General chatter - Does Anyone Else Prefer Big Men?

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01-05-2009, 01:56 AM
I'm 25 and my boyfriend of 2.5 years is 33. I weigh 273, he weighs in excess of 290 (I don't know exactly how much).I'm not sure, I'm really bad about eyeballing these things, but I think he's about 6'0'' to my 5'4''. I am making a conscious and determined effort to lose weight and he says his "diet starts Monday." Well, that particular Monday was about a year ago and nothing's happened yet. (in all fairness, mine was supposed to have started right around the same time, but that's not the point. the point is that my man is still quite husky)

Secretly, I'm kind of happy. I like him better fat. I want to be slimmer, but I want him to be fat, and it isn't because of any competitive insanity or anything, I just prefer meaty men. I have dated men of all body types and this is the one I like the very best. If he were to lose all the weight plus too much and be skin and bones, I would still adore him and want to be with him, I'm just afraid that I might not feel as physically attracted to him as I am now, if he gets down to what he calls his "fightin' weight," about 160. I don't think I have to much to worry about, as his idea of 'diet' appears to be alternating Mt. Dew and Dr. Pepper every other day, instead of a 20-ouncer of each daily.

As long as we are happy and healthy, nothing else matters, but I was just wondering if being over weight is what makes me prefer overweight men. I liked a medium build when I was younger and thinner. I'd appreciate some feedback from anyone who can relate. I just think it's interesting the way being overweight works on your body on one level, and your mind on another.

01-05-2009, 02:14 AM
I use to prefer big men, but I think (for me personally) it was because subconsciously I wanted to be the small one in the relationship. Plus, you feel protected around someone you know no one would want to mess with.

Now that I'm with someone who is ridiculously skinny (5 foot 11, 143 pounds), I've suddenly become much more appreciative of his it may all be circumstantial, with bias depending on whoever you're dating at the time. Of course it helps that I'm smaller than I use to be, so I don't feel as bad around him as I use to.

Everyone has their "types" though, men and women.

I hate the term "chubby chaser" though. I've always felt it turned bigger people into a fetish object instead of a normal, legitimate option for a significant other.

Maybe I'm just to uptight, though!


01-05-2009, 02:35 AM
I completely agree about the 'chubby-chaser' thing, the whole concept disgusts me. I dated a guy once, and I mean ONCE, who told me after dinner that he liked having sex with women over 250 lbs because jiggling fat turns him on. The date was pretty much over at that point, obviously, esp. considering I was nowhere near that heavy at the time. He was kind of small, I mean only maybe 5'6'' and of slender build, so it made little sense to me.

Another guy hit on me at a bar, and when I politely declined (he is rather too big, even for my taste) he laughed, apologized, and told me he couldn't help but try because he just loves 'fat p***y' that much. And tried to get me to change my mind and go out with him after all! Yeah, right!

01-05-2009, 09:00 AM
This may be a roundabout way to answer but...

I've had crushes on all sorts of guys. Short, thin, tall, fat, very cute, geeky cute, kinda weird looking, you name it, but I only dated guys who were in the 250+ range. Now, I don't know if that's because I thought I had a better chance with them ("Hey I know they're fat and I think they're cute, maybe they don't mind that I'm fat") or because I thought I'd feel "smaller" next to them.

The man I married was about 280 or so at one time (when I was up at my highest) and I can't say that I was more attracted to him then or now (he's down around 240), but I can say that he's definitely healthier & that makes me happy.

He mentions that his goal weight is probably 200/210 and he's about 6'1". I will say that as much as I want him to be healthy & drop those pounds, I don't want him to get there before I do. That sounds very selfish & awful, but I was heavier than him for the majority of our relationship so far, and I don't want to be heavier again.

I do admit that he's a cutie, though. And when I saw a picture of him in his wrestling gear when he was around 200 lbs (from highschool) I practically drooled. (He jokes he'll put back on the spandex when he gets to goal... and I kind of hope he's not really joking.)

But... all in all, I think it's still split between wanting to be smaller, and believing that only another fat person could understand & like me.

