40-Somethings - Mid-Life Crisis - Need Hope, Please!!




Pinkie
12-28-2008, 06:30 PM
Hi everybody -

I'm new here, and anxious to make some changes. I'm 44 years old, and every day I'm feeling older, grayer & frumpier. I want to lose about 35 pounds, but I need some motivation to give up my biggest comfort & excitement: food.

I know it's ridiculous, but I feel so discouraged. I feel like my days of looking "hot" are over, I'm past my prime, and no new or exciting discoveries are left in my life. My kids are grown, my husband is sweet & steady, and basically life consist of work, church, laundry and grocery shopping. Is this it? How do I feel young & alive again?

Sorry to be such a wet blanket; normally I'm the one who's disgustingly optimistic. I just don't feel it lately.

Can someone please give me some encouragement and hope? Is there life after 40? Can I regain my self-esteem? I'm not looking to be a bikini model, but I'd like to think I could actually look attractive (in a non-grandmotherly way!). So far, it just seems like I'm getting older in a very fast way. I'm too young to look and feel this old.


cinlo
12-28-2008, 06:50 PM
Hmmmm, I'm feeling a little like this myself. I am almost exactly in your shoes except I'm 41 and am a SAHM with 2 toddlers. I also need to lose 30-40 lbs. and I definitely feel like I'm in a rut. I don't really have any advice as I'm trying to struggle through myself. I keep resolving to make changes but don't. Hoping to hear from others with some good advice.

murphmitch
12-28-2008, 06:54 PM
You can definitely feel "hot" again. I'm 52 and feel better than I did in my 40's. Eating better, clothes fit better, sleeping better. My outlook is definitely improved. The weight loss has helped, but so does clean eating, exercising and treating yourself occasionally with a nice haircut, a facial or new clothing as you lose weight. I tend to feel a little down in the winter time myself, so for me it's even more important to do these things for myself. My husband is "sweet & steady" too, but he loves the new me.


chunckymonkey
12-28-2008, 08:17 PM
You are soooo not alone! I am 46 years old and have been happily re-married for 11 yrs. My hubby has become more attractive with age and more funny - I became large, larger, and cranky! I never saw myself as pretty until a few months ago when i came across some photos of me in my 20's. Wholly smokes - where did that girl that never left the dance floor of the 80's go! In October 2008, a bunch of us (12) got together and started a Biggest Loser with weekly friday weigh ins. It was around that time that I found out both my children and son-in-law would be deploying and asked if I would care for my two precious grandchildren. Now, I did not want to be the grandma of 46 who felt like 86 -so I thought, no better time like the present. I'm telling you all this for a reason...

I never once thought that I would feel about myself as I do now! I am almost 1/2 way to goal and I honestly now LOVE my 40's. I find that I am accomplishing things I never thought possible - it's no longer an "if" I lose my unwanted weight - it's what am I going to do after that. (Remember what it felt like when you got your license -drive anywhere, even to the grocery store- that's how I'm feeling).

That rut we woman get ourselves into ... even our dear hubs sometimes...needs to be shaken up a bit! Pedicures are wonderful...when I get to goal - I'm going for a new hair style. I also think I'll talk my husband into TANGO lessons!

It's exciting! :dust: and :wel3fc:

backtome
12-28-2008, 10:15 PM
I went through my midlife crisis a bit early --- when I was 39 I realized that I will never live abroad. Visit -- maybe, but definately not live. It sounds so silly, but that realization threw me for a loop. I felt old, and worse I felt that I did not accomplish anything I wanted to when I was young.
So, I promptly regained my 30lbs and added an extra 8.
Then I realized something else, and it is a wonderful thing. I no longer care what the world thinks about me. I no longer care if the other moms invite me to coffee, or if they think I'm 'super mom' and throw the best classroom parties. I sincerely do not care!
I leave the house in sweatpants, I buy feminine hygeine products with impugnity!;) In short, albeit fat I am secure with who and what I am. And that is freedom.
Try looking at your 40s this way -- it helped me recognize that the past is gone, but that doesn't mean the present and future can't hold great things.
Good luck, and I can't wait to get to know you better!

