I've noticed a few posters on 3FC say that they are still legally married, but the marriage is over and both parties have moved on emotionally. Some couples still live together, but act more like roommates. I know a few folks in my personal life that are in this situation. It's usually for kid reasons.
Do y'all know people in this situation? Is it as widespread as I think it is?
My mom and stepdad did this for a couple of years. I'm sure it's fairly common, just not broached often.
It wasn't for kid reasons (I was off to college by that point), they simply recognized the end of the marriage and waited until it was possible to come up with new living situations. Even though everyone knew it was over, it would have been very disruptive for all involved if it had been done another way.
I don't know if this is a new thing or not. I'm sure it's always been done, but when my mom and dad divorced ('85) it was quite abrupt and fast moving.
Last week I saw a story on the Today show saying that a lot of people are waiting to get divorces until they can afford it. They profiled a couple who were basically living in separate parts of the same house, but obviously still bump into each other a lot. Sounds like a horrible situation to me. I don't know how common it is, but the gist of the story was that this will probably become more common as the economy continues to tank.
My sister was married for about 12 years but separated for about 1/2 of those years. At the time neither had the money to actually file for divorce and they lived together but went their separate ways. Finally he moved out and she got her own place too. Years later they got back together and then did it again, lol. She didn't actually get one-a divorce until a few years into another relationship and he wanted to get married.
My ex boyfriend was still married with kids but they were putting off the divorce because of financial issues and medical issues. he had really good medical insurance and she had breast cancer and needed the insurance for treatment. Eventually they got divorced officially, but they still live in the same house because of the kids and her cancer is back.
It seems there's all kinds of reasons--finances is a pretty big one. So is health insurance. I know a lesbian who is married to a friend of hers (a gay male) just so he can have health insurance. They have never lived together as a married couple.
I suppose as long as everyone can get along....to each his own.
I had a girl stay after school to make up a test today. Afterward, she stuck around and clearly wanted to talk. She ended up telling me some heavy personal stuff that's troubling her, mainly that her mom has been diagnosed with cancer but is not seeking treatment (she's doing alternative things instead of chemo). My student is clearly worried about her mom but her mom won't really talk about it. I commented that this must be really tough on her and her brother and then asked how her dad is handling it all. Her response floored me.... "Well, they have a really different relationship. They just don't... well, they can't stand each other." She went on to explain that her parents don't really talk much and that they just do not like each other. She said it's been like that her entire life. How strange! I agree to each his own, but I do wonder how this will affect the poor girl's future relationships. I was saddened.
I had a girl stay after school to make up a test today. Afterward, she stuck around and clearly wanted to talk. She ended up telling me some heavy personal stuff that's troubling her, mainly that her mom has been diagnosed with cancer but is not seeking treatment (she's doing alternative things instead of chemo). My student is clearly worried about her mom but her mom won't really talk about it. I commented that this must be really tough on her and her brother and then asked how her dad is handling it all. Her response floored me.... "Well, they have a really different relationship. They just don't... well, they can't stand each other." She went on to explain that her parents don't really talk much and that they just do not like each other. She said it's been like that her entire life. How strange! I agree to each his own, but I do wonder how this will affect the poor girl's future relationships. I was saddened.
I just wanted to say thank you for being her confidant even for that little while. You have no idea the relief that could have been just to be able to tell someone even if you could just empathize with her.
I have kids that I watch after school daycare type thing and there are so many with stories that would just break my heart and the kids are soooooo young. I would love to take every one of them home and just love on them.
I just wanted to say thank you for being her confidant even for that little while. You have no idea the relief that could have been just to be able to tell someone even if you could just empathize with her.
I have kids that I watch after school daycare type thing and there are so many with stories that would just break my heart and the kids are soooooo young. I would love to take every one of them home and just love on them.
I have a feeling she'll be back to talk. This is a girl who seemingly has it all together - straight As, great work ethic, involved in activities - a model student. But from what she told me today, she lives in a cold household. I don't think feelings are discussed much at all, and she is definitely bearing a heavy load.
I know what you mean about working with kids - you do hear some sad stories, and sometimes it's from the kids you least expect.
Trend: Marriage Over, But Not Legally?
