Weight Loss Support - Inlaws against me, said I was doing DRUGS!




mudskippersgrl
12-27-2008, 02:22 PM
Well, like most of us we all got together with our families this Holiday and so when my boyfriend, my son, and I went over to his side of the families 'get together' I thought everything was fine and we were all having a good time, but then on the way home my boyfriend told me that he had received a text message from his sisters girlfriend and was asking if I had been doing drugs or something because there was no way that I could loose this much weight this fast. That it was impossible that it was from diet and exercise and that I'm a tweaker and such...
So my boyfriend confronted her about it, and then apparently his whole family thinks I'm doing drugs and that I'm a bad person and such, and a bad mom...

This just really makes me want to break down and cry... They haven't paid any attention to how every time we go out and eat, I eat 'healthy' and about all the time how I say I'm going to the gym and such... Now they all just accuse me of doing drugs!

It makes me almost want to give up, to know that if I loose any more weight then they will just say these things even more... I find myself telling each and everyone one of them off in my head, but of course I can't do it in person...

I almost want to cry right now...:mad:


-Just wanted to vent a little-

Anyone else having 'family' issues like this?


MzMargo
12-27-2008, 02:32 PM
You keep your head up!! You know that you are doing the right thing for your health and that is all that matters. Family's can be your downfall if you let them. Your online family (me) think you are wonderful.

Namaste...

Beautiful Ace
12-27-2008, 02:34 PM
That's ridiculous.... I'm sorry you're going through that. Unfortunately I don't have any advice. I guess all I can say is don't give up because of them. You're doing this for yourself, and they're not going to change their mind about thinking you're doing drugs if you give up right....


Mrs Snark
12-27-2008, 02:40 PM
Ignore them and most certainly don't change your new healthy lifestyle.

Be serene in the face of that foolishness -- YOU know and your boyfriend KNOWS how hard you've worked and that's what matters. You should be very proud of your accomplishments!

The best revenge is a life well lived. :)

xdominic89x
12-27-2008, 02:48 PM
Just remember you are with your boyfriend for a reason, not his family's approval.

JenJam
12-27-2008, 02:52 PM
that's awful! Don't give up ... you can't control what others think. If they have decided to be a bunch of jealous and judgemental dimwits let them sit in that, while you slink along getting slimmer :)

TJFitnessDiva
12-27-2008, 02:53 PM
Ignore them....I know it's hard to do but in all honesty it sounds like jealousy.

Keep doing what you are doing and do not stop!

flatiron
12-27-2008, 03:32 PM
You are not in this world for them you are in it for YOU!

Get healthy, look great, become successfull time will show them the true you and if they have any humanity in them... they will feel ashamed for judging you and jumping to conclusions.

You have lost a lot of weight and that is a great accomplishment you should feel good about that, I know I will when it is my time!

So hold your head up and be proud you have every right to be! :)

JackieRn
12-27-2008, 03:41 PM
You have made such great progress and are an awesome example of the benefits of healthy living for your son. Don't let their negativity and ridiculous allegations (as hurtful as they are) keep you from reaching your goals.

Thighs Be Gone
12-27-2008, 03:55 PM
You know, my mother (the truly toxic person she is to everyone around her)was against my hubby from the beginning. One of the best decisions I have made from the beginning is to #1. Ignore any comments from her as to not engage her or add fuel to the fire. #2. Tell my husband NOTHING about the comments.

Maybe in the future you and your boyfriend can agree to do this for each other.

kaplods
12-27-2008, 04:05 PM
This kind of wild gossip happens in a lot of families, and often even as people are making the crazy comments and speculation, they know it's unlikely that it's "really" true. I mean, if they really thought it was true, wouldn't they be attempting some sort of "intervention" of one kind or another. I mean, if they truly believed that you were a drug abusing, neglectful mom - then why aren't they DOING something about it instead of just wagging their tongues? - it's because they know it isn't true, but (especially if they have weight to lose and aren't doing anything about it, or aren't as successful as you) it's a lot more fun to speculate that you're doing something crazy to get the results that you are (otherwise, they might have to admit that part of the reason they're not succeeding is that they're not putting in as much effort).