CountingDown
12-28-2008, 11:12 PM
Ditto to Anne's post (except that I'm 51). You CAN feel great, look great and definitely enjoy life at 50+. I am far more active, dress younger, and get a lot of positive attention in my 50s :)

Age IS a state of mind!

Pinkie
12-29-2008, 07:51 AM
You ladies are amazing! Your words are exactly what I needed to hear: understanding, commiseration (sorry, but misery loves company) and encouragement.

I don't know why this funk has hit so strong lately. I guess I always thought there'd be time to pursue all my dreams, and suddenly my mirror is laughing at me. Looks like I'll have to pick & choose now. I hate that! But maybe it's a blessing in disguise, time to set some priorities and start living on purpose (rather than just meandering along).

I agree that winters are the hardest - especially in the Midwest. Thanks for your excellent reminders about self-care. Tonight I see my stylist for a fresh cut & desperately needed highlights!

river
12-29-2008, 08:06 AM
Hi Pinkie, is there anything you always wanted to learn but haven't yet? I like to learn new things every year, like dancing, piano, other languages, etc. Now that your kids are grown, it sounds like you might have the time for you now. Following through on a small dream like that may give you a lift in mood and a big boost in self esteem.

fatmad
12-29-2008, 09:20 PM
My mother told me the forties were the best years, and it sure started out that way. I felt great, had good energy, (both kids finally sleeping well every night) my marriage was fantastic, and the sex was better than ever. I was where I wanted to be with my career, and some problems with my business partner resolved for the better.
Then my oldest daughter moved away to university. I developed a sleep disorder.
That fall, a whole lot of crap happened, including the death of a dear friend's son. By Christmas, I was in a pretty deep depression, and have been on anti-depressants ever since, with a few off times where I feel ok, for a short time.
They do not bring back the great feelings I had in my early forties. I have moments where things feel great, but not days, and definitely not a week at a time. My weight has crept up. Although there is nothing "wrong" with my life, I don't have the energy and verve that I had before.
I don't know if I will recapture that but am determined to make things better.
Get my weight under control, get back to feeling like an attractive if older woman, for my own sake. (DH loves unconditionally, as do I)
Plan for changes in my career as I get older, instead of having the changes happen TO me.
Lets take our lives back.

Pinkie
12-30-2008, 07:52 AM
Hi Pinkie, is there anything you always wanted to learn but haven't yet? I like to learn new things every year, like dancing, piano, other languages, etc. Now that your kids are grown, it sounds like you might have the time for you now. Following through on a small dream like that may give you a lift in mood and a big boost in self esteem.

River, I think that's exactly my problem. Life is so fascinating that I want to do & know everything . I'm just realizing that some dreams aren't gonna happen. Nope, I'm not going to be a ballerina, after all. :) But you're right. If I were to focus on just one thing (like learning that new language), I'll bet it would really help. Thanks for the great advice.

Fatmad, I'm sorry for the hurdles you've faced. I agree that getting healthy is a great way to turn things around. Good luck to us all!

CyberGypsy
12-30-2008, 08:42 AM
I have a year till 50 and know the feeling so i stated a blog and I think that will help and going on my last diet:)

eddies_heart
12-31-2008, 03:12 AM
Hello everyone,

I belonged to this forum almost 4 years ago then life got busy, I got very depressed and lived a mid-life crisis for the past few years. I am trying to get back on the horse and get "my best life". I have a loving, fabulous, soulmate for a husband and two wonderful kids. I left a job I hated after 20 years and now enjoy what I do. I have done the counseling thing and am on medication to help deal with depression and mild GAD and OCD. I joined Planet Fitness last week and went yesterday (15 mins on a treadmill...YAY!!) and once we get finances under control want to rejoin WW. I need lots of support and reminders that I am not the only woman in the world who is twice her husbands size.

Here's to 2009...change for the better.

