Alternachicks - bridesmaid in a mainstream wedding - any thoughts?

Gypsy Severina
12-10-2008, 03:12 PM
Well, my older sister is getting married (again) and so my younger sister and I are, of course, bridesmaids. The request has already been made for me to dye my hair back brown and was denied, politely. The dresses are strapless, tea-length, and a pastel minty aqua, which I'm not all that gung-ho about, being the delightfully dark Goth that I am and consequently shunning light colors (that was a ridiculously literative sentence, too much Pride and Prejudice!). The wedding is on a beach, and we're all to be barefoot at the beach ceremony. The reception is going to be... a BBQ. :o I mentioned the slight detail that I'm a vegetarian and so probably wouldn't partake of the steaks and ribs. "Don't worry, there'll be a salad bar!" :?: I'm just a wee bit disappointed because I already eat more salad than the average rabbit, but it'll be a wedding salad bar. That makes it special.

So my new weight loss goal will be to lose at the least 50 lbs by next August, a very reasonable 1.5-1.6 lb weight loss a week, and at the most 75 lbs which is a fantasy loss of about 2.5 lbs a week.

Now my question is; has anyone else been in a mainstream wedding, and how did you cope? Was anyone mutilated, maimed, or generally injured by you for being put into a ridiculous dress? What was the good, the bad, and the ugly? I've never been in a wedding before and apparently I'm putting a Poe spin on my thoughts about the whole thing, lol. Really need to stop reading 19th century literature for a bit.

12-10-2008, 03:17 PM
I go to 40+ weddings a year and see all kinds of people in all kinds of weddings.

My advice would be don't make it more than what it is. Just as your Delightfully Dark Goth (I love that, btw) lifestyle is your choice, your sister's choice is to be traditional and conservative. When (if) you get married you can freak her out by making her wear something totally outrageous! :D

I wouldn't compromise anything personal (the hair dye request is just ridiculous and borderline bridezilla, IMO) but I would say just be ... I dunno ... accomodating? And accept that she's going to be weird and unreasonable in the way that only a bride can be. :) Grit your teeth a lot and remember she's your sister.

And remember that you're going to be asked a lot of really (in retrospect) silly questions about things that are really unimportant to anyone else but the bride. :) (And I can say that having been a bride and having been a photographer for the last 15 years!)


12-10-2008, 03:23 PM
Hey Gypsy :)

My best friend got married just last October, and it was quite ... weddingy... for lack of a better word. Knee length dresses that cost over $300 dollars type weddingy... Not at all my type of event.

Anyway, since it was a special day, my only advice is to "grin & bear it" without feeling as if you're being completely untrue to yourself.

No need to dye your hair to the color the bride deems necessary. (After all, would anyone with natural colored hair have to dye their hair pink if the bride requested it? No.)

But wear the dress (even if it's an awful pasty pale pastel) and smile for the photos. It's only one day. And you won't have to see the pictures if you don't want to.

The food... well... I guess I'd just suggest eating a good breakfast, and then taking what you can from the salad bar.

Also, remember that no one is really caring what you do that day... it's the bride's day & she'll be the focus. And once you've left the reception, quickly rip the dress off & rejoice that you'll never have to wear it again! (And then promptly donate it away so that she can't request you wear it for some anniversary or something ;)).

You'll get through the day :)

12-10-2008, 03:34 PM
I could never understand dictating hair color. It's a wedding, not a casting call for the Stepford Wives. And if the bride started pushing on that particular element, I'd say something like "I can't wait to stand up and support you at the wedding, but making a permanent change to my haircolor is something I just can't do. I hope that isn't a problem!"

That being said, you agree to be in a wedding to support the bride and show her how much she means to you. So temporary changes (like wearing a certain dress or jewelry, playing nice with the relatives, etc) are reasonable to make to make that day more special for her. You'll definitely survive one day wearing a dress that you wouldn't necessarily choose for yourself, and fraternizing with people you normally wouldn't.

