Weight Loss Support - No way, you don't need to lose more weight.
11-21-2008, 11:01 AM
I've seen people post on this subject in the past, but I guess I didn't pay close enough attention because it seemed so far down the road for me. As you can see from my ticker, I've been at this for a while. I really do feel terrific, and I am very proud of myself. I chose my goal weight as a weight I remember being able to maintain for a longer period of time than any lower weight. At 175 I would still be technically overweight. Right now I am still in the obese range and have 13-14 pounds to lose to be just overweight... With that said, I have to admit I'm struggling more to "stick" to a calorie deficit. Everywhere I go I get comments on my weight loss...I love compliments they are great. Even the not so eloquent one that come across a little weird sounding are still welcome....BUT I keep getting comments about how I am getting too thin...."Oh you don't need to lose 30 more pounds...NO WAY" You'll look sick. Good grief, I'm still FAT...in 30 pounds I'll STILL be fat. Anyway, I have modified my answer to be not so truthful. Lately when someone asks how much more I want to lose I say, "I'm not sure". :dizzy:
I've overcome a lot on this ride and I have learned that people are just busy bodies by nature, but it still drives me nuts! :D
11-21-2008, 11:06 AM
You'll know when you are comfortable in your own skin and at what size. Don't let others judge you or persuade you! You are the only one who needs to watch your blood pressure, heart condition, joint aches, and you know better than anyone what you look like without clothes! If you are comfortable in a size 16 or an 8 -just do whatever it takes for your comfort and health!
11-21-2008, 11:09 AM
I do think that telling someone you have more weight to lose - you want to lose 30 more pounds, or whatever - can really put them between a rock and a hard place.
If they say "oh yeah, 30 lbs would be good" - you're going to think "you're saying I'm still fat".
If they say "no, you don't need to lose any more weight" - you're going to think "what do you know about it anyway?"
I really do think this is one of those areas where our society has become *too* open with personal information. Not because it's too personal to share - I don't care if someone knows what I weigh or what I've lost or how much I want to lose - but because it creates an awkward social situation where the other person can't make an appropriate response.
Unless I *know* the person I'm talking to really well, I generally will tell people how much I've lost and that I'd like to lose "A little more, but I'm not sure how much yet. I'm going to let my body guide me."
11-21-2008, 11:16 AM
OT - You are very inspiring! You give me hope! :)
11-21-2008, 11:17 AM
Congratulations on a great loss! I find that the less I say about my weight the fewer comments I get. If someone asks how much I have lost , I give a vague answer, such as . "I'm not sure" or " a little ". when asked how much more are you going to lose ; " just enough to be healthy". Then change the subject. I don't know why people feel compelled to comment or ask nosy questions. We are under no obligation to justify our weight loss.
11-21-2008, 11:26 AM
I'm getting many comments about not having much more to lose but, look at my ticker, I've still got another 15 or so pounds to be no longer obese. So when I say I want to lose another 30lbs people think I'm mad. So I've started saying "I'm not sure but I know I'm not where I want to be yet". I really want to lose another 2" off my waist (to get to a 30) but don't know how much I need to weigh to achieve this.
11-21-2008, 11:35 AM
[QUOTE=PhotoChick;2464272]I do think that telling someone you have more weight to lose - you want to lose 30 more pounds, or whatever - can really put them between a rock and a hard place.[QUOTE]
I agree with Photo Chick on this one. If I pursue a compliment with a statement about wanting to lose more weight, I usually indicate that "I'd like to lose x more weight because I've been there before & I felt my healthiest at X weight/size."
That way they don't feel pressured b/c I've indicated my reasons upfront.
11-21-2008, 11:45 AM
I get that comment a lot. Visually, I look very different than what I looked in January, because I lost a total of about 17 inches or so which I attribute to sticking up with exercise and weight lifting as opposed to just reducing my weight.
Often people ask me why I still go the gym when I already lost all the weight I needed to lose (i.e. that I need to lose in their opinion) and when I am so skinny - duh, hello!!!! because I am loving it!! - but in order to prevent further discussion from taking place, when somebody asks me if I still want to lose more weight I tell them I don't focus on my weight and that I focus on my body fat % instead. Which is a true answer. I have a body fat % in mind which I would like to achieve and I don't know it would mean another 10 or 15 or 20 pounds off.
Most people don't know anything about body fat % concept, so the discussion is quickly over. :D
11-21-2008, 11:47 AM
I think it's two things:
1. It's just really awkward and hard to agree that someone needs to lose weight without making them feel bad.
2. Some people are more critical of their own body size than your body size. We all know the size 6 woman who thinks she's fat and says you're fine. Many of those women really mean it.
