Weight Loss Support - Ever wonder about your relationship?




kelly315
12-07-2008, 09:00 PM
So I've been with my boyfriend for a long time now, and we're actually engaged now. He's seen me at every weight from 190 to 288 and now back down to 235 (and shrinking!). But this topic crossed my mind and the idea of relationships and weight loss is really interesting to me.

So I'm wondering, do you ever wonder about your relationship? If you're heavy and in a new relationship with someone, do you wonder if they have a thing for heavy girls and their feelings might change? If you started your relationship while you were thinner and gained weight, how has that affected the two of you?

Feel free to open up and vent! This is the place for it. :hug:


Beautiful Ace
12-07-2008, 09:09 PM
People might get together for looks but they don't stay together based on looks... Thats what I think anyways... I would assume that if somebody has been in a long relationship with somebody they would be attracted to their personality rather than physical looks... I have no idea though. lol

rubbytummy
12-07-2008, 09:19 PM
When my boyfriend and I first got together, almost three and a half years ago, I was around 150 and, because of some problems I was having in my life, quickly shot up to 190 in the first couple of months. As far as I could tell, this has no effect on our relationship. However, as I climbed up from 190 to 244, our sex life severely suffered (I think he was less attracted to me, I didn't have as much energy, there was a lot going on there) and that caused all of the problems you can imagine in a relationship. Our intimacy definitely took a hit.

As I'm losing the weight again, our intimacy is improving (sex life too!) and I often find myself wondering whether when I'm no longer overweight, things will be as incredible as they were in the beginning of the relationship, or whether things are as good as they'll ever be now and I'm just using my weight as an excuse to chase a silly old dream.

So yeah, definitely lots of weight-related relationship questions, for which I couldn't know any answers. But I'm looking forward to learning them as I go along.


Verstehen
12-07-2008, 09:19 PM
t answeryour question- almost everyday. I know of situations where guys are attracted to weight and when its gone, so are they. I know that I have a HORRIBLE time belieivng that someone can love me, want to touch me, when i dont want to love or touch myself. I wonder sometimes if they're just setting me up, if they will find someone else, blah, blahblah.... But i know that i've been through some crazy and cruel things with my weight an relationships with others. So sometimes when crazy thoughts cross my mind, i need to let the thoughts keep crossing, instead of feeding into their craziness. Congrats on your engagement!

Schumeany
12-07-2008, 09:38 PM
I think it completely depends on the guy.

My husband and I started dated in college when I weighed 150. Then, in law school, my weight increased to 185 or so. He didn't seem to care -- he just loved me and when we got married during my second year, I got back down to 165 or so. Then, when I was in my last year of law school, I went down to 125, and actually that is the only time in our 14 year marriage that he has had much to say about my weight -- he told me that I was too thin and that I looked sick. He was right, I was a Size 0 and I did look sick -- pictures of me then are a little on the scary side. So I increased my weight to 135 which was a nice Size 4/6 or so, and he seemed to like that a lot...but while he is not a particularly jealous guy, he did mention occasionally the amount of attention I got from the opposite sex...not his favorite. He was proud of me and that I looked good, but the attention thing was odd...not really a sore point because I am careful about flirting anyway...not particularly classy when you're married...especially when you're with your spouse.

Anyway, since I've had three kids, my weight has flucuated over the last eight years between 185 and 150...up and down. He just keeps adoring me...which is nice.

Now that I am down to 133.5, he mentioned just this morning that I was thin enough...he is right, and it was not a "stop now" kind of thing, just a concerned comment that my weight has continued to drop under my goal (We have been doing this weight loss thing together and so we usually do our morning weigh-in at the same time so he knows my goal and what I weigh now.). I am hovering between Size 2 and 4. In fact, I do not want to get any thinner, but I am working on this maintenance calories thing and it is not as easy at it seems.