01-05-2009, 09:09 AM
Okay...back in the day when I was 124lbs and had been all my life, I was well into my 30's and had never been married. All my friends told me I was too picky and it drove me NUTS. I just wanted a nice, average guy and everyone would fix me up with really tall, skinny guys when my favorite types were always shorter and chubbier. for instance, I finally figured it out one day while watching Home Improvement what my type was...Al Borland. One day I was at a bar and met a guy that I really liked named Fred. It was wintertime and he had on a winter coat. Well, we talked and talked and I thought I'd met this really nice big, cozy guy and I couldn't wait to get to know him more. Well, he came into where I worked and had on a tight T-shirt and come to find out, he was a body builder, not chubby. Totally turned me off, especially the look in his eye like I was supposed to be impressed. I was looking forward to cozy nights by the fire with a big guy in a flannel shirt. Not some guy that looked like a chicken wing with a bloated ego.

So, eventually, I found my Al Borland...5'6", 220lbs, wears lots of flannel and...he knows how to fix stuff!! :woohoo:

01-05-2009, 10:04 AM
LOL that sounds about perfect! I love those Al types, but it was Silent Bob who opened my eyes.

01-05-2009, 10:15 AM
I cannot say that I am after big men really - I am more open to a bigger man now than I was, but in general I want someone who is taking care of himself... part of my motivation for getting in shape - so that I can attract one of those guys *that's a secondary goal though - the primary goal is still to get the weight off and feel better.

Right now though - I don't think I would be choosey- if someone wanted to go out with me, I would go...

01-05-2009, 10:27 AM
No, actually. DH would like to lose 10 pounds but he has always been in great physical shape and athletic since I met him. That's part of who he is. He runs with my DD and with me, bikes for fun, bikes to work, plays soccer on a men's league, plays soccer with the kids, plays tennis. Being athletic is part of who he is. He would not be the husband or dad he is without that piece of him.

I know men who are 300 pounds can kick a soccer ball around with their kids, but it is more than that.

He taught me to ride a bike and we go mountain biking. When I say he runs with my daughter and me, I'm talking 6-10 miles at a time---of course when he runs with my daughter, they are 8 minute miles, 10 minute miles with me. Our family would be very very different if he was not fit.

His athleticism is part of our family dynamic. It is not the only reason we love him, of course, but things would be very, very different.

01-05-2009, 11:44 AM
I think my "type" is a man who is muscular but not overbuilt or overcut, taller than me, long legs ...

OK, I'm snapping back to reality ...

The truth is, it's a very mental thing for me. If we connect mentally, I'm going to find him attractive regardless of his body. At least to a certain extent. I don't think I would be fully honest if I claimed I would be just as attracted at ANY weight.

01-05-2009, 12:07 PM
I don't mind bigger, husky guys...but I am totally not attracted to the beer gut. If a guy looks pretty thin, but then has this gigantic beer belly... I just can't do it. I feel so bad, but I can't. And it makes me feel hypocritical.

Typically I like tall, thinner guys. Don't know why, it's just always been my preference.

01-05-2009, 02:16 PM
I dont really like bigger men. My hubby was always super thin for wrestling. But since he got married, he put on some weight, or as we like to call it...finally filling out, lol. He looks much more healthier now, which I just love!!!

01-05-2009, 03:14 PM
I don't have a physical type that I prefer in men; I have a mental/emotional type. They have to be smart (at least as smart as me), funny, a little playful, a little protective. They have to make me spark ;)

My husband is losing weight along with me, and he's MUCH more physically attractive to me now than 50 pounds ago. I am really looking forward to seeing him slim down even more; he's now approximately the same weight he was when I met him and has 50 to 70 pounds left to lose. The thing about his body is that he's very muscly; he's on the stocky side. And muscles are hot, but the extra fat he's got on his belly...not so much. He is now a slimmer, still muscly, not-that-tall man with the most beautiful red beard. Mmmmmm.

Also, I want him to be slimmer simply because it is not healthy to carry around the extra fat. So I'm super-happy about the way he's cleaned up his diet, that he is still walking a lot, and that he's added in some strength-training.

