Weight Loss Support - ? about husband's




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Extasee58865
12-05-2008, 02:12 PM
Ok, so I've lost 40 lbs (almost) and I am starting to feel a lot better about myself. Clothes fit better, I've dropped 4 sizes. Now, I was never a get up in the am, pick out clothes, do your hair, do your make up kind of girl... But now, I am.. :D I make a huge effort every morning to curl my hair, do my make up, make sure my outfit looks really good. Heres my prob:

My husband keeps asking me who I'm getting "pretty" for! It makes me insane. I don't think he really believes I have anyone on the side, but just the little digs, you know how men do it. Has this happened to anyone else? How did you deal with it? My first reaction is to flip out just because he would ask that question. But I guess he has good reason. We've been together for 4 1/2 yrs and when we first met (pre-baby, pre-weight gain) I was one of those "higher" maintenance girls. As we've stayed together, I've had kids, gained weight, got comfortable, whatever, I've stopped doing that stuff. So I think he just don't know how to handle that I am starting to feel "sexy" again. I no longer feel like EVERYONE is staring at me when I leave the house cause I am so fat... Urgh, I just don't know how to deal, HELP ME! :?:


winning the war
12-05-2008, 02:29 PM
Try putting yourself in his shoes. If he made a life changing improvement (like losing extra weight) and started acting as he did before you were married, might you be a little insecure? Of course, I don't know either of you, but I've been on both sides of that when I lost weight, and then when my husband lost weight. Big changes like this can make our significant others insecure, but with a little patience and lots of reassurance it can get better. I hope this helps.

Shannon in ATL
12-05-2008, 02:30 PM
What do you say when he asks you who you are getting pretty for? My answer would be "Me" if asked that same question.

Remind him who you were when you first got together, tell him how you felt about yourself over the last few years and how those feelings led you to the point you are now.

:hug:


bethbeth
12-05-2008, 02:36 PM
Yeah, I've heard that a lot of men begin to feel insecure as their wife loses weight. I mean, it does make sense. They get used to you looking "comfortable" (as you put it). Then when you start making changes they worry that other men will start giving you more attention, or that you will get so hot that you will want someone else instead of him.
My advice is to keep communication open with him. Try to explain why you are making changes. He won't totally understand, but he can try.
And keep making it clear to him (with your words and actions) that he is the only man for you.

Extasee58865
12-05-2008, 02:48 PM
Thanks guys! I always answer "for me" when he asks why I'm putting so much effort into myself, and honestly that is the answer. That's the thing though, I am prob the least jealous person you will EVER meet & I'm very secure in my relationship with my husband, so I don't think something like him looking better for anyone other then himself would ever come to my mind. My husband is a wicked pretty boy, takes longer to get ready then I do now! But I don't think he does it for other people, do he does it cause he likes to look good, a lot of people do. I guess I just wanted to make sure I'm not alone in having a significant other act this way about weight loss & stuff. Guess my husband isn't as much of a weirdo as I thought! Thanks for the advice girls! :hug::hug:

rockinrobin
12-05-2008, 03:33 PM
Oh husbands! They're ALL weird, aren't they? ;)

I LOVE taking care of myself now. Really, really enjoy it. Perfume. Make-up. Jewelry. Nice handbag. Clothes. The whole bit. It takes me about 5 or 6 outfit changes til we can leave the house. He was TOTALLY not used to that. The thing that bothers my husband the most is - the tight fitting clothing. I obviously don't think it's too fitted (because it's not) or I wouldn't be wearing it, but he still asks me just why do I have to dress that way.

Ya know what, it's an adjustment for me, but it really is an adjustment for him as well.

I tell him that I dress for me, after years of wearing whatever tent would wrap around me, let's just say that I've become very, VERY particular. I'm loving it though and I know that my husband is too. I know it for sure. Whenever he says why do I have to look SO darn good, I always say, "well I can gain the weight back and then you won't have to worry about it." THAT shuts him up and quite quickly at that.

:carrot:I'm so thrilled for you about your weight loss and the wonderful feelings that are developing for you as you reap the benefits of your hard work. I look forward to hearing more and more about all of your success. :carrot:

Extasee58865
12-05-2008, 03:54 PM
I tell him that I dress for me, after years of wearing whatever tent would wrap around me, let's just say that I've become very, VERY particular. I'm loving it though and I know that my husband is too. I know it for sure. Whenever he says why do I have to look SO darn good, I always say, "well I can gain the weight back and then you won't have to worry about it." THAT shuts him up and quite quickly at that.

:carrot:I'm so thrilled for you about your weight loss and the wonderful feelings that are developing for you as you reap the benefits of your hard work. I look forward to hearing more and more about all of your success. :carrot:


I hear you about the tent, which is why I never cared before, because even if I put in the effort, I still looked like crap! I'm glad both of us are getting enjoyment out of it! Maybe we should start a "High maintenance women" thread! haha! :hug:

3kiddos
12-05-2008, 06:41 PM
Dressing for me is such an awesome response and so so true! You've earned it, enjoy!

Thighs Be Gone
12-05-2008, 06:49 PM
No, your hubby isn't the only one. My hubby is feeling uncomfortable too in some ways. He says he feels like he has to, "step up his game" and that I'm a MILF and trophy wife and all these names I would never have equated to myself. He even said about our recent family photo that me and the kids are beautiful but that he doesn't fit. It broke my heart and believe me when I say I show him in every way I am attracted to him. In some ways this weight loss has empowered me. My hubby travels bunches for work and is always having dinner with women--some of them pretty cute. I don't think he would ever do anything but @ my fattest I would somewhat worry about it. So, in some ways I can identify w/what he is going through.

Lori Bell
12-05-2008, 09:13 PM
Yup...my husband asks questions like that. When he asks me who I'm getting all prettied up for, I always say, "You of course" (Though that is dangerous if I'm in a hurry) ;)

Oh and I can totally relate to the high maintenance woman comment. I am the only farm girl I know with sculptured nails and wears diamonds doing chores...LOL

Thinnerinnerme
12-06-2008, 03:05 PM
My best advice: When he says that to you, turn around give him a huge hug and a kiss and tell him you're getting pretty for him! Remember to make him feel good about himself just as much as you feel good about yourself. He's probably a little worried about how hot you are looking to the competition. Remember, men need to be reminded daily that we love them and that they are important to us. Just try it!

AngelMae
12-06-2008, 03:19 PM
I agree with Thinnerinnerme! My SO is pretty laid back but every know and then he wonders why the girl who usually just loafs around in her sweats is doing getting all gussied up. I just tell him its all for him and that usually changes his tune! :)

Extasee58865
12-06-2008, 06:06 PM
My best advice: When he says that to you, turn around give him a huge hug and a kiss and tell him you're getting pretty for him! Remember to make him feel good about himself just as much as you feel good about yourself. He's probably a little worried about how hot you are looking to the competition. Remember, men need to be reminded daily that we love them and that they are important to us. Just try it!

That's totally true! Maybe I just go put in extra effort to let him know he's the only one for me! As much of a pain in the butt as he is sometimes... :D