However, we are having a little more of a problem about the male attention this time around. I seem to be garnering more of it in my thirties and thin than I did in my twenties -- looks from strangers/social acquaintances that is. I think it might be my cheekbones, perhaps? My face is leaner and less "cute" now than it was when I was thin in my twenties. Or maybe it is because the men who are interested are bolder/more confident because they are also in their thirties and forties? I don't know for sure, but my husband has made some noise about this lately...not actually aimed at me, but anger that men are so bold in his presence about approaching me or commenting on how I look.

I need to carefully phrase this since this is a "public forum" but at a function recently someone we know came up behind me and leaned his WHOLE body against mine from behind and whispered in my ear that I was gorgeous...with my husband standing RIGHT next to me. I thought for a minute that we were going to have some trouble...my husband was pissed. Luckily, he handled it maturely and let me settle it with a nice, biting comment that put the person in his place and made it clear his actions were NOT OK, but it was extremely awkward and not something I had thought about before I lost the weight.

So, we are continuing to find our balance with this...but my guy is pretty attractive so I am used to it the other way around. Women are CONSTANTLY touching him, putting their hands on his chest and giggling around him. We are best friends as well as husband and wife, and we are really good at communicating about this so it seems like it is working out OK.

Just make sure you TALK about it. Find out how he feels and how he is feeling as you get slimmer.

WormwoodDoll
12-07-2008, 09:39 PM
My fiance and I started dating when I was at 245-250lbs. His one ex weighed like 110lbs. She was very very thin. He has also dated "normal" / chubby girls, too. I'm sure he doesn't have a weight preference. He always tells me he thinks I'm beautiful either way, but he supports me 100%. I'm not doing this for him, but for myself, so it's nice to know that he is standing behind me the whole way.

kelly315
12-07-2008, 09:39 PM
thank you verstehen.
I know a lot of people who start relationships based on looks end up staying in the relationship because they fall in love, and because of the person, not the looks. What I'm really talking about here is new relationships, and how people interact during those strange tentative first year or months.

WormwoodDoll
12-07-2008, 09:43 PM
Schumeany, I am a bit worried about the same situation. At my weight, I do get guy attention as is. Especially where my work is located, I have had 2 stalkers and a few guys ask me for my number. My man is not typically jealous, but I am worried about what will happen if things increase as I lose more. I have a lot of guy friends that I've known for years who have innocently flirted on occasion. I just don't want things to go sour with my FH and have him think that I will leave him, etc.

Nikaia
12-07-2008, 11:34 PM
Before I weigh in, let me preface by saying I'm in a slightly unconventional relationship situation. Not that I expect a lot of censure from you guys here, everyone's always been quite supportive here, but to preempt any that might be lurking, I tell you now that we are all quite happy with things and no, nobody considers any of it "cheating".

This affects my answer because I'm both in a stable long-term relationship, and in a newer and likely to be semi-temporary relationship, so I'm dealing with the reaction of a guy who's known me for almost half my life and seen me go from 145 to 198 and back down to where I am, and whose love and (don't ask me how) attraction to me have never wavered, at the same time that I'm dealing with my insecurities in a six-months long relationship with a woman who is practically the picture of today's ideal physique. She's short, but very nicely put-together and athletic-looking, and has never been overweight in her life.

The thing that doesn't vary between them is that I'm always wondering how either of them could possibly find me sexually attractive.

Boyfriend, I know, will be there for me no matter my weight. He's seen me at my heaviest, and at my skinniest, and loved me equally at both, so I have the comfort of believing that, even though I don't see how it's possible, he really *does* find me beautiful and want to be with me no matter my weight. He's told me he doesn't know why I'm so worried about it, but he supports me 95% (I say 95 and not 100 because he has a tendency to overnag sometimes, but it's not because he wants me to lose the weight so much as he wants to help me do what I'm trying to do).

But with Girlfriend, we've only been together for about six months. And with her looking like a miniature version of a cover model, it's hard to believe that she could find me attractive at all. She has a real tendency to overfeed me when we hang out, because she likes cooking, and I don't have the heart to tell her how much I have to plan around her food to make my diet work.

