Weight Loss Support - I've been an idiot...help....




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ctandc
12-23-2008, 11:41 AM
Great thread title huh? Well it's the truth. Not sure if I should post this here, or in the Introduction threads. Anyway...

I'm a 36 y/o male. Been married to the love of my life for 13 years. She's 35. We have a (Sometimes..LOL) wonderful12 y/o son.

I finally figured out something the other night. It doesn't matter how good I think my DW looks...she has to be happy with how SHE looks for it to matter. (See...told you I was an idiot).

My DW is 5'6" and weighs around 165lbs now. I'm pretty sure she wears a 12 in jeans. (I should know that for sure huh?) she's always had GREAT curves, and what I like to refer to as the "booty". I still think she's hot...and in fact would gladly show her how hot I think she is...every night LOL...but I digress.

She has tried to get motivated and workout, but it's tough for her with her schedule. She works 3-11 (and I work days) and she's expressed how it's hard for her to stay motivated without being able to workout with someone.

I've been trying to find a workout system / DVD that we can BOTH use at night when she gets home from work. I'm a night owl, so staying up to workout with her after she gets home from work would be fine. I'm just looking for something that can motivate her (and me) to keep at it.

I'm also trying to get a handle on if we should be counting calories, or going low fat, low carb...or what.? (remember I already warned you I was an idiot beforehand).

As for me, I've always been in pretty good shape....but I'm not too happy with the way I look now. I was in the military for awhile, and get pretty lean then...but I've always carried alot of weight for my frame. I'm right at 6'3" and as of this morning weigh 233lbs. Most people I work with or know, laugh when I mention I need to lose some weight, and people can't believe when I tell them how much I weigh...so I guess that's good, but I'd like to see 195lbs. Maybe because I don't remember weighing under 200lbs in a loong time.

This finally clicked with me the other night talking with my wife. I mentioned that we need to find something we can do together, so we can keep each other motivated. And I told her we should start after the New Year, and I jokingly told her that we should set a "goal". I said in 6 months I wanted to walk on the beach without a shirt on, and LOOK GOOD doing it. I then said, she could wear a bikini. She made the comment about giving birth, stretch marks etc and basically acted as if she'd never wear a bikini again.

Come on people...help me here. I'll cater my pleas for support and advice to men and women..

Ladies - Help a husband to support his wife, so she can look and feel better about herself.


Men - Help a husband see his wife in a bikini again...:carrot:


All kidding aside..any recommendations where I should start? I'm looking for threads with pictures and before / after so I can let my wife know that if people on here can drop HUNDREDS of pounds...that each of us should be able to 30lbs in 6 months. Is that doable? I mean that's only 5lbs a month right?

The two I've seen / read about are

"30 day shred" and "Ten minute trainer". Remember I'm looking for something my wife and I can do together, at home, with dumbells.....

Anyways, I've heard and read great things about this place, so any and all help is GREATLY appreciated.


Thanks.


Beautiful Ace
12-23-2008, 11:48 AM
Well, I don't personally have any advice for you, because I'm a noob to all of this. But I would still like to welcome you to the forum, the ladies here and a couple men too, will be more than helpful and supportive.

junebug41
12-23-2008, 11:58 AM
I'm looking for threads with pictures and before / after so I can let my wife know that if people on here can drop HUNDREDS of pounds...that each of us should be able to 30lbs in 6 months. Is that doable? I mean that's only 5lbs a month right?

While there's plenty of that around here, I'm going to suggest that this may not be the way to go. I think if my husband (who is very supportive of sharing in a healthy lifestyle with me) came to me with before and after pics of people who have lost an incredible amount of weight to show me I can lose those silly last 10 pounds, I think I would be kind of hurt by that.

I have to admit, I don't see a lot of threads from the husband's perspective, but there are some from the opposite side from time to time.

I think the general line of thinking on this is that people are sensitive when it comes to weight and if you look around this site and read up on folks who have lost any weight and have been successful, I don't think you'll find a single one that lost it because someone else wanted them to.

