Weight Loss Support - When to stop losing ... (long)
12-10-2008, 11:52 AM
Everybody I know is telling me that I should stop and that I look great. This includes my co-workers from different sections and my boss and my baby daddy and my mom...
OK so I'm in a comfy size 10...well, I need a belt to hold up the pants a little bit, but I still have a lot of fat to burn and it's mainly in my arms. When I lose weight it hits my lower body first then my mid section and my arms last. I'm weight lifting now to tone and get some definition.
My tummy is flat when I stand up but when I lay down to the side it rolls out...I want that sh&t gone. It bugs me because I know what I look like naked and it can look so much better.
I was told that only dogs like bones. I was told I look like a little girl. I was told that I have lost enough weight. I'm only down 46lbs...I have 4 to go to make it to my goal of 50lbs which will make me 173lbs. I'm still too heavy...must lose more weight or should I just look in the mirror and go by that? What's in the mirror is deceiving. I'm supposed to weight 150 for my height 5'9 and I'm medium frame.
I love the compliments, but the comments come with it and it frustrates me. I'm healthy and I feel good so I don't think I'm doing anything wrong.
12-10-2008, 12:06 PM
When to stop losing: When you feel you should, not when others tell you that you should.
Something you should realize is that people aren't used to change and so they see you losing weight and see a completely different you. I've had people tell me I should stop losing weight as well. I think they are crazy.
Also one of the facts is we are so used to an obese society that it is odd to see people that are slim. Sad but true. Not to say that you don't look great but the norm for society is definitely on the more chunky side these days.
So it goes back to stop losing when you won't to, not when others tell you.
12-10-2008, 12:06 PM
Go with yourself.
It's all about you. You are doing the work, it's your body, and it's YOU who has to deal with the body in the mirror, the way your heart pumps oxygen when you hike up some stairs, and it's YOU who has to live with your health in older age as a result of your personal choices that you make now. Not them.
12-10-2008, 12:40 PM
Weight lifting is a great thing to be doing, to get that definition that you crave. It sounds like you know your body and are honoring it -- don't listen to anyone else's opinion.
12-10-2008, 12:47 PM
You are still overweight according to the somewhat arbitrary BMI charts.
You would be solidly normal BMI at 160 pounds, and also at 150, although it's getting kinda low at that level.
Start telling the people at work that it's between you and your doctor. That usually shuts them up and gives them the message that it's not their business. As for your mom and baby daddy, tell them that you're still technically overweight and that you fully intend to stop when you get to normal weight range for your height. And, that you don't appreciate their constant comments about it! Sometimes people just have to be told!
12-10-2008, 12:48 PM
What Nelie said.
I am now getting similar comments myself, actually I was getting them for a while, that I "don't need to lose any more". It's not that I have a set number (i.e. my weight) on mind; I still have some fat on my stomach and I want to get rid of it. When I tell people that I am going after a body fat %, they don't understand it. But it is my body - I have never had such a healthy lifestyle that I have now, it's not like I am trying to be supermodel-thin.
12-10-2008, 12:52 PM
First- congrats!! Fifty pounds is amazing!
I agree with everyone else that you should stop when you're happy with the way you look and feel (within reason, someone 5'9" probably shouldn't weigh 125!). Maybe your co-workers and family mean the whole "you should stop now" as a compliment...like they want you to know that you look fabulous and if you stopped now, you'd still be fabulous! Just a thought ; )
Shannon in ATL
12-10-2008, 12:54 PM
You do what makes you feel good. I have my mother hitting me every day with how skinny I look, "sickly skinny" was the phrase she used. I know I'm healthier than I have ever been in my life, so I'm trying hard not to let that bother me. My mom has her own passel of eating related heath and psychological issues, so I'm trying hard to remember that.
I've added in weight training (well, added it for a while, then stopped, started back this week) and I've noticed that my shape changed. I didn't lose any more weight, but people could see a difference, so I got some "stop losing weight" feedback after that.
My feelings are that you lose until you are comfortable, as long as you don't let it take over your life and lose to an unhealthy place. I feel like I'm in a healthy place still, I lost a little in the last few weeks because I was sick, not by plan.
Nelie is right - the perception of skinny has changed somewhat, in my opinion. DH read an article this week that I wish I could find again - a doctor was being criticized for putting people on a severely calorie restricted diet for weight loss. The article said he was only allowing them half the calories that a normal adult needed to survive. He had them at an average of 1900 calories per day. ?? If that is half what I need to survive I should be dead now, since I am just barely at 1850 every day now, and that is an increase.
Don't let other people get you down. You have come so far, and done such a great job! :hug:
12-10-2008, 01:16 PM
It sounds cultural to me. Certain ethnicities do not like their women small. I got that vibe off of your "only dogs like bones" comment. I just followed your link to your blog because I couldn't recall who you were and yeah, African Americans in general (not everyone of course) seem to dislike women small or "bony" or without curves.
I had a few girlfriends in high school who were stick thin and they always complained that their families made comments on their body size. And me, a non-African American, was always praised for my booty in high school and college. I think it's very cultural.
So with that said, you lose weight until *you* are comfortable. Don't worry about what everyone else says. You know what is best for you and what makes you feel good. Don't worry about fitting into a mold - not everyone can do that genetically anyways! I think you look great by the way!
12-10-2008, 01:29 PM
A dr. had patients at 1900 calorie diet to lose weight and he was critizied for restricting them too much?? Are you kidding me??? I only eat around 1200 to 1300 when i'm dieting!!! That is crazy!!! I'm trying to start out this time around 1300-1400 to see if i can lose on that much before i start having to lower it any more.
But back to the main post...i agree that you stop when you feel like you should stop. Other than maybe your baby daddy...none of those other people see you naked. So, they don't know what you look like body wise under your clothes. I had the same thing happening to me at work. People at work only knew me at 194 pounds. So to see me lose 50 pounds was a shock to their perception. They kept telling me not to lose any more weight...but they don't see the big round tummy that is hanging underneath my clothes. Or realize that the last 10-15 pounds i had to lose is the main weight i NEED to lose because it is the most unhealthy kind of weight to have. It's the fat that gets around your organs and hardens and squeezes your organs and gives you diabetes and other illnesses. I look at my mom and she is overweight but she looks like she's 9 months pregnant with twins!!!! Because her fat has hardened inside and then she has more fat just piling up on top of that. I don't want to be like that. I'm not saying i want 6 pack abs but i don't want no basket ball under my clothes either.
You stop when YOU'RE ready and when YOU'RE happy with your body. Just tell them your doctor fully agrees that you could lose a few more pounds or inches to be healthy.
12-10-2008, 02:00 PM
I'd like to add in here........anger or sarcasm will only lose you good will. If folks compliment you, thank them. If they feel you should stop losing because your getting too thin instead of snapping at them why not try smiling and saying "thanks I like input and honestly I'm not dieting so much now as just letting things settle"...........they don't need to know any more than that.
If it's someone who sees what your eating then tell them the same thing but if they say "then eat your .... (whatever)" tell them with a smile that you're on maintenance and those foods (sweets, potatoes, chips, fries.....whatever is in question at the moment) are just not going to become a part of your normal diet anymore because while you're not actually dieting now you have made a lifestyle change and maintenance requires you keep those things out of your diet.
They will maybe understand better and they will not be offended if your sweet and smiling toward them. Most people don't mean to be hurtful and they will stop bothering you if you let them know you've actually stopped dieting but maintenance is so vital.............and then go ahead and slowly lose the rest of the weight you're trying to shed. They won't even notice that more weight is coming off until you've lost another 10 or 15 lbs.
A fake is better than a fight anyday. ;)
I concur with the others that only you can decide what your "happy weight" is. You aren't below the recommended healthy BMI, so I wish the rest of the world would keep any backhanded "compliments" to themselves!
I got a lot of those comments too initially ... you're getting too skinny, surely you aren't still trying to LOSE weight, you look like a little girl, etc etc. But after a while, everyone got used to the new me, and the comments stopped. Now it's just my new "normal", so no one thinks anything about it. Maybe that will happen for you too ... your family/friends just aren't used to the new you yet?
All I can say is try to let it go, do what you know is best for you, and hopefully this too will pass .....
12-10-2008, 02:12 PM
I agree with what others have said, stop losing when you want to stop. You never know the intentions people have when they give advice sometimes good and sometimes bad. Not to imply that the people in your life aren't genuinely happy for you but you made these healthy living changes by yourself even though I'm sure you had support. Ultimately the accountability for the change is on you and so the decision to go into maintenance should be your own.
12-10-2008, 03:15 PM
I've gotten some of those comments and I just smile blandly. But that's with non family and non friends.
12-10-2008, 03:56 PM
cakses - my boss and the co-worker who said only dogs like bones are both white. lol my boyfriend says he'd rather have me skinny than fat any day so to continue what I'm doing. my mom is naturally very thin so when she sees me getting then she's like "you don't want to be frail" like me.
timlin - I am being nice and I smile and say thank you, but inside I boil. I just let out my frustrations on 3FC...I don't have the heart to do it to them.
Thanks for the encouragement everyone!!!!!!! I feel better now.
Shannon in ATL
12-10-2008, 04:24 PM
SBD - I just went and looked at your profile pics and I have to say that you look great! :)
12-10-2008, 05:41 PM
It's funny, I'm hearing this from my coworkers too. And I'm still well over 200 pounds and considered obese. I really want to be on the other side of 200 before I stop losing. And I really want my tummy gone...
Sass, you look great in your pictures by the way. Congrats on your weight loss!
12-10-2008, 06:18 PM
Congrats on the loss!!! You should stop when you feel good. It doesn't matter what other people say. They're not living with it every day.