So my boyfriend was all excited that he got to be a moderator on a website and I heard it had to do with Maxim, so being the curious gf I am I decided to check the website...okay fine I snooped and read some of the things he posted on the forums lol. I really dont care that he is looking at naked girls and talking about how hot they are since they are celebs that he will never met lol, but here is what bothers me:
Whenever he talks about himself (or me for that matter) its so exaggerated to the point that I feel like its lying and it creeps me out, a FEW examples:
1) He SAID that he has his Bach in fire science and he is a paramedic and he is currently going for his MA in PoliSci
-The truth is he is a firefighter but not Bach degree in it. He is an EMT not a medic, and he is like 4 years away from starting his MA in PoliSci.
2) He SAID that I'm his fiancee and that I have my Bach in Psych and I'm an RN and soon to be in school for a Trauma Doc.
-The truth is we are serious but not engaged. I'm freaking 19 years old, I'm not an RN. I'm an EMT and I'm a year away from graduating with a Bach in Psych and then going to med school to be a Trauma Doc
3) He SAID he was working New Years and got to deal with all the drunk, half-naked girls.
-In actuality, I spent New Years alone since he was sick with the flu
...So here's the thing, they are not like out of the blue lies since they are things that we both plan on being in the future, but they are not true to our current selves. I can't really confront him cuz I got myself into this situation and don't want him to know that I was looking at the site. It just bothers me because it feels like he is not comfortable with where we are at now, and I'm pretty freaking proud to be a fulltime EMT and full time student at 19 and him a student and firefighter at 23.... Should I just brush it off and attribute it to male ego and guys having to seem so tough on the internet? Or what should I do? I apologize for the long post.
If he posted it on the internet, he has no reasonable expectation of privacy. Confront him with his lies and get rid of him. If he never has to accept the consequences of his lies, he will never stop, and eventually, if he hasn't already, he will start lying to you about things that matter very much.
OK, I'm not a twenty-something, but I've been with the same guy since I was 19, and we are both 37 now...this is my take.
The computer allows us to be anyone we want. Some of us choose to be ourselves, some of us get to "almost" be ourselves with a little icing, and some of us live a fantasy and make ourselves up. It is not the real world.
Your boyfriend, as long as you have not noticed him to be a compulsive liar in "real life", is simply living a bit of a "fantasy life" on-line. So what? It does no harm...and it lets him play "imagination" like a kid. Yes, he probably wishes you and he were further along in your goals, or that he had his bachelors, so on-line...you do! It is harmless, and kind of cute, and someday you will have reached the goals he wants for both of you.
However, I will say that sneaking onto "his" website or forum to read his posts is a little like reading his diary. Not as bad...he TOLD you about the moderator thing...but without talking to him about it, it is still a little invasive. Better would be to get on WITH him and then ask him about the posts if you think this issue is worthy of a conversation with him. If he is uncomfortable with that, I would respect that this is "his thing" and not read what he says. Yes, he is talking to other people about you and him, but they are not people you know personally so it is unlikely to impact your life together -- mostly it is an outlet for him to feel "safe" to talk. Even if it is mostly about hot celebrity chicks!
This may get me jumped on....but what he's saying could be WAAAAY worse.
He's not denying you at all...in fact, he's claiming you're farther into your relationship than you are! In this situation, you may not be able to move past your feelings and concerns unless you tell him what you saw and talk with him about it. Maybe it's nothing more than him trying to be at the same level, education and life-wise, as others on the site, or maybe he's just wishing and hoping for those things in the future.
Wow... my advice is to tell him that you went on the website because you were curious and ask him why he is stretching the truth.... It is something you should address, although I don't think he means any harm by it. I would find it flattering that he has such high ambitions for the both of you. Living a little prematurly through his words doesn't seem like a deal breaker for me...BUT, TALK TO HIM ABOUT IT without attacking him.
I have issues with my husband's myspace and that there is nothing about me or his daughter on it. I wish he would be excited enough about me to "promote" our relationship to his outside friends...even if he did appear to stretch the truth!
All he is doing in my opinion, is embellishing the truth and making himself sound better ON THE NET. No harm no foul in my book. If he isn't lying to you, let it go.
From the outside these things are pretty small potatoes.
If he's planning on doing all of these things then it's really just some exaggerations.
I'm only thinking of what I would do with my husband. I'd probably very jokingly bring it up (were I to say anything at all). He'd probably laugh and say something about how he was exaggerating a bit. But then, honestly, I'd drop it. Just a sort of "I know, I think it's silly." situation.
If you've decided to bring it up, do it jokingly & in a light hearted manner. Don't be accusatory. But, I don't really see the point of making a mountain out of a molehill here.
I am with my sis (freshmanweightorbust) on this one - there is NO privacy on the internet. He told you about this site, and you were interested in seeing what it was like.
This may be a security issue - he feels like he has to make himself appear better ergo the exaggerations about his/your education.
I would say something to him..... even just like - I checked out that site you were talking about. and see what he responds with....
