Hi all, I'm new here. I'm a longtime maintainer - going on 6 years and as most of you know maintaining can be as hard or harder than losing it.
SIL & her dh are also my age (45) but have never dieted and have no desire for it. They are about 350 lbs each. They enjoy eating and don't like to deny themselves good giant meals. That's ok for them. Live and let live.
Now me, I can't stand being overweight so I lost the excess weight and keep it off by being careful.
My problem is whenever we go out to eat, they pick a buffet. They enjoy appetizers, entree and dessert. I would like to avoid the temptation to eat dessert (I was fat all my life till recently due to my desserts).
Is there a polite way to say let's go somewhere else? Or is it when they are paying, I should just go along and be polite?
We went to a Christmas buffet and of course, I ate so many desserts on top of my entree. No I cannot control myself anymore than an alcoholic at an open bar. This is why I never go on cruises or buffets myself. I don't want to tell them that I'm basically a weakling near desserts. They think it's ok to forget about dieting for special occasions. I don't feel good about myself when I think back to that episode.
Perhaps I should really control myself and just eat one low carb entree plus soup at the buffet? It seems so crazy to eat about $7.00 worth of food when the buffet is $25.00 per person. But if I'm not paying, why should I care? I don't want them paying for so much when I'm willing to eat just a normal portion. The buffet place has a-la-carte but it's almost as expensive.
What can I do? I think I'll try and suggest a better place for next time. Maybe they get good value for their bucks but I sure don't.
I believe I would go with the alacarte option. Your food will be fresher, it won't have 100's of other peoples germs on it and that way you aren't tempted.
I recently read an article about buffets. It basically discussed what horrible quality the foods are. The article even said some of the food prepared on the buffets come from warehouses where food is sometimes held for years. Blech.
Ack... that is a dilemma. I have several possible suggestions.
If they are treating you to dinner, and they say "We're going to Buffettown and would like to pay for you" then I see only two options. Going to the Buffettown, or politely declining the dinner invitation.
If both couples suggest going out, DON'T ask them where they want to go. Instead, be assertive and say "I saw this new restaurant NonBuffet Cafe. We should go try it out."
If they ask you where you want to go, DON'T say "wherever you want".
This Buffettown, you mention it has a la carte. Your health, mental & physical, is worth it. Even if means you're paying just as much. They get to pay to each as much as they want, and you get to pay for portion control. Well worth it.
Do you always have to go out to eat with them to spend time with them? What about seeing a movie? Or even renting a movie? Or cooking them dinner at your house?
All the things the other posters have said are absolutely correct. A La Carte options work fine if they're available...the food IS fresher and usually tastes better, anyway.
And if you can't handle the desserts, I'd honestly just never go up there and look at them. Sometimes I fool myself, saying things like "Well, I'm not going to have dessert here (buffet desserts are never SUPER good anyway...usually mediocre), but if I want a small portion of something later I can have it". Typically by the time I'm away from that temptation, I don't want it any more. But if I do? I make room in it in my plan to have a small sweet something (this time from a DELICIOUS bakery that makes wonderful things, not from a mediocre buffet) that night or the next day.
We can't do much else with them because they have some health problems. They can't handle the few stairs we have at home, they can't go into a movie theater etc. So it's got to be a restaurant that is good for poorly mobile people.
Dh's whole family loves to eat out. To them it's better than any other activity and they're always talking about restaurants they want to go to and have been to.
As a low carber I tend to avoid eating out most of the time. My meals are usually the really expensive ones on the menu. A protein plus veggies. No pasta meal or club sandwich for me. But since I don't eat dessert or an appetizer or even a diet coke (water only), it's ok. I don't look forward to eating out though because I don't really enjoy most foods. As I said, I really love desserts and would live on them if I could. Other foods don't interest me; I only eat them because I need to be healthy.
I'll try to get dh to suggest another restaurant next time where I can have some proper protein. Buffet food is often unhealthy and not very tasty just like some of the other posters said.
If you're not paying, I say why not? Eat the smaller portions. Or, if you want to appear polite and not be finished when they're still going, make a couple of trips to the salad bar with very light dressing. Slowly fill up on a plate of greens before going to the entree section and choose the lightest option. That way, you'll still appear to be "celebrating" like they are, but you'll save yourself a lot of extra calories.
Still, you shouldn't have to feel sorry for who you are and the fact that you want to improve yourself. Not everyone reacts positively to seeing people successfully using food will-power, so maybe this tactic will help if you don't want to cause confrontation or bad feelings.
kelly just said what I was going to suggest. you can "pile up" on salad and steamed/saute veggies and that might make it look as if you are eating a lot and make their money worth it. i used to eat all i could eat at these buffets so that "i make my money worth" but i realized it's not worth it. you could also get seafood and soup and that should keep you low in calories. and perhaps you could eat lighter for the other meals of the day and leave the most of the outing.
