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Soccerplayer
11-23-2008, 02:17 AM
Hey, I've always been the type of girl to be a best friend instead of a girlfriend. I always thought (I still think) that in time I will find the right guy. But I see people I know, and it's so easy for them to date around and get boyfriends. I never even had a boyfriend. I've dated but nothing serious. I feel as I'm approaching 20 years old, that I'm wierd. I just wish I could meet someone and fall in love. I've seriously never known a guy(I know and meet a bunch) that I would consider dating seriously because I would never want to marry them.
Like I won't date someone unless I find them marriable..it's just so frustrating because I feel that a bunch of my close girlfriends all have boyfriends and when we do stuff I'm the odd one out.
This was a big VENT

Question
WHERE CAN I MEET CUTE, INTELLIGENT MEN???


lizziep
11-23-2008, 03:12 AM
i met mine online. :)

You know - I hear the exact same complaint from my younger brother. He's 20, never kissed a girl, has had friends but nobody that he would consider dating because like you- he's looking for someone who is marry-able.

My thought on it is- you're young and should be having some fun. also, while marriage is the ultimate goal in a relationship for most people- it shouldn't be what you're looking for on the first date. It takes some time to get to know a person before you can discount that, imo.

i got married really young and i wish i'd spent some more time single and learning about life before making the big commitment. not everyone feels that way, but i was in a big hurry for it when i was your age and now i look back and wonder why.

hotmamacitax2
11-23-2008, 03:31 AM
There is nothing wrong with you, promise!!

I'm old fashioned, I think church or through a friend is a great way to meet a man! :)

But I know a lot of people who've met their husband/SO through match.com and they're very happy together!! So the internet works too!

I commend you on both being picky and looking for marriage material! It's great to know what qualities you want!

I do think the best thing to do is get out there! Go see your favorite sports team play, go to a concert, take a language class at a local community college, volunteer, etc! There are SO many ways to be busy and meet people! Smile, get to know everyone, greet them by name. If you see someone interesting, smile a little bigger and find a way to talk to him!

Don't write anyone off right away! Give everyone a chance and have fun! You can learn a lot from a date (even a bad one)!

My lil bro is also very picky and just fell in love for the first time with a great girl who is smart, funny and cute!

Its worth it to wait....just don't judge too soon!!

Good luck sweetie!


flaminjo
11-23-2008, 06:38 AM
Hey, I've always been the type of girl to be a best friend instead of a girlfriend. I always thought (I still think) that in time I will find the right guy. But I see people I know, and it's so easy for them to date around and get boyfriends. I never even had a boyfriend. I've dated but nothing serious. I feel as I'm approaching 20 years old, that I'm wierd. I just wish I could meet someone and fall in love. I've seriously never known a guy(I know and meet a bunch) that I would consider dating seriously because I would never want to marry them.
Like I won't date someone unless I find them marriable..it's just so frustrating because I feel that a bunch of my close girlfriends all have boyfriends and when we do stuff I'm the odd one out.
This was a big VENT

Question
WHERE CAN I MEET CUTE, INTELLIGENT MEN???

well, dont worry, i am not trying to say "just wait and some one special is there for you just ..."
i would suggest you to work a little on yourself (plzz dont misunderstand me...), coz i never had a boyfriend untill i was 24, i also thought i am kinda weird, but some body adviced me to work on my self, though i was pissed off at the suggestions, but when i left my job and joined another, i cahnged myself, dressing wise, became friendly to some of the biggest losers (i mean it!) in the new job, i was on a little bulkier side, but with my changed dressing i started getting glares and compliments....
i dated 2, and then married the 3rd.....now i am mother of a baby boy!

wantingtolose
11-23-2008, 10:08 AM
I had one serious boyfriend besides my husband, we dated for almost a year when i was 20. I met him through my mom (Yikes , i know) she worked with him. Then after we broke up i took a year off men, and then worked with my husband. We were friends a long time before we became "official", and it was wonderful. Both times i found my partners, i was in a non looking mode, they just came to me when i least expected (cheezy i know).
you are still young, take this time to have some fun, and when your out there doing your thing, and being happy, some wonderful man is going to think you are just so awesome and he has to be with you! It will happen!

Soccerplayer
11-23-2008, 01:56 PM
Thanks girls.
I usually don't really mind, since I'm independant and all but with most of my really close girlfriends getting guys so easily, I sometimes wonder if I just give out the vibe "undatable".
For the record, I actually am the kind of person to go out and do a bunch of things(concert, volunteer, sports etc) and I meet people usually through my friends.
And the thing is I don't just want to date someone for the sake of dating.
I guess I should just work on my issues and I'll eventually find someone for me :)
Sometimes I just feel that my weight is the only thing holding me back..it just gets frustrating.