11-21-2008, 11:50 AM
I just thought of something else I've noticed recently. I don't get that response (oh no, you don't need to lose any more) from other women who have *been there.* I almost feel like I can tell which non-overweight women have been overweight in the past by the way the respond to my weight loss ;) Not that I would make assumptions about people, but I'm getting that impression.
11-21-2008, 11:59 AM
You'll know when you are comfortable, don't stop cause other people tell you too. You are doing this for YOU, not them. When you are comfortable with yourself then it's time to stop. Don't base your goals on what other people say, cause Photochick is right, it puts them in a tough place & often times they don't know how to react to it. :-) You are doing wonderful so far though!
Shannon in ATL
11-21-2008, 12:07 PM
What everyone else said. :)
Plus, I've noticed that a lot of people who haven't really ever lost weight, or at least not lost weight deliberately, don't have a concept of the different levels of impact made by different amounts of weight loss. They hear 30 pounds and can't visualize it, they might think it would make a bigger difference than it actually would. Or they might hear you say that you have already lost 129 pounds (wow, by the way! :) )and not be able to really quantify that in their head either.
You just keep up with what you are doing until you get to a place where you are happy. That is what is important. :)
11-21-2008, 12:32 PM
I've noticed that a lot of people who haven't really ever lost weight, or at least not lost weight deliberately, don't have a concept of the different levels of impact made by different amounts of weight loss.I think this is so true. A while back my guy had to describe me ... and he told someone I weighed 120 lbs. Dead serious. And this wasn't something he said to make me feel better, btw, because he wasn't saying it to me - it was truly describing me to someone else who was going to meet me at the airport and he cc'd me on the email: "She has dark short hair, is about 5'4", and about 120lbs."
He knows how much weight I've lost ... we've talked about it and he's always blown away by the progress I've made. Of course we live in different states, so when he seems me, it's always a big change vs. the daily small differences.
But even though he knows how much I've lost and I've told him how much I do weigh (and he's seen me naked), when asked, he thinks I weigh less than I do.
So people really really don't have any idea of weight/size except as it pertains to THEM exactly.
11-21-2008, 01:04 PM
I get that too, but I say after I reach my goal of 50..then I'm doing three new mini-goals of 5lbs each until I reach 150lbs. I want to be back to the size I was when I was 18 and just because someone thinks I don't need to doesn't mean that I should listen to them. I say keep going if you feel you want to. Take those comments as compliments as I do. Never stop!
11-21-2008, 01:45 PM
So people really really don't have any idea of weight/size except as it pertains to THEM exactly.
I think this is true. And why would they know? Most everybody either lies about their weight or keeps it a secret. And even if they didn't, there's really no reason most people would be so familiar with a bunch of height/weight correlations they don't have, and then add to that all the people on this forum at the same height and size but weights that vary sometimes up to 50 pounds, and quite commonly up to 20 pounds.
When I was around 200 pounds my grandma said the same thing, to stay the size I was and not lose any more weight. And while it would have been easier to just maintain there, I wasn't happy with my size. Since then I've lost more than 15 pounds, and am becoming happier with my body. I'll stop when *I* decide I'm done!
11-21-2008, 02:38 PM
I think a lot of it really comes down to how people perceive weight. When I started this, and people asked how much weight I wanted to lose, and I told them it would be probably 70 to 75 pounds, they freaked! Literally, I had a couple friends get mad and very concerned that I was aiming for way too low of a number- but it turns out most of them thought that I was starting at 170. Nope- I started at 210.
Or you've got people like DH, who when I said I wanted to be 130-140, got very concerned. He didn't realize that I weighed just barely over that when we started dating, and I wasn't a skeleton.
It really comes down to people carrying weight differently. My sister and I both look very lean and toned around 135ish. Except- she's 4 inches shorter than me.
We measure weight and size by our standards, and they don't fit for everyone. I get worried when I see people of my height aiming for say 110- and then I realize that when they weigh 110 they don't look like me at 110. So now I've learned that unless I can look at the BMI and realize it's an unhealthy goal, I don't comment on whether someone's loss is good or bad.
11-21-2008, 03:08 PM
Thanks for all the good advice and heartfelt responses. :hug: You all gave me a few things to think about that never really dawned on me. Thinking back over the last couple of days I am starting to see a pattern. Another clue is "the question" itself. If a person really thought I didn't need to lose more, why would they ask me how much more I plan on losing...LOL If I was commenting to someone about their weight loss, and I guessed them to be at goal, I would say congratulations and leave it at that.! Sometimes it's easier to just stay home!! ;)
11-21-2008, 04:10 PM
I noticed that several of you who mentioned this are fairly TALL ladies, so as SOUTHLAKE says, you carry your weight differently. All through my life, I had friends who were much taller than me, and they always looked slimmer, even when we were the SAME weight. It's a fact ~ taller people can carry more weight and appear slimmer than shorter people can.
