Weight Loss Surgery - Is it wrong to be scared?




View Full Version : Is it wrong to be scared?


SpookyXXL
12-31-2008, 04:13 AM
Everyone seems so thrilled to be getting WLS, so excited and ready for it and yet I wonder am I thee only person afraid of all kinds of things to do with it?
I am a paysite model on a BBW site, I dont model for fun I model for money, i am between 440 and 450 and I just turned 40 in dec of 08. Since I have end stage artritis and bi-polar I am disabled and so at this time the modeling is my only extra income, even though the SSI takes back half of what I make it is still enough for nessesities.
I have been over 300 since I was about 18 and over 400 since I was about 28 my top weight was 460 and I have never lost more than 25 pounds from a diet even though I keep trying.
My dr wants to do DS which my grandma had 35 years ago (well the intestinal part not the stomach) and she says she would do it again even with the troubles she has had (hernias and intestinal issues like polops)
Here is my situation... I dont hate myself for being fat, I have men all over who say I am amazing and have for the last 11 years on line, I have never had a problem finding a man at this size and to be dead honest if I was not being crippled by my weight I would be happy to lose to say 350 to 380 lbs and stop there but the fact is they wont consider knee surgery above 200 for me.
being 445 or so I have a lot fo skin and since I am on medicade while they might do the surgery (it is still up in the air) they may or may not do the tummy tuck on health reasons, also I am a 52G and I know what will happen if I lose 250 pounds and I wont be able to afford a mastioplexy.
So here are my fears:

I am scared I will not be approved, I am scared i WILL be approved.
I am scared I will lose too much weight to be healthy or not enough to get my knee surgery.
I am scared of how I will look when I am done, everyone says I look younger than my age but will I look as good if I am smaller?
I am scared of losing my boobs (I did not say that all my fears were highbrow, some are just vain and stupid)
I am scared I will never be able to get reconstructive surgery if I do lose tons of weight.
I am scared because my dr insist that the only way they can do the WLS is a duodenal switch and that involves an open insision and I am scared about how I will heal and how I will scar (like I said Vain, I also scar badly)
I am scared if I dont get the surgery I will not be able to walk in a year, a very real posibility
I am scared my BF wont want me any more (stupid I hope)
I am scared no man will want me afterwards,
I am scared in general
Am I the only person afraid?


winning the war
12-31-2008, 08:23 AM
I haven't had WLS, but my MIL has. Sorry this is not a first hand account. I just wanted to show some support, and to say that I think your fears are totally valid. I think, if I were in your position, I would have many of the same fears. If your BF truly loves you, he'll support you. Keep communication open, he's probably scared, too. As far as looks go, I think you will definitely look different. If the surgery addressed some of the health issues, would it be possible for you to work again? If so, could you save your pennies for cosmetic surgery if you wanted it? Anyway, you have a big decision to make and you'll be in my prayers. Good luck.

Jenny :o)

nanj
12-31-2008, 08:57 AM
Okay, you are afraid. And I think that fear is a healthy thing when it comes to weight loss surgery. It makes you read, ask questions, and then you can base your decision on sound thinking. Now, you are 40 y/o, and I'm hoping that your physical health is relatively good.....but, how long at your weight will you be healthy? First thing that started to go on me was my joints, and you have issues with that already. It came down to this for me....I was a mess when I came here, I was afraid, mad, resigned, and pretty much housebound. JP, Leenie, and others gave me good advice and made me see that my fears were kind of useless if I was dead because of morbid obesity. I have no boobs, saggy skin, an artificial knee, but I'm ALIVE and kicking. Which I might add wouldn't have been the case in a few years because I was 56 y/o and morbid obesity had already taken a toll on me and I was headed no where. My advice is to talk with people who have had WLS, get a good doctor and nutritionist, read, read, read so there are no surprises and then go for it. Wheel chair doesn't sound like it would be a very good life to me. I'm fighting my insurance about my plastic surgery. I might get it and I might not, but at least I'm alive to fight. I wish that I had had mine done at 40, it would have given me more years to enjoy my life and not as much damage to my body. Weight loss surgery is no walk in the park, you can die from it and have complications, but........look at your alternatives, health, mobility, peace of mind, and LIFE.


jillybean720
12-31-2008, 09:08 AM
I am scared I will not be approved, I am scared i WILL be approved.
Ugh, insurance sucks. I am being submitted for insurance pre-approval next week, so I will be on pins and needles awaiting their response.

I am scared I will lose too much weight to be healthy or not enough to get my knee surgery.
I wouldn't be too concerned about losing too much weight. That rarely happens. The body seems to have a sense of where it needs to level off. Also, it seems typical for DS patients to experience a "bounce back" of about 10-20 pounds from the lowest weight they reach after surgery. And, on the off chance you do strugle with too much weight loss, the intestinal portion of the DS can be revised to extend your common channel, thereby increasing your absorption of calories. This is an absolute last resort, though, and I think I have only seen one person actually go through this. There are other things that can aid in absorption without having to go under th eknife again (such as supplementing digestive enzymes). But, again, losing too much is a very rare problem.

I am scared of how I will look when I am done, everyone says I look younger than my age but will I look as good if I am smaller?
I'm not going to lie--sometimes, removing the fat from under the skin can cause more wrinkles. The fat currently sort of stretches everything smooth. I believe the keys to help with this are staying hydrated (which is important anyway, but is also very important for skin) and being patient--I've watched some DS patients lose a lot of weight, have a bunch of loose excess skin, and not be able to afford plastic surgery, so they just live with it. As the months go by, they realize their excess skin is slowly reducing. I personally believe many people rush into plastic surgery when the body will correct some of the issues on its own if given time.

I am scared of losing my boobs (I did not say that all my fears were highbrow, some are just vain and stupid)
You probably will. I've read more than one conversation about "boob origami" :dizzy: But there are some great bras out there, and insurance may cover a breast lift if the sagging is causing medical issues such as back pain.

I am scared I will never be able to get reconstructive surgery if I do lose tons of weight.
I doubt I will ever be able to get any plastic/reconstructive surgery. I'm expecting to have horribly flappy upper arm batwings, a deflated panni halfway to my knees, saggy inner thighs, saggy butt, and a turkey chin. In my book, all of that is worth it to get rid of the extra weight, high blood pressure, type 2 diabetes, joint pain, etc. I'm already physically imperfect (stretch marks, rolls, etc.), so I will just be trading my current imperfections for others that I can hopefully hide with the right clothing.

I am scared because my dr insist that the only way they can do the WLS is a duodenal switch and that involves an open insision and I am scared about how I will heal and how I will scar (like I said Vain, I also scar badly)
You may want to consult with a different surgeon. I am having my DS done laparoscopically (5 small incisions only 1-2 inches each). If you do stick with your current surgeon and have the DS done open, know that your incision scar will look huge at first, but as you lose weight, it will likely shrink (since your stomach will also be shrinking).

I am scared if I dont get the surgery I will not be able to walk in a year, a very real posibility
A very valid concern. Not to mention the other host of medical issues that can come as a result of morbid obesity. I never considered WLS for myself because I Was always healthy despite my weight. But then it all hit at once--last May, I was diagnosed (at age 25) with type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure, high triglycerides...

I am scared my BF wont want me any more (stupid I hope)
He should love you for you, not your body alone. My now husband has been with me from about 260 pounds up to about 325 pounds and everywhere in between and is 110% supportive of my surgery since he knows it is important for my health and, therefore, our future together.

I am scared no man will want me afterwards,
Now, that's just silly ;) If you are beautiful and confident, then that's what matters most. I mean, look at how well you're doing right now whereas most women think their excess weight is what makes them unattractive to men.

I am scared in general
Understandably so. It's a big decision, and one that will have a lifelong impact. With any surgery, you ned to be aware of all the requirements and possible complications, and with the DS in particular ,you need to be able to commit to being proactive with your lab work, protein, and vitamins.

Am I the only person afraid?
I haven't had my surgery yet, but I can tell you everyone is afraid at some point. I'm not feeling the fear right now because I have type 2 diabetes, and the idea of having my diabetes fully resolved by the DS far outweighs the fear for me right now. I'm sure once I'm approved by insurance and get an actual surgery date, the fear will start to creep in for me because it will start to seem so much more real.

Leenie
12-31-2008, 09:24 AM
You are human and you should be scared and excited, I know I was. But thinking of your health first should be your main concern (as I see it is).

Good luck !!!

Ophelia924
12-31-2008, 11:42 AM
I think we all have valid fears prior to surgery however internalize many of them and continue to just look at the positives. I also believe this is why they may us visit a psychiatrist prior to surgery. Make sure to address these fears prior to your surgery.

missangelaks
12-31-2008, 01:55 PM
FIRST!! :hug: :hug: :hug:

I agree with ophelia...get counseling about your fears, it changed everything for me. I had similar concerns from plastic surgery to looking older to the "what man will want this wrinkled old body?" But I am one to face my fears head on and tear into the positive! Fear and self-doubt are Human and so are perserverance and courage.

"We do what we have to to better ourselves."

Angela

jiffypop
12-31-2008, 05:26 PM
Spooky, honey, darlin, sweetheart. i'd be more worried about you if you WEREN'T scared!!! WLS brings SO many changes - and, as you've said, if you weren't having health problems, you wouldn't be considering this. health problems are what drove me to it - and it's been fine. really.

now, FINE has shades of meaning!!! as others pointed out, there are LOTS of changes that have to be dealt with. counseling is a GREAT idea.

but bottom line, if you're not willing to deal with your fears and assorted issues, then think long and hard about going through the surgery. if you go into it thinking 'i'll try, and if it's too hard, i'll just go back to my old ways,' you'll be going back to even MORE physical problems [because you will now have added vitamin issues and risks to the health problems you're having]

SO, the best thing i can suggest is to seek counseling [not because there's anything WRONG with you, but because you need to make the best decision possible for YOU, and that may take some help]. TAKE YOUR TIME. so that you KNOW you're comfortable with your decison

and hang out with us!!! we're not about forcing anyone into the surgery, but about supporting folks with the decisions we're all making.

worthylady
01-01-2009, 02:13 PM
Spooky, I went through the very same thing you are going through. I think I was more so concerned about physical changes rather than the surgery it self. I too felt very vain. Yes, I did solicit the help of a therapist and still see her at least once a month along with local support groups. It is very much needed. Post op life is different and can sometimes feel lonely. I looked forward to the final goal to make bring peace. I am 5'8" and very curvey and like you I like my curves. I was truly afraid that I would lose them. They are a part of me and what I and some men find very sexy even at 348lbs. Guess what I still have my curves as the weight is dropping, but at least my body is becoming more defined. I can see them more now. Excercise is a definite must, it has been a life safer, lifting weights especially:woops: Fears are normal and healthy. Journaling has become a huge help along with my faith. It really is a personal decesion and you have to know why you are considering surgery and make sure it something YOU want and can live with, no one else just you Spooky:hug:

AAAA
01-01-2009, 04:40 PM
I wasn't that scared about the physical changes b/c I didn't know exactly what would happen. I thought I'd look as I always did after I lost weight but I look very different. No boobs (but I rarely had them before) and no butt (I always had this big or small before).

I decided to make a pros/cons list of why I needed WLS. I say 'needed' not 'wanted' b/c I didn't want it. I did tens of different protocols of drugs from '94-02. Finally, in '04 my doctor told me they weren't going to do it anymore and I needed WLS. I spent a year fighting it and then finally researching it. I didn't want it but after going through my list I realized I had to do it. Maybe if you could do something similar you could decide if it is right for you? You may find out it's not. It's not for everyone. It's a very personal decision.

Best of luck.

SpookyXXL
01-01-2009, 10:14 PM
I am glad to see I am not the only one. Sometimes it feels like i am alone in this but it is nice to see others are and have survived it.

TheMrs
01-01-2009, 10:32 PM
Hi there. I haven't had this surgery and I don't know anyone who has, but I read your post and had to say that I think that most of your fears are valid ones and to tell you, that if that's how you feel about things, then who am I (or anyone else) to tell you that you are wrong for feeling these things? I'm pretty sure I'd have most of the same fears/concerns that you do if I were in your shoes.

*hugs to you*

Shoshie
01-01-2009, 11:21 PM
Hi Spooky.

Just showing some care and support.

Shosh:hug:

SpookyXXL
01-01-2009, 11:35 PM
Hi Spooky.

Just showing some care and support.

Shosh:hug:


Good to see you Shosh!!

RN BSN 2009
01-02-2009, 12:07 AM
don't ever ask if it's "wrong" to be scared
feelings are feelings and they are just that. they aren't wrong or right, they just exist.

I hope you are able to do some soul searching and find out what is the most important thing to you.