Weight Loss Support - What was I thinking?? -vent-

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12-01-2008, 02:07 PM
Yesterday DH said "So how much do you weigh now anyway?" - I told him. I have never told him before and we started dating over 11 years ago! Well, he was just shocked. He said that he thought I was around 140 (because apparently that is not thin in his mind) - then he started adding up how much I have lost and looked at me with the most astonished expression. "That means you weighed....." - I said "YES! I weight 210! That is why I started South Beach!" - Well, he just can' believe it. He said he must really love me because he never noticed I was "that big". I told him that maybe his perception of what people weigh is off. I also said that I think that the "number on the scale" is pretty arbitrary since it doesn't seem to be a good indicator of a person's size, just based on what I see here. So who cares anyway?

I have not weighed less than 150 since I have been fully grown. My lowest weight that I know of (at 15) was 155. When I met DH I weighed around 165-170. At 155 I wore medium tops and size 10 pants (which I understand were smaller than size 10 now??)


now he keeps bringing it up. He just can't believe it and is going on and on about it. I want to slap him.

12-01-2008, 02:13 PM
Does the man have a death wish, bringing it up?

I'm all for couples having honesty and answering questions honestly, and I believe that at a certain point, our "start" numbers carry a bit of pride...like, YES, I was near 300 lbs (in my case), and look where I am now! But if you're not comfortable, just tell him! Something like "I know it was surprising to you how much I weighed, but I'd really prefer you stop bringing it up".

12-01-2008, 02:23 PM
I kinda think that might prove what you're saying about the number on the scale being arbitrary. He obviously thought you were just fine by him.

12-01-2008, 03:42 PM
It's just his way of showing how proud he is of you. Guys are typically dumb! ;)

12-01-2008, 03:58 PM
men have a thing with consistantly putting their foot in their mouths. lol...everyone looks differently at different weights...he must thing 210 sounds ginormous or something in his mind..but you were their and he thought you were 140 lol...thats laughable because what does that mean you were at your smallest when you knew him?? 80 , 90, 100 lbs?? Men are crazy , just shake it off. Im sure he doesnt even realize what hes doing or how it might effect you.

12-01-2008, 04:08 PM
My husband thought I was about 125-130. Hahahah I haven't weighed that since grade seven. I think I'm much bigger than I am and he thinks I'm much smaller. What a delusional pair we are.

12-01-2008, 04:10 PM
I've posted this before - my guy had to describe me to someone a while back and described me as 5'4" and 120 lbs.

We have discussed how much I weigh and how much I've lost - he's really proud of what I've lost - but he just has NO concept and no memory of me at my heaviest.

And what's funny is that when we're in a discussion of "hot" actresses or models or whatever, he'll mention someone he thinks it hot and I'll giggle to myself thinking that if he thinks *I* weigh 120, then what on earth does he think Reese Witherspoon weighs? You know? :)

Guys are just clueless sometimes.

Next time he brings it up, tell him very gently something like "Sweetie, it makes me happy that you're proud of me, but constantly bringing up how much I used to weigh kinda makes me feel bad."


12-01-2008, 04:51 PM
I think everyone is hitting the nail on the head: men and women are wired differently, and Lord knows we are socialized about weight, concept of weight, discussion of weight, perception of weight (blah, blahblah, blah blah) in VERY different *ahem* ways.
I'm new here and dont know anything about your history with DH, but it kindof sounds like he's irritating you with his comments- nails on a chalkboard, kind of. And *this is the therapist in me* the whole "i must really have loved you..didnt know you were that big"- has he said things like that before? How did that make you feel? Did it conjure up bad past experiences with him? The reason i'm asking is that the initial *let-me-slap-the-testosterone-out-of-your-body* experience that I'm getting from you may be just a symptom of a deeper issue. If it is, it may be a feeling of conditional love or rejection that often accompanies people who have struggles or dealt with body issues. Or, its not that deep, and he's just a guy who likes the taste of his toes (Well said, Calimodel1). If the latter is the case, ask him if he knows what that makes you think about him (guys dont always get feelings. But if it makes you THINK that he's an a**, well.....). Your feelings and thoughts deserve to be heard in your relationship. You matter. Period.
sorry this was so long. Hope it all works out.

12-01-2008, 06:11 PM
:) Thanks guys. I think you are right. They are just clueless sometimes...

He definitely has a habit of sticking his foot in his mouth!

12-01-2008, 08:52 PM
Tell him the subject is closed, it bothers you. Then remind him if necessary.

Sometimes I am comfortable telling my husband my weight. Other times I'm not. Our rule is that it is "my" subject to open or not.

I once told him that our home/relationship needs to be a safe zone for each of us. No pushing buttons. No deliberately hitting the hot spots.

Works for us.