But I'll admit, I'm looking forward to shocking the **** out of them both when I go home to finish school this spring and come back to visit all sexy and thin.

Lyria
12-07-2008, 11:42 PM
My boyfriend and I have been together for about 2.5 years and through that I have gone up a little, lost it, and then gone up a little again. My size hasn't really changed by my body composition did.

When we met I was a size 8-10 (4-6 US) and 130 pounds but still flabby...this time last year I was still the same size but 140 pounds and a lot more muscular. At THIS moment I am 146 pounds and while still muscular have some dratted wobbly bits going on there...thats what I get for moving in with him >.< lol.

He's been attracted to me through it all. Its more my sense of body loathing from time to time that gets to me than ever thinking he finds me ugly.

HOWEVER my boyfriend is 6'6 (I'm 5'6 lol) and when I met him weighed 190 pounds of lean, hard ripped muscle. It was very nice lol but not as nice as he himself is.

Anyway, he gained a little weight and then had a bike accident (was struck by a car riding to work) and hurt his neck. He couldn't ride, swim, run or do anything for about 10 months in which time he gained quite a bit. He was up around 245 pounds and wouldn't let me touch him because he felt so ugly and awful (and a serious bout of depression didn't help)

I was like...don't be silly! You're gorgeous! Because he IS. Even with weight on he's a physically gorgeous guy but that aside I loved him for HIM.

I can understand how men get frustrated with us when we don't believe their comments that we look good to them no matter the few extra kilos.

He's recently started to run and ride again and has already lost about 10 pounds (I so wish I could lose so quickly) and is gaining his self confidence back.

Fundementally if its a strong healthy relationship I find I love the person for the person, not the body. I do need some physical attraction there but by the time I am that deeply involved with someone they ARE still physically attractive to me because they're attractive emotionally and mentally :)

joyra
12-08-2008, 12:33 AM
I have asked my boyfriend that question a lot. He does his best to say he will love me no matter what, but I think I can read between the lines that he would be more attracted to me at a smaller weight.

I've gained 25 lbs since dating him and I've lost about 10 so far... I'd like to keep losing another 45-ish lbs beyond that. Like rubbytummy said, things were HOT before and definitely fizzled since. We work the same hours and live in a one-room studio so the mystery from our relationship is definitely gone. But I can't help but think that if I were smaller that he would be more excited by me. Losing weight will also give me more energy, not just for "home fun" but also to go out and do more fun things on dates. Right now I just feel trapped, both in my fat body and my living situation (tiny apartment in a foreign country with almost no friends), but I've got a path to follow to improve both... I hope by the end of this year in Korea we can move on to a better living situation in a better body.

stellarwbz
12-08-2008, 12:44 AM
I was about 158 when I met my boyfriend (almost 2 years ago). As soon as we got into a relationship we got comfortable, and both of our weights went up. I think I may have gone all the way to 185. Now that I am trying (I need to try harder) my weight has been stuck between 175-173 the past month. I would say that my boyfriend weighs about 215 now, and he's only 5'9 so it shows. He was probably 195 before. We both love each other the same, and still find each other attractive, however when we go hiking, and get tired quickly we both acknowledge that we are too fat, and need to lose some weight so the hikes aren't so brutal.

the maine lady
12-08-2008, 12:54 AM
I often have questions and doubts in my head myself.
I have been with my boyfriend over 5 years and he has seen me at 150, 120(hard to believe) and now shoot up to a little over 200.
He always tells me I look great and that he loves me, but I feel like our relationship has changed.
While my bf is very nice, loving and caring, and we are the best of friends, we never seem to be very physical anymore.
It seems to have been on the decline as my weight seems to increase.
I also have grown very frustrated and self conscious about my looks and really do not like to go out as much or be around people.
It's hard as well where we have been together for awhile so who knows. Maybe as I lose weight, that aspect of our relationship will change, or maybe we have more of an emotional bond now.
I am really looking forward to changing my life, not for him or us, but for me.
I just want to feel comfortable in my own skin again.
Wow, what a rant!

jimaterry
12-08-2008, 02:15 AM
my husband and i met online on a mmorpg. he lived in england and i lived in oregon. we chatted every day on the game for 2 years and because in the beginning i had NO idea we would ever meet, i told him EVERYTHING lol...we became best friends, then both of us felt there was more to our relationship even tho we hadnt met. he flew to oregon to meet me, we got married 6 days later, and have been married over 4 years now. he is 6'5, 210 lbs, and has Never said anything derogatory about my weight. he still touches me all the time, and we are still in our honeymoon period. if he isnt holding my hand, his hand is resting on my thigh while we watch tv. he strokes my back and tells me he loves me about 5 times a day.. even tho we have been married over 4 years, we still have sex about 5 times a week, and 3-4 times are initiated by him, so i can say i feel very confident with him...
however, i want to lose weight for my health firstly, and for him second. i love the fact that he is sexy, attractive, etc, and i want him to have a more attractive wife.

peccavi
12-08-2008, 07:28 AM
This is kind of a sad topic for me.. Like a lot of you, my boyfriend loves and supports me no matter what but I feel like he's not as attracted to me at such a high weight for my height and build. He's sooo small and I feel odd next to him in public, when I think about what we must look like, and I can't help but feel that he may be a bit embarrassed to call me his girlfriend, sometimes.. mostly just a paranoia, but it bothers me. And I never have the energy to do things with him now that I'm so out of shape. I've gained 60 pounds since we got together, and that's in less than a year.

On the other hand, when we first got together and I was smaller and slightly more attractive, he was very insecure about our relationship and about me meeting a better guy and leaving him or something... I feel like he's more secure in the relationship now, but I wonder if that's partly because I'm larger and less attractive than I was? Or just because he trusts me now that it's been almost a year and we've been living together for most of it... I'm afraid that when I am thinner again, especially when I get the urge to start dressing up a bit, he will regain that insecurity and our relationship might suffer. I'll just stay mindful of that when the time comes.

Extasee58865
12-08-2008, 08:52 AM
I met my husband around 165, had a kid and shot up to 200 and then gained 30 lbs after that. When I was at my highest, he did tell me in the nicest way possible, that maybe I should do something about my weight before it got out of control. I have severe scholiosis and he used this an the excuse of why I should lose weight, for my back, not because I was "fat." But the thing that hurt our relationship was myself. I look back to my sex life when I was in the 145-155 range, and I loved sex! I always had a steady relationship so I was not promiscuous (sp) but I really enjoyed it! As I got larger and the weight kept piling on, not only did I simply not enjoy it much anymore but I never seemed to have the energy to want to do it. That took a huge toll on our relationship. I've heard everything from you're seeing someone else to you don't find me attractive anymore. Neither of them are the case, I had issues with myself & my own body and no matter how much I tried to explain that to him, he didn't understand. I guess when you're not and never have been overweight, you have NO IDEA the emotional & psycholigal issues it can bring up in a person, or how it makes them feel about themselves. But now that I've lost almost 40 lbs, I can see an improvement in that area, which is certainly helping our relationship. However, I don't think it's uncommon for people to leave a relationship or go into one based on weight. Some people like ONLY skinny girls and if she gets fat, they bounce. Same is true for the opposite, some people like girls with meat on their bones & will leave if she becomes skinny. I don't think it's right, I would personally never leave my husband if he became fat, but to some people one of the most important things is the physical attraction & if it's not there, neither are they.

FB
12-08-2008, 09:27 AM
Interesting.

I met my husband at work, my boss, at a heavier weight, 180 or so maybe. I lost 20 pounds over the course of a few months and we proceeded to date.

I've always wondered whether the weight impeded a relationship earlier. He swears not, that he had a crush on me from day one. I suppose that could be true, as I didn't have a ton of confidence 20 pounds earlier.