Hmmm, don't know about the place you were at, but I had no trouble as a low carber. I ate the meat and veggies and salads, and left the other.
BUT, you also have to leave the attitude of getting your moneys worth behind. If you think you have to eat a lot to feel worth it, instead of good quality delicious food, you will always be struggling. Its like buying the fresher nicer veggies at the store, instead of the older cheaper bargain section veggies. You are WORTH it, to have just the best.
Don't walk by the desserts. Pop some sugarless gum in your mouth when you are done with your dinner.
ETA: I had to run out the door before I could finish, but I wanted to let you know that I know it is hard, really, really hard, but it is not impossible. The next time you go, do everything you can to resist. White knuckle it through. You can do it! And after you do it once, it gets easier with practice.
I guess I have a different mindset in regards to buffets. Al I can think of is "how long has that food been sitting out there?" And then people slapping spoons of who knows what on their plates. And it always tasted so bland. Only buffet I like is Soup Plantation (aka Sweet Tomatoes). Although I did like luncheon Indian buffets when I ate meat because they'd make the food fresh for lunch and it was nice to taste a little here and there.
Can you not look at the desserts? Just close your eyes when you walk past the dessert station? I went to a buffet with a friend several months ago, her treat so her choice, and I didn't even go in the part of the buffet where the desserts were. It was over to the far right, so it was pretty easy to stay on the far left where the entrees and salads were . . . bless you, I know how hard it is to be on low carb and love desserts. But I've found the cravings do pass with time if you stay totally low carb. I'm one of those people who can't even have one taste of sugar. Ever.
Keeping up with heavy eaters in a non obtrusive way can be hard. I agree with the above poster who suggested loading up on salads with light dressing--even just the vinegar out of oil and vinegar--and leaving a light entree style plate for last. Maybe allow yourself a small dessert, with a lot of "filler" to munch on while they're nom nomming away--like fruits if they have it?
You've gotten some really wonderful suggestions, I just wanted to add because I'm having the same problem. The DHs mother LOVES the buffet. Here's the kicker...if I don't eat a lot it's offensive? So I put my foot down...I said if that's the way they felt I wouldn't go. To me the whole idea is ridiculous. I've been dieting for a while now, and I'm not doing it to look better, I'm doing it for my health. If people can't accept that, then you don't need that, and you need to stand up for yourself! On the other hand in my compromise we do go every once in a while...I get a salad, and then veggies and chicken or fish, and a small spoonful of carbs. Dessert is sugar free jello every time. Food is everywhere, and we need to learn and live through the idea that we don't need whatever looks good (I agree the buffet stuff bleh. I always asked to go to this little diner that has chicken breasts stuffs with spinach and some feta cheese. It's amazing.) You can do it either way.
I try to avoid buffets too, I think they are Evil.
But our church has potlucks regularly and my in-laws like to take us out to holiday buffets at their club, so I've developed my own survival strategy.
First, I just assume going in, that this will be a high calorie meal and know that I will have to adjust in the days before and after to compensate. I try to focus on the low calorie foods -- veggies, salads and lean proteins - if available. Anything that is higher calorie that I want, I just take one very small portion, a tablespoon or two at most. I try to arrange the helpings on my plate so that nothing is touching, no piling on. That keeps the portion size (and damage) small, and then I have to make a conscious decision to get up for more. I love the desserts too, but just get small tastes of each one that appeal to me. If you've been able to fill up on low calorie volume, then often the tastes are enough.
That has worked for me, and then I just exercise more and eat a little less for the next few days to compensate.
I have a buffet rule that works for me...one trip. Anything I want, but only one trip. Obviously that doesn't work for the "get your money's worth" crowd, but my pride keeps the plate to less than a foot high of food, and knowing I can only go once I don't think about getting seconds...not an option for me.
I would also say to your in-laws that you don't want to do that and don't want to go to buffets. Lots of folks do well with them...but I'm in your crowd...just the thought of Old Country Buffet can add about 3000 calories to my day! (And the food isn't even that terrific.)
In-Laws like buffets but they're dangerous for me
Here's the kicker...if I don't eat a lot it's offensive? So I put my foot down...I said if that's the way they felt I wouldn't go. To me the whole idea is ridiculous. I've been dieting for a while now, and I'm not doing it to look better, I'm doing it for my health. If people can't accept that, then you don't need that, and you need to stand up for yourself! On the other hand in my compromise we do go every once in a while...I get a salad, and then veggies and chicken or fish, and a small spoonful of carbs. Dessert is sugar free jello every time. Food is everywhere, and we need to learn and live through the idea that we don't need whatever looks good (I agree the buffet stuff bleh. I always asked to go to this little diner that has chicken breasts stuffs with spinach and some feta cheese. It's amazing.) You can do it either way. 