Gypsy Severina
12-10-2008, 03:43 PM
Yes, the dress will disappear as soon as she does for the honeymoon. I'm just miffed because the first set of colors I could deal with; a nice deep turquoise and brown. Ok, sounds like a Vera Bradley bag but ok. No fluffy bows or crazy dresses. Now the colors have changed to the pastel minty aqua and cream, which is either a brand new My Little Pony or a candy cane gone horribly wrong. But so shall it be, its her wedding and my job is to vent to my mother who will reign her in and keep her from driving us all to homicide. May the Gods never curse my mother with alzheimer's or senility and grant her immortality (we're all pretty sure she's not going to die. Ever.).

12-10-2008, 03:45 PM
That's a shame. I always liked getting brand new My Little Ponies ;)

Gypsy Severina
12-10-2008, 03:57 PM
Lol, I think my mother still has the movie from the 80's

Beautiful Ace
12-10-2008, 03:58 PM
This might be a very silly way of looking at it, but I was thinking... Maybe you can totally pretend your in a parallel universe, and say the sweetest things, and look as angelic as you can, and then you can laugh at yourself fooling all these people into thinking you are what you're trying to make them think you are....

yeh ok I'm silly don't mind me. lol

Beautiful Ace
12-10-2008, 04:36 PM
I always kill threads. lol

Gypsy Severina
12-10-2008, 06:14 PM
You've just described our bi-annual family reunions!

Beautiful Ace
12-10-2008, 06:15 PM

12-10-2008, 06:17 PM
hahahaaa not a thread killer!

Beautiful Ace
12-10-2008, 06:22 PM
IT'S ALIVE!!!!! and if it dies... WASN'T ME! Lol

12-10-2008, 06:48 PM
umm..maybe forgo wedding salad bar and head straight to the

12-10-2008, 08:53 PM
My wedding was extreemly cookie cutter and traditional (wedding was almost 20 years ago). White dress, chapel, minister, the whole nine yards... I'm an atheist, 90% of my wardrobe is and was black, I was a punk/goth kid, yada yada yada...

I did it because it made for mega-brownie points with the family. I really didn't (and to this day still don't) give a rat's patotie about the institution of marriage, but I did see the value in trying to mend what had become a very rocky relationship with my family.

I put my foot down about a couple of things that I absolutely would not do, but for the most part, I decided that it was only one day, and it was not going to change who I was to put on a frilly 'not-me' dress, and go with the flow for one day. I did use my own jewelry, but chose pieces that were antique looking and were still very much 'me' (actually I got waaaaay more comments on my jewlery than my dress, because the jewlery was so unusual).

Requests like dying your hair are unreasonable, in my opinion. Putting on a pukey-pastel dress (the colours do sound awful - so sorry! :hug:) won't be fun, but it's a very simple thing to toss it afterwards and go back to being you.

In the end, I really enjoyed my wedding (mostly the party), because it wasn't about what I looked like that day, it was about a bunch of people getting together and having a good time. Who I was didn't change because I put on a frilly dress for one day :D


Thighs Be Gone
12-10-2008, 09:20 PM
hehehe..I made my wedding party wear teal and mauve...LOL

Gypsy Severina
12-10-2008, 11:16 PM
thighs be gone- was your wedding party made up completely of people you didn't care for in high school? I'd love to have a "screw you" wedding where I invite only people I don't like, get presents out of them, and then make them wear bright orange and avocado green. -maniacal laughter-

Even though I am slightly underage (20), I will be hitting that bar. Many, many times. Wow, just thought of a great gag gift for the bride... an aqua and cream My Little Pony in a wedding dress.

12-10-2008, 11:26 PM
Well, my older sister is getting married (again) and so my younger sister and I are, of course, bridesmaids. The request has already been made for me to dye my hair back brown and was denied, politely.

I love this thread, you really made me laugh (WITH you, not at you :)). Especially the part above. Honestly I have never even HEARD of people requesting hair dye for the bridesmaids!

I like the idea of pretending you are in a parallel universe - a My Little Pony universe! A pony on the beach!

Anyway about the BBQ - get her to BBQ some veggies and/or tofu stuff for you!


Gypsy Severina
12-11-2008, 12:18 AM
choir girl- Well, I figure if I must suffer, why not let others feel better about themselves and have a good laugh? ;)

I actually do like BBQ tofu, slathered in some sugar-free and low fat BBQ sauce. Wouldn't be a bad idea, even though I am anticipating being the only vegetarian there.

12-11-2008, 02:01 PM
Gypsy -grin and bear it for the sake of your sister - it is a big day for her. . .. . but - NO WAY TO THE HAIR DYE! What a ridiculous request!

Can they not make a request to the caterer or whoever is taking care of the food to provide you with a vegetarian meal? Salad is not much of a dinner considering that it is a long day for anyone in the wedding party.

In order not to feel completely like a different person maybe you could wear some gothy underwear under the awful dress - like a corset and some sexy stockings or something like that? Perhaps wearing a piece of your favorite jewellery to remind you that you are just playing dress up for the day and you are still your true self would help.

12-11-2008, 02:05 PM
Just what color is your hair?

Gypsy Severina
12-11-2008, 04:47 PM
Quilter- Right now it's a nice deep purple bangs and brown everywhere else, but this weekend the brown will be black. It was originally black, but apparently I chose a really crappy black that didn't stay so now its back to chestnut brown.

Mauvaisroux- I actually emailed her last night about the food, and apparently we are making the food, not having caterers. I'm now at the stage where I probably won't take every 5-minute development seriously anymore and am prone to bouts of laughter.

12-11-2008, 07:36 PM
i know where your comming from, I had a really nice setof dreads that my sister made me cut ut fr he wedding, the only reason i did i was becuase it was my 2nd or third set and I figured i could just do it again, well after the time passed for my hair to finallly grow out i havet been able to do it! Its ok though becuase when i get married, im going to make my sister wear one of the most untraditonal dress;'s ever, i mean she made me wear pink for gods sake!

12-11-2008, 07:49 PM
i wanna wear a red dress when i get married soon :)

i hate traditional weddings :(

painted lady
12-11-2008, 08:21 PM
i was a bridesmaid for my sister's wedding, and it was ridiculous. she wanted me to cover up my tattoos (no thank you, you asked ME to be your bridesmaid, not the person you wish i was) and to take out my nostril piercings (i have both pierced) AND to somehow "shrink your ears" (i had 00g plugs at the time that are now 1/2"). i did none of those things. she wanted us to all wear dangly earrings... i tried them in my plugless lobes, but they looked sooooo crappy that i just wore my gorgeous ebony and mother of pearl plugs.

also, she (mistakenly, i think) told us we could get our hair done "however we wanted." part of me cackled, i think. i opted for a BOUFFANT. it was so awesome. all the other bridesmaids got some weird-looking tendrilly thing that had too much gel in it. then, at the reception, i ditched the uncomfortable high heels and put on bright pink Chucks.

and you bet i'm attaching pictures!

12-11-2008, 08:24 PM
firstly, i think you look awesome, individual and beautiful, secondly that cat tattoo is amazing. exactly the sort of thing i want! did u go to a portrait tattooist? is it symbolic.. sorry to be a nerd but i love it!

painted lady
12-11-2008, 08:28 PM
haha the artist's name is Seth Wood. he is based in NYC, but i got it done in Cedar Falls, IA, because he travels quite a bit. he is fantastic. i would also recommend a guy in Des Moines, IA, named Cool-Aid, who did a large piece on my left forearm this summer.

and thanks! i felt really pretty at her wedding, even if she was sort of a beeyotch the whole time (Bridezilla all the way). oh, i forgot to add that she de-bridesmaided me TWICE during the whole planning process. once because i refused to cover up my tattoos with makeup (wtf) and once because i refused to drive six hours to go to a dress fitting. (apparently she had never heard of something called "having the dress shipped.")

12-11-2008, 09:12 PM
I love it, Painted Lady, You did that dress a justice it didn't know it needed ;)

12-11-2008, 09:20 PM
a little OT but my mother insisted I cover a tatoo up (like with a bandage) when I went to visit her in Florida. I refused, but actually wore a t-shirt, b/c I just didn't want to get into it.

edit, ok just finished reading this page.. not so OT. ANd I might add this one:
my girlfriend got married a few years ago and her mother asked her to take out her (very delicate and beautiful, but that it matters) nose ring for the ceremony and after party. She too, politely refused.

Shrinking Shrink
12-11-2008, 09:26 PM
I'm getting married :hug: in May and have encouraged my bridesmaids to have fun and be comfortable...(gotta be able to party comfortably :carrot: ) My dress is red and white so the ladies are wearing black dresses that they picked out themselves. I'm on a quest to find the right shade of red for my hair... a cross between fire engine and blood.... i think. I'm fuchia right now and I think it might clash with the red...:devil:

I hope I don't become a controlling bridezilla... and I hope I loose the 20 extra lbs of me before then!!!!!

Gypsy Severina
12-12-2008, 12:59 AM
painted lady- No offense, but your dress has made me feel a little bit better about the minty monstrosity I have to wear, lol. I do adore the tattoos, though, I'll be getting an ankle henna design and probably a Pentacle on my wrist in march... unless she brings down the hammer on the tattoos (which I doubt since she doesn't know about them yet) I'm getting them.

kitty cat- nothing yet on my nosering, and nothing about my eyebrow ring either which I'll be getting in January. I'm going to become really paranoid trying to stay two steps ahead of any possible demands.

shrinking shrink- That sounds fabulous! I'm already planning on having at least 2 weddings; my Wiccan wedding in the forest, my goth wedding in some club or castle, and if the groom's family is a traditional something, then another one for that. I kind of hope Hindu since the wedding dresses are so crazy beautiful and richly-colored.

12-12-2008, 06:43 AM
haha the artist's name is Seth Wood. he is based in NYC, but i got it done in Cedar Falls, IA, because he travels quite a bit. he is fantastic. i would also recommend a guy in Des Moines, IA, named Cool-Aid, who did a large piece on my left forearm this summer.

and thanks! i felt really pretty at her wedding, even if she was sort of a beeyotch the whole time (Bridezilla all the way). oh, i forgot to add that she de-bridesmaided me TWICE during the whole planning process. once because i refused to cover up my tattoos with makeup (wtf) and once because i refused to drive six hours to go to a dress fitting. (apparently she had never heard of something called "having the dress shipped.")

ooooh im going to nyc next year and id love to get some work done! whats his shop called and where is it? thanks!

12-12-2008, 09:44 AM
Painted lady: you look gorgeous! And that in a dress that looks most like a (no offense) tablecloth to me.

I think most brides are not so Bridezilla around here. I also have this feeling that formal dresses for women are usually much more traditional in the USA. I always see those prom dresses with bows! I've never seen someone wear a dress with a bow around here - only a member of a dance group for 15th century dances.

When my parents wed, they put on the invitations that people had to bring their swimwear. Most people called because they assumed it was a joke. It was not, after the ceremony they went to the local lake beach and unpacked this huge picknick they had prepared in advance. Also, my mother sew her own wedding dress. My parents are awesome, it's a shame I wasn't born yet to see their wedding.

painted lady
12-12-2008, 10:10 PM
yeah that dress is a pink something or other. it was around "tea length" so that was cute. if i could dye it another color, that'd be cool, but it's some weird fabric.

Seth Wood tattoos on St. Mark's Place at a shop called Fun City Tattoo. also, if you go to, you can see a more complete portfolio (including my kitty!).

slightly OT, but while you are in NYC, you should also go get work done (scarification, piercings, implants, etc.) from Brian Decker at Pure Body Arts in Brooklyn.

painted lady
12-12-2008, 10:15 PM
and to get back on topic, when i get married (probably within the next two or three years), i want my boyfriend to wear a kilt (he's almost 100% Scottish). The Ferguson tartan is really pretty!

12-18-2008, 12:42 PM
Have you considered taking the whole thing to the dreamy extreme? Get frosted, petal pink lipstick and matching nail polish, tease your hair into a bouffant, get gleaming-white,-retro-matching shoes and handbag, a pillbox hat, horn-rimed glasses, pearl necklace and a sparkling broach. You will look like a vision and the bride will have nothing to complain about!

painted lady
12-18-2008, 01:11 PM
it'd be like a wedding in a B-52's music video!!

Moon Faerie
12-18-2008, 03:18 PM
Bridezillas are a strange bunch. I had one last year (I'm a wedding photog) that made one of her bridesmaids take out a non-traditional ear piercings (can't remember exactly what it was) that was covered by mountains of hair anyway. I've had worse experiences with the mothers of the brides though. I'm planning on dying my hair pink again, and I'm a bit worried about how that will go over.....

Gypsy Severina
12-19-2008, 05:36 PM
Well, sister bridezilla just bumped it up to April from August, so now there's less than 4 months to put it all together on a budget of just about nothing. This is going to be a very entertaining process to watch.

12-19-2008, 05:44 PM
I swear I don't know why brides ask people to be bridesmaids and then demand that they change everything about themselves. Seriously. If you have that much of a problem with someones tattoo, earrings, hair, makeup, whatever, then DON'T ASK THEM.

Over hte course of the years, I've photographed hundreds of weddings and I'm always amazed at what some brides demand of their friends and family. What happened to loving people for who they are?

Then again, I will say I've also had some amazingly cool brides who didn't fuss about those things and who let their friends just be themselves ... which is always awesome.

The only time I really agreed with a bride asking a friend to cover a tattoo is when the tattoo in question was somewhat sexual and her friend asked her to cover it for the church ceremony - but said she could wash off the makeup for the reception. She just didn't want to give their priest a heart attack. ;) I figured that was within the realm of reasonable.


12-19-2008, 07:57 PM
so glad i went to the courthouse...

Gypsy Severina
12-19-2008, 11:22 PM
I have to say, despite my sarcastic commentary on the whole affair, I've been planning my wedding since summer of last year. Haven't dated, no guys in sight, but I just have a ridiculous amount of fun planning and watching the shows on TV, especially Buff Brides. I think I want a wedding more than a marriage, lol, just rent a cute guy to stand up there but never get the marriage license.

12-19-2008, 11:48 PM
Damn, I was apparently a really laid back bride. My bridesmaids picked out whatever dress they wanted, but it had to b the same shade of blue. All 4 girls had different body tyoes, but they all looked beautiful. There were tattoos showing, and I was cool with it. I even hired a makeup/hair artist for the day to pamper and let them get whatever hair styles/makeup they wanted. I just wanted my friends there--it didn't really matter what the "wrapping paper" looked like.
P.S. My BF just had an 80's themed wedding and it was awesome! Guests were invited to wear 80's clothes (my DH came as a Ghostbuster, lol) and all the music was from the 80's. Verrrrrry laid back!!!
I alos loved what Wifeyboo said--rock it out retro style and have fun with it!

painted lady
12-20-2008, 12:48 AM
i was especially annoyed at my sister's wedding, because my sister has tattoos as well (just not as many, and her's are crappy). silly bridezilla.

i want to get married so badly!! i've had TWO friends in the past week get engaged. hopefully when i'm planning my wedding, i won't be a fascist about it.

painted lady
12-20-2008, 10:10 PM
i just found another picture from my sister's wedding. it's me and my dad, and you can really see my awesome hair!! oh, and by this point, i had had about four glasses of champagne.

12-21-2008, 12:17 PM
i just found another picture from my sister's wedding. it's me and my dad, and you can really see my awesome hair!! oh, and by this point, i had had about four glasses of champagne.

I really think you looked awesome! I love it.