There isn't much you can do to dissuade them from their bizarre theories, and sadly the more you would react to it, the more fun they would likely have with it.

I would also strongly suspect that "the whole family" is a gross exageration - who said this? Your boyfriend's sister or his sister's girlfriend? And isn't it possible that when your boyfriend confronted her (whichever her, it was) that she threw out an "everyone knows" to defend herself or her girlfriend rather than being truthful. Also, who started the speculation on the drug use? It's possible that whoever first came up with the theory assumed everyone agreed with him/her because no one reacted strongly enough to disagree (and even if that part is true, it doesn't mean that their lack of a strong response meant agreement, it could have also just been shock at the suggestion).

I find it hard to believe that "the whole family" could seriously believe any of this about you, and yet would be willing to "play nice" to the degree that you would suspect none of it. Someone is telling very big fairy tales, and I expect that almost everyone in the family knows it.

JayEll
12-27-2008, 04:05 PM
Just a wild guess here, but do they have problems with obesity themselves?

Jay

fatmad
12-27-2008, 04:16 PM
I agree that your boyfriend should have defended you and
that he shouldn' t tell you about these negative remarks in the future. I think he was just too shocked this time.
In fact, he can practice laughing it off.
like "ha ha, ho ho, you must think that eating properly and exercise couldn't do this for her cause you can't do it yourself? ha ha, my girlfriend is just so wonderful, can't believe you would make up such a wild story, don't you know anything about weight loss?"
I'm sure he was just too shocked about the whole thing.
poor guy.

recidivist
12-27-2008, 04:19 PM
I'm not sure why your boyfriend even had to tell you that. He knows how you have lost the weight, right? So why didn't he just stand up to them and say no...I have seen her lose it through dieting and exercise and you need to stop saying ugly things about the person I love.

Justwant2Bhealthy
12-27-2008, 04:30 PM
Like others have said, the first thing I thought of here was the big, green-eyed monster called 'jealousy' ... could it be that sister's girlfriend was a tad jealous of brother's new girlfriend? Could it be they were jealous of you and your weightloss? I'd bet on it ...

The wisest advice was already given ... never share bad comments others make about your SO becuz, unwittingly, you are passing along the insult; which only results in more hurt feelings. My father once said, 'What do you care what idiots think or say? And anyone who would believe them, you don't really want in your life anyways!;)

Your DB can quietly go to his family and assure them that this gossip started by a NON-FAMILY MEMBER, btw ... was uncalled for and rude; and that he expects more respect in the future, if HE wants to, simply becuz it's his family! Then let it go ...

As for you ... IGNORE HER! Do not dignify her ignorance with a response! You must have really impressed her to send out a claw like that (meow). :D

You are doing great, so keep on, keepin' on; 'cuz that's the best revenge of all ... :hug:

Lori Bell
12-27-2008, 04:43 PM
I had a similar situation happen to me at none other than CHURCH! I'm basically a devout church goer, but a year ago last summer I missed several Sundays in a row because of various reasons...vacation, company, and just plain embarrassment because of my weight issues and no decent clothes to wear. When I finally made it back, a woman approached me and said she had been worried about me because I hadn't attended for several weeks. I told her that I had a few good excuses and a few bad excuses for not being there. I didn't think much more about it when one day a "friend" called and said there was a wild rumor going around the church that I had been drinking so heavily that I was too hung over to make it to church...

I called the lady and confronted her. She said, "well you said you had some not so good excuses so I just assumed"...I was pretty straight forward with her and told her if she "really cared" so much about my well being she would have called me or stopped over to check on me after about the 2nd missed week or so. I then asked her not to talk about me behind my back and if she had any speculations about me or my behaviour to run it by me first. She was clearly very embarrassed and said she was sorry and I forgave her. I think that sometimes people just don't think. They just open their mouths and garbage rolls out. I'm sorry this happened to you, but I think you should call this woman and confront her.

RN BSN 2009
12-27-2008, 05:01 PM
some people cannot handle others success. bringing people down is the only thing that makes them feel better.

DONT LET THEM WIN!

