General chatter - I am so nervous...meeting "online date".
01-11-2009, 02:17 PM
So...I had decided I was going to lose 10 lbs before I tried online dating...I swore it. But...I signed up prematurely. I guess I'm lonely...tired of doing everything by myself...going to the movies by myself, shopping by myself, avoiding "sit down" restaurants because I have no one to go with, coming home to an empty house every day with noone but my dog. :/
Ok. Well, now I've met this seemingly awesome guy off there, we've been talking a lot through AIM for like 3 weeks...some nights for 3+ hours. He just seems like such a cool guy, we have a lot in common. He's never met anyone off "the internet" before...I have(they didn't go incredibly well). Met two guys off the internet...one lead to a short relationship of two months, the other we never spoke after that meeting. But we didn't exchange so much time and communciation those times, they went meet online, talk online, talk on the phone and meet in person---usually all within a week and a half. I know it was foolish of me to let myself get so attached to this *one* guy without having even met him in real life yet...
So he wants to meet this week. Great, right? I'm excited...I know it's silly, but I feel so self-concious about myself! Like what if he's disappointed with me? Years of being overweight has really taken a toll on my self-esteem. I know I've made so much progress though...I really do feel "pretty" and "accomplished" when I wear some of my new outfits...but then I start thinking of the fact that *he* doesn't know how far I've come. He doesn't know all I've gone through. He doesn't know that I'm in a near constant state of transition--always working towards a goal.
I know. If he's not into me the way I am, he's not worth it and I shouldn't give him another thought. I also realize that *I* might not like *him* when I meet him. This is stressful! Ahh!!! lol
01-11-2009, 02:22 PM
Meeting someone from the internet is strange.
We already "know" these people somewhat, just not in person, and there's the fear that they won't like us... or that they'll be radically different from what we think they are.
But there are some really nice people out there. I met my husband online (from a gaming community). My sister met hers online (from a chat room).
They're not all fairy tales. And sometimes you have to kiss a few frogs before you find a prince.
Be safe. You're meeting in a VERY public place, right? And you won't be going anywhere private? This is important!
01-11-2009, 02:25 PM
Oh yeah, definately. Starbucks! lol
01-11-2009, 02:26 PM
It IS stressful. I think the best thing to do is try to put yourself in a state of mind that- whatever happens happens. I know it's hard. I don't understand though if you guys are really connecting and you've been talking for a while- why didn't you just let him know that you are in transition?
I met my hubs on the internet so I do know that it can work out and be successful. Just gotta be careful and go slowly- you never know what you're going to wind up with until you meet and that goes both ways! :)
01-11-2009, 02:30 PM
Oh yeah, definately. Starbucks! lol
Whew, good :)
It'll be fine! I know it's strange to talk about things similarly to how one talks online. It's different... as much as we aren't trying to be different... it just is.
So, put on something that makes you feel comfortable and confident and then just chat & have fun with it. It'll be if it's meant to be. :)
01-11-2009, 03:57 PM
Good luck, Jhinako, and let us know how it goes!
I know several couples who have met online and have gotten married, and are doing fine. I'm like you though...I've thought for years about joining online dating sites and wouldn't because I was afraid that if I met someone I clicked with, I wouldn't be able to stand the look of disappointment in his eyes I was sure I'd see when we first met. I was overweight my whole life, and like you, had very low self esteem. I joined some dating sites before I started losing weight and at first, wouldn't upload a photo. As I grew more confident, I added photos and added more info to my profile. I started getting some responses, from "chubby chasers" and the more weight I lost, the less attention I am getting on this particular site! I'm guessing because I make it clear that I am following a healthier lifestyle and want to get smaller, so no more chubby chasers. Which doesn't bother me a bit. I wouldn't want someone who would lose his attraction to me if I gained weight, but I wouldn't want someone who would lose his attraction to me because I lost weight either. On a happier note, I may be getting less attention from men online, but more in real life!
Sorry to hijack your thread, Jhinako, I"m not trying to make it "about me", honest. Just wanted to let you know you're not alone in feeling self-conscious. As Lizzie says, try to adopt the feeling that whatever happens, happens. I'm trying to do the same thing myself.
01-11-2009, 04:40 PM
Like what if he's disappointed with me? Years of being overweight has really taken a toll on my self-esteem. I know I've made so much progress though...I really do feel "pretty" and "accomplished" when I wear some of my new outfits...but then I start thinking of the fact that *he* doesn't know how far I've come.
.....I've thought for years about joining online dating sites and wouldn't because I was afraid that if I met someone I clicked with, I wouldn't be able to stand the look of disappointment in his eyes I was sure I'd see when we first met. I was overweight my whole life, and like you, had very low self esteem.
"if he doesnt accept you at your worst, he doesnt deserve you at your best" ;)
Good Luck Jhin!! :goodvibes
01-11-2009, 08:41 PM
Hey I met my bf of 3 years on Plenty of Fish (online dating site). I was incredibly nervous the very first time..lol I barely spoke...
Just remember to meet in a public place, always tell someone where you're going but it's better to take someone with you. My bf when we first began dating was giving me some tips on meeting someone (he works with computers) and one of them was to ask for their drivers license..make sure they are who they say they are. You never know with the online thingy!