If she's going to lose weight, then she has to want to do it. Showing her pictures and telling her how much you want to see her in a bikini isn't going to do any good. I think realizing this will save you both some heartache.

What you can do is lead by example. I know my husband and I have come to rely on the examples we have set for each other. When I want to order take out on a Tuesday night, he's really good about talking me out of it because he knows that I have certain goals for myself and that won't help me get there. Sometimes he's kind of a couch potato and I'm really good at getting us to the gym when he doesn't always feel like it. After all, hanging out at home isn't very fun when your wife is always at the gym ;)

Let me ask you something. Has she expressed interest in losing weight or is this something you want?

And finally, I know lots of women who have gone on to lose weight after having children and will never be caught dead in a bikini again (but I know some who have, too). Why would you want her frolicking around the beach if it would make her totally uncomfortable? If she made an effort to get into shape and felt really good on the beach in a one-piece, would you be any less proud or find her any less attractive?

ETA: Is there anything you guys like to do together? I know a lot of families frequent my gym because they have children's activities. Do you like being outdoors? Does she like to eat well/cook? You've expressed a lot of interest in helping your wife, but maybe if we had more info on what she's into you would receive a wider variety of suggestions?


PhotoChick
12-23-2008, 11:59 AM
Good for you! :) It's nice to see a husband really wanting to support his wife like this - not just with words, but to actually get in there and do things with her.

I'm a bit biased (*grin*) but I find that eating clean and counting calories has been the key to my weight loss. And if both of you don't have a LOT of weight to lose, sometimes just cleaning up what you eat and watching your portions may make all the difference, w/out having to go on a "diet".

I also think that calorie counting is easier when you're trying to accommodate 2 people w/ different needs. For example, your wife could probably lose on 1600 calories a day, whereas you, being a big guy, need more than that just to survive - probably 2200 calories a day or more. When you're calorie counting, you can make the same meal and just tweak your calories by eating more of the same thing. Or, you can add a snack in the morning while you're at work or in the evening while she's at work (so it won't tempt your wife) and bump your calories that way.

Clean eating, if you're not familiar with the concept, involves eating a lot of fresh, whole foods, and avoiding processed foods, packaged foods, sugars, preservatives, etc. So I eat a lot of veggies fruit, dairy, plain yogurt (or mix in my own fresh or frozen fruit), grains like brown rice, quinoa, cut oats, etc. I try really hard to avoid any pre-packaged stuff and I really work hard to avoid HFCS (high fructose corn syrup).

One series of books that I really recommend are the Body for Life books. The exercises in them can be done by women and men and although they're kind of designed for gym use, there are also options for home workouts and exercises and you can both do the same workouts, each of you with different weights. There's also a lot of body-resistance stuff in there that you can do w/out weights, just using your own body weight.

The New Rules of Lifting for Women is another one (the one I've used personally and seen great results with) and although it's geared towards women, both women and men can do the workouts in the book and see results. The main reason that it's geared towards women is that a lot of the text works to break the myth that women have to "lift light" or use what the author calls "barbie weights" ... it's really focused on teaching women that they can and SHOULD strength train.

Those would be my suggestions. I'm sure others will be able to chime in as well and help you out! :)

.

PhotoChick
12-23-2008, 12:00 PM
If she's going to lose weight, then she has to want to do it. Showing her pictures and telling her how much you want to see her in a bikini isn't going to do any good. I think realizing this will save you both some heartache.Oh yeah. I'm assuming that she's already expressed interest in losing some weight ... and you're wanting to help with that. Not that you're going to jump in and say "here's what we're doing so I can see you in a bikini!" :)

.

junebug41
12-23-2008, 12:07 PM
I think I just want to make sure I get the right impression. Usually I hear this discussion from the women's side and it's typically concern about their SO's health. Men are such visual creatures and have a different way of looking at it (I think all the bikini talk threw me off!).

ETA (again): 30 Day Shred is an excellent program! A lot of ladies around here swear by it.