Marriage, pregnancy, a touch of postpartum depression, avoiding scales and a sedentary stay at home mom life really packed on the pounds, but his feelings for me never changed, he never said a word about my rapid weight gain. When asked about it, in retrospect, he says he never saw the additional weight - just his darling. :)

Seriously, when he sees 'before' photos, he is shocked. He can't believe I looked like that although the man lived with me the entire time.

He's happy I'm happy now. I can't say the weight has dramatically changed our relationship - like made it brand spanking new all over or induces that 24 hour a day obsessional crushy feeling when you first get with someone. He's a little insecure at times now, likely because I'm more confident, outgoing and social - a 100% change from 11 months ago. That would be dizzying and cause a feeling of insecurity for almost anyone!

I never once thought that weight loss would dramatically change our marriage. My guy loves me, whatever I do. Over the course of time, 8 years of marriage, a kid and full time jobs we have a different relationship than we did at first. Naturally we aren't getting it on 5 times a day, 7 times a week anymore - no matter how fit I get I don't have energy for that anymore! :lol:

mudskippersgrl
12-08-2008, 10:20 AM
I have a hard time trusting any man, including my own. We have been together now for a little over 5years and I still feel the same way. :(
So, its extremely hard for me to believe him when he says 'im sexy' or anything like that, when I know that he is one of those guys who is into 'skinny girls' (130lbs or less)

I catch him all the time sneaking a peek at all these hott girls in bikinis and such and then he wonders why I don't believe him!

My self confidence has completely hit rock bottom, and still hasn't been going up even with my weight loss... :(

I remember when we were first together we would always take showers together and such, and that was nice and romantic, (I was 117lbs) but then when I hit even 160ish lbs when we would take a shower, he would have a disgusted look on his face, and he wouldn't seem attracted 'down there'. Thats when I completely gave up on everything, and since then, for a little over 3 1/2 years, he hasn't scene me naked. Especially he has NEVER scene my stomach. I don't even let him put his arms around my waist.

I know most of this is more my problem, if he is wanting to touch and see, but I can't talk to him about how these shower instances have made me feel.

I'm hoping when I get more towards my goal weight I can improve on this, and then hopefully our sex life will also...

Gamerchick
12-08-2008, 11:15 AM
I have my first boyfriend now in real life. We met on the internet when I play games XD Well... I met him and he liked me bsaed on my personality and all that. I showed him pictures of me when I was 160 and skinny looking. He thought I was cute. I TOLD him that I am bigger, that I gained a lot a weight, to not expect me to be skinny.

His feelings didn't change. I met him, and he LOVES me as I am RIGHT NOW. He says to me that I am pretty, and that if I want to lose weight, I will. He says he'll help me if I want to, but that I don't have to. The only things he expresses about my weight is concern when I'm not feeling good, cause we know that it's cause of my weight that I am having health problems.

But HE is the one showing ME how to love myself, despite my weight. And he doesn't care either way. I think he'd want me to lose weight just so I'D be willing to do more fun things with him, cause I keep myself held back because of my weight.

SO... there it is.

nelie
12-08-2008, 11:33 AM
I met my husband at my highest weight. We worked together and were friends. I actually hadn't seen him in a while when we decided to date and I had lost 70 lbs already. He wasn't aware that I had lost weight because you don't really tell your guy friends about that stuff. We got engaged when I weighed 280. Got married when I weighed 260.

I knew that he didn't normally date big girls so I believe he is attracted to me, not my weight. I don't think things would change between us no matter what size I was. Even if they did then it is what it is. Meaning I can only be me and the me I want to be is healthy and strong and a somewhat normal weight. I also told him when we got together that I wanted to lose weight so it wasn't a surprise. He has been my biggest fan and very supportive.

Although our relationship has changed. We used to eat out a lot and we don't as much anymore. We always kind of exercised together but now both of us have taken up running. He was the resistant one but I dragged him with me. We do a lot of things together.

Oh and I did go out with a guy once that really liked big girls. His previous girlfriends were all big. We went out a couple times but then I told him I wasn't interested. It was a very odd experience overall and he would not go away but luckily he never knew where I lived.

TJFitnessDiva
12-08-2008, 11:43 AM
I met my husband in high school at a skinny 120 pounds (10th grade) and I leveled off in college around 150 until I got pregnant with my 7 year old.

My weight varied between 200-220 pounds after my first baby....after my 3rd I was already going through PSD after the hurricane & ballooned to my highest weight ever of 286 pounds.

Not once did he mention my weight gain. He's stayed with me through much worse things that gaining weight ;) and I don't have a doubt in my mind he'd stay with me if I choose not to lose it!

WarMaiden
12-08-2008, 12:33 PM
I was once married to a man who thought I was "too fat" at 150 pounds, still thought I was too fat at 200 pounds when we got married, continued to think I was too fat when I lost 40 pounds and got back down to 160, DEFINITELY thought I was too fat when I ended up at about 230 after a traumatic miscarriage and then the successful birth of our son. He never really wanted me much at any weight, because (to be blatantly honest) I wasn't an "adult movie" star. Sex was never great and it certainly wasn't frequent because he wasn't interested in doing it with me, at any point in our relationship.

Now I am married to a man who has wanted me extremely and loved me since he met me at about 230 pounds, all the way up to nearly 290 pounds, and now back down again to approximately the weight I was when we met. I have no doubt whatsoever that he will continue to think I'm utterly hot as I keep losing weight, despite the fact that I'm not 25 years old and will probably have some loose skin issues. Sex is awesome and only getting better since we are both losing weight and can do more stuff than we could 100 (collective) pounds ago.

I guess my point is--it's not all about the weight. Sometimes the guy is just an unappreciative jerkwad and won't truly love or desire you at any weight. If this is the case (speaking generally here), then girlfriend...dump him. You deserve much better.

Nixie
12-08-2008, 12:35 PM
I'm so glad this thread was started!

I met my bf when I was around 185 (size 12) and got down to around 170 (size 8) within a few months. We've been together for 3 years and he's seen me balloon to around 265 (size 18). He's a rail, so I now outweigh him by about 90 pounds.

At one point, I broke down crying when I was talking to him about my weight gain and he said he hadn't even noticed that I'd gained! Well, I'm sure he was just being nice- it's unbelievable to me that he wouldn't notice. He told me he loves me regardless of what I weigh.

He's still as interested in me sexually as he ever was- he can't keep his hands off me. But, I often turn him down and find some excuse as to why we can't have sex. I love him more than anything, but I am so embarrassed by my weight and how difficult it seems to be to have sex in any position but missionary, that I'm afraid the sex will be so unfulfilling to him and he'll stop initiating it. (Difficult in that it's much harder to hide exactly how fat I am if we're creative). It's completely crazy!! I want him to want me, but I don't want to follow-through on it because I'm so self-conscious. I don't think he's ever seen me naked in full light and we live together!

Our relationship hasn't suffered in closeness because of my weight issues, except where sex is concerned (which is, admittedly, a big part of a relationship). He's wonderful and very affectionate. I don't worry that he'll leave me if I gain or lose weight. What I worry about is how much longer I can play these games and still have a meaningful relationship. I know that as the weight drops, my confidence and our sex life will improve. And, since we're already madly in love and solid in our relationship, that'll put us pretty damn close to spectacular!!

To those of you that have significant others that aren't as supportive- don't let their ideals and own body issues distort yours.

Soleil
12-08-2008, 01:18 PM
Nixie - I feel like you are speaking for me! I am in the exact same situation... met the BF when I was 185, lost to 170, then ballooned up to 215 after a family member passed away. My BF is also a rail and I outweigh him by at least 50 lbs right now.

He is still really interested in me sexually and tries to initiate all the time, but I keep finding excuses of why not to. I feel like gaining weight has changed my perception of myself and I definitely feel less attractive. It is depressing because he used to call me his 'little nympho'... Ugh. I miss those days of the relationship!