CyberGypsy
12-31-2008, 09:50 AM
I also have been going thru it I am alone, and not working for the last 3 years due to a WC injury, living of my savings and hoping to find a job to keep me going in this crappy economy.
I will keep you all in my prayers. so tomorrow is my big start day, and my fat butt will be in the photos in my blog, in my bra and panties.(something I am sure you all want to see)LOL

elfinsnow
01-01-2009, 11:30 AM
I can so relate to this thread!
I was in a huge rut- depressed- bored with my life- lonely-and my self esteem was non existant.
But I am loving my life now!
I lost 45 lbs since summer, I found a new interest that is absorbing, and I regained the confidence in myself that I needed.
I still have my wonderful family- and a husband who is absolutely wonderful. The only thing that has changed really is ME.
I feel 20 years younger, and I look forward to so much!!!
All it took was a new outlook. I CAN look good, I CAN have fun, I AM worth more......
:) Good luck. You can do this!!
Terry

ICUwishing
01-01-2009, 01:53 PM
Hi, Pinkie! Boy, you could be my soul sister - our starting points and goals are almost identical! :) I think the 40's should be a great time of life - all the experiences we have start to form "wisdom", and the big picture gets clearer.

Haven't quite figured out how to get the groove back ... but I'm thinking it's a reflection of inner energy. I'm working with a good doctor who's trying to fix my underperforming thyroid, while I work on giving myself better nutrition and MORE MOTION.

It's going to be a great year, because we're going to MAKE it be a great year! :)

Aquariangrl
01-02-2009, 11:50 AM
Pinkie - I can so relate to what you are feeling. I am looking to lose almost 70 lbs. Not sure how to get there, but I know we can do it!!!!

sstambler
01-02-2009, 09:49 PM
H:angel:i ladies - I am on and off this board but never came into the over 40 group and I am 48 1/2!!! I too have been in and out of crisis and I think we more forward by thinking about how we would answer our kid if they asked us how to get past something that was challenging....I think we would be kinder to ourselves if we treated us like we treated them.....we would tell them to be patient, to take baby steps, to go forward one step at a time, that some days go forward and some go back, that we still have to try things even if they scare us or seem hard....we deserve to give ourselves the same compassion that we could give to others......remember...a journey begins with a single step

sstambler
01-02-2009, 09:49 PM
H:angel:i ladies - I am on and off this board but never came into the over 40 group and I am 48 1/2!!! I too have been in and out of crisis and I think we more forward by thinking about how we would answer our kid if they asked us how to get past something that was challenging....I think we would be kinder to ourselves if we treated us like we treated them.....we would tell them to be patient, to take baby steps, to go forward one step at a time, that some days go forward and some go back, that we still have to try things even if they scare us or seem hard....we deserve to give ourselves the same compassion that we could give to others......remember...a journey begins with a single step

sstambler
01-02-2009, 09:53 PM
H:angel:i ladies - I am on and off this board but never came into the over 40 group and I am 48 1/2!!! I too have been in and out of crisis and I think we move forward by thinking about how we would answer our own kid if they asked us how to get past something that was challenging....I think we would be kinder to ourselves if we treat us like we treat them.....we would tell them to be patient, to take baby steps, to go forward one step at a time, that some days go forward and some go back, that we still have to try things even if they scare us or seem hard....we deserve to give ourselves the same compassion that we could give to others......remember...a journey begins with a single step....to a great new year ladies....

L144S
01-02-2009, 11:14 PM
I'm just realizing that some dreams aren't gonna happen.

God I hope so! I will never be a country singer , a vetranarian or an olympic swimmer. I do love to sing when I work out and in the shower, I love working with dogs and training them, I love to playing on the beach, swimming in the ocean and I try to have fun in whatever activities I do.

I think that dreams an goals should forever evolving. I am raising 2 amazing boys, that was never a dream in my 20's. I have a great husband, amazing friends and well a faily boring life BUT I no longer want to be stick thin or wear all the latest fashions but I do want to be the best person I can be and for me, I want to be an amazing friend and mother and I have found that if I love who I am, my family will love me too. It sounds so hoky, but start by thinking positvie thoughts.

AND just because you don't live abroad now does not mean that you couldn't still do that. Yes, too old to be a ballarina but not too old to be a a great woman with a dream to live in paris for a year and study art :)

CountingDown
01-02-2009, 11:21 PM
What is that sound? It is a 50 something crashing the thread :lol:

I can promise you that there is life after 40. You CAN lose this weight. And you can look hot and turn heads well into your 50s. Seriously.

I can't believe all of the male attention I get after my weight loss. And - even though I started AFTER menopause, I regained my hourglass figure.

Chin up - dust off that willpower and perseverance. You CAN do this - and TRUST ME - life only gets better from here :)

mytmom
01-03-2009, 02:36 AM
Wow, I can relate to this. I had a bit of an mental/emotional breakdown almost a year ago. Loosing an unplanned but much wanted pregnancy, my parents dying 7 weeks apart and right at the holidays, then breaking my right shoulder in a fall plus a few other gems all landed me in a bad funk where I laid in bed and self-medicated with food and alcohol. So for me, the majority of my weight has been put on in the last year. I saw therapist, found a good dr who treated me with some much needed meds, and gave myself time to grieve and be angry and sad. I'm now off most of the meds, I still take Zoloft but I'm off the other antidepressant, the anti-anxiety med and the sleep med. I actually feel happy again! Except for my weight. So I'm changing that now!

Pinkie
01-04-2009, 10:01 AM
Oh, what wonderful words of wisdom! Now THAT'S something only years can bring, right?

I did get my hair highlighted last week, and it gave me such a lift. (Have already scheduled the next appointment - yay me!) How can a woman reach her 40s, and yet have no clue about who she is and what she needs? Sheesh!

Onmyway
01-04-2009, 11:02 AM
Thanks for starting this thread. There are so many bits of everyone's stories that I can relate to.

Sstambler, I think you hit it right when you said we should treat ourselves with the same patience and compassion we would treat others.

We can change our lives and feel good about ourselves. One step at a time.....

C

forme01
01-04-2009, 03:24 PM
It's wonderful to know that others share our struggles. Looking out, it can seem overwhelming and all consuming, but once shared, the burden immediately becomes lighter. Thanks to all for sharing their insight and hope.

Here's some HOPE..
H ealth
O pportunity
P ositive Feedback
E nthusiasm

I found the path at 3FC!

Hopeful
01-04-2009, 05:29 PM
Hi everyone. I'm new to 3fc. I'm turning 49 this year and need to do something about my weight. I've never weighed this much before. I'm looking to lose 40 lbs but not sure how to get motivated. About 10 years ago when I was about to turn 40 I lost 15 lbs. I was the weight that I was very comfortable with and am looking forward to being that person again. I do exercise 3 times a week. I used to be a member of Curves, but the one near me closed so I am going to another place in town that has the same type of equipment. My problem is eating too much after 8 PM. While I'm watching TV I found myself going to the kitchen to find snacks. Need to stop, but don't know how. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

murphmitch
01-04-2009, 06:59 PM
[QUOTE=Pinkie;2525837]I did get my hair highlighted last week, and it gave me such a lift. (Have already scheduled the next appointment - yay me!) /QUOTE]

Good for you! Nothing like a good hairdo to make you feel like a million bucks. Now you should go to the mall and get a facial (free one) or a makeover and pamper yourself some more!

sstahl1212
01-06-2009, 03:16 PM
I'm 41 and have put on 50 lbs in about 2 years. Thought I was happy, but apparently my head thinks I'm not and has been in the frig too much. I have some of your same feelings about frumpy and "is this it?". I think now that my kids need me less (they're 14 and 9), it's time to remember me for a change.

I've reactivated the gym. In the past, it was always "I'll go for a bit in the morning before the kids get up, but home in time to let my husband go too". I didn't set myself as a priority. This time, my husband can get himself to the gym if wants, but I'm going for me. The kids can get themselves ready in the morning now, so why am I still hovering? It's time to push myself to get ready for the world. They can push themselves now. Mommy guilt sucks.

I've also realized my job is serving the money purpose, but it's not serving the fulfillment purpose. I'm working on that too. Mommy has been getting it done for far too long. It's time for Mommy to become a person of her own.

jademarlene
01-11-2009, 08:02 PM
I just found 3 Fat ChicKs last night and I am so glad I did. It really does help to know that Im not alone, that there are people out there who feel the same way I do and are going thru some of the same things.

MBN
01-12-2009, 10:50 AM
Yes, indeed, there's life after 40!! 2 years ago, I decided that something HAD to change, and made the commitment to myself to get my diet and exercise house in order. It took a whole year, but I was able to lose 40 lbs and get in shape, and have maintained at this weight for a year now.

At age 49, I'm in the best shape of my life. I wasn't particularly athletic as a kid, but now I am running half-marathons, kayaking and hiking for miles and loving every minute. Yes, I still have gray hair, but heck, I can fix that!! I have few more wrinkles, but who cares, they are laugh lines. I turn 50 in September, and I am looking forward to it, because it will put me in a new running race age group -- and maybe I'll have a chance to pick up a few medals! :D

The biggest benefit I've gained from this whole weight loss journey is a renewed sense of adventure, and the self-confidence to get out there and try new things again. When I was heavier, I was afraid, because I didn't have faith in my physical ability to do things. I was afraid I couldn't keep up, so it was easier to make excuses and not even go there. Now that I am so much stronger and fitter than before -- I'm much more willing to try. Since my husband enjoys outdoor activities too, it has brought us closer, because we can play together just like we did when we were younger. It's even better now, because we have 25 years of comfortable history. We will be empty nesters in just 4 short years, but knowing that DH and I have some wonderful adventures planned helps to buffer the mixed feelings of seeing our youngsters go off on their own. I am SO glad that I made the decision to change my life. It has not been easy, not at all, and even still some days are harder than others, but it is so, so worth it.

If I can do it, you can too! I'm going to try to attach a couple of photos taken Saturday, as we kayaked in Key Largo:

QuilterInVA
01-12-2009, 12:25 PM
I'm 67, not hot but don't look my age. Have you all ever thought about volunteering for something in your community? Many organizations use volunteers so you can find something. When you give to others, you value more what you have. I visit patients in nursing homes who have no family and work on reading with 2 students at the elementary school. It's very rewarding.

Shannon
01-12-2009, 07:01 PM
Pinkie, there are so many people just like us. Over 40 and overweight. We can do it, there is so much happiness out there just waiting for us to enjoy. I decided on the 1st I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. Being overweight is such a burden on a person's body and soul. I love food and I love to cook, the cool thing is that I am learning how to turn my fun cooking time into healthy cooking time. I never realized how much bad foods I had been cooking with. I can make almost everything I used to make, just a healthier version. I have not got the ambition to get off my butt and do exercising yet, but that is next on my agenda. Everyone here is so wonderful and give such amazing support that if you hang in here you will get to feeling better about your self and be ready to get off that extra weight. It took quite a while to put it on, so don't be surprised if it takes a bit to get it off but once its done it will be an amazing new you! :hug: We are all here for you!

Windchime
01-25-2009, 03:12 PM
I'm kind of in mid-life crisis mode as well. Lately I've been feeling that I'm in the wrong place, or the wrong job or kind of just living someone else's life. It's hard to explain but I feel like I need to make a big change. I'm back on the fitness track and I feel good about that, but....I may need more, I dunno.

My kids are grown; one is away at college and the other is 21 and has his own life, job, friends, etc. I work with a good bunch of people, but it's a high-stress situation. There are plans and procedures in place to ease the stress, but if it doesn't start easing up soon.....I dunno how much longer I can do it, to be honest. I don't have a romantic partner in my life and wish that I did, but for so long I've just felt that I'm too heavy, that nobody would be interested in my middle-aged body! On top of all that, I live in a small town literally in the middle of nowhere, so opportunities to meet people are really limited.