Thin4Good
12-23-2008, 12:12 PM
It sounds like you are really excited and want to be supportive about her weight loss. I think you feel she wants to change that - just be careful how that comes across. It might sound like (to her) that you feel like she is unattractive and are willing to do anything to get her to change herself. I don't know, obviously, how she feels but if my DH came to me with the motivational images and stories (which you can find in the Goal and Mini Goal forums to answer your question) I would have been hurt, not motivated. I had to find them on my own. I was uncomfortable with my weight and upset by it for a very long time before I was really motivated to do anything about it. Feeling unattractive just sent me straight to my ice cream. My point is to tread carefully!


As for what approach will work for you. I think you should check out the different diet forums and see what you think sounds like a plan you can do long term. If you both go back to your old eating habits after you drop the 30 pounds then you will return to your old weight too. - I am on South Beach and I love it. After doing it for a while has become second nature to me. I don't really have to think about it and I find it easy to stick with. I feel like I could eat this way forever. Of course it doesn't work for everyone, but it does work well for a lot of people. If you do it please read the book!

I think that while you are reading the goal threads you will see a few different things that people have done as well, which may give you a better idea of what can work for you. HTH

JulieJ08
12-23-2008, 12:13 PM
I think you've gotten great advice. I'd just like to say bravo for wanting to help, but realizing that what you initially think might help and what she will appreciate just may not be the same! What you have to realize is that unless she comes to you and says, I want to do this, will you give me some very practical, straight-forward help and push me - then it's not gonna go over the way you want it to ;) What you say (and mean) and what she hears and feels will be different. You just want to see her in a bikini, right now in her current body. She hears, if I lose 10 or 30 pounds, then you'll like me in a bikini.

I think you have to decide it's time for you to do these things regardless of whether or not she is ready. Otherwise, she WILL know, subconsciously, that you are trying to change her. And she won't feel good. And, like any person with a little self-respect, some part of her will try to resist being manipulated. I know you're not trying to manipulate, but it will feel like that.

So if you really are ready (and aren't just doing it for her), talk to her, tell what you want to do, ask if she wants to join in, and it's OK if now isn't the right time for her. If she wants to try it, ask her what would be helpful and what would not. Really, just ask :)

Schumeany
12-23-2008, 12:15 PM
Hi Ctandc,

My husband and I have done this weight loss thing together as well. We have each lost over 40 pounds. He is about your height, and started about 20 pounds higher than you are now, and he is still working on getting off another 10-15 pounds. I went from a size 14 to a 4, in about 5-6 months. I am now in maintenance...and just bought my first bikini in ten years. So a 30 pound goal is absolutely doable in 5 months. Just don't get frustrated if it happens a little slower than that, and it might happen faster.

So this is what we did...

We own an exercise bike and we bought a number of resistance bands. We each do our own thing, but encourage each other all the time...taking turns getting on the bike 6 evenings a week for High Interval Intensity Training cardio and then 3x a week, we each do a full body strength training routine, using the resistance bands (The kind with handles and door attachments. They can be purchased at fitness stores.) and some "body weight" exercises like push-ups, crunches, bicycle crunches, lunges, squats, etc. We have a few exercise videos, but we both found that we preferred doing this together, but not TOGETHER...does that make sense? We have three little boys so timing it so we can start a video, and do it at the exact same time, just didn't work for us, but we usually stay in the room with each other as we work out (When we are not assisting with pajamas or reading the bedtime story, etc.) or we do our crunches together, etc.

As for the eating part, we are both using Calorie Counting (See the Forum for this on this site.). We simply went out to a good calorie calculator -- freedieting.com has one as does the Mayo Clinic. We figured out our daily maintenance levels by entering our age/height/weight and activity level, and then simply subtracted 500-1000 calories from that each day which equals about a 1-2 pound loss a week -- a safe, slow and "doable" rate. There are LOTS of sites that help you figure out the calories in the food you eat...Calorieking, Dailyplate, fitday, etc. etc. Just changing our emphasis to whole foods, less carbs and increased protein was the key...and calorie counting is very flexible. I am not going to go into extreme detail on it here, but take a look at the Forum if you are interested.

