40-Somethings - To Be Or Not To Be........Fat

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Suz E Q
01-04-2009, 12:01 PM
For a week, I have planned, organized, researched, prepared.....to make the final move to becomming healthy and happy! I need to lose 115 pounds!!! I am 46, and time sure isn't backtracking!!! The shocking part, I have beat cancer, but have a very hard time beating fat! What is wrong with that picture????
Then I realize what is always getting me, and wonder if anyone else has the run of luck that I do, and can still stay strong to become a heathy, slim, and trim person. Do I need to phase into Wonder Woman!!??
I am down three pounds in three days, but in those three days, there has been one thing after another. I don't see any of these issues ones that I could just let go, and see the fries, brownies, chicken wings, etc., there to make me feel better. So not asking for the pitiful prize of the year, but I just found that.....my 15 year old sons first girlfriend is a 15 year old with a 5 month old child, the business I have worked for for 8 years has closed its doors, now no job, my husband of 16 years is toying with the idea of ending our marriage, and the worst, my 81 year old Mom was diagnosed with lung cancer yesterday. :(
So, to be or not to be, and I question my strength! I know putting on my walking shoes is better than cutting into the brownies, I know hopping in the car and going to the gym is better than driving to the Sports Bar for wings and fries, but, when deep comfort is needed, I wonder if I can do it!!!!! :?:

01-04-2009, 12:12 PM

You can do this!! It is not rocket science (no slam intended). What are you going to do? I count calories which is very simple with FitDay. You need to start by making better choices and get moving! I have similar stats to you, so let's do it!!

01-04-2009, 12:15 PM
I cannot imagine having to deal with all of that in a short time but please try to find other ways to cope than food. You need to be the best you can be to get through this difficult time and overeating will not help. You have lost 3 pounds already, what a great start. You've come to a great place for support and encouragement. You can do this!


01-04-2009, 12:21 PM
First some hugs. :hug: :hug: :hug:

You can do this. You may not always be able to avoid the temptations of food. But think of refusing to eat them as a way to pamper yourself during this time. Eating well & taking walks is for you.

Talking walks has always helped me to... digest... emotions. I actually like to go for walks when I'm thinking about things. And it sounds like you need some time to think and evaluate.

Replace a bad habit with a good one. So don't just say "I won't eat XYZ." Say that "If I feel bad, and I want to eat, I will instead walk around the block, read a book, type on 3FC, call and talk to a friend etc etc."

We don't always get to choose what happens to us in our lives. But we are blessed with the choice of what to do when these things happen. And you can choose to do better for yourself.

traveling michele
01-04-2009, 12:21 PM
You are dealing with so much that you cannot control.
You CAN control what you eat and how much exercise you get. HUGS to you. You can do it!

01-04-2009, 12:37 PM
I can relate somewhat to what you're saying.. but I think maybe one thing needs to be said - I am of the opinion that you don't give yourself enough credit.

I know things in life happen and it can at times be so stressful and you wonder what could happen that could possibly make things worse!? I think just about everyone could relate to that - sickness, marital issues, child issues, house issues, finances, jobs, parents, bills, cars, etc.... but the fact that you were able to beat cancer - says a LOT about your human spirit and perseverance. Don't short change yourself.

Just think about how good you will feel physically when the pounds start coming off and not only that, think about how mentally this can help you cope with some of the things going on in your life. Stress loves company and there's no better company for the monster stress than an overweight person.

Don't think of weight loss as something that's akin to punishment - think of it as a mini-vacation -- a reward you're giving yourself. You are shedding your stress (fat) off of your body and your emotional self by eating healthier and exercising.

Don't deny yourself - you deserve to lose weight. :hug::hug:

01-04-2009, 12:40 PM
Don't give up. Turn some of that negative energy into the kind of determination and strength you used when you BEAT cancer. :hug:

01-04-2009, 12:45 PM
do not give up you are not a loser!!!
Beating Cancer is a big one this should be easy:) Hugs

01-04-2009, 12:47 PM
You don't need to phase into wonder woman...You beat Breast cancer and you are dealing with all that you have going on in your life. YOU are doing it...A hot wing isn't dealing with those issues You are. You are a wonder woman.

If this is what you want at this point in your life...Harness that inner wonder woman and set her loose on the thing you can control right now...What goes into your body.

This is from me :hug:. Give yourself some too...

01-04-2009, 01:48 PM
I wouldn't worry about weight loss right now. I WOULD worry about living healthily! It's the daily habits that make a bigger difference in our health and how we feel than the weight itself.

When you choose better food, and choose to exercise, don't think of it as trying to lose weight. Think of it as something valuable in its own right, something you deserve to help you cope with what is in your life right now.