Justwant2Bhealthy
12-27-2008, 06:11 PM
LORI ~ well, that was one heck of an assumption; most people wouldn't have come up with a thought like that. Since this was someone you knew in your home church; and the false allegations could hurt your personal and professional reputations, I don't blame you for wanting to clear that up. I'm glad that it has been resolved and the lady apologized and rightly so, you forgave her.

OP ~ I didn't assume that this woman meant illicit drugs, but more likely diet supplements. Regardless, it's your call; if you feel she has maligned your reputation, you may want the issue dealt with in a different manner. Now, you did say in your OP, that your DB already reemed her out over this matter ... so, would it need addressing again? Hopefully, that will be the end of it.

Let cooler heads prevail; give it time and see what happens. If the false rumors persist, then maybe you might want to say something more; but again, it's your call ...

Ufi
12-27-2008, 07:43 PM
Next time, you might try not muttering to yourself in a corner or eating bugs out of the carpet. :)

Is it possible the woman who started all of this is interested in taking your boyfriend?

vixjean
12-27-2008, 08:59 PM
Congrats on all of your weight loss!!! We are proud of you and they are just haters!

angiemo3
12-27-2008, 09:08 PM
You know, it is hard when you feel like people are against you. I am going to say ignore them also, but you may want to invite the sister to the gym with you for a work out. When she sees how hard you work and she has a hard time keeping up with you they will shut up.

Thin4Good
12-27-2008, 11:26 PM
I like Angie's idea! - Any of them would do I think. Whoever you think would come along. Then show them HOW you have had so much success. ;)

nods
12-28-2008, 06:07 AM
How long has it been since they've seen you?
I got the same thing from my husband's family. One of them called me bony and asked if I was sick. They were like, "there's no way its healthy to loose weight that fast!" OMG! Something must be wrong! (The only recreational drugs I dabble in make you want to eat a bag of Doritos...so I can't say anyone accused me of the drug thing.)
I was like...guys, I haven't seen you in like 8 months! See...you see the 50lbs all at one time...I've seen it over 8 months.
So lets see...basic mathematics (divide by 4, then by two, carry the one, round up by a half) and I've just proven you're a total idiot.
Sometimes the answer to "how did you loose that much weight so fast?" is "only seeing YOU once a year."

Jacquie668
12-28-2008, 12:19 PM
Goodness! *HUGS*

It sounds to me like the family, or the sister, are a bit jealous of your accomplishments. Obviously their behavior shows a lack of knowledge and personal experience and/or success. That is very sad. I wouldn't even bother with the likes of them...in fact let them think what they want as that is THEIR issue, not yours.

It is sad that people can be so rude and hateful toward others. You're doing great, don't give up. Don't give in! Let them have their tantrum and keep living your life!

ginny
12-28-2008, 12:42 PM
Looks like the vote is in ... jealousy.
In mean generalizations: when you're obese and you duck out of an invitation because it's your gym time people assume you are lying (Of course SHE doesn't go to the gym!) If you have a small portion or a salad in a restaurant people assume you must binge in private.
Then you show up a few months later in your brand new fitted clothes and they turn around and accuse you of speed?!
Yep, I work with some of these people, and they won't go to the gym. They ordered the 2,000 calorie entree. And if they can't do it then neither can you!
So keep on proving them wrong, and showing them you are better than that.

choirgirlhotel
12-28-2008, 01:57 PM
I had a similar thing happen to me -- my aunt and uncle and cousin had not seen me for one year and came to visit. We all went out for dinner. I had lost about 20 lb and when they saw me they got all suspicious.

When my uncle went to the bathroom my aunt and cousin leaned in excitedly and said, "ok, tell us HOW you did it!"

When I told them, "honestly, I just don't eat junk and I exercise more" they leaned back in their seats unsmiling and seemed almost disappointed.

No gossip to take back home with them I guess! And no magic cure for weight loss, just good old fashioned hard work!

~CGH~

ennay
12-28-2008, 02:12 PM
It makes me almost want to give up, to know that if I loose any more weight then they will just say these things even more... I find myself telling each and everyone one of them off in my head, but of course I can't do it in person...

They are heinous nasty people. They will find SOMETHING nasty to say no matter what you do. Dont spend energy thinking about THEM or trying to do anything to affect how they think about you. People like that will be nasty no matter what.