However, like Faerie, I am also in a race down the scale against my husband. This is somewhat of a losing battle, as he naturally burns more calories than me due to his greater muscle mass. However, I'm currently keeping up, and I've actually started tracking my calories in hopes of speeding my loss a little bit so that I can stay ahead of him. He doesn't do much deliberate portion-control, so I have the advantage in that. Yes, I'm competitive! :)

01-05-2009, 03:24 PM
I'm the opposite! I've always wanted a skinny guy, tall guy. I find the tall skinny guy super attractive. I never wanted a bulky guy, even bulky muscular but some muscle is good. My husband is skinny (145 lbs, 5'11) and has some muscle on him but not super muscular. We started dating when I weighed twice his weight (290).

Here is the kicker... I was never attracted to blonde guys, all my crushes and loves have been dark haired, dark eyed guys but I fell in love with my husband due to his personality and he's blonde and has light eyes. He was the first blonde guy I ever dated, go figure.

01-05-2009, 03:26 PM
I fell in love with my DH when he was a tall skinny 10th grader lol He started lifting weights in the Marines and now I want to drool every time I see him ;)

So no...I don't think I am attracted to hefty guys. I like them with muscles and athletic though :)

01-05-2009, 04:43 PM
I'm the opposite! I've always wanted a skinny guy, tall guy. I find the tall skinny guy super attractive. I never wanted a bulky guy, even bulky muscular but some muscle is good. My husband is skinny (145 lbs, 5'11) and has some muscle on him but not super muscular. We started dating when I weighed twice his weight (290).

Here is the kicker... I was never attracted to blonde guys, all my crushes and loves have been dark haired, dark eyed guys but I fell in love with my husband due to his personality and he's blonde and has light eyes. He was the first blonde guy I ever dated, go figure.

I was the same way! DH is 6'0, 210 and some extra "meat" and has blonde hair and brown eyes... basically, the complete opposite from the dark haired shorter, thin (yet athletic) guys I had gone for in the past.

When my mother first laid eyes on him, the first words out of her mouth were, "My word. You could have blonde children!!"

01-05-2009, 05:19 PM
I like them with some meat on their bones!! Solid, and some nice biceps are a super bonus ;)

I kinda like the belly too....not a big hanging over belly, but kind of like a teddy bear belly that can be rubbed :D

01-05-2009, 05:24 PM
I definitely must say I noticed going after guys with more weight on them when I started having more weight on me. Dated a couple of skinny guys while I was overweight and I was so obsessed by how I must look next to them and how they couldn't possibly find a girl who is larger then them attractive, etc... and it distracted me from my actual feelings. insecure and immature but... well- it was high school.
When I met my husband he was the complete opposite of my type. He was tall 6'4" a bit bulky, blonde, a bit geeky- and NOT small, dark, and not an artist or musician. The thing about types is- you get a type by having multiple failed relationships with the same type of person. I personally feel like a lot of people wind up with someone who isn't their type- because they finally find someone they are compatible with and surprise! they aren't the usual.
My hubby is starting to slim down and for the first time he weighs less then me. I do find this a bit upsetting, but hopefully it'll motivate me to keep going.

01-05-2009, 06:38 PM
I like big logger looking men - or ridiculously huge bodybuilders looking all Incredible Hulkish. Beer guts? No way.

My husband has the physique of an off season logger maybe... who has been eating a bunch of pancakes. Love that guy.

01-05-2009, 06:42 PM
I didn't date large men when I was younger, not b/c of weight, but due to a fear of being abused. I wanted to have them at a size where I stood a reasonable chance of either beating the living **** out of them for trying it or at least being able to fend them off.

