Weight Loss Surgery - Realized tonight I've been in a self destructive spiral




KO
12-12-2008, 12:15 AM
Hey Ladies:
I'm always a trooper even when the poop hits the fan. . .on the outside. A lot of things in my life have really not been good lately between the deaths in my family in the last month and the news about the eventual loss of my job. I'm not good and I'm making stupid choices because of it.
I realized over the last 2/3 days when I became insanely Angry over little stupid things that wouldn't normally phase me and the thought of seeing one friend who i ended up not seeing put me in such a foul mood I snapped at literally Everyone. I guess admitting that life isn't peachy or that I can't handle it all is the first step right?
The second one being throwing out the cadbury choc fingers in my desk!

I don't want to wallow but I also don't want to eat bad feelings either so there has to be a balance.
Thanks for the ears/eyes
Kierie


jiffypop
12-12-2008, 09:04 AM
oh kier. i'm right there with you. i've been putting on as close to a happy face as i can get while i'm at work. but i crumple when i get into the car. it's hard - the old me would have eaten all the feelings and denied them and so and and so forth, and the new me is very very VERY confused about the best way to deal. so, it's a mix. there are VERY bad days, and VERY GOOD days. and some in-between days.

all i can do is share a decision or two i've made recently. and perhaps the biggest one is to put food on automatic - so, packing breakfast and lunch when i'm strongest, making sure that i don't keep packages of ANYTHING anywhere near where i spend a lot of time [that means, i don't have a box of crackers at my desk!!!! i pack some in a little baggie or plastic container, and when they're gone, there are no more!!!!]

and not going to the store or a deli or any food-related place except on the weekends helps, too.

minimize exposure!!!!! it's working for me - sort of.

keep up the good work. no one ever said this would be easy.

missangelaks
12-12-2008, 09:51 AM
Hi keir! Oh honey, me too. I have been dating and it just hasn't work out for the good...depressing really. Though I must say it has been eye opening for me...I am still in need of counseling! LOL But it has put me in "old" mode, trying to deal with feelings by using food. Now that I am able to eat more and more kinds of food, I am finding resisting temptations more and more difficult.

I have been cooking my meals ahead of time packaging and freezing them, it's really helping though not stopping at the deli or convenience store is a pain. I keep telling myself that I am worth more in my life then the men that are causing me this aggravation! :D

hugs for you and you Jiffy...we are just trying to make it in an imperfect world imperfectly. The way out, I'm thinkin', is together. :grouphug:

Angela


nanj
12-13-2008, 01:55 PM
Imperfect world, imperfect people equals.........I just threw up because I ate two frozen cranberry nut cookie that had been dunked in white chocolate. I like to broke every tooth in my head. WHY? Been sitting here trying to figure it all out.

I'm stressed because I don't have the money for Christmas, I'm stressed because my kids don't have the money for Christmas and I'm stressed! Why am I so stressed? Christmas has never been about money for me. So why am I so tempted by food that has not been a part of my eating plan for over a year.

1. I need to get my priorities straight. Christmas is about Christ's birth and family time and about the only time that my family can all be together at one time. I have a good life, IF I LET MYSELF. We all have enough money for food, housing and essentials! What is this constant need for something better, when am I going to be satisfied with what I have and stop looking for something else that is not so good for me; like food. I have a loving DH and a healthy bunch of grandkids and kids.

2. It is not about having a cranberry cookie. It is about my unhealthy relationship with food. Every food is bad.....now that's crap and I know it. I probably could have had a cranberry nut cookies, but not two, not three. But in all actuality didn't even need the first one. There is plenty here to eat without digging in the freezer like a rabid dog! LOL!

3. My eating habits are awful. I eat too fast, I don't savor what I'm eating, I'm always in a hurry especially around food. When am I going to realize that if I eat too fast I'll be tempted to eat too much and cripes that means I have to do dishes that much faster!!! LOL!!!

4. I'm 57 and will still have many many opportunities to eat and taste different foods. I don't need to act like this is my last supper all the time.

5. I need to stop playing little games with myself in my head. "Don't drink another cup of tea it is filled with caffeine and is bad for you! Don't take one bite of potato, because it is bad for you."

It is a fact of life, that I will always be around food; I'll have to cook it and I'll have to eat it. Now the put off and put on theory. How do I correct all of this. Like Jiffy and Ange, plan ahead only put on my plate and in my reach what I need to eat. I need to remember that I now only eat to live, not live to eat. Remember that I can do the things I do now because I'm no longer MO. I worked with a patient last night that choked on a peanut, I was able to run to her and help her because I'm no longer MO.

NEWBIES: Remember that the surgery can cure your obesity, but it can't cure your head. Be on your toes!!!

nanj
12-13-2008, 02:18 PM
I'm sorry about rambling on your thread!!! I'm sorry your are having it tough! "I don't want to wallow but I also don't want to eat bad feelings either so there has to be a balance." You said a mouth full. You know I think that I actually thought that if I ever lost weight, my world would be perfect. No more stress, worries, just skipping through it. Seems here lately that I have been jumping in the middle of every pile of doo-doo that I can find. Now to find a way to stop jumping in the pile!!!! Thinking about you!

Leenie
12-13-2008, 03:49 PM
We can all relate can't we girls :(