I have to differ with the opinion that on the internet there is no expectation of privacy. While some of us have our pictures up, not all of us do, and many of us have user names and we don't use our real names...this is a type of privacy. It lends an "anonymous" quality that lets us feel comfortable enough to talk about things that we often feel uncomfortable talking about in our real lives...it is an outlet. My husband knows I come on this site, and I know about a couple of sites he frequents, but neither of us would go out of our way to hunt down postings by the other. Why? Because while we are lovers, best friends and parents together...so we share most aspects of our lives with each other, we also recognize that we cannot be the "end all, be all" for everything the other one needs or enjoys, and we are seperate people and do not HAVE to be involved in everything the other one is. 3FC is my thing. My husband knows I talk about him on here sometimes...I've even read him things about us that I have posted, but when I'm on the site, he goes out of his way not to read over my shoulder. When he is posting on sites he frequents, I do the same for him. When he feels like sharing something, he does. Otherwise, it is his thing, and I respect that.
OK, I'm not a twenty-something, but I've been with the same guy since I was 19, and we are both 37 now...this is my take.
The computer allows us to be anyone we want. Some of us choose to be ourselves, some of us get to "almost" be ourselves with a little icing, and some of us live a fantasy and make ourselves up. It is not the real world.
Your boyfriend, as long as you have not noticed him to be a compulsive liar in "real life", is simply living a bit of a "fantasy life" on-line. So what? It does no harm...and it lets him play "imagination" like a kid. Yes, he probably wishes you and he were further along in your goals, or that he had his bachelors, so on-line...you do! It is harmless, and kind of cute, and someday you will have reached the goals he wants for both of you.
However, I will say that sneaking onto "his" website or forum to read his posts is a little like reading his diary. Not as bad...he TOLD you about the moderator thing...but without talking to him about it, it is still a little invasive. Better would be to get on WITH him and then ask him about the posts if you think this issue is worthy of a conversation with him. If he is uncomfortable with that, I would respect that this is "his thing" and not read what he says. Yes, he is talking to other people about you and him, but they are not people you know personally so it is unlikely to impact your life together -- mostly it is an outlet for him to feel "safe" to talk. Even if it is mostly about hot celebrity chicks!
I agree with you that in some ways it is like my reading his diary, except he did make it well known that he was a part of this website and a very frequent member...and I guess it also has to do with my ex cheating on me with 6 girls including my (now former) best friend; and me being curious that this was all girls on this site that he would never actually met up with lol. I have been very up front with the him that I have major trust issues because of what happened.
I appreciate everyone' opinion on this, I found it a little weird/creepy he exaggerated so much but I do agree that some people enjoy living the future/fantasy life on the net, and I ahve been thinking about it and he has been very honest with ppl in real life about where we are at. I might casually bring it up if I don't stop thinking about it. Otherwise, I'm just going to let it go..
Schumeany, I would still beg to differ - It's great that you and your SO have that kind of trust in your relationship. But there have been stories in the news about people posting things that got them fired (a flight attendant who took racy pics on one of the planes) and I have talked to people who posted rants about school, only to have classmates discover them afterwards and make the relationship awkward.
Privacy should be taken very seriously on the internet.
Blackbeltchica, good luck no matter what you decide to do in this matter.
All he is doing in my opinion, is embellishing the truth and making himself sound better ON THE NET. No harm no foul in my book. If he isn't lying to you, let it go.
I totally agree. And I agree with Schumeany.
As for me, I would never want my boyfriend (of 3 years) to read what I write on this site. Not because I'm lying or anything, but just because I like feeling free to write whatever I want about anything I want without anyone knowing or judging. My boyfriend knows I post on this site, however, he doesn't know my user name. If he found out my user name and checked my posts, I would feel really hurt/mad that he felt the need to invade my privacy.
Because, yes it's on the internet for the world to see, but it's still anonymous and private.
And yeah, at least it's nothing like "Oh I'm single, I don't have a girlfriend, I never want to get engaged, etc.". It's GOOD stuff!!! LOL.
I did not mean an absolute expectation of privacy...I meant that there is an expectation that people from our "real lives" will be UNLIKELY to find some individual message that we post, under a username, on the internet -- so it feels "safe" to say things on a site like this one that you would be unlikely to say to your mother, or your best friend...or your boyfriend. More than that, however, I meant that there is an expectation of a "respect of our privacy", by our SO, when we post something on a site that he or she knows we frequent and where we are likely to be discussing personal things.
Blackbeltchica -- I think I might have sounded a little "preachy" about the fact that you read his posts. I didn't mean to sound that way. When I was 19, and not yet married, I probably would have been tempted to know what my boyfriend was saying about me too. I was more trying to give you my perspective looking BACK at my 19-year-old self -- and what I would have liked to tell her...or you...about relationships, and that what he is saying, or not saying, on the internet has almost no bearing on who he is in "real" life. The internet is freeing and anonymous -- and he is letting out the person he WISHES he was.
Even if you have been burned before, even really badly burned like you were, if you really like this one, you have to constantly remind yourself that he is not the one who burned you. If you think he is a "keeper", learning to trust your partner is an incredible asset in a longterm relationship.
That's so weird. I think you have a right to confront him about it. On the other hand, some people have emotional issues and the internet is a way to vent for them. Maybe he feels insufficient in his real life and finds this "pretending" to be a relief of that stress. I'm not saying that's exactly what it is, but there may be more to this than you can see, so confronting him might be damaging.
Anyway, who would be dumb enough to believe that he spent New Years partying with half naked women and spends his time bragging about it on the internet? I don't think many people believe that's really true.
Need some advice- Non weight loss related