12-03-2008, 12:27 AM
Men have no concept of weight. Probably because they don't obsess about it and analyze it their entire lives. So, guess we can't fault them for that. My dad thought I weighed 95lbs when I was more like 135lbs. Some old guy wanted to pick me up (weird, I know) and I had to explain to him that I weigh MUCH more than he thought. My husband on the other hand, I think he gets it now. He didn't before but I've told him my weight enough now that he sorta can see the difference. I prefer not to even talk to him about it because despite knowing about how much I weigh, he still gets confused. I hate having to tell him how much it really is. This week he was shocked when I said he weighs 60lbs more than I do. He's silly.

12-03-2008, 08:28 AM
it is true what they say, Love Is Blind.

I cant decide If i should tell my DH how much I weigh or not. I thought about, maybe for an accountability or reality check but I don't know if I want to see his reaction.

12-03-2008, 10:43 AM
My own feeling is that it's best to leave spouses, significant others, family, friends, and so forth, out of one's weight loss efforts. The only exception would be a weight-loss buddy, and even then there can be problems.

The reason is just what this thread talks about--reactions that are different from what you expect, plus suddenly having an "audience" watching your every bite, outfit choice, etc. And of course, the questions and comments...


12-03-2008, 10:57 AM
now he keeps bringing it up. He just can't believe it and is going on and on about it. I want to slap him.

maybe a slap would be ok ;) :D

12-03-2008, 11:41 AM
This is a little off topic but I have this problem with almost anyone I tell my weight to. It is like people do not understand that I am tall and, thus, naturally weigh more than they do. I remember when I was my fittest and told a friend of mine who is mayb 5'2" that I weighed 150. She would not believe it and kept bringing it up. I am half a foot taller than her and she couldn't understand why I would weigh 30 pounds more than her?

12-05-2008, 01:01 AM
This is a little off topic but I have this problem with almost anyone I tell my weight to. It is like people do not understand that I am tall and, thus, naturally weigh more than they do. I remember when I was my fittest and told a friend of mine who is mayb 5'2" that I weighed 150. She would not believe it and kept bringing it up. I am half a foot taller than her and she couldn't understand why I would weigh 30 pounds more than her?

Why do you tell people how much you weigh? I don't even tell my mother! My hubby and my online weight buddies types (like you guys) are the only ones who know.

12-05-2008, 04:53 AM
I tell everyone how much I weigh. I never did before I started losing weight, but now that I'm losing, and confident that I will reach my goal....It seems it doesn't bother me if people know, and I am proud of the difference in what I weighed before, and what i weigh now. so I guess it just depends on the person. I also think if it bothers you, you should just tell him to drop it! :)
Im sure he doesn't realize its bothering you, good luck.

12-05-2008, 03:15 PM
I've never told people my weight, even at 85lbs. I figure it's none of their business and it will only confuse them because I'm so much shorter.

12-05-2008, 06:08 PM
I don't know - I am very bad at saying no to people. So when they ask, I just tell them. I guess they call that a people pleaser or maybe spineless. :)

12-05-2008, 06:32 PM
The reason men never believe how much we weigh is because women lie all the damn time about how much they weigh...and books and magazines always protray "thin" women as weighing 110 pounds. Ever read a romance novel? If weight is mentioned, they describe them as under 120 ALWAYS.

Did you read Bridget Jones? She is always talking about her weight...and feels FAT at 138 pounds...so they make the movie and Renee Zeilwegger (sp?) puts on like 40 pounds to play her...plump. Hello? 138 pounds, on an average sized woman is NOT fat AT ALL!!! I am a little taller than average and at 138 I am a Size 4. It is insane.

I think that is why, when you see some people's goals on here, you see women my height and above trying to weigh 120 or some such nonsense -- usually women who have never been thin as adults so they have NO CLUE what that low of a weight would actually look like. 120 pounds on my frame at my height is LESS than a size zero -- I would look dead. When I made the huge mistake of going down to 125 in my late twenties, I was a size 0/2 and people thought I had cancer...I actually had acquaintances ask me if I was ill constantly. I mean, even now at 135, I am already studying my prominent ribs in the mirror wondering if I've overdone it just a tad.

But when a man hears what I weigh today, like my dad or the evesdropping husband of a a good friend (not my husband...he actually gets it.) all I get is commentary about how they CAN'T believe that I weigh SO MUCH -- that I look so much thinner than that. No I don't. I look like I weight 135 lbs. which is, in fact, thin. Hello?

Wow, I guess this issue gets me worked up a bit... :)

12-06-2008, 04:17 PM
I think he was using "man speak" to say how impressed he is with what you've accomplished. Remember that men and woman communicate differently. Plus, if I met you and found out you'd lost that much I'd be stuck on the "wow" of the number too. People are always astonished to learn that I weigh 216 and that I have been as high as 265 (post pregnancy). So, just smile and say, "yep, I'm pretty impressive aren't I?"