I really hope that after I lose weight I will get my confidence back. It doesn't seem to matter to him because he loves and finds me attractive no matter what, but I suppose that is only a part of the equation- that old adage is ringing true, "you must love yourself before you love another".

It is so refreshing (and relieving!) to know that other people are going through the same problems.

raw23
12-08-2008, 01:33 PM
My guy thinks he likes thick women. I know he really just likes curves. hehe....

I've gained 50 lbs since we started dating and whether he actually notices or not he's very convincing in saying that he hasn't noticed and has always thought I was, and am, sexy. :) Now he's lost a bunch of weight and I can see what he saw in me - I mean I'm still just as attacted to him 70lbs ago as I am now. I watched his weight gain and peak and was still attracted to him. I watched his loss and am attracted to him.

But with his loss he's gotten more confidence and my only worry now is that he'll think someday "I can do better" and move on. :( So that's the only thing I really think about when I comes to my relationship.

Nixie
12-08-2008, 01:40 PM
Nixie - I feel like you are speaking for me! I am in the exact same situation... met the BF when I was 185, lost to 170, then ballooned up to 215 after a family member passed away.


Hi Soleil! We might be in a more similar situation than you thought, I wen't through a death in the family right before I started to gain. Sorry for your loss.:hug:

And, this comment:

It is depressing because he used to call me his 'little nympho'... Ugh. I miss those days of the relationship!

made me laugh because my bf used to tease me about being a nympho, too!

nelie
12-08-2008, 01:44 PM
But with his loss he's gotten more confidence and my only worry now is that he'll think someday "I can do better" and move on. :( So that's the only thing I really think about when I comes to my relationship.

If any guy thinks he can do better because he has lost weight/gained confidence or done anything to 'improve' himself, then you can do better than him :) My husband is thin, I encourage him to do what feels best for him knowing that he is with me because he loves me. He encourages me to do what feels best for me because he knows I love him. How could I do better than the person who makes me smile, laugh, encourages me, adores me, etc?

kestrel
12-08-2008, 02:15 PM
I was probably around 170 when I met DH a little over 8 years ago, which was definitely my lowest weight since college. I had already lost a lot then, down from 225, and we met shortly after I split up with my XH. Since then my weight started to slowly creep up, faster in the last few years (3 kids in 4 years) and I ended up back at 223, about the same as my highest weight ever, after our 3rd child was born. My weight hasn't affected how attracted he is to me, but it definitely affects how I feel about myself and therefore my interest in sex.

He never knew the "skinny" me, the way I still picture myself (until cold, hard reality intrudes when I see photos of myself).

mizattitude
12-08-2008, 03:01 PM
i think it has less to do with weight and more to do with self confidence. there isnt anything more alluring than someone who "thinks they are all that". I have BFF that is close to 300..and her being 5'2. she tries to lose weight but it isnt a goal of hers. She is never without a date.

I think looks in general have nothing to do with it. it is self confidence and how you present yourself. Nothing is more unattractive than a whiny clingy man/woman.

mayness
12-08-2008, 06:06 PM
I was a bit heavier (150 with very little muscle) when my husband and I started dating. One of the things I love about him is that he's always been the perfect combination of accepting (thinking I'm sexy at any weight) and supportive of my efforts to lose. I've lost (down to 120) and gained (back up to 145ish) since we've been together.

Sometimes I think he makes up things to compliment when he knows I'm sticking to eating healthy and exercising, just to encourage me... I guess I don't mind, haha, it does motivate me. :)

justformenow1
12-08-2008, 06:42 PM
OMG I totally agree with you peccavi. Sounds like our situations are almost identical.
My husband and I have been married for 7 years this month. When we met, I had triumphed (for the second time, after a lifetime of being obese) and weighed 160 pounds. My confidence was up. I was outgoing, bubbly, I know I was more attractive. But the key is "I". I felt better about myself at that time.
Like many other wonderful men in our lives, as I read this thread, he continues to love me, says that size doesn't matter to him. But I have a sense of loathing myself. So the sex isn't all that great. I don't feel sexy or attractive anymore.
There is a big difference in 225 and 160. Seven years together and 2 children later, the love is the same but my connfidence in myself isn't.
I think that is what makes the difference.