Then, I met my X who is absolutely huge. He's 6'5 and was 270 when we hooked up. He has 2 in. and 20 lbs. on John Elway just by nature. Worse, he had a freaky resemblance to Elway and I HATED the Broncos with a pink and purple passion. But, he had a mellow personality, couldn't imagine hitting a woman and, in all honesty, even if he would have ever slipped up a smacked me, I would have taken him down in a real battle cause he would have been apologizing for the one hit while I was going ape nuts breaking everything in the house over his head. My mom also let him know when we got engaged that if he ever touched her DD or one of her grand babies she would spend every penny she had making sure he never saw the outside of a jail cell again. (thank goodness women's rights have come a long way since I was born.:^:)

Our body types are really quite similar. Yes I'm 15 inches shorter, but I'm stocky. I can't drop below 130 which is at the high end of the weight charts and he couldn't get below about 250 at the most. In fact, 270 seemed to be right on him. We also have the same color eyes, similar hair color, cheek bones, etc. When our DD was young the folks who were closer with me thought she bore my resemblance and those who were closer to John thought she bore his resemblance.:shrug:

Weirder thing about us is, the divorce isn't necessarily working out and we may wind up getting back together.:dizzy:

01-06-2009, 12:53 AM
Enlighten me, somebody. What are the DH's and DD's being bandied about?

01-06-2009, 12:55 AM
I must reiterate: I ADORE BIG MEN. I also like them kind of hairy and short, too. There's something wrong with me. LOL

01-06-2009, 01:10 AM
DH=Dear or Damned Husband(Depending on behavior, we'll figure it out.;))
DD=Same as above Daughter
DS=Same as above Son

And here is a link to the acronyms. Helped me out a lot.:hug:

01-06-2009, 01:28 PM
Oh cool, thank you. I've been kind of out of touch with all the acronyms since I stopped lurking in chat rooms in high school. LOL 'Preciate it!

P.S. Congratulations on how much weight you've lost. You must feel amazing!

01-06-2009, 02:27 PM
I have always preferred big/tall men...6 ft and taller and at least 200lbs.+

Years ago though I always preferred dark haired guys and first hubby was but ended up with a tall/big blonde this second time. Before I was married I did date shorter guys, okay, maybe one or two...just like a guy with some meat on his bones and someone taller than me.

01-06-2009, 03:08 PM
I prefer my big man, but he's the first really big guy I dated (unless you count first dates, then I've dated two). I wasn't really avoiding big guys, size just wasn't my criteria (one way or the other).

I don't oppose chubby chasing per se (a guy finding overweight women their ideal of feminine beauty) but am disgusted by the guys I think of more as chubby collectors (wanting noncommitted sex with as many fat chicks as possible) or chubby fetishists (the sex with the fat women is more important than the woman herself).

I wanted a real guy who wanted a real woman, not a trophy (whatever the shape of the trophy he had in mind). I wasn't finding it in the "real" world guy meeting arenas, so I advertised for it, placing an ad in a local papers' personal ads about 7 years ago. I described my personality and body (yep, age height and weight, included) and that I was dieting and trying to get healthier, and was looking for a guy of any size who was doing the same, or sympathetic (in order not to attract the guys who would be disappointed if I lost weight). I also uploaded a photo and ad to the newspaper's companion online personal ads.

The ad got a lot of weird responses from a 70 year old alcoholic with no teeth (got to admire the guy for putting that up front in his voice mail reply to the ad), to a 19 year old, african american dreadlocked college student (I was 35 and interracial dating would have been fine, but 16 years younger?!)

One guy was an over-the-road semi driver and wanted no-strings-attached sex along his route (I took that to mean "free prostitute"). I guess he thought he had a lot to offer, because after I ignored his voice mail response I received a second one a couple weeks later, asking again, apparently stumped as to why I hadn't found the proposition tempting (hmmm).

There were a couple normal responses, and I had a nice date with one guy (also a big guy, hugely tall, overweight too, but in a GIANT california surfer way), but he was also a compulsive liar. I learned from a coworker that knew him that he had lied about almost everything he had told me. He did admit in the date that he was not in his 30's as he had stated, but in his 50's (though he did look more like 30 than 50), but he told me he was a pilot, and talked like he meant passenger planes, but as the coworker revealed he had been a crop duster until he lost his business. Those were at least "stretching the truth until it breaks," lies, but there were others that were just out and out fabrications of imagination. So no second date for him.

I almost didn't respond to my husband's voicemail, because I was a bit weirded out by liar surfer.

