen, I am so glad you and your siblings are okay. That isn't the case in my own situation. The vast majority of them are chemical/alcohol dependent. All are obese.

Jen415
01-14-2009, 10:29 AM
Rhonda, that is just like me--I've ignored my inner self my whole life, and it has caused feelings of unworthiness, which would lead to binges. This is not something I started doing as an adult, but as a child. Instead of using alcohol, my big vice was eating huge quantities in secret.

This time, I am listening to my inner being. I have natural good instincts--I just need to tune my ears to that positive voice within.

nitenurse
01-14-2009, 10:34 AM
Girlygirl, you are right on.

Some eat because they don't feel worthy of feeling their best and looking their best. Some eat because they are depressed and not in a mindset of health and wellbeing. Some eat like I did--because I didn't see myself as a priority. The reasons people are overeat are as vast as the day is long. Nurse, you need to go back to nursing school.


i dont need to go back to nursing school just because you dont agree with me . like i said its calories in calories out, not in the right mindset, dont see my self as a priority etc are just excuses to eat thats all.

Jen415
01-14-2009, 10:35 AM
Jen, I am so glad you and your siblings are okay. That isn't the case in my own situation. The vast majority of them are chemical/alcohol dependent. All are obese.

Well, maybe I should clarify....

While I was growing up, everyone was thin but me. Now, all of us have weight issues. Part of me thinks it is 'payback' for my siblings tormenting me through childhood :D.

One of my siblings (my twin) is a recovering alcoholic who has been sober for 20 years now. Fortunately she didn't spend her whole adult life drunk.

Each of us has "issues", but nothing like the hellish nightmare we were raised in.

Jen415
01-14-2009, 10:39 AM
i dont need to go back to nursing school just because you dont agree with me . like i said its calories in calories out, not in the right mindset, dont see my self as a priority etc are just excuses to eat thats all.

It's not that simple, nitenurse. If it were, we'd all be at a healthy weight.

As a healthcare professional, you of all people should know that a positive frame of mind goes a long way in the healing of a patient. Same thing with the disease of obesity.

GirlyGirlSebas
01-14-2009, 10:44 AM
i dont need to go back to nursing school just because you dont agree with me . like i said its calories in calories out, not in the right mindset, dont see my self as a priority etc are just excuses to eat thats all.
If you are able to lose a large amount of weight and maintain that loss without digging into your head, then I'm very happy for you.

BTW, do you mind sharing how much you'd like to lose and where you are on your journey? And, what plan you are following? I'd love to watch your journey and see if you are more successful than I have been with not digging a little deeper. Maybe you will be the exception to what I've seen as the rule.

nitenurse
01-14-2009, 10:51 AM
no i dont mind sharing at all, i quit smoking 2 years ago and gained about 20lbs but i needed to loose about 20 when i quit. of that 40 pounds i have a lost 20 so far and i have 20 more to go and its not coming off as quickly as i had hoped. im not on a plan per se such as weight watchers etc, im just trying to maintain my calories between 1500- 1700 a day and increase the exercise, ive been doing this for a week now so its still to early to see if it will work, if not ill try a more formal plan .

futuresurferchick
01-14-2009, 10:56 AM
I'm fat because I developed bad eating habits as a child, and as I grew up they only got worse.

Same with me. It got to the point where I didn't have the confidence to do anything about it and I didn't think that it made any difference what I ate because (I thought) what is another pound when you're already so big? So it just kept spiralling.

S.A.S.H
01-14-2009, 11:14 AM
(I thought) what is another pound when you're already so big? So it just kept spiralling.



I understand that completely! It's hard to lose the "I'll be fat just a little longer because it tastes good" mentality. The reasons why I am as big as I am are simple. I eat because it tastes good and because it makes me feel good. I am an emotional eater. I want that comfort, and that boost of feeling better, even if it only lasts a moment. I've also been lazy for many years. I've not exercised, not tried to.

However, as it's so often quoted "doing what you always do, will get you what you've always got. "

I'm glad I want something different now and am working to get it! Finding things that fill the void of food during an emotional time has been and will always be, key for me.

FB
01-14-2009, 11:17 AM
You're right that it boils down to a matter of calories, but when someone finds themselves in need of losing 140 pounds it's more than just eating too many Cheetos - the discussion is more about the reason of the behaviors that got me to where I was than the laws of thermodynamics.

hautbois
01-14-2009, 11:17 AM
I have really bad eating habits. I don't like veggies and I like foods that are bad for me. Add that to years of inactivity, and well, here I am! I don't think it's an emotional issue for me personally; I really think it's a matter of pushing myself to exercise even when I don't feel like it and making better food choices. Unfortunately, it's much easier said than done. :)

FB
01-14-2009, 11:21 AM
And to discuss why I was fat - I first gained weight through pregnancy and the resulting killer postpartum depression. I then made excuses such as blaming my sedentary lifestyle and lack of time thereby allowing myself to be a victim of myself, so I continued to gain weight. I work at the computer a lot and blamed that. I also have a terrible habit of justifying things -you know, because 'I deserve it'.

GirlyGirlSebas
01-14-2009, 11:31 AM
no i dont mind sharing at all, i quit smoking 2 years ago and gained about 20lbs but i needed to loose about 20 when i quit. of that 40 pounds i have a lost 20 so far and i have 20 more to go and its not coming off as quickly as i had hoped. im not on a plan per se such as weight watchers etc, im just trying to maintain my calories between 1500- 1700 a day and increase the exercise, ive been doing this for a week now so its still to early to see if it will work, if not ill try a more formal plan .

Congrats on losing your first 20!
I'm also a former smoker and I gained an additional 75 pounds after quitting and having a hysterectomy. But, here's something to think about. You gained because you ate instead of smoking, right? Well, why did you smoke in the first place? What need did smoking satisfy? What lead you to turn to the food for satisfaction once smoking was no longer an option? It can be something as simple as boredom, stress, the blues, anger, etc etc. What will keep you from turning to the food and smoking again to find satisfaction? For each of us, the reasons and the solutions differ.

foxxy511
01-14-2009, 11:33 AM
Lack of willpower, too lazy to stick to a plan, too lazy to increase my exercise. I have four brothers who, growing up, could eat anything they want and not gain weight. So, my house was stocked with all sorts of frozen foods that were not good for you. My mom rarely bought any fresh fruit or vegetables for us to eat. But, I don't blame her, it's hard to buy groceries for 5 kids and fix three meals a day that 5 kids will eat. So, my weight went up up up all through junior high and high school. I made noises about wanting to lose weight, but never actually did anything about it. Goes back to the lack of willpower thing.

In college, I just did what was easiest and made excuses as to why I couldn't eat right or couldn't exercise more (no time, not enough money, blah blah blah). I think I am terrified of failing or being rejected. Actually, I know I'm terrified of failing or being rejected. That's the majority of the reason why I don't do a lot of things I want to do or why I procrastinate on things I have to do. I'm afraid I'll fail and that everyone will see and know I'm a failure.

This fear of being rejected is what kept me from applying for a substitute teaching job (although I just turned in my application on Monday! Keep your fingers crossed!) It's what keeps me from asking people for help when I need it. And it's what kept me shoving food in my mouth all those years. If I tried to lose weight and failed, then everyone would know and it would be a huge embarrassment.

I've lost 80lbs so far and I'm still afraid I'm going to fail. I'm afraid I either won't make it to my maintenance weight or once I make it there, I'll fall off the wagon and regain it all back. But my motto for 2009 is to just do it (like Nike!). Don't be afraid, do what needs to be done, and accept whatever consequences come from that. So far, I'm finding that most of the consequences are good!

That was longer than I thought it would be, lol. Thanks for starting this Girly, it really got me thinking (obviously, haha).

Glory87
01-14-2009, 11:39 AM
Personally, I didn't have to delve too deeply into my pysche to lose weight. I was a latchkey child who dealt with boredom by making sugar sandwiches on white bread and I do think that contributed a little to my random afternoon snack attacks as an adult.

Otherwise, I was heavy because I was sedentary and was living the Standard American Diet. Huge portions, fast food, lots of processed, packaged foods. When I stopped eating those foods and started eating good foods, I lost a lot of my cravings for less nutritious foods which helped me a lot.

Everyone is different and has to approach their journey differently. I did do a little food journaling (writing down why I ate) and it was helpful to determine I was a bored afternoon snacker. To resolve it, I set myself up with a selection of awesome teas and healthy snacks every afternoon. It was a very helpful tactic.

That's it though, for me. I was never a stress eater or an emotional eater (although I did have a habit of celebrating with food, I never ate when I was sad particularly) - just a boredom eater.

LesliesMom
01-14-2009, 12:36 PM
Foxxy - you've done amazing. Good luck on the substitute teaching!!

Glory - I always enjoy what you write.

Rhonda - Thanks for starting the thread, I like to read what everyone has to say.

Nurse - to a point is correct - in black and white people gain weight by eating more calories than they burn - I think we all get the science part of it, I think Rhonda was looking to see WHY people eat more than they burn. Everyone is different.

Growing up I never had a weight problem, looking back without seeing it then my mom always made sure we had nutritious food, we didn't have dessert everynight and that was OK. Once I got out on my own at 18 and was workign 2 jobs, I got lazy and ate fast food and gained all my weight very quickly. But I have figured out enough is enough. I have had 15 years of eating things I wanted to eat in the quantities I wanted to eat them. I am not happy with the way I look, I am not unhappy as a person. I find I avoid pictures (like I am sure many of us do), my daughter is 3 and I have very few pictures of her and I that I like. We might need some when she gets married one day, I'd like to be proud of how I look in them. I am the only one that can change it.

I think I over-rambled - sorry guys!

Angie

Angie

nelie
01-14-2009, 12:52 PM
I would say that those of us who have 100lbs or more to lose are definitely in a different boat than those who have a bit less to lose.

I think those that don't have as much to lose gain weight for a variety of reasons including eating out of boredom, eating large portions, eating fast food, not monitoring weight and sometimes just not realizing how much weight they gained. Of course I think those people can turn into 'us' if it goes on too long because then an emotional dependency with food can form. There are also those that have less than 100 lbs to lose that have disordered eating as well but..

It is my overall belief that anyone who is 100 lbs or more overweight has some type of eating disorder. It could be a variety of things but food does fill an emotional need. I developed an eating disorder at a very young age and would binge eat. I also came from two overweight parents that also had major food issues.

Of course once you get to a certain weight, things become hard. Exercise can be very difficult for many although that isn't an excuse for not exercising. You can also develop medical issues once you gain weight that can make weight loss very slow. I know many of us have discovered we had PCOS and others may develop diabetes.

I think it is important to know WHY we eat and WHY we eat what we eat in order to help us make better choices and lose weight. I struggle on a daily basis with my eating disorder and it'd be nice to say that *poof* it'd disappear and food wouldn't have the hold on me that it does, but I don't think that is going to happen. So I have to learn the best ways to deal with it and only then can I lose weight.

zerocool
01-14-2009, 12:55 PM
Why are you fat? Do you know? What are you doing to find out?

I eat too much.
10 years ago I could eat anything I wanted and I stayed the same weight. 5 years ago I had to start watching what I ate. A year ago my lifestyle has become much less physically active and my eating habits had not changed with my inactivity.
Breaking old habits is not easy but it will be worth it if I'm once again comfortable with the way I look.

WarMaiden
01-14-2009, 01:17 PM
It is my overall belief that anyone who is 100 lbs or more overweight has some type of eating disorder. It could be a variety of things but food does fill an emotional need.

I don't necessarily agree that everyone who is this overweight has an eating disorder. For me, I am physiologically addicted to sugar and I come from a family that has a genetic tendency toward addiction to alcohol and/or sugar. I managed to not become an alcoholic, probably because so many in the family were already in AA and I knew I didn't want to go down that road; but I wasn't aware that there was such a thing as sugar addiction. Compound that with the 80s mantra of "low fat is the only proper diet," and it was very easy for me to become fat and very hard to figure out what to do about it. When I am eating the kind of diet we were recommended to eat back then, I just cannot lose weight, because my hunger and cravings are out of control due to the physiological responses of addiction.

However, when I am practicing a foodway that cuts out refined sugar and grains, the physiological addiction is no longer in control and my body responds by losing weight--partly because I don't have the cravings and hunger and thus I naturally eat less, but also partly because of the chemical balancing that happens inside me.

This is not an "eating disorder" in the emotional sense, but rather in the physical sense. Delving into my emotions about weight and food has never worked for me or been very helpful. I do have a few habits that have needed changing--for example, there are times I just want to chew on something, which is kind of a nervous tic. But I don't tend to comfort eat, or eat out of boredom, or eat when I'm stressed, and I never have.

That being said, I do think it's really important to examine the "why" of getting fat, even if it doesn't turn out to be about emotions for everyone. It's definitely about SOMETHING more than just "calories in, calories out."

nelie
01-14-2009, 01:25 PM
WarMaiden - I'd agree that is something 'off' as well and it may be a sugar addiction and it may have to do with highly addictive personalities. I think I'm addicted to eating, sugar or not. Although I agree that when you cut out certain foods, it does become easier to lose weight because the physiological addiction is no longer there. Although for many of us, the mental addiction still is.

Lovely
01-14-2009, 01:44 PM
The reasons why I am fat... it is a lifetime of a story, and probably is more appropriate to tell when I'm down at goal and can share better.

Being fat is truly ingrained in every aspect of my life, and has been since I was probably 5 years old. And every time I face myself as I go to the fridge or the cabinet to grab something that I know I don't need, I'm facing my entire life up until now... dealing with all of the emotional reasons I eat. And it's tough. And I don't always win the battle. But I am winning the war.

we are too fat because we eat more than we are burning off, anything else is just an excuse to eat, you can rationalize any behaviour. just like quitting smoking stop buying and bumming cigarettes problem solved. To lose weight eat less and exercise more.

Yes.... and no.

Yes, the technical aspect of it is that we all ate too much and did not exercise enough.

But, we're delving into the "why did this start?" and that's a LOT more complicated than just "calories in/out". Weight loss for me, having been 180 lbs overweight, began with things a lot more complicated than calories in/out. I have struggles beyond just "eating too much". And I'm dealing with those at the same time that I'm dealing with not eating to quiet those feelings.

Redflame
01-14-2009, 01:48 PM
Calories in vs. calories burned is VERY true for SOME people. And I thank everyone for keeping in mind that each and every person is different, physically and mentally!

Smoking; there are two additiction to concour when smoking, it is a scientific fact, no point in disputing it. For anyone who has smoked for a considerable amount of time they must first concour the nicotine addiction (3-7 days) But the physical addiction, the act of lighting up and having it in your hand while you drive etc, takes weeks!

Weight issues;

people who have a considerable amount to lose are in an entirely different boat than someone with 20 pounds to lose IMO
Chemical imbalances play a huge part (thyroid, hormones, etc)
SOME people cannot lose weight because they are not eating enough to make their system work properly (I have three doctors and 2 years of tests to prove this fact for MY body)
Addiction effects many families, it may be through alcohol, drugs, sex, work, power,food etc. Society has finally accepted alcoholism and drug addiction (at least some people have) but people with food addictions are considered laze...pretty sad!


OK, you can tell that reading this post really got my blood boiling! And I know that the majority of people here are all in the same boat and I am thankful for a 100 lb forum so we have that safety. But we all really must think about what we say when we throw out black and white answers like that. Not everyone one of us has a food addiction problem, not everyone one of us has a chemical imbalance, not not everyone on of us just consumes too many calories (For me I have to double my normal everyday caloric intake in order to lose weight---of course my normal everyday menu is not a healthy habit at all!)

Stepping down from my soap box now!:hug:

katiecron
01-14-2009, 02:18 PM
i have a tendency to act out of guilt and indulgence. that is, as grandma has offered endless goodies and snacks over the years, i have a hard time saying no. if hubby is picking up dinner, but i already ate, cant say no...don't want to waste food b/c i am cheap and look at it like not getting my money's worth, indulge on snacks b/c that is how my family responded to any and all emotions.
not having such a hard time now. i throw half my portion out, or take it home if i go out to eat. i tell my hubby no on the extra meals. i have even learned to say no to grandma's snacks.
good news. i now get a tummy ache each time i eat something sweet.

daniela
01-14-2009, 02:21 PM
Why am I fat?

- I stopped working out back in 2001
- I like junk food and I ate a lot of it
- I was lazy and didn't care about myself
- I didn't want men to look at me that way anymore
- Major self esteem issues
- I ate fast food once a day sometimes twice
- My fat was my suite of armor

As you can see a mix of the obvious and emotional issues. Therapy helped but something just clicked back in September (I can't fully explain it) and I knew I could finally tackle this. It's kinda like giving myself permission to be happy again. I was in a deep funk for a long time and it's nice to feel alive, the happiness that I project is real for a change.

Wow!

Thanks Rhonda for posting this. I could go on and on but I think I'm going to dig into this a little deeper for myself.

rockinrobin
01-14-2009, 02:35 PM
After a traumatic childhood experience, I started packing on the pounds. I was in 5th grade. Food was a comfort to me. I believe I also used it to keep men away from me. I also believe that at some point I was using it to punish myself.

I managed to keep my weight somewhat in check (maybe 30lbs overweight) until I got married. Then I just let myself totally go. I used food once again. I had 3 kids rather quickly, stopped working (outside of the home), was frustrated, bored, lonely, still punishing myself, cared for others more then myself.

I think I knew these things for many years, waaay before I lost the weight. Knowing the reasons never really helped me though, I must say. I mean I KNEW them, but then what?

The big question is, all the above reasons aside, why did I allow myself to abuse myself with food for all those years? Why did I think that that was OKAY? I may never know the answer to that.

I do think it's helpful to "figure out" why we got so fat, but I don't think it's ESSENTIAL. Sometimes you just have to make a stand and say enough is enough. Whatever the reason - it just doesn't matter any more. It's not acceptable and I'm not going to allow it to go on for another second.

WarMaiden
01-14-2009, 02:54 PM
I think I knew these things for many years, waaay before I lost the weight. Knowing the reasons never really helped me though, I must say. I mean I KNEW them, but then what?

Maybe knowing the reasons doesn't help much with getting to the beginning part of losing weight--the "motivation", as it were--but maybe knowing the reasons does help later on, with continued loss and maintaining?

I know that the first time I lost weight, in 1992, I didn't fully know the real reasons for my weight gain, so I was un-wary about gaining it back. This time, I feel very on guard and very aware of the kinds of behaviors which would lead to my loss stopping or to weight gain.

Pandora123a
01-14-2009, 03:12 PM
Why?

Well, I eat for comfort, I eat to take care of myself, and I eat to punish myself for eating! (Yes, I know that is a contradiction...but I watch myself do it.) I also eat as a way of controlling my own body (my mother has a fantastic figure and started fighting with me over food when I started gaining weight in my early teens.) I think fat has also been a way of hiding and excusing myself...oh what I could be and do if I was only "normal".

The first step of my weight loss journey was therapy. It was a year or more before I started changing my eating patterns. This year my goal is to be more active and to continue the pattern of regular, slow weightloss.

100 pounders...you are an awesome group! I couldn't do it with 3FC and all of you.

kaplods
01-14-2009, 03:15 PM
I think "eating more calories than burning" is the ONLY statement that is (at least technically) true for every person who is overweight - but it's such an overgeneralization that it loses almost all meaning. "Just eat less," is dismissive and doesn't work for the majority of people trying to lose weight, because many folks in trying to eat less do so in a way that makes it difficult to sustain. They may cut calories to the point that they are hungry all of the time, and brain chemistry and body physiology makes "dieting" a white knuckled, tooth and nail endeavor that is doomed to failure, because all of God's creatures have a biological drive to feed themselves, and mind over matter works only for a short time.

Also, if you're eating a junk-filled unbalanced diet, "just eating less," still results in a junk-filled unbalanced diet, just a slightly smaller one. Are cravings psychological, physiological or a combination of the two. Is the proportion unique to an individual?

I think lumping all overweight people into the same physiological and emotional boat, is ridiculous, and the reason that weight loss research results yeild such a dismal failure rate, for the most part. Nothing works (except for weight loss surgery and then only about half the time or less) mainly because whichever program is being studied is only working for a small portion of the people studied. "Any diet works, if you work it," in a sense is true, but is also very misleading. Crash diets "work," but they are not sustainable (for most people) in the long term. Saying "any diet works, if you work it," is a way to rub a person's nose in their failure "you failed because you didn't try hard enough."

Sometimes it takes working smarter, not harder. For some (but not all) folks that means learning to deal with emotional issues that trigger comfort food binges. For some that means eliminating sugars and simpler starches (probably physiological in nature).

I spent 36 years (since age 5) trying to lose weight, failing more than succeeding. My parents were blamed and blamed themselves (even though I was the only child of four to be overweight as a child). My brother and I were adopted (not biologically related) and our younger sisters were brought into the family the traditional way. My sisters, who are my parents bio-kids have had a weight history like our parents. One favors Mom, thin and athletic as a child, and starting to gain weight (all in the butt) in her late 20's. My other sister favors our dad, thin, slim, and athletic all of her life (and if she continues like Dad, maybe putting on a few pounds in the waist after retirement). My brother (also adopted) follows an even different pattern - remaining very slim, despite eating like a horse (at 12, he would eat a medium sized mixing bowl of cereal, about 700 or more calories daily). Now at 40, he's just starting to put on a bit of weight (although Military disability and PTSD probably are a contributor).

Genetically, there are probably folks that would tend to be a little overweight in almost any environment (except famine), and there are probably folks who would tend to be thin or even underweight in most environments. The Standard American Diet, and the lack of physical movement needed in our culture, is creating an environment in which it's more common to be overweight than underweight (some stats report that 2/3 of Americans are overweight).

It's a complicated issue and trying to condense the issue into a single truism just doesn't work. The reasons and the solutions are complicated, and assuming that any of it applies to everyone in any meaningful way is just ridiculous.

For myself, I've found that sugars and simpler starches trigger insane cravings and hunger. Not knowing to eliminate or severely limit them, any attempt at calorie reduction (while still including starchy and sugary foods, even "natural" ones like fruit and whole grains) was torturous. I felt like a caged and starving animal, every moment was consumed with thoughts of food, either what I was or wasn't eating. Reducing carbs provided a light at the end of the tunnel. I'm still having problems sticking to my food plan (but I wonder how well a cocaine addict would do, if cocaine were pushed on them by friend and stranger alike, and was available at every corner convenience store for 99 cents) and cocaine was a hidden ingredient in most common foods and not using was considered antisocial or even just odd.

Not all overweight folks are food addicted. Not all food addicted are overweight. Not all overweight folks have emotional problems. Some, but perhaps not all overweight and especially obese folks have genetic predispositions towards putting on and keeping on weight. Some overweight folks have specific food addictions (sugar, carbs) some have no problem eating sugar or starch in moderation.

Assuming that there's a one size fits all approach is probably the single most damaging theory to successful weight loss.

thistoo
01-14-2009, 03:21 PM
Oh, so many reasons! Mostly my lifelong terror of rejection causing me to gain weight so I can be 'pre-rejected' on the basis that I'm not cute enough to be considered a potential friend/mate/employee/whatever. Combined with my parents' eating disorders and their weird food control issues, I didn't have much of a prayer.

It's taken me quite some time to work through those issues, and sometimes I think that's part of the reason I hit the giant plateaus I keep hitting. My carb intolerance slows my weight loss down bigtime, but I think part of it's psychological. I'm scared to be thin, which is so sad. But I know a lot of people here can relate. I'm still working on it!

irishsarah
01-14-2009, 03:28 PM
I am just curious why someone with only 40 pounds to loose would be posting in the 100lb club to begin with? Don't get me wrong, everyone should be able to post wherever they want but everyone here is so supportive to come in and say, "this is what it is...plain and simple, black and white" almost seems like a purposeful attempt to disrupt the atmosphere here.
I don't mean to be disrespectful to Nitenurse, but I just found it really odd.

I don't think anyone here does not know about "calories in calories out". I don't think anyone here is looking for a magic wand or to make excuses. (but if anyone finds one e-mail me right away!) I think we are just looking to be with people that "get it" and that may have some insight on the journey that we don't have.

WarMaiden
01-14-2009, 03:46 PM
Assuming that there's a one size fits all approach is probably the single most damaging theory to successful weight loss.

So true. The real key to weight loss is experimenting, tweaking, and tuning until the correct, personalized formula is found. No two of us is exactly alike in this journey.

kaplods
01-14-2009, 03:49 PM
And I think glib generalizations like "eat less, move more," "calories in, calories out" and "any diet works if you work it," can prohibit a person from experimenting, tweaking and tuning. Instead, they keep on trying to get onto the same horse that threw them, instead of trying to find a different horse.

I know the main reason I kept failing for more than three decades was that I kept trying to get back on the same horses. I never even considered the "low carb" horse, because everything I read and heard said that it was a "bad" horse.

It wasn't until two doctors suggested lower carb for my insulin resistance and found out that lower carb helps reduce my fibromyalgia symptoms that I started experimenting with low carb. Now, I still keep falling off, but at least I know what does work, so I'm confident that with practice I'll get beter at it.

Glory87
01-14-2009, 04:34 PM
I am just curious why someone with only 40 pounds to loose would be posting in the 100lb club to begin with? Don't get me wrong, everyone should be able to post wherever they want but everyone here is so supportive to come in and say, "this is what it is...plain and simple, black and white" almost seems like a purposeful attempt to disrupt the atmosphere here..

I don't know...I "only" lost 70 lbs but I usually feel pretty comfortable posting in this forum (heck, I've snuck into the 20 somethings threads a few times!). The journey may be different or shorter, but there are a lot of similarities for losing weight - whether it's 5 lbs or 100 lbs. It is interesting to see so many perspectives, how one person can see it as "black and white, calories in calories out" but when some of us look in our bodies/hearts/minds we can see it is THAT and more.

In some of my earlier trips through the great dieting roadtrip, I might have thought it WAS calories in/calories out for me, but that wasn't what it ended up being.

Trial and error. Stop and start. Lose and regain. Eat non fat. Eat fat. Eat protein. Eat dairy. All the conflicting information we are bombarded with! The whole process has been a journey of discovery :) I am different now than I was at the beginning.

kaplods
01-14-2009, 04:41 PM
I do understand what irishsarah is saying though. Not that anyone isn't welcome "here," but that getting "all you need to do" advice from someone who has less than half the weight to lose can seem judgemental more than supportive.

I try not to read emotion into others' posts, because I know it isn't always meant that way, though I definitely do feel a vibe of "judgement" coming from the "all you need to do," type posts that I don't feel from the "what I tried and it worked for me". I can cut more slack to someone who has as much or more weight to lose as I do, but when someone with less than 50 lbs to lose tells me "all you've got to do," advice - or advice that implies that there is only one way to succeed, well, let's just say I tend not to take the advice very seriously (some eyerolling may be involved).

I don't post very often in the featherweight posts, because our issues aren't the same. I don't even read them, honestly because reading "I can't be seen in a bathing suit, until I lose 5 lbs," kind of drives me crazy (since I love swimming and never deprived myself of the pleasure and the exercise, even when I was a smidgen under 400 lbs).

Yes, there are a lot of similarities in weight loss, whether it's 10 lbs, 250 or 500 - but there are also issues vastyly different. Any time a person attempts to give advice to a situation more severe than your own (whether it's weight loss advice, financial advice or advice on any other topic), they risk being perceived as being judgemental or naive.

Lyn2007
01-14-2009, 05:29 PM
I am fat because I like the way junk food tastes. As much as I enjoy healthy foods, I won't lie. I would eat cookies and chips and burgers all the time if it didn't affect my health. And because so many other things in my life have sucked, I turned to making myself feel good with those foods I liked.

Example: My first husband left. That's when I became OBESE. I was so sad about the divorce and the poverty. A donut made me happy.

I have 3 kids with chronic health issues. Each diagnosis was so painful for me that the only thing that made the pain stop for a little bit was food. Ten minutes with a bag of Cheetos was better (in my head) than ten minutes with that pain.

H8cake
01-14-2009, 06:07 PM
My reasons for being fat evolved over time. To begin with it was underlying health issues, insulin resistance and thyroid. Being a stay at home mom with access to more food didn't help. Growing up we didn't have more food than we needed so we didn't gain weight. I love to bake and the diabetes that runs in the family makes me really crave sweets. I bake for a living so that is really not helpful! Low self esteem/ depression runs in my family as well. That combined with the weight piling up turned into eating to soothe. There were lots of family problems, divorced parents, males in the family that were abusive, oh lots of reasons. I figured I was fat and couldn't lose it so I might as well enjoy the sweets. This was fine (not really, but I rationalized) until my health started to go. I agree that weight problems are so personal, everyone is different. It is never right to pass judgment on someone not knowing all the circumstances.

BAILYBOO
01-14-2009, 06:29 PM
Gee this really was a great topic . Thanks for sharing everyone :)

Slashnl
01-14-2009, 06:42 PM
Here's my little story. Went off to college to a very difficult, very stressful engineering university known for its exceptionally high standards. That is not a brag, it is an explanation because that's where it started. High stress... easy access to lots of beer... lots of study... not much time to eat... pizza delivery... no time to exercise (very lame excuse)... easy access to beer...

So a lot of my weight was put on in college. Then, I didn't lose it before I got married and had kids. Put on more weight after the first one, more after the second one. Then, just way overwhelmed with working full time and putting kids/husband needs ahead of my health.

Can't ignore it forever, so better late than never, I'm starting again.

Jennelle
01-14-2009, 07:02 PM
***WARNING: If you have an eating disorder, please be careful reading this. It may contain some triggers.***

I was an emotional eater. (I say "was" because I am no longer.) I gained most of my weight during my first year of teaching. I was in a low-income, critical teacher shortage school in one of the worst districts not in just the state, but in the entire country. I seriously believe my principal had an undiagnosed bipolar disorder. It was Horrible (with a capital H) and all I did was eat. I gained 70 lbs. in nine months.

Way before then, though, I struggled with eating disorders. I was not a fat kid, but I did have boobs and hips by the end of 4th grade. This was in the days where all my outside role models were boobs-on-a-stick. I started "dieting" (really, starving myself) when I was in 7th grade. I managed to get down to 103 lbs. (I was 5'4") and NO ONE told me I was too thin. It was just the opposite - they all told me how great I looked! Of course, once I started ingesting more than an apple and a can of Tab every day, I gained it all back. (And by "all," I mean I weighed about 130.)

There were also some sexual abuse and abandonment issues that I was never allowed to deal with as a child and wasn't equipped to deal with as an adult for the longest time. I yo-yo'ed for years, alternating between anorexia (that I hid verrrrrry well) and binge eating (that I hid equally well). In my worst anorexia spirals, I went days without eating anything at all. During one of my worst binge spirals, I ate an entire package of bologna, a sleeve of saltines, a half a box of Cheerios with milk and tons of sugar, and about 10 pieces of bread and butter in one sitting.

It took a long time to make piece with myself. It took a long time to come to the realization that, yes, I'd been very, very hurt by some people I should have been able to trust in my childhood, but that ultimately if I continued to treat food as my drug, those people still had power over me.

So now I'm here, doing it for real, for good. And I will never speak this story again because, frankly, it makes me shaky.

Lovely
01-14-2009, 07:05 PM
So now I'm here, doing it for real, for good. And I will never speak this story again because, frankly, it makes me shaky.

:hug: :hug: :hug:

S.A.S.H
01-14-2009, 08:29 PM
I do understand what irishsarah is saying though. Not that anyone isn't welcome "here," but that getting "all you need to do" advice from someone who has less than half the weight to lose can seem judgemental more than supportive.

I try not to read emotion into others' posts, because I know it isn't always meant that way, though I definitely do feel a vibe of "judgement" coming from the "all you need to do," type posts that I don't feel from the "what I tried and it worked for me". I can cut more slack to someone who has as much or more weight to lose as I do, but when someone with less than 50 lbs to lose tells me "all you've got to do," advice - or advice that implies that there is only one way to succeed, well, let's just say I tend not to take the advice very seriously (some eyerolling may be involved).



I think you sneak in my mind sometimes :lol: :bravo: Well said. I have bitten my tongue in reponse to a couple posts already.

cfmama
01-14-2009, 09:05 PM
I am fat due to many many reasons. OBVIOUSLY I ate more than I burned off. But WHY I ate more was another story.

My parents used food as a substitute for attention when we were growing up. If we'd go and watch a movie, or go play we were rewarded not with a small BAG of chips but a BOX of chips. So I learned to eat big from an early age. I also snuck food often as a teenager and ate alone.

I went through a really traumatic time when I was 19. My boyfriend was mentally abusive so I dumped him and turned to a new man... who then after finding out I was 19 weeks pregnant, beat me up, threw me in the back of his truck and proceeded to dump me out the back at about 30 K per hour. I gave birth to a stillborn little girl later that day :(

I then lost my job, locked myself in my apartment and went from 160 lbs to 300 lbs in 1.5 years. I only left to head to the corner store to buy more and more junk food.

So the REASONS I ended up this large were depression and poor choices.

And the REASON I want to lose the weight is so I can live.

Trazey34
01-14-2009, 11:16 PM
I wish I could say something concrete, like a crappy childhood or abuse of some sort, but nothing of the kind is true. I was loved, nurtured, encouraged to be myself, accepted in all things, valued. I was never teased or belittled because of my weight in my family, I was always told I was the pretty one and the smart one. My sister is thin, my brother a bit heavier. I had awesome parents. My dad loves to eat BUT he hikes and chops wood and is very active; my mom doesn't eat as much, but she hates to exercise. Luckily I got the combination of loving to eat like a starving wolverine and hating exercise LOL I'm not a 'stress eater' during bad stressful times I can barely get a cracker down. I'm a 'celebratory' eater, I think of food as a 'treat' still. I think I'm fat, no i KNOW i'm fat, because I'm lazy and self-indulgent and I have no urgent NEED to not be fat. I have a good job, money, a loving husband and tons of friends, my health is good. I love the way good rich food tastes, I also love the way crap tastes LOL. And I somehow have a weird sense of entitlement, that I should be the exception to the rule, I should be able to eat whatever I like, who's the world to tell me otherwise? nutty I tell ya, nutty! But my rational mind knows that the clock is ticking - that good health isn't going to last forever. I want to live a long life, I don't want to leave the party early because of food, I want to stick around and grow old with my DH :)

valpal23
01-15-2009, 12:03 AM
because I am addicted to food. It makes me feel euphoric and happy. so I want more. I will always have to be conscious of this fact. (it might be what keeps me in a size 14 for the rest of my life - not that i'm complaining)

xJox
01-15-2009, 12:40 AM
I eat too much, no exercise. Emotional eating. I started blogging about this today and after a zillion words, I still wasnt a 1/3 of the way through. Ill finish tomorrow. I have some serious issues behind why I eat, at least I think so.

rodeogirl
01-15-2009, 01:05 AM
For me I think there's a couple main things.

1. An undiagnosed thyroid condition that I probably had for a long time.
2. A lot of not understanding the basics of weight loss. I used to try to lose weight by exercising a lot but never understood why weight loss was so slow. I could lose a few pounds and maintain (and actually get in really good cardio condition) but never drop the pounds I wanted which was super discouraging.
3. Add 1+2 together and I formed the idea that I was someone who just couldn't lose weight, was always fat, and would always be fat. I was an extremely active youngster - always outdoors, biking, hiking, hunting, fishing, riding horses, bucking hay, riding my bike or walking to school but was always heavy.
4. After college I went into a really stressful graduate program and internship and after that transitioned into a really stressful time in my life and weight management was one of the things I just gave up on.
5. I really enjoy food. All kinds of food. I love trying new things and crazy combinations.
6. I was busy a lot and ate out a lot and my conception of portion control was distorted because I was using restaurant portions to define "normal."

I think that's most of it.

LuvMyMr
01-15-2009, 01:07 AM
I am fat due to many many reasons. OBVIOUSLY I ate more than I burned off. But WHY I ate more was another story.

My parents used food as a substitute for attention when we were growing up. If we'd go and watch a movie, or go play we were rewarded not with a small BAG of chips but a BOX of chips. So I learned to eat big from an early age. I also snuck food often as a teenager and ate alone.

I went through a really traumatic time when I was 19. My boyfriend was mentally abusive so I dumped him and turned to a new man... who then after finding out I was 19 weeks pregnant, beat me up, threw me in the back of his truck and proceeded to dump me out the back at about 30 K per hour. I gave birth to a stillborn little girl later that day :(

I then lost my job, locked myself in my apartment and went from 160 lbs to 300 lbs in 1.5 years. I only left to head to the corner store to buy more and more junk food.

So the REASONS I ended up this large were depression and poor choices.

And the REASON I want to lose the weight is so I can live.

Oh my gosh! I am so sorry to hear this!!! Do you have children now?

cfmama
01-15-2009, 03:39 AM
Oh my gosh! I am so sorry to hear this!!! Do you have children now?

I do. I have three beautiful children now :)

lewelaine
01-15-2009, 05:17 AM
I compulsively overeat. I struggle daily..neh, hourly with this.

JustSharing83
01-15-2009, 05:24 AM
I got fat when I was young and have never taken the weight off.

I love to eat, especially junk food.

I have been an emotional eater since I was a kid, I drown my depression with food.

I am a binge eater, I often take in tons of calories all at once until I have that sickly full feeling. Oddly, I long for that feeling and I'm empty without it.

I have never had any idea how to lose weight, I only recently began educating myself.

I'm lazy and hate exercise.

...they are all just excuses that I need to overcome though.

CeCeLee
01-15-2009, 05:41 AM
There are so many reasons why I believe I am overweight.

1. To hide myself from everyone else. I've had horrible role models as far as men go in my life. My father was a Vietnam vet who never got help until he was in his late 40s. My oldest brother went from one girl to another, breaking hearts all the way. My youngest brother was 17 when he had his son and went nuts and disappeared for 3 years. My middle brother...well, that's a whole other number...
2. My brother's death. My middle brother was 20 when he committed suicide; I was 8. It was one of the darkest times in my life. My father was out of control, my mother was depressed. Both of my brothers went AWOL and I was left alone. Food was my only comfort.
3. Feelings of inadecuacy (sp). I am a very paranoid person (fortunately *ahem* I got my mother's nerves and my father's depression...) and always felt like I wasn't loved. It's the whole pre-rejection thing. If I make myself fat, than no one will come around and no one can reject me to my face.
4. Depression. I was okay with handling my weight under my depression until I hit college. My first year was bad, but my second year was Katrina. My parents, grandparents, and uncle and cousins moved in with me and it was ****. I lost my house, my life, and my privacy.

Basically, I eat my feelings. My mantra lately is..."Food doesn't control me, I control food. Food is not my life." It WILL stick.

GirlyGirlSebas
01-15-2009, 08:38 AM
Thank you to all who chose to post here and share your stories and your thoughts. Big hugs to each of you who have chosen to battle the myriad reasons why you overeat.:hug: Like my signature says, this battle isn't for sissies, but we are more than up for the challenge!

amyk0202
01-15-2009, 10:58 AM
I'm a 'celebratory' eater, I think of food as a 'treat' still. I think I'm fat, no i KNOW i'm fat, because I'm lazy and self-indulgent and I have no urgent NEED to not be fat. I have a good job, money, a loving husband and tons of friends, my health is good. I love the way good rich food tastes, I also love the way crap tastes LOL. And I somehow have a weird sense of entitlement, that I should be the exception to the rule, I should be able to eat whatever I like, who's the world to tell me otherwise? nutty I tell ya, nutty! But my rational mind knows that the clock is ticking - that good health isn't going to last forever. I want to live a long life, I don't want to leave the party early because of food, I want to stick around and grow old with my DH :)

Alot of this is me as well--just add in some emotional eating ;). I was always very thin growing up & never, ever had to think about what I ate. After my first child I lost the weight soooo easily. I was breastfeeding & I was losing 2 lbs a day. I could eat like a horse & still lose weight & I did. After my 2nd child I was breastfeeding again & lost the weight quickly with little effort, but it was not dropping off like the first time around. After my 3rd child I was 60 lbs overweight--2 months on bedrest & carbs were the only thing that calmed the nausea. Breastfeeding was not cutting it this time. I went on WW & exercised like crazy & lost 45 lbs. It was hard but well worth it. After my 4th I was again 60 lbs overweight--more bedrest & carbs. Breastfeeding still not dropping the pounds. This time I just didn't get on plan. I have continued to make bad eating choices. I HATE cooking & love crappy food so it has been so much easier for me to just order out over & over--getting fat & wasting so much money. Also, eating makes me happy. It makes me feel good while I am eating & then unhappy after I finish eating things I know will just make me fatter. One of my struggles is that I don't like veges & healthy foods so I am not at all happy eating them & the prospect of eating them for the rest of my life & excluding foods that I do like is not appealing--perpetual joylessness. Soooo not the correct attitude I know. Now I'm 100 lbs overweight & I get winded chasing my toddler. Last time we went camping I was too out of shape to go on our usual hikes. It's hard for me to carry my 3 yo up the stairs. I absolutely have to take care of this because I can't play active games with my kids. I can't teach them how to ride a bike because I can no longer run alongside them. The bigger I get, the more tired I am. That is just unacceptable. I also want another baby & I can't get pg at this weight. My pregnancies are hard enough without struggling with all this extra weight on top of it.

I also think the comment that we need to burn more calories than we take in is not all supportive. Especially coming from someone with much, much less weight to lose than me. If weight loss was not effected by other things then we would all be thin. That being said, today I am going to burn more calories than I take in :D. I'm going to try really hard to do it tomorrow too. That's all I can do.

Thighs Be Gone
01-15-2009, 11:01 AM
cfmama, I am so sorry.. :( but I am so glad you are here with us now!

roxy road
01-15-2009, 12:11 PM
Oh, this is a good thread....

Many reasons...
my mother is a bit emotionally challenged and her version of reward/discipline/affection was always based on giving or taking away of treats. so from a VERY young age, i was taught to place a high value on junk food -- which led to being overweight as a child.
laziness in combination with asthma, which has always made exercise absolutely the last thing i want to do.. i rarely work out.
emotional eating. when i'm really happy/sad/stressed/worried/bored/any other extreme emotion, i'll reach for a snack even if i'm not necessarily hungry... if i'm REALLY sad/stressed, it could turn to binging.
social eating. most of my friends like to go out to eat every time we see each other, this also carries over to gaining weight from coworkers wanting to eat out every lunch hour..
skipping meals. i rarely eat more than two meals a day, sometimes it's just one meal with a few snacks... not good for the metabolism..
fast food to save time. i'm not as guilty of this these days, but in the past picking up something from a drive-thru on the way home was a regular occurrence... saving the time i would have spent in the kitchen definitely had a major effect on my waistline.

Sandi
01-15-2009, 01:23 PM
I also come from many generations of alcoholics. I am not an alcoholic, but instead I am a foodaholic.

I was kinda normal as a child, then when I was a freshman, my dad died. I ate the pain away. And then at some point, I quit eating for the pain, but the poor eating habits were there and it became habit. Now it's been 25 years and it's just kinda what I do.

I agree that "To lose weight eat less and exercise more" isn't really helpful, and isn't what we were talking about. But please realize that everyone is welcome here at the 100 lb club, no matter how much they have to lose. Sometimes people just look at today's posts and don't really realize where they are posting.

RN BSN 2009
01-15-2009, 01:51 PM
I'm fat because I haven't made healthy eating and exercise a priority until last month!

rockinrobin
01-15-2009, 04:01 PM
And then at some point, I quit eating for the pain, but the poor eating habits were there and it became habit. Now it's been 25 years and it's just kinda what I do.

This is an excellent point. One that I've thought of many times. Because at some point, all the food no longer serves it's original purpose and it just becomes plain old habit. It's what you've always done. So you just keep on doing it. It's all you know. You get in a rut and it's HARD to pull yourself out of it.

Kae
01-15-2009, 04:25 PM
Rhonda- I know what you mean...

I've been trying to think about my weight issues and I realized that I have always had them. Even as a small child I thought I was fat when I was thin.

Contributing life events: My parents were alcoholics and got divorced... my mom developed an eating disorder (bulimia) and was skinnier than I was... I found my Dad's dead body when I was 12... lived with my Mom's abusive ex in my teens......... all of these things really had an impact on me.

No, they didn't make me fat... but I found that eating myself into a coma was the easiest way to deal with them. So now is the time to start 'dealing' with my past and accept it as a part of me and move on. It is all a very mental thing like you said. :)

GirlyGirlSebas
01-15-2009, 04:35 PM
I am simply amazed at the number of us with some form of alchoholism in our family history.

Alexis
01-15-2009, 05:05 PM
I'm fat because I am an emotional eater, and also I see all my friends eat whatever they want (they are all small) and I think " why can't I do that?!" amd I know that that's not good at all, and so I need to fix this

KimL1214
01-15-2009, 09:36 PM
Because I eat my emotions and LOVE eating.

thistoo
01-15-2009, 09:58 PM
I am simply amazed at the number of us with some form of alchoholism in our family history.

You can add me to that list. My parents weren't alcoholics, but my mom's family were all violent drinkers. I see the tendency in both myself and my sister, so we have to be really careful.

There's sexual abuse in my father's past too, which made him emotionally unavailable to us kids, which fostered my fear of rejection at an early age. My mom's anorexia didn't help either.

Family! Gotta love 'em. ;)

Stepping Out
01-15-2009, 10:28 PM
I also grew up in a family of alcoholics. My mom, brother, and several other relatives struggled with alcohol addiction; but for me food was my 'drug of choice'. :devil: I've struggled with my weight since I was in elementary school. I'm addicted to fat & sugar particularly. I'm also an 'emotional eater'. Food helps me deal with stress, anxiety, and isolation.

Thank you so much for starting this thread! That's one of the wonderful things about 3 FC. We've all been there, and we can relate & offer support to each other :)

rockinrobin
01-15-2009, 10:32 PM
Family! Gotta love 'em. ;)

We do? ;)

Guess so. :dunno:

kittycat40
01-15-2009, 10:37 PM
My food issues come from a food issued mother, father and maternal grandmother.

The addictions in my family were food and marajuana.

mollymom
01-15-2009, 10:45 PM
I have absolutely no excuse to be fat based on my upbringing. I grew up with a thin mother who cooked very healthfully. We NEVER got pop, or pizza, or chips etc except on very special occasions. My mother knew about low fat, high nutrition cooking before it was fashionable. Dessert in our house was apple, orange, banana take your pick.

BUT as an adult, my mother and I discussed if maybe food was TOO controlled. THus when I went to university, and had free rein on what I ate, I lost my mind.

I also think I had a distorted body image from a young age. In high school I thought I was fat. IN reality I was a 5.8 140 pound, size 12-14 young woman who had a great body..but already I thought I was fat.

I don't really know exactly when it got out of control. I would gain a few, lose some, gain some more, lose some. I got what I call the opposite of anorexia..I looked in the mirror and thought I was thin....Then I just quit caring and hit 275. I remember getting weighed at the hospital in prep for surgery. I thought I was 240..the scale said 275. I sat in my car and cried.

I have lost 35. I eat for nutrition, and lose weight by accident. I have a long road ahead still. I have to deal with ..am I hungry...am I bored..am I stressed...am I feeling unloved...am I lonely...am I angry...am I too hard on myself..am I not hard enough on myself...omg shut up my brain..please shut up my brain..but I have to listen it every time I eat...and analyze why. I hope it gets easier...I am too old for all this thinking, it hurts my head!:dizzy:

thinpossible
01-16-2009, 12:43 PM
Yep, alcoholic parents here too :wave:

I'm fat because I LOVE food, and I HATE exercise.

I'm fat because I wasn't taught and never figured out on my own how to eat "normally" (my family had some really weird issues with food - kinda all or nothing).

I'm fat because I'm emotional eater. If I'm having an emotion, I eat :D ;)

Keillynsmom
01-16-2009, 01:40 PM
I was normalish size until I was twenty. Then I had one really rough year (started with me finding my husband of less than six months in bed with a friend, carried through my parents very nasty divorce after 25 years of marriage and ended with my grandfather's suicide...there was other stuff, but them's the high points...) and gained about 80-100 lbs. Never been able to get it back off and haven't been under 200 in nearly 23 years.

My question is -- I know food is my go-to for any and all emotional upsets -- and that seems like it's true for many posting. It works and it feels safer than trusting anyone/anything else -- so what are alternatives to comfort or destress or whatever? I'm willing to take baby-steps on this one. I really have no idea what genuinely works or how to learn how to make something else work as well.

Thanks,

Barb

Pudding
01-16-2009, 04:52 PM
My Mum's mantra when I was growing up "If you don't finish what's on your plate you won't get any pudding" also "You not finishing that? There're starving children in Africa!"

I find it really hard to throw food away - I'll finish friend's dinners for them.

ChrissyBean
01-16-2009, 05:22 PM
You know, I have never heard that before. That is really, quite novel.


This made me laugh out loud, TBG! :lol:

I don't know why I'm fat. I do know that I'm pretty lazy, but even so.

Like Jen, I'm a people pleaser and peacekeeper. I never thought if it like that in terms of personality, though, but I think there's something there. When all is tickety-boo, I have no trouble staying on plan and exercising, but any sign of unhappiness or stress and all those good intentions go out the window. I had a good childhood, but during the 80s my dad did lose his job and started drinking heavily, and we ended up moving to another province. That was a really stressful time, but I don't really recall eating to soothe myself. We ate pretty healthily, too, with pop being a rare treat and chips I think were allowed every other weekend or so.

Huh. Put me down for, "I don't know."

Edited to add: Oh, I really like the taste of junk food, too. Potato chips, chocolate, Chinese food...if only celery could taste like ketchup chips! :lol:

Lyn2007
01-16-2009, 06:11 PM
so what are alternatives to comfort or destress or whatever? I'm willing to take baby-steps on this one. I really have no idea what genuinely works or how to learn how to make something else work as well.


Well, talking it out is good but not always an option. My comforts:
long hot soak in the tub
relaxing with a cup of hot tea
writing it out (journaling or blogging)
doing artwork to express your feelings
exercise, walking, biking, get the bad energy out

Hope this helps. Its a hard habit to learn.

JasonsLea
01-16-2009, 11:30 PM
Why am I fat? I ask myself that ALL the time and knowing the answer doesn't seem to help me much. When I was younger, my mama was an alcoholic. When I tell people I helped raise my baby brother and sister, I mean it! When my mama was passed out, I cooked, clean, kissed boo-boos, soothed nighttime fears. My mama openly admits that she remembers next to nothing of our childhood up till I was around 8, when she met my stepfather. My mama's parents died when she was very young and she grew up in a military boarding school, so she's not big with affection. I didn't understand this when I was younger, so I always assumed (and still do) that the problem was me. I wasn't smart, pretty, or quiet enough. I was the ban of my mama's existence, her sole embarrassment. I've always been a awkward kid so I was teased mercilessly at school. We didn't have money so we ate cheap, processed crap. I'm a big emotional eater. When things go wrong, when my emotions get so strong I start to shake, I have to stuff my face. I started gaining weight when my stepfather came into our lives. I also grew very depressed. He's very abusive verbally towards us kids. I worry about my baby brother becoming like him or killing himself, like I tried to many times before. There was also alot of sexual abuse from family friends. It's so weird, my friend brought this up yesterday at work. I was telling her about how I hate when people walk behind me and she asked if I had ever been raped. No, not raped but even though I think I'm ugly, I sometimes feel that I can stop myself from getting assaulted again by staying this way. I know that's illogical but I can't help it. :?:

thinpossible
01-17-2009, 12:05 AM
what are alternatives to comfort or destress or whatever? The only thing that's come close to approximating food is a hot bath and a book. Sometimes calling a friend (not even necessarily to talk about my emotions). Most things are simply not as comforting as food, so sometimes I just have to do the best I can until the feeling passes. I know exercise works for a lot of people, maybe it will work for me someday too.

djay
01-17-2009, 10:03 AM
I'm fat because I have never felt that I was special to anyone...AWWW! Poor me. I hate saying that...but it is how I feel. So I try to treat myself to make me feel special. Food is the only treat that those around me didn't make me feel guilty about because it could be shared. A new outfit or a new pair of shoes or a manicure were considered selfish.

Now it's just me...I pass on the food and go for the new outfit. Still working on the feeling guilty about it part. My new requirement for a relationship is to find someone who will treat me as well as I treat myself...if I don't find that...why bother?

ASoutherner
01-17-2009, 10:25 AM
Hi all. I am fat because I get dizzy, weak, sick to my stomach if I don't eat. I've been checked for Hypoglycemia but it's not that..(I've just started reaching for Orange Juice when I feel weak and sick to my stomach just to see if it makes the dizziness weakness and nausea) it seems almost to work but almost. I grab a piece of cheese then its the crackers, then the milk, then well I guess I could have dessert....

I was starved as a child and when I did have food I was told how awful food was so I didn't have a 'normal' way to eat. I was scared of Germs and I was afraid that the noodle soup was worms...I totally had no control over my thoughts of food due to the thoughts placed in a little girls head., that food was no good for me.

I grew up and yes I was a little thin but I got pregnant...I GAINED weight big time and now I've lost and gained the same 50 Lbs about 200 times plus..

So now here I am,, I just had Rasin Bran and a Banana and 1/2 cup of coffee w/1 tsp sugar and a flavored cream.

Guess what I'm sitting here getting all shaky and sick on my stomach. I hate this.

(What really gets me is that my friends call me down on being overweight and when I lose they say I'm waaay to thin..go figure)

Anyway I will keep on fighting to get my weight maintained and being middle-aged it ain't easy!

Have a nice day all.

AS~

thinpossible
01-17-2009, 12:21 PM
So now here I am,, I just had Rasin Bran and a Banana and 1/2 cup of coffee w/1 tsp sugar and a flavored cream. Does eating protein with your meals help your shakiness/ nausea? That breakfast that's pretty high on the GI scale, and I wonder if more protein would help. I hate that feeling, and hope you feel better!

Lyn2007
01-17-2009, 01:06 PM
I get the shakiness/nausea too, and so does one of my sons. Dr checked, no pre-diabetes or anything... so I keep almonds or fruit in my purse to stave off that feeling *before* it gets bad. Although chocolate milk is the clear winner in making me feel better!

Coffee Luver
01-17-2009, 01:58 PM
I am simply amazed at the number of us with some form of alchoholism in our family history.

I am not surprised. Not being argumentative - just saying that there is more of it out there than most are willing to say, and it effects more than one generation.
My mother's mother was an alcoholic. My grandmother came from a highly abusive home and then lost her husband when my mother was a year old. My mom never learned effective coping strategies and has battled depression (and obesity) her whole life. There was a point when I was about 9 years old where my parents were having a rocky period in the marriage where I distinctly recall my mom sitting down next to me and eating and entire box if ding-dongs by herself. I may have had one or two, but for the most part I just sat there and watched her open one after the other and eat, eat, eat. This is where I learned the concept of emotional eating.
I was pudgy through puberty, but was a skinny brat by the time I graduated high school and went to college. I later joined the Army where physical fitness was just something we did and personal fitness is something to brag about. It was a combination of me having to leave my son in the States (because of his ******* biological father - I wasn't allowed to take him overseas with me because his bio-dad who never saw him or paid child support refused to sign the passport ppwk just to be spiteful, so my son spent 2 years of his life living with my parents - and yes I am still a little angry about this), move overseas, stop exercising because the war started and we had more important things to do - like getting troops and equipment ready, my husband being sent away (he was and still is in the Army), and the calorie dense German food that had me packing on pounds like never before. I went from a VERY fit 150, to a very flabby 190 in 2 years. It was like a steam train - once the weight started coming on, I just didn't know how to stop it. That was in 2003 - and here I am, 6 years later just now really being able to get it off. There were periods where I got down to the 170s, but I still felt fat. Then once we got back to the states I did about 2 years of various infertility therapies that included hormones - that did nothing to help weight loss or emotional control. It was even worse when none of them ever worked. And then there were the 3 other deployments that I have sent my husband on. So, stress, depression, poor coping habits, emotional (happy, sad, scared, angry) eating, refusal to commit to an exercise plan... yup - that's how I got here. I have gotten less hot-headed as I have gotten older, that has helped. I am more peaceful, and make my decision a lot more slowly. That has made a big difference in my ability to lose weight. I am aware of what I can control, and what I cannot control. I can control what I put into my mouth and how much I exercise, how much I study, how much time I spend with my family, and how I chose to nourish our bodies. I cannot control other peoples actions or the government or my ovaries :lol: It makes life a lot less frustrating to be aware of these things.

fuzzysockpuppets
01-17-2009, 04:12 PM
I really don't remember when I haven't been fat. I would like to see myself skinny someday, maybe for the first time in my life.

Ten Years
01-17-2009, 05:04 PM
I think I turned to food because after high school I felt like I'd screwed up my whole life. My twenties were just one self-inflicted disaster after another and food was what made me feel better.

I will be thirty in about a month and I am so determined to turn things around in my thirties. I have a lot to fix, starting with this weight.

gumboot
01-17-2009, 06:57 PM
I am fat because all my life as far back as I can remember, I have always felt cripplingly worthless.

I am working on where it all started from with a therapist and so far I have come to the conclusion that it was the feeling that I no matter what I did or how hard I tried, I could never please my mother. Even as a young child right up until now.

We had very poor eating habits when I was a child as my mother was a very heavy woman who liked to eat out....alot.
My teenage years were ****. Being a teenager is hard enough but when you hate yourself and never feel like you "fit in" .... high school was a nightmare. I dropped out in grade 10. At 17 I fell in love with a boy who liked to beat on me. I got pregnant and I had a baby boy shortly after my 18th birthday. The sick thing is that for years afterwards, I felt like I deserved it.

It was extremely hard being a teenage mother. My dad encouraged me to end it with the abuser and I went back to school. This is when the weight started to really creep on. It was hard going to school and raising a baby. Especially with my mothers constant dissproval. I turned to food for comfort.

After I graduated high school I started working full time and going to college full time. The schedule was **** but I kept going, kept eating junk food to "make me feel better" and kept gaining weight. By the time my son was two, I weighed 220lbs (I was 145 after he was born). Even after I finished college and moved into my chosen field of work and had a good paying job, I still felt incredibly worthless. I mean, looking back now I think...Wow! I took a bad situation (having a baby so young with no support from the father) and really worked my butt of to make a better life for myself and my child. And we really did have a good life. I saved and saved and saved and was able to move out of a rental and buy my own home.

But, I still felt so ashamed and alone that I never dated. Ever. Which of course made me feel even more lonely and depressed. I was on anti depressants which caused even more weight gain and I was still eating for comfort.
When I met my husband at age 26, I didn't believe he could ever love someone like me. Good thing he was persistent because I tried to push him away so many times. Including the night before the wedding (which my mother initially refused to come to until my father told her he would not be staying home with her, he would be walking me down the isle). We got married and he adopted my son right away. We had another son and two weeks after he was born my husband started chemotherapy for testicular cancer that had spread to his chest. A brand new baby and a brand new husband that I was convinced was going to die because "I deserved it". More stress...More binge eating to cope. More anti depressants that caused even more weight gain. Still trying to hide it from him.

Thank god he made it through and is still here with me encouraging me on my journey to health (mentally and physically) . I finally started with a therapist last year to help me. Slowly but surely I am starting to find my self worth. I journal ALOT. I have started to really believe in myself which I think is why this time, I am finally able to stick with it and am losing weight. I am able to control my emotions and not let them control me. I still have bad days of course but life is so much better, so .... enjoyable. I try to look for the positives in every situation instead of the negative.

My mother is dying, slowly and painfully. I feel sad for her because she never helped herself. She never found joy in her life. She never really knew her children and grandchildren that she has always pushed away. She has missed out on so much.

She was extremely heavy until she got sick and has started wasting away to skin and bones. When she first got sick, I would go over to her home everyday. I'd clean, cook and do laundry. I even offered her one of my kidneys that was a perfect match. She was angry that she couldn't have it because I was too fat to give it to her. The kidney foundation wouldn't place my own health at risk to save hers. I ran myself ragged working full time, looking after my own family and taking care of her. Looking back, I now know I was desperately trying to earn her approval before she dies.

But, I have accepted the fact that I will never have my mothers love and approval. It is what it is and that is okay. I have always had my fathers and my husbands. And now, finally, I have my own.

2009 is my year. I am living the life that I *want* to live. Not the life that I was living to try and please others. I am a happy, positive mother, wife and daughter that is going to live a long healthy life.

ladywinter
01-17-2009, 07:07 PM
After deep thought on this issue I would have to say I am fat for two reasons.

1. Growing up we were broke so when we went out to eat or could afford junk food I ate as much of it as I could because I never knew when we would be able to afford it again.

2. I love Doritos. I think I single handedly could keep the Dorito people in business. I have eaten as many as 4 large bags a day. I LOOOOOOOOOVE them. Well....I did.

Now I just have to remind myself that compared to most I am pretty well off financially and I could afford to eat out at any time....but I dont need to. I have also convinced myself that Doritos are made with puppy parts and if I dont eat them I am saving a small puppy every day! :devil::D

ASoutherner
01-17-2009, 07:23 PM
Thanks for your response thinpossible. Other than eggs what would you recommend for more protein? I very rarely eat any kind of meat...I will eat sausage or bacon if I go out for breakfast but thats about it.

Thanks.

AS~

diary
01-17-2009, 08:10 PM
Why am I fat..... That's a loaded question!


1. Depression adn trying to mask my feelings of dislike for myself. Been working on changing the way I think about myself so it helps. It's a constant process of check and balancing when these kinds of thoughts become strong.

2. Issues with my failed marriage - I overate when we were married because I was unhappy, and then afterwards because I felt like a failure.

3. Being a night shift nurse. Insomnia makes me eat enough for 3 people!!

I am a nurse too - and being overweight is something that kinda creeped up on me - I did not realize I was that fat....

Thighs Be Gone
01-17-2009, 08:18 PM
Hey, I just wanted to throw myself into the alchoholic children category. Both of my parents were daily drinkers/drunkards growing up from the time I was just a toddler until I finished high school. It definitely relates to my weight. My siblings and parents are all obese. Probably 1/2 fall into the morbidly obese category. I have considered going to one of the meetings for children of alcholics. Anyone else have experience with this?

Thighs Be Gone
01-17-2009, 08:20 PM
Asoutherner, I like Hummus and homemade bean burgers. They are both healthy and cheap forms of protein.

chick_in_the_hat
01-17-2009, 09:57 PM
This is an amazing thread. So much catharsis. I've never really gotten to the reason I got fat...it started when I was a kid. I've concentrated on moving forward and I have built new healthier habits. But I still think I'm missing the final piece that's stopping me from losing the last 20-25 pounds. More pondering is required.

For Asoutherner - protein sources that aren't meat? Cottage cheese, lowfat string cheese, yogurt (especially the greek kind) peanut butter, protein powder (I add it to soups and smoothies) are a few I can think of offhand.

chick_in_the_hat
01-17-2009, 09:58 PM
Boca burgers :T

famograham
01-17-2009, 10:26 PM
Oh...my....