CrabbyCakes
12-08-2008, 08:04 PM
At my highest I was almost 270, but managed to get down to about 220 2 years ago when me and the bf met. I've never had a problem getting a date or having a long term relationship, but have certainly had my times feeling quite fat, ugly and just UGH overall. When I met him, I was feeling very confident and getting lots of attention. Of course we all know what happens when we start feeling too comfortable in a relationship and the calories start flowing like water :)

Anywho to summarize, my honey is a very fit, muscular 190-something, very attractive blonde haired, blue eyed sexy man. He gets all kinds of attention all of the time and while I've never been the jealous type, I often feel like he "deserves" someone in better shape than myself. Like lots of you have said, I don't think he has ever looked at me differently and I don't think we have suffered any in the affection department aside from my own inhibitions. He has been so supportive of my weight loss efforts and I know he wants me to look better because *I* want me to look better.

All of that being said, mine IS the jealous type so I often wonder what it will be like when I am in bikini shape (and I will be dang it!)... time and weight loss will tell I guess.

Moonlight Mistress
12-09-2008, 10:59 AM
My husband couldn't keep his hands off of me when we first met and I was 130 and he couldn't keet his hands off of me when I was at my highest of 187....but that might have just been because my boobs got bigger as I got fatter...haha.

Anyway, I'm the one who is ashamed to get naked in front of him in my current position...he could care less. I just have to lose the weight for me so that I can feel better about being naked in front of him again.

Soleil
12-09-2008, 01:41 PM
Nixie! That is crazy that we have that much in common. I am so sorry for your loss, I know how tough it can be particularly towards the holidays. I am prepping myself for the 'first Christmas' without and am trying to find things other than food to turn to for comfort!

Soon, we will be the 'little nymphos' again!

Hypra
12-09-2008, 11:24 PM
In my experience, it was my attitude that effected my relationships when I was overweight more than the actual weight itself. When I was heavier I felt uncomfortable and shy and had a hard time being intimate. A lot of times I would criticize myself in front of partner. It was that behavior that turned them off more than how I looked.

I've been dating my current boyfriend for about a year. When we started dating, I was 30lbs heavier and he was 30lbs lighter. But, we're both comfortable with our bodies and our relationship. The weight has made no difference whatsoever on us. I think sometimes we don't give guys enough credit- I'm not going to leave him because he gained some weight, just like he isn't going to leave me because I lost some!

Thighs Be Gone
12-09-2008, 11:34 PM
We've been married 16 years. I was about 150 when we met. I gained all the way to 220+ at one point. He has always loved me and has always initiated intimacy and all that. But now I get so much attention, all the time. Back rubs, helping me more, supportive comments, encouraging me to buy more for myself, etc. all the time. I am loving it!

kernflower
12-10-2008, 05:11 PM
I wonder about my relationship all the time. My boyfriend and I have been together 2 years, he proposed in August (I guess he's not just a boyfriend anymore!-still not used to it!), so we're planning the wedding. I'm determined to lose the weight. I have never been so set on something in my life. We've both gained weight being together (both of us were heavy when we met), he joined the gym with me but is having a hard time going. He continues to say over and over that once I lose weight I will leave him for someone "better". I don't know if he's just insecure or what the deal is. I'm scared that once I do and start dressing sexy again he'll be even more insecure.
Thanks for letting me vent!

Nixie
12-10-2008, 06:20 PM
Nixie! That is crazy that we have that much in common. I am so sorry for your loss, I know how tough it can be particularly towards the holidays. I am prepping myself for the 'first Christmas' without and am trying to find things other than food to turn to for comfort!

Soon, we will be the 'little nymphos' again!

Here's hoping!!;)