My husband now weighs, at 215, what he weighed when we got married 14 years ago and I weigh 15 pounds less than I did then.

The one thing I will say, however, is that your wife has to WANT to do this. You can't push her or force her if she is not ready. We each have to come to this on our own...if we come to it at all. Losing weight and getting into shape is a personal journey. Having a buddy can be great, but we have to want to lose the weight and have the drive to lose the weight for ourselves. In our case, I started, and after watching me for about three weeks, my husband joined in...we have been at it together ever since.

nods
12-23-2008, 12:17 PM
Maybe you guys could join a gym and take a class together! Maybe not the whole health club part but just sign up for a class. That would fun and feel less like 'working' at fitness? I know you have opposite schedules but maybe on the weekend? A lot have places have cool stuff like dancing for fitness. Even if you can't dance, you can have a great marriage bonding moment over how silly you look. Even something a little more physical might be fun!

Also, try to get in the habit of taking a walk together after dinner every night.

I've never done 30DS but have done the biggest loser DVDs. The only qualm I have with fitness videos is that they are more something you get out of the way in the AM and they are not really interactive. I would find it hard to do a video program with someone else. Not that they aren't great for (to borrow a quote from Jillian Michael's) "toning and shaping the booty." I would have trouble trying to interact with Jillian Michael's and a workout partner at the same time.

CatR
12-23-2008, 12:27 PM
Cathe Friedrich has produced a number of great weight training DVDs that are good for both men and women at Cathe.com.

ctandc
12-23-2008, 12:34 PM
I must have come across wrong...

I am PERFECTLY HAPPY with how my wife looks RIGHT NOW....I just realized, that it doesn't really matter how good I THINK SHE LOOKS, she has to think she looks good.

Did that make sense?

She WANTS to lose weight. As for the before and after pictures...it would motivate her. Reason being, she thinks that losing 30lbs would be SUPER tough. If she can see REAL PEOPLE (not informecials) that lost twice what she wants to lose, I REALLY think she'd realize it's not impossible.

From all my research, the BIGGEST thing (and the easiest it seems) we BOTH need to do is count calories. I think just limiting portions would do what we wanted WITHOUT exercise, but the exercise is huge for motivation. Nothing like endorphines.

The other thing is I want her to see how taking MEASUREMENTS, not just weight is so important. As I've read time and time again, it seems women seem to lose INCHES and not pounds sometimes....so JUST getting on the scale everyday would kill anyone's motivation I would think.

As for the bikini...It was kind of a half-joke...she needs to be comfortable. She used to wear those little "Summer Dresses" all the time when we were dating / married before our son was born. Maybe we'll shoot for that instead of a bikini.

I still think I'm coming off as an idiot. The perils of text conversation I guess...

I just know how much better SHE would feel about herself if she lost weight. And she WANTS to lose it. She still thinks that losing weight means dieting. And she equates dieting to mean HUNGRY all the time.

As for the workouts....I may try a few of the cheaper DVDs and see what works. The Gym was a great suggestion, but remember my wife works 3pm-11pm and I work days. Kind of hard to get together for that, with a son in the mix.

I know I personally do not want to start hitting the weights yet. I know from past experience playing sports, that I tend to PACK on the pounds when I start lifting. Even if it is muscle, it's the opposite of what I want to do right now.

For example, right now at 6'3" and 230lbs, I'm considered "unhealthy" overweight. Even though I don't have a huge belly. I have BIG legs. Not really "fat big" either. My arms are still rather big. And I've always been what my wife calls "barrel chested". Which means when I stand up straight, I look like I'm "bowed" out at everyone. My posture is bad. People always say "you're not that tall.." then I stand "Tall" and they go "Wow you are that tall."

Thanks for the input so far.

Tomato
12-23-2008, 12:38 PM
Hey, welcome to 3FC!
No, you are not an idiot [but is sure was a title that grabbed my attention right away LOL :D ] - you sound like a very nice and supportive husband.
But, I can only echo what others have already said - your wife will need to WANT to lose the weight herself in the first place (although it will be easier for her if she has some motivation).