I had been paying for a gym membership but hadn't been for a couple of years, so I went in and quit about 10 days ago with the plan of buying an elliptical to put in the dining room. :) Now I'm wondering if that was a mistake; maybe going to the gym would be good for me, just to get me out of my routine?

Windchime
01-25-2009, 03:18 PM
I had been paying for a gym membership but hadn't been for a couple of years, so I went in and quit about 10 days ago with the plan of buying an elliptical to put in the dining room. :) Now I'm wondering if that was a mistake; maybe going to the gym would be good for me, just to get me out of my routine?

It's terribly bad form to quote myself, I know! But I meant to mention this: I read in another thread that one poster's theory is that being overweight can be a function of one's life getting smaller. The smaller our lives become, the more we rely on food to fill the gaps for comfort, companionship, and boredom. This made a TON of sense to me, so thank you, Mystery Poster--that really clicked with me and that is what has prompted me to think about ways of expanding my life!

And with that--I have posted my 20th post!

modcat44
01-25-2009, 04:27 PM
Just to put in my two-cents......I also had been going through a mid-life "slump" for about 3 years--I just turned 45 and feel tons better the last 6 months than I had. But, I still have my ups and downs and still trying to cope with many changes in my life recently, our move, career issues, feelings of accomplishment or fulfillment, unrealized dreams, not to mention aging in general. Did anyone see Oprah about a week or so ago when she talked about this very same subject, and apparently this is all-too-common with us--a lot has to do with the inevitable hormonal declines and imbalances we are experiencing and how they affect our personalities and mood and overall mental health between ages 36-50?

Not that I believe everything I hear or read, but I do think that is certainly a big part of what is going on with me--my looking backward, life re-assessment, my inner b**ch coming out, my emotional ups and downs, etc.

And I have a strong, 22-year-marriage, and he is doing his best to be supportive, (bless him!) but I can see why some women go through major life overhauls during this time, including divorce and career changes.

Hang in there Pinkie! There are certainly others in your situation here!!

Windchime
01-26-2009, 10:22 PM
Did anyone see Oprah about a week or so ago when she talked about this very same subject, and apparently this is all-too-common with us--a lot has to do with the inevitable hormonal declines and imbalances we are experiencing and how they affect our personalities and mood and overall mental health between ages 36-50?



I did see this, modcat, and I intend to ask my doctor to check my hormone levels when I see her next week. I notice that Oprah (or her guest?) said that a lot of women are being treated for depression when really it's a hormone adjustment that they need. Well, I've been struggling with depression for YEARS. I had a hysterectomy over 10 years ago so I have no idea whether or not I'm in menopause, headed that way, or what. (I'm 47 so something is probably going on, but my poor Mom was still menstruating at 53 so who knows!?)

Anyway--that could definitely be contributing to the way I'm feeling.

fitredchick
01-27-2009, 08:41 PM
I read in another thread that one poster's theory is that being overweight can be a function of one's life getting smaller. The smaller our lives become, the more we rely on food to fill the gaps for comfort, companionship, and boredom.

this does make a lot of sense....even though I am a very busy person...have lots of friends and try to stay active...I don't think I am doing enough for ME. Food does become a bit of a crutch....I find that I will reach for some thing sweet or chocolate...when I am not really hungry at all, but do crave something.

Being divorced...and into a bit of dating...I do feel alone and lonely sometimes...food helps, but that is just WRONG, and I know it.

Ok...I think a light bulb...a little one just went on. Thanks for posting that.

take care,
Sandra

archychick
01-30-2009, 12:01 AM
Society has us believing that the good life is only for those under 30 yrs. This is so they can make us consumers of their goods! From the sound of your post (things may have changed for you by now as this is an older thread) it seems that you are at a point of personal 'evolution'. Maybe its time to think about doing something you have not yet done, looking at yourself in a new light as well as losing weight to feel good. How about a mini-makeover with your hair? Even just a 1/4 of an inch can make someone feel brand new.

You do NOT need to give up food! It can still be your biggest excitement! How about learning how to cook international and/or gourmet meals healthfully and practice portion control - make food a new healthier friend, not your enemy because hunny, a girl has got to eat!

I feel youthful simply because I am always evolving. I take calculated risks and change things up now and again while enjoying some things that are steady and comfortable. In 2006 I went scubadiving in Thailand and I'm deathly afraid of deep water and fish! lol This past Summer I spent 6wks working at a S. American archaeological site. I am improving my spanish and am becoming an archaeologist as I continue to work my comfort tax biz.

You are NOT a frump - you are EXACTLY the same person you were at 20, just with a few alterations. ;)

fitredchick
02-01-2009, 06:05 PM
archychick....good for you getting into scuba diving...I have always wanted to try it...and I will. I recently got into kayaking..(in the summer)....love being on the water, gliding along, taking in all the scenery.

I think that mid-life doesn't have to be a "CRISIS" at all...it can be an "awakening"...or just making a decision to be more purposeful in ones life. It can be small steps. The other day I had a wonderful massage by a professional massage therapist! (don't know why I don't do that more often)...it felt so great.

Again, doing things for myself, because they are good for ME...is a step in the right direction.

cheers all, Sandra

Sarah C0nn0r
02-02-2009, 09:50 PM
I was a size 10 when I turned 40.
Thanks to a few major life crises I am currently a 16.
But I think the reason I don't let my age get me down so much is because I know what I am capable of achieving. I know I was a size 10 and I know I can get there again.

Another magical thing happened when I turned 40 - I started questioning that little voice inside my head. Things that I've wanted to try for ages that I just never did because that little voice said "Oh, but if I fail, I'll have wasted time, money, effort...."

I started asking "So what am I really afraid of? How can I tell myself no to something I've never tried? If I never try, then I have failed already. "

Since then, I've taken up furniture refinishing and LOVE IT. Those Home Improvement tasks that I had discussed with my hubby for years and years?
I finally started making shopping lists for the supplies we need and we started doing all of those projects. My home has become so much more enjoyable to live in because it is an example of small successes that Hubby and I have accomplished together.

Your 40's are the years you ought to be spitting in Fear's Face. You still have the energy to do things. You're still working earning income to afford things you dream of. So why not start making those dreams come true?

Granted, I hate that my hair is getting gray and my face isn't as smooth and tight as I would like it to be, and my hips, stomach and thighs are much wider than I want them to be. But I'm not afraid to make the commitment to make these things change as well.

Think positive and you can do anything!

healthytoad
02-04-2009, 01:10 PM
I agree with the need to always be learning something new! I am turning 42 next week, and honestly forget how old I most of the time. I can't remember too many times in my life I wasn't in school for something.. 2 BA's, certificates, painting classes, and currently I am earning my Graduate in Gemology from GIA. Get out there and learn something new..keeps your brain young :)

Here's a list of free classes online:
http://distancelearn.about.com/od/onlinecourses/a/FreeClasses.htm

TripMom
02-04-2009, 06:21 PM
Wow! This is exactly how I have been feeling lately! I have thought that I needed to talk to a professional about my life and feeling. I have so much to be happy about, but I hate my life...mainly because I'm so fat and feel unhealthy. I'm 48, going to be 49 in March. I have a wonderful husband, a six year old daughter, that loves her Mommy so much, two year old triplets that love that Mommy stays home with them. My parents live with us too. My father is severely disabled due to a massive stroke 7 years ago. My mom is disabled too, but not nearly as bad as my father. I am mother and caregiver to all in my house...No time for me. I feel old, fat and feel like I don't know how to lose the weight any more.
This thread has opened my eyes somewhat. I need a new start...I am starting a meal delivery service tomorrow and need to have a better attitude. Maybe go for a walk with the kids in the stroller later this afternoon. Getting out of the house would help.
Thank you for starting this thread and all those that have posted. You have helped me see outside of my box today! :)
TripMom

chuckie
02-10-2009, 03:35 PM
I started going to a new dr a couple of wk's ago for my perimenopause & she had me get the book 'Body for Life for Women" It really helped me figure out why it's hard to lose weight after 40 (i'm 47) it's all abt your hormone's why we gain and why it's so hard to lose ,and why it was so easy to lose like we did back in our 20's & 30's.. I wish i had been told abt this book long ago,

lillysnana
02-11-2009, 11:52 AM
Hi everybody -

I'm new here, and anxious to make some changes. I'm 44 years old, and every day I'm feeling older, grayer & frumpier. I want to lose about 35 pounds, but I need some motivation to give up my biggest comfort & excitement: food.