You make yourself happy with yourself and to :censored: with them.

mudskippersgrl
12-28-2008, 04:21 PM
wow, can't believe all of the responses..

Thanks everyone for writing, it really helps out.

I'm thinking that you all are right about the jealousy thing... His sisters girlfriend is obese herself and I'm pretty sure that she started it all....
She can be a pretty nasty person most of the time. I had recently started a new job and the first thing she asked me about it was, "whats the worst thing about your job?" Then of course she laughs...

So you all hit the nail on the head, without even knowing her! HA! Good job! lol.

I guess I should have known that it was more than likely jealousy in the first place, but it took all of you to help me really realize it... ;)

I know that I am a brighter better person than her, but her comments really bring me to my low... Especially how she has been apparently talking to the rest of his family and joining them all in on it...


It just sucks, I thought we were all 'grown ups' here and didn't have to still deal with this childish drama and hurtful accuzations...



Thank you everyone for writing, it really helps lift my spirits. Ever since the Christmas party I haven't gotten myself to the gym or even been eating like I should... :( I don't know why this has affected me so much, I'm normally like a rock and nothing can break me...

Weight-loss is just such a sensitive emotional issue....

TheTinGirl
12-28-2008, 09:19 PM
I personally would have been glad that my boyfriend told me. I'm just that way...

But what you have to remember is you're doing this for you. Not your family, friends, not even for your boyfriend. It's all for you babe and you have to be proud of yourself!

My almost mother in law gets slightly offended that I don't eat her cheese filled meatloaf, or beef and noodles...I bet she's made some colourful remarks too. Keep your chin up doll...be proud of yourself.

blanna
12-28-2008, 11:56 PM
When I told them, "honestly, I just don't eat junk and I exercise more" they leaned back in their seats unsmiling and seemed almost disappointed.



I have found the same thing. Everyone is impressed and in such awe until they see me using tablespoons to measure my ketchup. Then they are disappointed that it takes work, not magic.

Sounds like fuel that should simply be added to the fire. Next gathering show up even more slim and fit...and then rub it in their assuming faces.



.

UrthWurm
12-29-2008, 02:07 AM
Everyone is impressed and in such awe until they see me using tablespoons to measure my ketchup.
Then they are disappointed that it takes work, not magic.

The magic is in all that hard work, the miracle, your perseverance & self-motivation. I'd relate it to a magician, just to throw in a fun analogy & make it easier to understand. The audience will naturally be impressed by that which they can't comprehend; the mysterious is captivating, thrilling. But as soon as you explain the logic, the practice behind a trick, all mystery is lost & so too is the interest. People don't want to know about all the actual labor & effort that has to be put into things! They'd rather just watch, naively assuming it's as easy as you make it look, clapping their hands dumbly all the while. But then again, that's society for you..

inspired by you
12-29-2008, 08:49 AM
Just tell them that "of course it was drugs. Previous tests showed that alcohol added weight so of course the next logical test was drugs, and viola! weight gone."

but seriously, you didnt start losing weight FOR them, but now do it IN SPITE of them. And now its time to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, get back to the gym and back on plan. You are doing great! Keep it up...for YOU!

blanna
12-29-2008, 12:26 PM
The magic is in all that hard work, the miracle, your perseverance & self-motivation. I'd relate it to a magician, just to throw in a fun analogy & make it easier to understand. The audience will naturally be impressed by that which they can't comprehend; the mysterious is captivating, thrilling. But as soon as you explain the logic, the practice behind a trick, all mystery is lost & so too is the interest. People don't want to know about all the actual labor & effort that has to be put into things! They'd rather just watch, naively assuming it's as easy as you make it look, clapping their hands dumbly all the while. But then again, that's society for you..