01-04-2009, 04:04 PM
Dealing with all you have, and will have to will be much better served if you are taking care of yourself. You were given some great advice, and truthfully, when it all comes down to it, the serenity prayer says it all: Accept the things we cannot change, change the things we can, and have the wisdom to know the difference. You also have a group of people here, so you're not going it alone. Focus on the positive.
Keep us posted!

01-04-2009, 11:14 PM
Suz- Stay strong! Remember- exercise is a helluva way to deal with anger, frustration, and the other emotions you must be dealing with right now.
Wallowing makes us weaker- actions make us stronger.
And remember- we are here for you!!

Hey- regarding the girlfriend- remember- the more negatively you react- the more excuse he will have to be with her. It`s in the nature of teens. (Believe me- I know. My daughter married a boy with orange hair- "Over her father`s dead body".)
Good luck!! (hugs)

01-06-2009, 12:31 AM

First take deep breaths!! As someone else said, we can only change what we can....and that is what we eat and how much we exercise.

I am back on my journey that started in 2005.(I am not trying to hijack your post but want to explain..you are not alone!) IF I would of stayed on my journey I would of been at my goal... It is like I hit a road block the closer I get to onderland. I MADE the wrong choice. At this time in 2005, I was 60lbs lighter than I am now. Granted, I quit smoking BUT I didn't control what I was doing so I quickly gained all the weight I loss back plus a few friends. I only have to blame MYSELF!

I am dealing with diabetes and the fact the meds don't work and they can't get me to stablize. The sugars are either too high or too low..there is no in between. I also loss my job in July right after we bought a house. Horrible time but it has been the best thing in my life other than I have wasted months of vaulable time. Can't go back, just need to move on. I also had to have surgery in October for an abcess in my breast. The wound still has not healed. I can't wait any longer. I have to take back my health.

My mom had one of her lungs taken out last year. She is doing ok. Her quality of life is not what it used to be but she is still alive.

As far as your son. When he figures out that the child gets in the way of dating...he will probably drop her quickly.

So with that said, I will be here to support you!

02-15-2009, 02:21 PM
First some hugs. :hug: :hug: :hug:
Talking walks has always helped me to... digest... emotions. I actually like to go for walks when I'm thinking about things. And it sounds like you need some time to think and evaluate.

Ditto that! I am a walker too and it is good exercise and also helps with stress.

Another thing, go for a walk and invite your son. It is a great time to just get to talk to him while you are also doing something for yourself.

02-15-2009, 05:14 PM
I agree with what everyone else already said. I just wanted to let you know that we are here for you and I am keeping you in my prayers.

You have to take care of yourself. We as mothers, wives, and daughters always try to take care of everyone else. The time for you is now!!! This will only make you stronger for all the other stuff.

So...Get healthy...Get stronger...Get to it!

02-23-2009, 08:03 PM
I highly advise against counting calories. Start eating for the right reasons. Most likely you got where you are for eating because you are lonely, sad, bored, angry, ect. Eat whatever you want, but pay very close attention to when you are hungry (stomach growling) and when you are full (not stuffed). If you don't eat past when you are full, you will lose weight. I guarantee it. So far, food is the most comforting thing I have found to quickly numb me from everyday struggles, but there are other things that are just as comforting. bubble baths, trashy gossip magazines, or a visit with a friend. When you find yourself eating more than you need, stop and ask yourself why you are doing this? Then, say there are other things I can do to comfort myself right now that won't make me feel guilty later. The only way to never binge again is to eat whatever you want, but to stop when you have had enough of it. I stopped dieting one day and ate cookie dough for breakfast, ice cream for lunch, and cinnamon rolls for dinner, but because I let my body tell me when to stop and I lost 21 pounds. Eventually, I began to crave other foods like broccoli, dried fruit, and protein and now can eat relatively balanced, but I still eat sweets whenever I want if I am hungry. Also, Only do exercise that you love to do while you are doing it. Losing weight can be painless if you know why you gained it in the first place and IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH WHAT YOU ATE. it has to do with the emotional issues you are currently struggling with. Rememer 97% of all people who diet gain all of the weight back within 5 years. I am in it with you.

02-24-2009, 11:29 AM

I agree with djay...you already are wonder woman. Reread this entire thread each day. You have been given some wonderful advice from a caring and supportive group. Be sure to forgive yourself when you fall down now and then...just stand back up and keep marching. You know what to do!

Thighs Be Gone
02-24-2009, 11:51 AM

Thank you for a wonderfully well-written and honest post. It is refreshing honestly.

You can do this. The above poster is so right. Make this time about you. It is all about you. Put nothing and I do mean nothing before your nutrition, your sleep and your exercise.

I put everyone ahead of me for a decade. You know what? It didn't work. All my time, effort and energy---and at the end of the decade I was worn out looking, feeling and acting.

You can get though this. Our HP doesn't ever put more on our plates than we can digest.

My thoughts and my prayers are w/your mom now. They are with you too.