Weight Loss Surgery - I don't know if I can do this.....
11-28-2008, 08:27 PM
Today has been really hard. It is my 5th day on nothing but the protien shakes and I just want to cry. I think it was easier when I was at work, because being home with my family today has been difficult. None of them have weight issues so they still need to eat. They have been very good about trying to hide it from me- but of course I still smell it and see it- and want it. I miss not cooking. I always cook! I love to cook but I don't trust myself to do it at this point.
I never realized how food truly is everywhere. We just played Scene It with the kids earlier and you might know I would get the question about McDonalds! It's on billboards, in the checkout lines, commercials, coupons in the mail, kids come to the doors selling candybars, etc. etc.
I want this surgery so badly - I know it is my one shot at a healthier life. I have tried everything else and nothing has worked - I would lose and then gain it all back. The PCOS has not helped a bit.
If I am having such a hard time doing the two weeks, how will I know that I can do it after surgery? What if I can't? It is only been five days and I feel like having a breakdown. What if I am one of those people that goes through with this and just gains it all back?? I would have put us in debt for nothing.
I still haven't cheated on this diet- not once. I don't want to but I seem to be craving everything, and I find myself being a little angry-angry at myself for getting to this point. I feel like this is my punishment for letting my weight get so out of control to begin with and I don't like it one bit.
The headache still comes and goes. I almost feel like I have a bit of a cold, but it comes and goes as well. I am scared to death I will end up with a full fledged cold and the Dr. will cancel my surgery. I have tried walking whenever I feel the urge to eat which seems to help. I took my blood pressure yesterday and it was up. It is normally very low- not sure what this means. I see the NUT and Surgeon on Monday.
Did anyone else feel this way before their surgery or is this a sign that I am a weak person and am not capable of taking the steps after the surgery to make this successful? :(:(:(:(:(:(
11-28-2008, 09:30 PM
I don't think you're a weak person. You're just going through a lot right now. *Hugs* Hang in there. :)
11-28-2008, 09:48 PM
chunky - I have PCOS as well and I can understand your frustration. I haven't had weight loss surgery so I can't comment on that but...
First of all, just protein shakes is hard and I did something similar for a while and I actually liked the simplicity of it because there was no choice in it but its not easy. Also, the protein shakes aren't a permanent thing, I imagine they are just to prep you for the surgery and sometime after the surgery you will eat other things as well.
What I've learned about weight loss in general is that you don't need to be 100% perfect all the time, you just need to be at least 80% or so. You do need to find your internal motivation to help you on a daily basis. Some days are tough, some days are really tough and some days are ok but I can't say I believe any days are easy. So I think what you are going through is normal.
11-28-2008, 11:16 PM
Oh honey!!!! first off....
AND I know how you feel! This is a great period of change...the emotional letting go of food. We all have our reasons for overeating, these are real and taxing to the heart when we have to give up this extermely important coping mechanism!
-Have you looked into counseling? Even if it for the next few months, it helps just to talk to someone about these big changes. This is a huge thing you are doing for yourself and it gets better, I promise you it will. :hug:
-Actually, it's great that you are dealing with this now but after surgery it goes get easier, you don't have the physical trigger of hunger as much, really...a full feeling all the time. Very helpful!
-Take up a hobby!!! Something to do with your hands...paint, draw, read, knit, crochet, tittlie winks, something!! :D So you're thinking "knit one, pearl two" instead of...the alterative! LOL It really does make a difference.
-Do what you are told 100%...only have the protein shakes, it gets better!
-Remember that you are doing this for you. Hold onto the good things about this, your health, your energy level, your family, getting your life back!
AND it's hard right now but it gets better! promise...
11-28-2008, 11:31 PM
Thank you all so much for your comments. I am embarrassed to say that I am not nearly as depressed as I was earlier. I guess I just had a small mental meltdown!! Sorry for the drama!!
It REALLY helps to hear that it will get easier!! I really miss cooking!! I hope that I can get back to that someday? Surely healthy cooking??? Right now I truly do feel so hungry- I wonder what is wrong with me. I have walked several times today, but have not been able to walk at one time as long as I was previously- I get tired easily and feel a little dizzy. I am going to try what Jiffy suggested previously about trying to have small shake portions about every 3 hours and see if that helps instead of spreading my shakes only three times a day.
Thank you all so much for your support!!
11-29-2008, 08:10 AM
Don't let the 2 week freak get to you! It's completely normal during about 2 weeks before surgery to kinda freak out, wonder if you're doing the right thing, wonder if you'll be able to be successful, wonder i fyou can handle everything, etc.
You've already done 5 days. I'm guessing you needed to do it for a total of 2 weeks? So you're already almost halfway there. You can SO do this! Keep your eye on the prize, baby ;)
11-29-2008, 08:48 AM
It WILL get easier, and its worth it :hug: Just remember this stage is not forever.... ok.
Luv yah !!
11-29-2008, 09:12 AM
:hug::hug:Hey Chunk, Hang in there girl!! Dont forget we are doing this together, I start my pre Op diet on monday, and I'll be with ya all the way, don't give up, Just think this time next year how Happy you will be with the new slimmer beautifull you!!:hug::hug::hug:
11-29-2008, 01:51 PM
oh honey. as the others said - this is TEMPORARY. but one of the things that has struck me over and over and over again with this way of life is that WE ARE OVERWHELMED with food in our lives. we use it as love - as a way to hide - as something to do - to fix boredom- to help us feel better - to help us celebrate. in short, we expect food to do A LOT for us, but it really and truly is only nourishment.