I'm a shorty with a very small bone structure; and I always look like a round ball unless I am very slim; and I have been there before. When I was in my teens, I had friends that weighed more than me (and always guessed wrong) just becuz they were were taller and had a bigger bone structure than me. Some would even be upset about that becuz they thought I looked chubby or plump or fat ... or, whatever you want to call it.
This came up in my grade 8 class once: where some of the girls didn't want to believe that I only weighed 99 lbs (they even insisted the scales were wrong, but they weren't as they had been checked), and they all weighed over 100 lbs.
So, our teacher decided to have a competition; we had a sit-ups competition. Now, all the students had a pre-conceived idea who should win it (and I did too); but, can you believe that I won the girls section, even though I was supposedly the most unfit girl in their eyes! But I wasn't, I was toned and strong with great stomach muscles.
So, then I had to go up against the winner of the guys who was a slightly-built boy, not the weight-lifters and others who spent so much time buffing up their bodies.
The moral of the story is ... that appearances can be very deceiving. My friend at 5'7" and 140 lbs looked quite slim to us all; but I looked a tad on the chubby side at the same weight becuz I was only 5'2".
Many of us are not good at guessing someone's weight, esp men from my experience; and research that I read about, claims that women consistently over-estimate people's weight, esp their own ...
Just something to ponder ~ ROSEBUD:hug:
Thighs Be Gone
11-21-2008, 04:30 PM
Some people offer those comments to flatter you. At least, I know they do to me. I would get in a "healthy" weight range and then re-evaluate myself. When I first realized how much I needed to lose I told myself, "no way, not that much!" I was only in denial but I still am going at it--still not there.
Thighs Be Gone
11-21-2008, 04:35 PM
I'll stop when *I* decide I'm done!
YES, Precisely! It's kind of like picking out a coat in the winter. I would like a coat, sure. But what I would love is the stylish coat, with the long scarf, cute cap and matching gloves! Why compromise unless you have to?
11-23-2008, 12:21 AM
i know exactly how you feel, you lose weight and people say "you look great!" but they just flatter you to much and it seems fake to me
11-23-2008, 10:40 AM
I've had my friends insist I 'must be close to where I want' now. I'm still obese! But I agree with an earlier poster who said to find where you're comfortable size -wise. I'm a 14/16 now and I'd honestly rather stay here. I lose something like 4 pounds a week when I get into an MS flare up so I've got to have some of it still around!
11-23-2008, 07:58 PM
Photochick - what you said about your boyfriend is beautiful - his words express how he sees you ... really beautiful
You All Are Amazing People and Thank You For Keeping Us Newbies Inspired!
11-24-2008, 09:47 AM
Although I have yet to lose enough weight for people to make such comments, my husband is one of those I don't discuss my weight loss with very much for a similar reason.
He has said before (when I've been down about my weight) that he looks at me and sees me as the same shapely teenager he fell in love with. SO when ever I've mentioned how much I need to lose to be at a healthy weight he gets genuinely concerned - not because of how overweight I am, but because he doesn't believe that I need to lose that much.
He knows approximately how much I weigh, but I think he uses himself as a measure. As though he's thinking "If I lost 100 pounds I'd be skin and bones!" and then he applies that to me - not thinking that I'm 6 inches shorter than he is and weighed about 45-50 pounds more than he did when I started.
So, I guess this is just one of the reasons I don't talk about how far I must go to reach my ultimate goal. I really don't think I'll be giving folks a flat out number of pounds left to my goal once I get to the point where I receive such comments.
11-24-2008, 10:49 AM
You know the other thing that struck me about this is that the opposite is true as well ... not only do people not really have the capacity to visualize an accurate low weight, they can't visualize an accurate high weight.
How many times have you heard someone say something like "She's really big - she must weigh 300 lbs!" and you look over and they're talking about someone who is about the same size as you are and you know you weigh about 220?
People truly have no freakin' clue about weights unless it's their own. Anything bigger than they are is "huge" and anything smaller then they are is "too skinny". :)
I think it's as much a defense mechanism as anything.
11-24-2008, 11:10 AM
There is also the "angle" they are seeing us from (can't think of how else to put it). It takes a little bit for our bodies to completely "settle" into our new shapes. We might still be carrying enough extra weight to put us in the obese category but we've lost all the extra we needed to lose from, say, our face. People who've known us for a while are looking at our faces and thinking we look gaunt so we shouldn't lose any more - they just haven't watched us walk away from them :lol: