OT: How to stay positive/active (relationship troubles)
I had a tough day, to be honest! I had a big serious discussion with my boyfriend today that got us both in tears. Our relationship isn't working mostly due to his untreated depression and I finally issued him an ultimatum about it. Eeeesh. It was hard, but he's seeking help and we're going to take things slow for awhile until he's feeling better, at which point we'll reconsider things.
Now I'm just moping around the house instead of getting my work done. Can't seem to focus. I didn't emotionally binge, which is good at least. I know how much MORE terrible I'll feel if I go OP. I'm on Atkins Induction, so all I want is bready sweets--and barring that, I'm not motivated to eat (or do) anything.
Do you guys have any tips on eating when you just don't want to? Also, what do you do to snap out of a funk?
Hippo - my gosh...that sounds like my boyfriend and I.
My BF has had depression for a long time...we've been together for 2.5 years and he's had it probably a good half of that time. It's caused a lot of problems BUT it's also been the catalyst for a lot of trust, understanding and patience.
I also had to deliver an ultimatum and he sought help. Not as much I would have liked i.e. he saw a counsellor once and hasn't been back since but he did go on medication. We broke up (at my instigation) for about 2 months during which he had some intense "self" time ... we both did a lot of thinking and talking during that time and decided what we had was worth more than losing it to depression.
Its been an agonisingly slow process of recovery and there are days where I could scream with frustration. At times I feel like he is delibrately pushing me away, his depression has killed his sex drive, he doesn't like intimacy (touching, hugging, kissing), he is withdrawn, moody, sullen and contrary as a mule. It breaks my heart to see him turn his face from things he used to love doing.
There are nights when I just cry and cry but I am there for him. Slowly but surely he has started to get better. I see flickers of his old self more frequently now. But for every two steps forward there is always one backward.
I encourage him to do the things he enjoys and push him to get out. He's now back into cycling and attempting to jog, he's eating healthy again and we're going out and being social with friends more often.
He said to me recently he doesn't know why I stay with him, that he expected I'd have run away a long time ago but that he is forever grateful I am there - even if he can't show it.
Be strong...even if your BF isn't showing he appreciates how much you care he does on the inside and will remember.
As for how to keep your sanity.
Heh...I RUN or go to the gym - at least it's a bonus for my fitness :P
I also remind myself that it isn't personal - he isn't doing it to me delibrately. I take time to myself by reading or cooking or walking etc. It's important to keep doing the things I like so I don't become so wrapped up in his problems they become my own.
Speaking from a depressed person's point of view- your support means so much more to him than you could know.
As for tips for eating when you just don't want to.. I don't personally agree with Atkins, but I'd say try to find things that fit with your plan but you can also enjoy eating. It never hurts to at least try something once! From what I've read about it, doing Atkins just makes you want nothing but sandwiches and a yoghurt and some fruit and it drives you insane. All good food, but unfortunately, not available to you. You'd probably have more luck with tips about getting over this particular hurdle over at the Atkins Forum
To snap out of a funk, exercise is wonderful. a nice brisk walk in fresh air in some nature, a jog, some stretching or yoga, a game of tennis.. or my personal favourite, swimming some laps! It's a great time for quiet reflection. Another thing that I find incredibly useful is writing lists. Write down what's bothering you, what you can do about it, what you will do about it, and what is just out of your control. And don't forget, you are always responsible for your thoughts and reactions. They are the only things that you can ever really control. Everything else involves a whole lotta chance
Thanks ladies, for the help and support--and tips! It means a lot.
I ended up just going to sleep--and this morning I'm much more energized, working out, etc. etc. Lyria and rocket pop in particular, it's great to hear your perspective on things.
Yeah-- I'm a big sleeper when it comes to dealing with tough stuff too. And my therapist thinks it is just avoiding the issue(s). Buuut...... sometimes I just need some space and time to seperate myself from my immediate problems so that I can sort things out afresh and rested.
It works for me........ exercise is good too but sometimes I am just too low down and hurt to be able to summon up the energy to even get my gym togs on........
ETA: For full disclosure I should add that I suffer from major depressive disorder, severe anxiety disorder and eating disorder NOS. All currently being successfully treated and under control.
Last edited by shrinkingchica; 01-13-2009 at 07:26 PM.
I'm sure he loves, needs, and appreciates you very much. My boyfriend and I are going through the same thing, only I am the one with the depression. We argue all the time lately, and it always ends up with me in tears...and trust me, our arguments are always about the silliest things that really make no sense to argue about, in all honesty. It's just my depression getting the better of me.
I even told him the other night that he doesn't deserve to have to bear this burden. He's 23 and has a life he could be living. And he told me that this is what we do for people we love. We're getting married in the autumn of this year, and I am forever grateful that I have such a wonderful, understanding person that will be standing by my side.
Now. Here's my weight loss dillemma. How do you know which exercise and amount is right for you? Especially with the weather being so frightful out, I'm basically stuck inside. I don't own any sort of exercise machine, so I'm basically left to my own devices. I thought of dancing to music, however would love some more ideas. Anyone have any?
OT: How to stay positive/active (relationship troubles)