As far as the bikini and the beach go .... maybe she will change her mind after she successfully loses, let's say, 20 pounds.

Personally, I don't count calories - I eat clean and do a lot of exercise, but I agree with Photo's suggestion that it may be the way to go for you if you both want to lose weight. You would just eat more / add snacks to get you to your desired calorie level.

It seems to me it may be a tad to late to exercise at midnight - you say are a night owl, but you still do need to get your sleep as well (especially if you work the regular day shift). Can't your wife exercise on her own first thing in the morning? (You didn't say what you do with the kidlet, if he goes into a daycare).

Anyway, good luck and please keep us posted!

PhotoChick
12-23-2008, 12:43 PM
Oh honestly I don't think you're coming across as an idiot. :) Just keep in mind that most of us here have been the recipients of comments from our husbands/boyfriends that were MEANT to be helpful and supportive and really just made us want to hide in a corner and cry. :)

Men and women communicate SO differently sometimes ... and it's easy for a woman who is already sensitive about her weight to take something completely the wrong way from how you meant it.

One thing about exercise - while eating well is certainly key to losing weight, keep in mind that w/out exercise you lose lean muscle mass as well as fat. The way to keep from losing that lean muscle is to exercise and build muscle. While it may make the scale move a little more slowly, it will help the inches peel away and will insure that what you lose is FAT, not muscle.

From the two posts of yours I've read, you really do come across as concerned and wanting to help and support your wife - but not sure how to go about it. :) Just keep on asking questions and rest assured we'll all tell you if we think you're being a jerk! :)

.

junebug41
12-23-2008, 12:47 PM
IAs for the workouts....I may try a few of the cheaper DVDs and see what works. The Gym was a great suggestion, but remember my wife works 3pm-11pm and I work days. Kind of hard to get together for that, with a son in the mix.

I know I personally do not want to start hitting the weights yet. I know from past experience playing sports, that I tend to PACK on the pounds when I start lifting. Even if it is muscle, it's the opposite of what I want to do right now.

No, I see what you're saying now. Like I said, I wanted to make sure I had my story straight (hence why I posed all the questions). Also as I said, men and women tend to look at issues differently so I think that may have caused some confusion on my part.

Now that you've made it (very) clear that she wants this for herself, it sounds to me like she's just not very informed. I still don't suggest the pictures, she knows how good she's looked in the past and that's probably "visual" enough for her. Maybe she would be better served by coming to this site? There's so much information and support on here and it sounds like that may be what she needs. If she can relate to the lives of the people on here (who are plenty busy themselves) and learn that no one on here is starving to lose weight, that may shift her perspective a bit. If you're concerned about her reading this thread, you can request that a mod delete it :)

As for exercising, I'm going to share something that I hear a lot around here and it has helped get me going when I can't find time... You make time to exercise, you don't find it (or something along those lines)...

ETA (I really need to get my whole thought out before I jump on the "post" button!!!) Aside from going to the gym, I do things at home when I don't feel like going out. Pick her brain to see what kind of exercise she wants to do- I have a stepper I use from time to time (but gets old after a while), but I also have a set of hand weights and resistance bands that I LOVE. Also, I use OnDemand for a variety of tv workouts.

alinnell
12-23-2008, 12:59 PM
I've said it before and I'll say it again, you really have to wrap yourself around the decision to lose weight before you'll be successful. Right now I'm in a position where I need to re-lose a few pounds that have snuck up on me over the past two years. But I know I'm not 100% committed to doing it. I really have to sit down and formulate a plan and then dedicate myself to doing it, and then I'll be successful.

You mentioned that your DW wants to be able to have a workout partner. I really felt the same way for a while until I actually got my DH to go running with me and it was actually a bit of a detriment. Basically he slowed me down. I also tried to get him to join the gym with me so I didn't have to go alone. I'm glad he didn't--then it would mean motivating two of us to go!