Someone around 3fatchicks has this in her signature [Leenie/Nelie - is it Jane?]: if hunger isn't the problem, then food isn't the answer
the fact that you're taking a walk when you would rather be eating is HUGE!!!! keep up the good work. and i'm sure you're taking your vitamins, aren't you????
a small suggestion, though: don't make any promises about what you're going to do 'later,' like go back to cooking or something. i mean, you certainly CAN do that, but one of the things i found was that food started taking a MUCH smaller role in my life, and therefore i just really didn't need to express love by cooking.
of course, that led into OTHER issues, like other members of the family truly believing that my place in the family system was to FEED THEM, but this surgery was for ME, not for them.
soooo, all this to say: surgery is NOT EASY. we're forced into making changes IMMEDIATELY that other people who lose weight the old fashioned way get to ease into. be kind to yourself. breathe deeply - realize that this is a journey - and a process.
you're actually doing GREAT!!!!!
11-29-2008, 01:53 PM
all i can say is to focus on the outcome at the end of it and all of this will seem worthi t.
11-29-2008, 05:24 PM
Bless you all- you are the greatest!! Your support means so much. I seriously have felt like Jekyl and Hyde the last couple days. One minute I am proud for making it this far, and feel almost invincible- other times I just want to cry!! I have become totally WACKO!!!! I am going to try to keep my eye on the prize though. I truly do want to succeed. I am so glad I can talk here about the craziness going on in my head. Friends and family just can't relate. I love them, and they try to be supportive, but they just don't get it.
Has anyone watched the show Ruby? I have been DVR-ing the episodes and watch them 2-3 times a day. Sometimes I even get my fat butt down on the floor and start doing crunches(or at least some resemblance thereof!!)while they are on. Watching someone else fight the urges and look for strength to stick to their plan is a great motivator. If you haven't seen it - you might try to catch it. It is a great show.
Love y'all!!!! Thanks again for everything.
11-29-2008, 05:27 PM
PS- I tried small shake portionsmore frequently today- so far NO HEADACHES today!! AND I have not had the dizzy, weak feeling!!!! YAY!!!!!
11-29-2008, 05:52 PM
Thats what we all mean by the emotional rollercoaster!!!! Up, down, up, down...seems almost schezopherinic!!!! Put your hands up and yell WOOHOO!!! Because the point of a rollercoaster is the fun of the journey, not always about the destination! No fun just closing your eyes and clutching the bar until the end! We show what we are really made of when we succeed even if it's just getting to the next protein shake!
Good on ya for spacing the shakes in a workable manner. Just remember you are NOT ALONE!! :grouphug:
11-29-2008, 05:55 PM
good job, Ms Chunk! you're really doing great.
i've seen the ads for Ruby, but haven't watched it [i've been working on a huge freelance project this week].
you get on the floor???? OMG!!!!! i can get down, but i sure have trouble getting up! <it's the bad knees> but here's my secret - it's just as possible to do crunches on the bed, or the couch [if it's firm] as on the floor. and easier on the knees.
and i LOVE my pilates ball to do crunches as well - it takes a bit of practice to balance on it, but it's fun! and ya don't have to get up off the floor.
11-29-2008, 08:37 PM
YEAH YOU !!!!! and YEAH YOU for sticking to your diet 100%. Its so very important YEAH YOU !!!!!!
We are so proud of you !!!!
12-23-2008, 02:37 PM
Your doing better than I did, I lost 30 before surgery and then put 20 back on the week before surgery. I'm down 65 now 3 months post band, it will be OK, your doing great. Remember, soon your not going to be on a diet just the way you eat now. Good Luck
RN BSN 2009
12-23-2008, 02:42 PM
The only thing I'm concerned about, is that even after surgery you still do have to abide by the eating plan that they give you. Is that goal attainable, in your opinion. I hope everything goes well. You will get through this!
12-23-2008, 06:29 PM
I never had to do protein shakes, but--if they are totally no carbs, then you might be suffering from a bit of carb-deprivation depression, as i call it. Back when I was doing the 2 week carb-free jump start for the south beach diet, I was getting depressed and grouchy although nothing but my diet changed and my PCP said that, yes, a no carb diet can cause that. It's something nobody generally tells us. So maybe you have some of that going on.
This is a terrible time of year to be starting strict food restrictions. I can barely go grocery shopping-I run through the bakery to get to where I need to go.
Don't hate yourself because this isn't easy. ANYBODY except starving people used to having nothing to eat because of poverty would have a hard time doing what you have to do now. But YOU CAN and WILL do this for you. You will come out stronger and healthier and in love with yourself in a new and wonderful way. You go, girl!
12-31-2008, 01:29 PM
I had to do the 10 day liquid diet before banding and I had a complete melt down at the end when my family had pizza and friends over and blocked off the kitchen and I couldn't get to my shakes. I had a complete crying fit when company left. I was so mad they were inconsiderate.
I saw a youtube video where a girl cheated on her liquid diet and they sent her home the day of surgery and said her liver didn't shrink they would have had to cut her completely open if she didn't do the 10 day liquid diet over again. That scared me straight.
Everyone that has to do liquids only goes through this feeling and you'll be glad once it's over. I know I was!