Great analogy!

bargoo
12-29-2008, 01:46 PM
Some people think thier son/ daughter is perfect and that they have never done anything wrong in their entire lives. This not true of course. But because you are dating this paragon of virtue you obviously are not good enough for him. Because they have this faulty mindset, they are sure their must be something wrong so they will resort to lies, more lies and damn lies.
You know the truth. It is not necessary to defend yourself to this band of troublemakers.

mudskippersgrl
12-29-2008, 05:07 PM
Thank you everyone for your support in all of this, really helps. :)

This morning I got my butt out of bed and went to the gym :) It was weird though, time went by slower and everything seemed way harder... I'm not sure if it was my muscles or sycological...? Either way... I went, I conquered! ;) And plan on getting back in my workout groove... :)

Also, Apparently my boyfriends family and I are all going to go out for lunch and a day at the zoo sometime next week, so... we will see how things go... hmmm...

kaplods
12-29-2008, 08:38 PM
I have to say that if you continue to get flack, you should reluctantly "admit" that you do have a weight loss secret - and then tell them a fib that is disgusting yet harmless. People who want to lose weight without effort, love "magic" secrets. So if they're convinced you have a secret weapon - give them one.

Tell them you drink a full glass of apple cider vinegar mixed with a tablespoon of cayenne pepper and a crushed clove of garlic before each meal or snack, and the weight just "melts off." I bet they'll all be smelling of vinegar and garlic within in a week.

JulieJ08
12-29-2008, 10:15 PM
Kaplods! :rofl:

mblizzow
01-22-2009, 12:09 AM
they super suck...there is no reason for u to be upset of their idiocy, but ur feelings are totally understandable. :(

Nayex
01-22-2009, 01:16 AM
Kaplods OMG you crack me up...

Im sorry they what they did. -- but think of it this way, the best revenge is SUCCESS! so dont let them get you down.

Im also surprised that they didnt have more faith in there family-- i mean. did she really think her brother (or whatever) would date a drug addict? goes to show you how they may think of your boyfriend.. just food for thought.

good luck next week. these things may happen but we need to persevere!

jb735u
01-22-2009, 05:26 AM
I had the same problem at my hishschool when i was a senior. I lost 45 pounds in 3 months(i was 175 then) from constantly working out, and my ex that saw me at school started spreading rumors i was a tweeker i just shrugged it off because my friends know better and at that point she was just jelous. So go you my family hated my wife at first all i time them if you dont want her in your lives count me out also.

blackbutterfly
01-22-2009, 07:36 AM
some people just want to expect the negative in someone.
They can not accept that, some people can overcome obstacles.

It does sound a bit like jealousy. Just keep your head up and banish all that negative energy from your life.

thistoo
01-22-2009, 09:11 AM
This morning I got my butt out of bed and went to the gym :) It was weird though, time went by slower and everything seemed way harder... I'm not sure if it was my muscles or sycological...? Either way... I went, I conquered! ;) And plan on getting back in my workout groove... :)

Just two days off from my routine and I feel like my limbs are made of cement when I get back to it. Your conditioning will come back quickly, but you also lose it quickly, so don't let your boyfriend's family steal that from you again! They are not worth it, but you are. Good job getting back to the gym. :)

lipidful
01-22-2009, 12:27 PM
I can relate in some way. My own mother was accusing me of having some kind of eating disorder. :( I would say that the way I was eating BEFORE losing weight was more of an eating disorder!!!! :p
I still let it bother me. I hate that my SO and I are going away for a week with them and I have this fear that the whole time I'm there, if I make healthy choices, I'm going to get comments and funny looks.
I've actually put 15 pounds back on from my low of 140 and I think I might be subconsciously letting things bother me. I ALWAYS have my mother's criticizing voice in my head, everything I do! I know she loves me and I love her, but I can't seem to let it go. I'm not putting all the blame on anybody else-but I don't know how to handle the way I feel. Being accused of being on drugs-ugh! That's just mean. I bet they don't even really believe that. They are jealous and need to find something, anything to say! I'm sorry they are doing that. I wish we all knew how to ignore what other people are saying, or at least know how to deflect it. :mad:

froggie83
01-22-2009, 01:49 PM
families are a pain, they make you feel bad for being fat and then they make you feel bad for being thin. my mum never stops talking about diets but when i lost a lot of weight a few years back she would start talking about how it was better to have a bit of fat on your body because thin people look scrawny when they get older (er, what?? i was 17 at the time, ageing was hardly an issue). needless to say i have no tolerance for any weight-related comments from her anymore.