Right now, DH and I both have a regularly scheduled workout. We have our own machines (he uses a NordicTrack ski machine and I have a treadmill). We could work out together, but it doesn't work out that way. I get up at 4:30 and he gets up at 5:30. It actually works better for us. We do still walk the dogs together when the weather is nice.

Thin4Good
12-23-2008, 12:59 PM
I understand that you are happy with her appearance and are just trying to be supportive so you can do this together. I just think it is good to keep in mind how it might sound to her. - When it is you talking about her I can see what you mean but you know, when it is MY DH talking about ME and my body, it sounds a lot different, even if he is saying the same thing you are. If that makes any sense at all! :)


I understand the psychology of the number moving down on the scale. But, I think it is important to keep in mind that lean muscle mass, while it is heavier, it is a healthy weight. That is why many people, as you said, choose to use a tape measure too. Some people ONLY use a tape measure or the feel of their clothes. That lean muscle will also burn more calories at rest than it's pounds of fat counterpart so it is definitely beneficial to hang on to it!

thinkerbell
12-23-2008, 01:06 PM
How about Wii Fit if you can get one? There's supposed to be a work-out from the Biggest Loser trainer, Jillian Michaels, with competive challenges. Oh and how about ballroom dancing lessons..a few stars came on Dancing with the Stars and lost weight because of the increase in exercize and the awareness of the body. Walking is a great exercize too......and having a buddy to talk with makes the time fly by.

Just some ideas.......the New Year is a great time to begin.

thinkerbell

SandiCO
12-23-2008, 01:06 PM
I would suggest leading by example and let your wife join in if she wants to.

I have this nasty habit of not liking to be told what to do. So even if it's a great idea, and my husband had only the best intentions ... if I thought he was trying to make me exercise or eat healthier, I would resist. However, if my husband started jogging or working out, I would probably join him.

My husband's the same way. If I try to get him to eat healthy, he gets all stubborn. If it's his idea, then he's totally on board.

Humans are irrational :)

Schumeany
12-23-2008, 01:08 PM
Actually, you didn't sound like an idiot, you sounded like a nice guy...which is why I took the time to write you such a long and detailed post.

Just keep posting and we will do the best we can to help you if we can.

As far as the strength training thing goes. Strength training does not make you bulk up, even big guys (My husband is built similarly to you...broad shoulders, big legs, wide chest...not too much belly) as long as you don't go overboard with it, and don't lift heavy weights. It will, however, keep your metabolism up 24/7 as you increase your lean muscle mass as opposed to cardio that mostly gives you benefits just during the time you are doing it.

Good luck!

ctandc
12-23-2008, 01:15 PM
How about Wii Fit if you can get one? There's supposed to be a work-out from the Biggest Loser trainer, Jillian Michaels, with competive challenges. Oh and how about ballroom dancing lessons..a few stars came on Dancing with the Stars and lost weight because of the increase in exercize and the awareness of the body. Walking is a great exercize too......and having a buddy to talk with makes the time fly by.

Just some ideas.......the New Year is a great time to begin.

thinkerbell

It's funny you mention that. I got the wife a Wii Fit for Christmas. She mentioned it several times after seeing it / hearing about it. And since there are other things under the tree, I figured she'd be surprised.

Until the other day I found where my Wife and son were searching google to see "how much a wii fit weighs"...so much for a surprise.

Thin4Good
12-23-2008, 01:22 PM
lol- my DH surprised me with a Wii Fit after I came back from vacation- I thought he had gotten me a fancy scale. At least it does that too! :p

ctandc
12-23-2008, 01:26 PM
Actually, you didn't sound like an idiot, you sounded like a nice guy...which is why I took the time to write you such a long and detailed post.

Just keep posting and we will do the best we can to help you if we can.

As far as the strength training thing goes. Strength training does not make you bulk up, even big guys (My husband is built similarly to you...broad shoulders, big legs, wide chest...not too much belly) as long as you don't go overboard with it, and don't lift heavy weights. It will, however, keep your metabolism up 24/7 as you increase your lean muscle mass as opposed to cardio that mostly gives you benefits just during the time you are doing it.