I avoided peeking in on this thread, until tonight.
First, I want to say what an incredibly strong, AMAZING bunch of women, and men we are. Some of your stories ripped my heart out. :cry: (I don't know if it exists or not, but I swear I have some sort of empathy disorder...I ACUTELY feel the pain of others) Sometimes it's SO hard to face how screwed up I really am.
I'm afraid that this is going to be looong!

I'll start at the beginning
* My father was an angry, obese, emotionally abusive, rageaholic, several packs a day smoker. He married my Mom after divorcing his first wife, the mother of my 3 brothers.

* My Mom had my sister with her first husband, then together they had me. My brothers visited on the weekends.

* My dad never accepted my sister, and had CRAZY angry outbursts at her about food. He would smash food on her plate and scream at her until she finished it. I, on the other hand was allowed to eat what I wanted,and her never came after me in the same way. I was the baby, and he's always wanted a girl.

* I THINK that this is what made ME a people pleaser. I finished all my food so that daddy wouldn't freak on me. My daddy rewarded me with cookies. Today my sister is a teeny, TINY thing, maybe a size zero. She took back control by NOT eating, and I wanted to smooth things BY eating.

* My Mom would do anything to try and avoid conflict. She stayed when she shouldn't have. She was overly permissive. I didn't have many boundaries. I'm sure this is because of her guilt.

* When I was 7, my dad died of a heart attack. I see this as a blessing for our whole family, but the damage was done. I was a bit chunky at this age.

*From that time on, my Mom wanted to do anything to make me happy. I started to get heavier. I had hardly any rules, and if I wanted something, my Mama got it for me.

*By the time I was 11, my Mom joined TOPS, and brought me with her....there started my life of trying to lose weight. She did want me to lose weight, but just didn't have the skills to help me do it in a healthy way. At this point in life, I was already severely lacking in self esteem, and already starting to seek approval at the hand of boys. If boys wanted me...I must be OK.

* When I was 14, I started seeing a man who was 5 years older than me. He was seriously abusive. He ended up taking me away to a reserve in the interior, faaar away from home. (I will never quite forgive myself for hurting my Mom like that!) I got pregnant, and lost that baby (early miscarriage) hundreds of kilometers away from home, with this man who ground my face into the dirt at the side of the highway, telling me I was a slut, and the baby wasn't his anyway....

* I finally escaped that situation by running away in the middle of the night, and hiding while I waited the hour or so that it took for the police to come and get me...the reserve was very remote. I spent a few days in a women's shelter and came home..much to my Mama's joy. I'm sure she thought he'd kill me. That whole relationship lasted about a year and a half.

* I then got into some therapy after I got home, and did quite well, but then started experimenting with some minor drugs, and was still seeking boys for self worth.

* I wasn't terribly overweight at this time, but in my mind I was FAT, FAT, FAT...

* at 16, I met my husband..we were very young, but he was so kind, and gentle, and soft spoken...never raised his voice, or uttered an unkind word..which made me fall hopelessly in love with him. We married when I was 18. All I ever wanted was to be in love, and be a Mother.

* I had another miscarriage right around the time we got married, I was terrified that I'd never have children.

* I always kind of knew deep down that my husband loved me for the person I am, but didn't love my weight. Although he never said anything...ever.

*Fast forward several years. I finally had our son, and was pregnant with our daughter (she's 7 now). We got our first computer when I was 7 months pregnant.

* I started noticing that my hubby was staying up till all hours of the night, and our love life was quickly dwindling. After our daughter was born I gained yet more weight and was about 230.

* I discovered that the late nights were my husband replacing our love life with an ever growing penchant for porn. My self esteem plummeted to all time lows. I finally got it out of him that he was not sexually attracted to me because of my weight. I immediately lost 40 pounds out of sheer terror of losing him. An then promptly gained it back as my anger toward him grew. I also discovered that he had decided that he didn't want any more kids...when up until that point, I had always expected that we would have three.

*It was sort of around this time, that I found 3fc, and my amazing, beautiful friends here. I got into therapy for myself, and my husband came home from a trip to Taiwan saying he was going to leave. More therapy...he never left.
During that time, I lost 40 pounds again, for ME. Through therapy, I realized that I am a GOOD person, I am lovable, and there are men out there who would love me for who and what I am. This seemed to bring about a desirable change in me, and my hubby never left.

* Then in January 2006, a tree fell on my Mom's house and ALL my efforts turned to helping her get a new home. I gained my weight back again.

*Last January, my Mama was settled into her new home, I had a nice level of comfort in my marriage, things were peaceful (aside from the pain of knowing there's a child out there in the universe...waiting for me). I started losing again..and was doing great!

* Then in March, my Mom was diagnosed with lung cancer....my focus on myself went out the window...I researched, and worried, and cried, and was (and am) terrified.

* Which brings us to today!!!....Phew...what a pathetic story! Please know that in between all of these things...there is great JOY, and AWE at the beauty of life..and a great appreciation for all the wonder that life has to offer!

* Today, my Mom is doing fairly well, my marriage is good, my kids are great, but that baby out there does still haunt me...don't know what to do about that one yet...

* I'm in a place once again, where my last attempt has been gained back...and I'm on the verge of getting started again...just need that "AHA" moment to get my *** in gear..

So, that's why I'm fat...:lol: I am also afraid of who I will be if I'm thin...and I'm afraid of how it will change me, and my life. My fat keeps me in my small little life...
I know "calories in-calories out" like the back of my hand, and yet..I am still fat.

I also have to add that I too, LOVE doritos, have night eating issues, and a VERY strong aversion to the feeling in my body when I exercise....it's some kind of mania that tells the feelings I get during exercise are "wrong"...like I'm going to die or something...lol!

I LOVE you ladies with all my heart, I truly do.

:hug:
Linda

coachie
01-18-2009, 01:03 PM
I was not a fat kid...not a fat teen...not a fat young adult. I thought I was because I was taller than most boys and girls my age. But I was always active and that counteracted all the junk I ate. I was tall, lean, athletic.

I always remember having a preoccupation with food. Thinking what I could sneak or find thoughout the house. I have so many little memories of food related stuff growing up. I loved food. My parents ate ok...but I think they restricted our access to junk more than my friends...so I found myself always preoccupied by it.

As I got older, I used food to deal with problems. I used food to celebrate...I just went unmonitored when I was on my own and in some ways I have been on a big long binge ever since .

Only once did I ever try to lose weight...and in doing so, I became very thin and very OCD in the process. I was practicing more disordered eating. I slowly gained weight back, but having a larger frame, I can carry it better than most...so until recently, I really wasn't too concerned.

I have a loving spouse who indulges me...feeds my triggers and since we don't have children, I think we play into the 'have what we want when we want it' mentality.

I am fat because I haven't found that switch to deny myself food...and I have stopped exercising. I know what I need to do, but it is easier not doing it....just put it off for another day. That is the mindset I need to change.

shelby897
01-18-2009, 01:20 PM
I'm fat because I allow myself to be :(

My mom had an eating disorder -- which she graciously passed on to two of her three girls (she left the psychological issues for the oldest one :D). I have skipped between bulimic and anorexic tendencies my enter life. Of my 39 years, I have spent only five of them at a "normal" weight, with the "help" of anorexia. I try to mask my emotional issues (lack of self esteem, poor moral control, disappointing marriage, etc.) with mindless, over the top binge eating.

I am fat because I can not control myself. However, I've also come to realize I keep eating, looking for that one thing that will relieve my stress and pain -- there is no taste that will erase my problems.....

So, I'm back on track .... again .... to try one more time -- hoping this times the charm. My emotional eating will never go away, I just hope one day to be able to control what I eat, not let it control me :D

GirlyGirlSebas
01-18-2009, 01:58 PM
Today, I realized that I started this thread, but never shared anything about my reasons for being fat. I'm at the very beginning of my journaling, but I have discovered some things about myself.

Some of my earliest memories are of being scared of my Dad and wanting to please him. I was a very independent child who was being raised by a very domineering man. My Dad was one of 9 children who's Dad was an alchoholic. Grandpa was a migrant worker who would drink and gamble his weekly pay and come home with no food for the family. Of the 9 children, 6 became alcoholics. My Dad didn't drink...he doesn't touch a drop of alcohol or allow it in his home. But, my Dad did become a very hard man who didn't know how to show love or acceptance. Dad was a military man and a deacon in the church. We had rules...many, many rules. Dad has mellowed. He is now a very loving man who is much less rigid. My Mom passed away 4 years ago and he changed. But, at the age of 44, I still find myself trying to gain his acceptance and often feeling like a failure in his eyes.

My Mom always had weight issues and struggled with depression. Mom was always sad. She would be feeling down and head to the kitchen for something to eat. If we had a difficult day at school, a fight with a friend, etc, she would prepare a special treat for us.

I inherited many wonderful things from my parents. From my Dad, I learned the value of hard work and persistence. From my Mom, I learned how to love and show compassion. But, I also learned some things that have made life a bit more difficult for me. From my Dad, I learned to be extremely rigid with myself. Nothing but perfection is allowable. From my Mom, I learned depressive behaviors and to use food as comfort.

Today, I fight depression constantly. I'm a very emotional person and I don't always know the healthiest way of dealing with the emotions. I fight feelings of failure. I fight being a perfectionist. But, I journal these thoughts and I'm learning to deal with them in a healthy way. Food is not the answer and I'm finally getting that.