I know it's ridiculous, but I feel so discouraged. I feel like my days of looking "hot" are over, I'm past my prime, and no new or exciting discoveries are left in my life. My kids are grown, my husband is sweet & steady, and basically life consist of work, church, laundry and grocery shopping. Is this it? How do I feel young & alive again?

Sorry to be such a wet blanket; normally I'm the one who's disgustingly optimistic. I just don't feel it lately.

Can someone please give me some encouragement and hope? Is there life after 40? Can I regain my self-esteem? I'm not looking to be a bikini model, but I'd like to think I could actually look attractive (in a non-grandmotherly way!). So far, it just seems like I'm getting older in a very fast way. I'm too young to look and feel this old.

I just came over to this forum. I will be 41 on March 1st and I am feeling much the same as you are, I have three kids, a married daughter, who is 19 and expecting her second child (so Im a grandmother already) and I have two boys who will be 16 and 18 in March. My hubby and I have been married 21 years and Im feeling useless, and like Im just getting older and sometimes I feel like my purpose in life is over. I want to get this weight off me so I can feel young and healthy again. Just wanted you to know that you are not alone!

luvmyboys
02-12-2009, 07:12 AM
Welcome!!! I'm 42 and honestly feel better than when I was in my 20's! You are certainly not a wet blanket, just being honest. You ARE SO WORTH IT AND CAN DO THIS!! Life is all about making choices and you've decided to make a positive change -good for you!!! We're here to support each other and work towards our goals. You can do this!! Keep us posted. :)

Nannerpup
02-13-2009, 04:44 PM
Ladies, I'm right there with you all on the mid life crisis. I never thought I would ever feel like this when I was younger. I've got a great hubby, for the last 10 years. We just built our dream house out on 15 acres. I have a wonderful successful career that I enjoy. I'll be 50 in June and feel like an old woman!! I was fine even though I was gaining weight till I was about 45. Then it started hitting me from the calendar aspect. I realized I wasn't 20 any more. That kinda kicked me in the teeth. Then we had a few losses. In the last 4 or 5 years, I've had very bad trouble with my daughter, lost my dear FIL and my hubbys business partner of 21 years who also was a good friend of mine. That is how hubby and I met. I guess I'm just feeling old and tired. So I've been really closely looking at my life over the last few weeks. I don't want to go into my 50's like this. I also know my hormones and changes in my life are playing a part, as well as being overweight and out of shape. So I've decided to change what I can, and work around the rest. I'm starting on the path to get healthy and lose the extra baggage in my trunk now. I've also cleared a lot of clutter out of my life that I don't have time for any more. I'm going to start to spend more time doing things for me, and that I enjoy. So I'm going to spend time cooking and learning how to make it more healthy, garden, work on my house, have fun with my hubby, play with my dogs. I may even play with my Muscle Car again that hubby bought me for Valentines day in 2000. LOL I told everyone that was my Mid Life Crisis car!! I'm also going to have some fun with clothes and my hair and makeup as rewards for myself as the pounds come off.

I've come up with another thery here as well. I know that I've always, ever since I was 17, spent the majority of my time taking care of someone else. My daughter, my husband, my job, my friends, but never on myself. I've worked hard all my life to have the kind of professional life and home I wanted. Time to spend some of that energy on me now. I think so many of us spend all our energy on others, we forget to spend any on us. And in our 40's we need some of our own medicine. And all of a sudden, we realize we forgot how to take care of ourself. I know I can relate to at least one point in most every post to this thread. I am sooo glad you gals started this thread and I know now I'm not alone in this. And I'm so glad I found this group!!! Thank all of you for being here!!!