Good luck!

the thing is, I have been blessed with a very high metabolism. It's just now started to slow down on me. I coach several sports, so during the warm months I'm constantly on the go, and that helps. But something in my genetic make-up, causes me to pack on muscle weight when working out.

In fact I have a buddy who gripes at me all the time, because he struggles to eat enough and workout so he can gain weight.

I know that "muscle weighs more than fat" and I understand that having more muscle actually burns fat, as muscle requires more calories to survive. I just want to lean out...so I've got to concentrate on cardio and high reps / low weight.

The other thing is I know how easily muscle weight can turn to fat when something happens where you can't keep working out (like an injury). I weighed 247lbs when I graduated High School and my body fat was probably HALF what it is now.

there is a new gym opening very close to us, and my wife has mentioned joining it, several times. I'm trying to contact them now. My son is at the age where he wants to workout as well. I've been avoiding that with him until now, because he was so active, he had trouble gaining / keeping weight. Now he's started to fill out, and at 12 years old he's 5'2" and about 105lbs. I'm going to start doing sit ups, push ups and body resistance exercises with him, since he's been bugging me about it.

Personally I need some type of DVD / workout program that is high on cardio, since my knees and feet just can't take the abuse of running constantly (as in a mile or two a day)..the result of years of playing competitive sports and 5 years in the Army.

belezura
12-23-2008, 01:31 PM
That is so sweet of you wanting to help your wife. But I agree with the chicks above. It can be bad interpreted by her or don’t have any effect on her, since she wasn’t the one who had the initiative.
My suggestion: Why don’t you start a program (elaborate one that is best for you) and tell her what you are doing. Maybe after watching you and seeing your results it will motivate her to step in with you. Tell her too about this website, that you are coming here and are finding lots of support (which is true), so she can do the same too and find the before/after pics herself.
I wish you best of luck and will be waiting for your future posts ;)

Jacquie668
12-23-2008, 01:53 PM
My thoughts on before and after pictures. I think it is more of a motivation when you read an inspiring story. I mean pictures are pictures and yes we all get jazzed up by them, but I personally get a lot of inspiration from stories. What did someone go through? What kind of struggles did they go through? Etc...

Sharing an inspiring story isn't like saying "here look at these pictures" is my point. You both can then discuss said story and that really opens up the topic in a positive way, my opinion though.

I think when you look at weight loss as in "well I only need to loose this much" you can actually sabotage yourself. If you find that "just 30 pounds" is harder to get off of you than you originally thought it can be discouraging.

Why not focus on a change of lifestyle? Simple changes can really make a difference... :D

pucedaisy
12-23-2008, 04:28 PM
personally, i have found the before/after pictures and stories on here VERY inspiring. i am trying to lose about 30 pounds, which seemed like such an impossible amount that i felt discouraged from even trying. then i found this site, and realized that i need to get off my butt, commit to the lifestyle changes and IT WILL HAPPEN!

it doesn't sound to me like you are being pushy with your wife, though she might be especially sensitive to this issue. if you are convinced that the pictures and stories will help motivate her, perhaps you could show her some that are particularly motivating to YOU, and frame it as such. (not, here, honey, these might inspire you, but "wow, honey, I wasnt sure I could do this, but this person's story showed me that it is possible!") because you need support, too!!!

i agree with jacquie that the stories are the most motivating and empowering, because no one here lost weight by magic. they have done it by changing their lifestyle, sticking to it, overcoming setbacks and being honest with themselves.

good luck and i look forward to losing weight with you! i'd like to get in a bikini this summer, too!

chick_in_the_hat
12-23-2008, 05:52 PM
All kidding aside..any recommendations where I should start? I'm looking for threads with pictures and before / after so I can let my wife know that if people on here can drop HUNDREDS of pounds...that each of us should be able to 30lbs in 6 months. Is that doable? I mean that's only 5lbs a month right?

OK by now you've prolly already found the Goal Photo Album (http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=200), right?

As for putting a time frame on losses...I avoid it. Also - keep in mind, you can probably lose faster than your wife...so you need to be careful not to make it a competition.