01-11-2009, 09:16 PM
I met my BF of 2 years online. We talked online for about 2 years before meeting in person and our first meeting wasn't what I would call perfect. We ended up talking on the phone for about 6 months after that first meeting before trying the in-person thing again. We've been inseperable ever since our 2nd meeting.
Even if it doesn't pan out at first, it may just be a timing thing, you never know. Relax, have fun, and be safe!
01-11-2009, 09:21 PM
Hi, I have been in a great relationship for seven years with a man I met on line. We had communitcated on line and on the phone for a month before we met in person, it was like we knew each other already, took the nervousness away.
Good luck and just be yourself.
01-11-2009, 09:24 PM
My boyfriend and I met through the internet. He and I have been together over three years now and we are very happy. I talked to him just like you for hours and hours on end before we actually met.
My cousin met her boyfriend on the internet as well and they now live together.
Good luck & hope everything works out for you!!!
01-12-2009, 01:30 AM
I've had friends that have met their boyfriend's online. One really annoyed me because her first encounter with her BF was at her apartment at like 1 am! Did not think that was smart, but they were together for 4 years...
I think meeting people online is a lot more common than we realize these days, but most people are embarrassed to admit to it.
Good Luck and I'm sure you look beautiful!!!! Make sure you let us know how it goes!!!
01-12-2009, 09:42 AM
Did you meet him yet? HOw'd it go???
01-12-2009, 05:39 PM
Yeah! I was wondering the same thing.
Thighs Be Gone
01-12-2009, 05:48 PM
I used to doubt meeting folks online would work out. However, a friend of mine met a great guy--really and truly. It turned out they were both Catholic and had both finished university at the same school. He has a great profession, and is all real--and so is she. I am so happy for them.
01-13-2009, 11:35 AM
Hey ... how did this turn out?
01-13-2009, 12:23 PM
I definitely understand how you feel, as I just went through the same myself. I signed up with an online dating site at the end of September but did not start actively pursuing it until end of October or so. I met two guys in person, I had a short term relationship with the first one for a month (he realized that he still missed his ex-GF with whom he split in the early fall and they got back together again - but he was very upfront about it and told me that he realized that it was not over for him although he had thought so), and with the other guy, even though I thought we clicked intelectually, the physical spark just was not there. I remained friends with both of them (why not).
It's interesting because you and I share almost the same stats. I am almost 5'9", my starting weight was 208 and now I am at 161. I actually told both guys about my weight loss when we were still chatting, before we met and they were both very supportive.
Don't be nervous - it's not a question of life and death. I was "somewhat" nervous just the few moments before we actually met in person, but then it went quickly away and it really felt like talking to a friend since I had spent some time chatting with both (online as well as by phone) prior to meeting in person.
Let us know how it went, OK?
01-13-2009, 12:37 PM
I used to be totally opposed to online dating. My sister told me about this site that shes on and she found alot of old friends (shes married) so I get on it because im sooo bored one night and I realized it was more of a dating site (IMHO) I started looking around and I saw this really cute guy on there. Started talking to him and found the love of my life. We have been together ever since!
So go for it!! Let us know how it goes!!
01-13-2009, 05:30 PM
I met my soon-to-be husband online, and he truly is the best thing that has ever happened to me. He's so sweet and loving and patient and kind and GORGEOUS. For some reason we get this sterotype in our heads that people searcing for love on the web are hideous. It is so untrue. He is a beautiful man, and a wonderful father. (my soon-to-be daughter will be 2 in less than two weeks! Ahh!)
He was the first and will be the last man I have/will ever met online. I thank God every day for my baby. <3
01-13-2009, 05:47 PM
They aren't all hideous. One of my former coworkers met a couple of ladies online. He was very attached to the first one. They dated for several years. I never cared for her but I wouldn't say anything. After she broke his heart, he moped around for a bit. He then jumped back into dating and met a wonderful woman. They dated several years and got married a couple of years ago.
I'm so happy some of you have met someone and are happy.
01-13-2009, 09:37 PM
i met my hubby on line. It was the best way for me...whhen i met him online..i was an officer in the military working long hours. Most of the men i met when living in savannah were enlisted (a no go in the military). I had trouble meeting people due to the long hours. I met him on yahoo..and we ended up working out and getting married. yes i met a few other guys prior to DH that didn't work out..but that's part of meeting people on line. Just always meet first in a general area..coffee is a great idea..you could turn it into dinner or drinks if working or call it early if not what you are looking for. Good luck..let us know how it went.
01-13-2009, 09:39 PM
has anyone heard from OP? is she OK??
01-15-2009, 05:47 PM
It's kinda scarey, isn't it? I wish she'd check in.
01-19-2009, 05:16 PM
Has anyone heard from her yet?
01-19-2009, 06:17 PM
If you look at her profile you see this..
Last Activity: 01-17-2009 07:48 PM
Also looking from her posting history, she is a bit sporadic. She may be mostly a lurker or just a busy gal. I'd love to hear an update though.
01-19-2009, 06:28 PM