20-Somethings - mean bff

Ok, this is going to be slightly OT, but I feel like I need to rant to SOMEONE.

Well I live with my best friend and her family for other issues. my bff is skinny and she loves to point it out to me and her younger sister who is very overweight. (I finally got her to join my gym!) and its never bothered me before because I know Im prettier then my best friend.

Well lately my bff is getting a lot more cattier then normal. Like I always tell ehr not to sugar coat things for me, because that gets us nowhere. so we were at the mall the other day and we were talking about it, and she was like, yes Lindsay your fat, so what?" which I know this already, but the way she said it made me want to slap her.

So we went to the mall (again) to shop and she said to get these jeans in a 12 because they ran bigger there and after she convinced me to get them I went and tried them on after I had already bought them and they were WAY too tight. and she said smugly, "don't fit do they?"

And she is always making her sister go to the stores that don't carry her size and makes her watch as she tries on the clothes and flaunts her flat stomach. and Im ok with my size but her sister isn't, and even though my bff knows this makes her sister feel bad she does it anyways. and every time her sister buys a shirt, she says let me try it on, knowing it'll be way too big, or when we were doing our BMI she made use do hers as well and flaunted how she was average size. The worst was when we were at the gym she keep making sure her tredmill was set higher then ours and when her sister was panting she said "come on beth, look how fast Im going!" and would laugh or when we weighed her sister she made use weigh her then said "wow I somehow manged to do nothing and lose weight.."
then when she tried on her jeans she was like "these are a 6 and look how big they are on me!" She makes her sister feel bad all the time. she once told her "I wish i was like Beth because then I would know guys wouldn't date me just for my looks"

The worst was when we were int he bathroom and I said something to her and she turned around and said "well at least Im thinner" and I was So disgusted i said to her "So im still prettier." Or how she says to me all the time you look fat but still hot.

It doesn't help that my bff boy friend told her that if she ever gained as much weight as her mom then he would leave her, and that she has admitted to me she wont eat....

Im just getting SO fed up with it, and when you say something to her, she plays innocent and says she doesn't know she's doing it.....

I feel Im going to end up hurting her this year.....

if she was ur bff n u told her that this bothers u, she should stop. if she doesnt i think u should find a new bff. i dont think u should stoop to her level n make the caddy remarks. but if still want her to be ur bff tell it it bothers u or have her sister and u confront her about it ( in a nice way ) lol

Wow...just wow. Sorry I really don't think you need that. I would not be able to stand that. Especially to her younger sister! I mean oh my god! Sorry she doesn't sound like a bff she sounds like some woman that keeps you around to make her feel better about herself by feeding off the negativity she forces on you. Her boyfriend sounds like a complete jerk too.

She is insecure and has a horrible boyfriend. I can't believe he would say something like that!

IF anything I would let her attitude contribute majorly to my motivation to lose weight! Lol.

I would probably hang out with her sister more often, she seems more deserving of your company.

I would probably hang out with her sister more often, she seems more deserving of your company.

I sooooo agree

Are you staying friends with her because you live with her? Because I know I would never be friends with somebody who treated people like that.

Wow I can't believe she treats people like that. It sounds like she has some major insecurity issues.

I know how you feel. My boyfriend kind of does the same thing. He thinks if he can loose 10 pounds in one month *granted he's japanese and already skinny* that anyone should be able to and it's that easy. It really sucks and makes us feel worse about ourselves. I agree, you should be upset. Maybe you should say something to her?

We are here for you though!!!!! <3

Also I would just like to add on... Give her sister some positive reinforcement, one on one... She may desperately be needing it.

wow she sounds like a biznatch. you don't need that negative energy around you. drop that like it's hot.

Painted lady, you sure have a way of saying things. ahaha Made me laugh.

Dude, what a biotch! I'd be like, "You need to sit down and shut up. You think you're something special just because you're not overweight? Well, you're not. The fact that you have to be a c*** to us just proves that you've got bigger (no pun indended :D) problems than we do. You need to stop being such a jerk because karma is a biiiiitch and you WILL get yours."

And another thing, have you talked to other members in her family? If chewing her out doesn't work then talk to her mom.

If she is your BFF then she needs to support and actually be a friend. She needs to learn that taking her insecurities out on you and her sister is going to make Karma come back at her so hard that she'll be knocked flat on her back.

The only way she might learn that is if your don't sugar coat things with her either....stand up for yourself. You don't have to be mean about it...just let her know where the boundaries are.

If she is your BFF then she needs to support and actually be a friend. She needs to learn that taking her insecurities out on you and her sister is going to make Karma come back at her so hard that she'll be knocked flat on her back.

The only way she might learn that is if your don't sugar coat things with her either....stand up for yourself. You don't have to be mean about it...just let her know where the boundaries are.

Karma or THE BACK OF MY HAND! Ohhhh snap! :hug:

My dear I don't believe this girl that your living with is your BFF, she is using you and her sister sadly to make her feel good about herself and that is not BFF material. She is a user and you need to drop her like a hot tater cake on Sunday. I don't know the circumstances of you living at her house, however, is there anyone else you can stay with? This girl is toxic to her sisters and your self esteem and worth if you let it be. I don't believe in sugar coating things either but this chick needs a taste of her own medicine. Tell her parents the way she is treating you and your sister and also try to deal with it just between you 3, and hold on to her sister because I am sure she feels like the only life boat on a ship with a hole in it. She deserves your company more than your "bff" does.

Drama, drama, drama. I would find a way to move out and ON!

Wow, are there REALLY people like her in this world?? Let me rephrase that...are there really BEST FRIENDS like that out there?? That blows my mind...

If you have no choice but to stay with them, you may want to sit down with her parents if you're comfortable with it and talk to them about the whole situation and how it makes you feel...you may want to mention she's doing the same thing to her little sister, too. I'm sure her parents would interject.

I hope things get better for you...you work hard and don't deserve that treatment!



One day, karma will come back and bite her...and she won't know WHAT to do!

Like others have said, she's obviously really insecure and making herself feel better by taking it out on you. You don't need this! If you don't want to do anything as dramatic as cutting her off, maybe you could just make some new friends and gradually start hanging out with her less and less.

Re: the original post - how can you write that and still call her BFF?

I'm sensing mutual *****iness here, and that you don't really like one another very much. C'mon girls, you're both in your twenties?!?!...my 14 year old sister wouldn't say things like that!

A lot of insecurity too...you know you're prettier and thats how you deal, not because you know your weight doesn't make you who you are?

Time to move out, obviously. I do not mean to be horrible but, really! One of my eyebrows is still arched and its been minutes since I read OP.

you guys are all too nice.

i totally would have kicked her @ss already. no doubt.

get her out of your life, what a toxic little loser.

This girl isn't your bff, she's a frienemy! Tell her the comments bother you and if she keeps saying stuff, just ignore her. She may not realize they bother you as much as they do. Good luck!

Are you staying friends with her because you live with her? Because I know I would never be friends with somebody who treated people like that.

I agree completely, this does not sound like someone I would want to have in my life either.

Like others have said, she's obviously really insecure and making herself feel better by taking it out on you. You don't need this! If you don't want to do anything as dramatic as cutting her off, maybe you could just make some new friends and gradually start hanging out with her less and less.

I agree with this. Actions speak louder than words; don't start drama, but find new people to gradually take her place. You may want to start hanging out with the sister one on one, too.

She's toxic. and she'll end up nearly killing you, either emotionally or otherwise (sometimes they go a little crazy!!!!) If you find you relate better to her sister, hang out with her instead. And tell her straight up to back off and get her own sandwich (or to eat one) and that she either grows up and acts like an adult, or buggers off.

Drama, drama, drama. I would find a way to move out and ON!

I agree. Enough of this nonsense. She sounds like such a waste of time and energy.

~CGH~

Move.

I lived with a BFF with a meanstreak. She became *way* more tolerable when I didn't have to share a closet/bathroom/fridge/coffee table with her.

I did have to tough it out until I could plot my escape, but it felt so awesome when I did.

believe me when i say i KNOW how u feel. my bff is all of 5 feet tall and about 210 <with no children i might add>. when i was thin pre-child we worked together but did not really become friends til ethan was born. i gained almost 100 lbs with him <ridiculous i know> so after he was born i was pushing 230. we went to vegas when he was almost a year. at this point i was down to about 200 lbs still wayyyyyyyyy too heavy for me but smaller than her <and i'm prettier than her too, lol> anyway her "pet" names for me were always "chubby" "chunk" heck even "fatty" sometimes. luckily i had good self esteem so i just kind of chalked it up to her own insecurities <and the fact that she was mad crazy about my hubby>. shortly after that we moved to georgia and before i saw her again i was down to 160 and still she liked her names for me. well now i'm down to 149, muscular, and wearing a size FIVE and the other night i saw her. i was telling her how ethan has heard me talk about my weight so much he always says "mommy ur fat" and she looked at him and said "no she's just plump." PLUMP???? i'm a f-ing size FIVE when i see other girls built like me i think petite, curvy, and more commonly BRICKHOUSE but not plump for sure. after the way i've worked that was the only time her comments have bothered me. ah well jealousy is flattery hun just remember that. a man will take a pretty face with a little jiggle over an ugly girl with a good body EVERY time.

Weeeellllll ... hm.

I'm skinnier than you.
Well I'm prettier than YOU.
Neener neener.

Neither of you sound particularly nice to each other OR very mature.

Maybe both of you should quit taunting and responding to the other in hurtful ways. Honestly I don't think I EVER thought things like that about my best friends - that I was prettier than they were or smarter than they were or anything. I can't imagine thinking that about someone and then calling her my "BFF". I support my best friends and they support me. If anyone ever set me up for feeling fat, then I certainly wouldn't think of them as my "BFF" either.

.

thanks for all the replies back, even if some were a little more then I wanted to hear.
I know i shouldn't tell her that Im prettier but when she says the things she does so many time and I can tell she knows it gets to me.
I guess bff isn't the right word for her. . . more like friend Im stuck with?? Because in all honesty my twin sister is my bff
and a part of me feels bad for her because I know part of this is because of a bad boyfriend who she says she "loves" but she's been this catty for as long as I've known her (about seven years)
Its one of those things were I use her as motivation. . .

y are u stuck with her tho????

Here is the best comeback line I have ever heard and could be used in this situation:

"Yeah, I am fat..... I can go on a diet. You are stupid, what the **** are you going to do??" :dizzy:

In more seriousness, I would avoid her at all costs and spend more time with the sister. Birds of a feather need to flock together at a difficult time such as this.

With friends like that, who needs enemys?

Neener neener.
.

PhotoChick, you are freaking awesome.

ok, so this post is the reason that most of my friends are dudes. i can't stand girl drama most of the time. it's so catty.

I didnt read what others said but honestly thats not a friend. Friends dont treat friends like that. Shes also a crappy sister and needs someone to slap her around a little. She apparently has some emotional issues becaue there shoul be no reason for her to say stuff like that all the time. Anyone i know that is of average weight doesnt flaunt it, so shes obviously covering up some other major insecurities.

these relationships sound really shallow. I'd get out as soon as possible.

she sounds mean spirited. sounds like it's time to dump her as your friend.

She sounds very insecure.

If it was me the next time she mentioned my fatness or her sisters I would say. Im sorry that you are so insecure, you should talk to someone about it. then if she says something like no Im not Im skinny/hot/better looking.

Just say if that is really how you feel why do you need to try and embarrass your sister and put me down to make it real to you. If you really felt it you would know and not have to point it out all the time.

I dont think I could spend a lot of time around her. She doesnt sound like she is fun at all.