At any rate, I wasn't physically attracted to hubby at first, but the more we dated, the more attracted I became, because he was just so intelligent and funny. Intelligent and funny is my weakness when it comes to men. Intelligent and funny just instantly makes a guy a lot more attractive to me.

I did underestimate though the attraction of feeling smaller than the guy. I'm fairly tall, nearly 5'7" most of my life (now nearer to 5'6") and have dated guys slightly taller and slightly shorter than I am. I didn't feel like Godzilla or anything, but being nearly 6" shorter than my husband does make me feel smaller. He only weighs about 35 lbs more than I do, so I'm fatter, relatively - but I feel so much smaller because I never have had a full comprehension of how large I am, because I'm deeper than wider. I don't mind looking at myself in the mirror head-on, but sideways Blegh. I love hugging him and snuggling into his chest without having to stoop.

01-06-2009, 03:22 PM
My physical tastes in men (or anyone else) have not changed regardless of my weight. I've roughly had the same tastes since I was around 13 :lol: I'm very picky about looks (and even worse about personality). While saying that, I am also very open-minded. Contradictory, eh?

It is quite simple: I think the world is FULL of beautiful, attractIVE people, but I am attractED to very, very few. I've always just jokingly said to my friends when it comes to tastes in men, "No wires and no spare tires!"

I like big guys, but I don't like fat guys. Some guys are built like vikings with large bones and broad shoulders, and those can be simply perfect as long as they are strong, muscular, and aren't storing much in the midsection. I think my physically ideal man is ripped, athletic-looking (biceps, pecs, abs :yes:), around 5'10"-6'2", and medium to large in build.

On the other hand, I am rarely attracted to super skinny guys; if they are over 5'10" but under 150, that is usually unappealing, and weighing less than me isn't exactly a turn-on, either, BUT there are always exceptions those guidelines and I never say never. I dated a 5'5" 115 pound guy once because he had great hair, beautiful eyes, a dynamic smile, a creative spirit, a good sense of style, and a heart of gold.

On a side note, I can sympathize with those of you who have gotten hit on by men who enjoy bigger girls. Those sometimes hit on me when I was bigger myself, and it always made me feel VERY uncomfortable. There was this one guy I worked with who invited me to a party and started hitting on me one day. He was Creole (basically a light skinned black guy with green eyes - GORGEOUS) and said, "I LOVE thick white girls. I KNOW you got a fat @$$ behind those baggy clothes. You are SO HOT." My skin crawled at the fact he considered me thick. I had another one tell me he loved watching fat jiggle (like the guy freshmanweightorbust encountered :barf:). I wanted to throw up. It always made me feel really gross about myself when men fetishized my fat.

However, the reason it disgusted me was NOT because they were fetishizing me (I've had men fetishize my muscles now and I love it!), but because they were fetishizing a part of me that I was uncomfortable about and disgusted with.

01-06-2009, 04:01 PM
I have always preferred men who are taller than me. I prefer them to have nice biceps , nice ab's and a nice round butt. My DH is 6'0 and 170 lbs and in great physical shape. During our now 11 year marriage there have been times that I was bigger than he is, but I much prefer being smaller than him.

In the past I have dated men that were up to 6'4 and as much as 250 lbs. but the attraction for me just wasn't there.

Thighs Be Gone
01-06-2009, 04:14 PM
Mens weight doesn't bother me. I believe men can look good at 170 pounds and probably up to 300 pounds if they are tall. I feel more protected or something when I am with a big guy. That being said, my hubby is in shape and is 170 pound variety. So, no, you aren't alone liking a big guy. Plus, when they are so big, it makes me feel smaller! LOL

01-06-2009, 08:19 PM
All the men on both sides of my family are 6 ft and over, even my aunts are 5'9" - 5'10"--at just under 5'6"--my mom and I are the short ones....I have always been attracted to tall guys that aren't super skinny even when I weighed 120-125 lbs

ps--I second Lilybelles motion on the nice butts--gotta fill out those Levi's

01-06-2009, 08:24 PM
I think I prefer average size men, although I've dated a big man before. I'm not sure if was more because I thought I liked big men at the time or because I feel uncomfortable around men that are smaller than me.