LandonsBaby
11-23-2008, 02:48 PM
I don't think there is anything wrong with not dating guys you know you wouldn't want to marry them. If you already know them, you know if you would consider it or not. Dating for the sake of fun has never appealed to me and I don't see those types of relationships as something that should be done for sport. Sorry if other's disagree. I think that if you are single you have to just be patient, work on yourself and eventually you'll find someone. It sounds like you are quite active. That is going to be your best bet on finding a partner.

kelly315
11-23-2008, 04:50 PM
beats me. I found my fiance through friends, and we were actually best friends for a good while... Maybe it's a good idea to be open to all the people that come into your life. I'm not saying grab the next guy you see, but be willing to get to know anyone, they may turn out to be much more marriageable than you thought (and even if they aren't, then at least you two might have fun for a while).

meldogml84
11-24-2008, 12:04 PM
Well my suggestion would be to stop thinking about marriage all together. When you start dating someone the last thing on your mind should be marriage. In this day and age the average age of woman getting married is 27 years old. Go out, hang out, go on dates, be friends with these guys. If something sparks it won't be wedding bells it will be your feelings for that person. The wedding bells come later on, but should NOT be your first priority when choosing someone to date. You date to get to that point. I met my BF 4 years ago and have had many long-term boyfriends in my life. I never though of marriage until it got to that point where it was basically "S*** or get off the pot" for the lack of a better way to say it LOL! Currently yes, my BF and I are considering marriage after 4 years of dating. We fell in love and got to learn all about one another before we even started discussing it. I think you just need to get out there and date people. Once you are dating and the feelings progress you'll know what to do. Good luck!

LindaT
11-24-2008, 12:18 PM
Hey, I've always been the type of girl to be a best friend instead of a girlfriend. I always thought (I still think) that in time I will find the right guy. But I see people I know, and it's so easy for them to date around and get boyfriends. I never even had a boyfriend. I've dated but nothing serious. I feel as I'm approaching 20 years old, that I'm wierd. I just wish I could meet someone and fall in love. I've seriously never known a guy(I know and meet a bunch) that I would consider dating seriously because I would never want to marry them.
Like I won't date someone unless I find them marriable..it's just so frustrating because I feel that a bunch of my close girlfriends all have boyfriends and when we do stuff I'm the odd one out.
This was a big VENT

Question
WHERE CAN I MEET CUTE, INTELLIGENT MEN???


I'm more than twice your age and I am still asking this same question. :o:?: :lol:

Soccerplayer
11-24-2008, 10:02 PM
Thanks girls again for your opinions.
Very appreciated.
I sorta sound like a marriage-freak or whatever but really what I meant it is that the only guys I've ever dated... it didn't feel right and I would be annoyed by them for various reasons and I couldn't see myself marrying them in the long term.

zeffryn
11-24-2008, 10:16 PM
Trying to find a man that does absolutely nothing to annoy you isn't going to happen....sorry.

I love my husband dearly, but there are definitely times that he just annoys the crap out of me. It's a good thing he's cute. ;)

TJFitnessDiva
11-24-2008, 10:40 PM
I met my husband in high school....we were best friends for over 10 years then we became more than that one day. Actually he fessed up on a drunk phone call while he was in the Marines lol He's a shy guy (like almost annoyingly so!) and I knew that was hard for him ;)

So yeah you can be a guy's friend and have it pay off in the end!

Ufi
11-27-2008, 03:36 PM
What about dating a guy with the intention of it being short term, as an experience? Date someone, decide it will be only six months or whatever because you know you aren't interested in marriage, and just get to know him and experience what it is like to be in a relationship. That way, you have some knowledge when you meet the guy you do want to marry, and you'll be better at dealing with problems when they come up because you have the experience of what worked and didn't work in the past.

I'm 36 and haven't had a boyfriend in years, but I'm looking back and wondering if my focus on dating only marriage-worthy men was a wise approach.

Princess0113
11-27-2008, 04:17 PM
you're so young! when i was your age (about 10 years ago), i felt the same way. i was so scared i would never meet "the one" and never get married. every guy i met, i was sizing him up to see if he was marriage material. my fear of being alone led to me getting married to the wrong man at age 22 and getting divorced 3 years later. if i could go back and do it again, i would spend less time worrying about marriage and more time just living life and enjoying being young.

also, just because you haven't met someone special yet DOES NOT mean you're undatable. there are people (men and women) out there that judge everyone based on their looks. but you wouldn't want to be with someone like that right? just because you're overweight doesn't mean you're not beautiful. i met my wonderful boyfriend of 2 years when i was heavier than i am now. i've gained and lost weight throughout our relationship, and he's always told me how beautiful i am no matter what.

just be patient. don't envy your friends. take are of yourself, work on being confidant and loving yourself no matter what the scales say. and if you're meant to get married someday, it'll happen.

Starrynight
11-27-2008, 11:07 PM
Hey, I'm turning 20 in two weeks and I've been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years now. I'm a fairly conservative person when it comes to relationships and stuff so I get what you mean about not wanting to just date for the sake of it...
Still, you have a lot of time.. I mean this age is a weird age as it is trying to find yourself.. and I'm sure a lot of the guys you said you could see being in a serious relationship with are going through the same thing.
So just don't think about it so much, I say, just hang out with them and let yourself like them, don't think so much about marriage. Marriage is a whole different thing, ya gotta be in a relationship first :p
I can say that at almost 4 years now, my guy and I feel like we belong together and marriage is inevitable, but there's a lot of other things that has to be done first like finishing college, getting a career going, etc.. but its the security of knowing that we feel that way about each other that makes marriage something worth waiting for, and yeah I love him to death but you'd be kidding if you think we'd go into marriage without some type of counseling :dizzy: I'm not perfect, he's not perfect and we're certainly not ready for marriage yet; but when we are, we'll prepare for it.
Chances are, when you meet your guy too, neither of you will be perfectly prepared to get married, so don't base it all off of that. Marriage takes work - scratch that... relationships take work! It isn't perfect but finding someone who loves you and is willing to work at a relationship is what's important.. someone you could eventually grow with into marriage.

I also think love finds you when you least expect it, so just enjoy life and whatever happens, happens. :hug: