Weight Loss Support - Relationship problems and eating




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horsey
11-21-2008, 12:32 AM
Here I was working so hard to eat right and lose weight. Then I found out my estranged husband, I've been separated four years, is moving back to my state, my town. I stressed out, panicked, reacted WRONG. I ate and ate for a few months here, quit exercising. Just self destructed. Stupid, gained weight. Lost control. Why? I don't know. I don't even want to get on the scale to see how much weight it is, I know I'm a size larger. All over men, relationship. So in the stress I ate fast food, that's my weakness, lots of it. And just quit thinking health. How to get back on trap and stop this?


emmy8082
11-21-2008, 06:11 AM
After such a stress situation it is normal that you can have a relapse. You have to take yourself out again of this situation and control yourself. Don't think about your estranged husband - go running or do some fitness - it will make you feel happier and when u start losing weight again you will feel more comfortable with youself. You will feel stronger!

JulieJ08
11-21-2008, 11:24 AM
You're already here! Just weigh yourself and start right this moment making different choices. That's all it takes. Everything else is water under the bridge - unless you let it keep stopping you.


horsey
11-21-2008, 01:17 PM
I didn't think of it that way, that relapse would be normal under such stress, this has been stress and obviously I need to figure out how to be able to focus and function better with stress - but at least I can start today and make better choices. Today is a NEW DAY. I can get back on track. Been eating salads like crazy the past few days, soups, cleaning out the junk in my system. I think you are right, I need to stop obsessing about estranged husband or limit it to certain times and workout again, it'll help with the stress. Sitting around obsessing and moping is NOT helping. Thanks

JayEll
11-21-2008, 02:28 PM
Hey horsey! :wave: I wondered where you went. Sorry that's where... :(

Can you tell us what kinds of things you were thinking while you were overeating, not exercising, etc.? Perhaps it can help others (and yourself) to see what kind of patterns you found.

Have you considered seeing a counselor or therapist?

Best wishes for your getting back on track and staying there!

Jay

horsey
11-21-2008, 03:00 PM
When I was eating/not exercising I was just thinking ok I'm going to get fat again and I don't care quite honestly. Perhaps thinking it's not worth it, I try then always give up on everything. I always have huge ideas about things then quit. Preacher on Sunday says it's called dabbling, those who work hard try to change then when a challenge comes they quit - so that rang a bell with me. Did the same with church, and other things the past few months, just quit all of the progress forward. I went through some really hard times in my marriage, more things then I would state here so some of it's post tramatic stuff most likely, digging up old things. I thought I had tools like relaxation, exercising, eating right, God, etc to help through hard times but somehow I just went back to that sicko mode of not caring and feeling sorry for myself. Before marriage I was a strong person, so I thought, traveled and yes there's more that likely I need to discuss with a shrink. I just wanted to forget it all and move on with my life. Now it's back to dealing with something I tried to run from, I have a child so this will never end. Certainly over eating isn't the answer...

horsey
11-21-2008, 03:03 PM
ok I got on the scale, this was 20 lbs of weight gain, scary in just a few months.

JayEll
11-21-2008, 05:32 PM
Hang on! Hang on now! Don't slide any farther--you don't have to!

Remember the reasons you had for losing weight. You wanted to be more healthy for your son, you wanted to be more healthy for yourself, you wanted to feel better and see yourself as more attractive. All of this you can still accomplish, but only if you hang on! :yes:

Jay

Heather
11-21-2008, 07:05 PM
I've gained back a bunch of weight over the past year. There have certainly been stressors, and other contributors. I think it's very hard to get back on track sometimes when you slip! You aren't alone!

I'm trying to take it day by day. I'm NOT being perfect at ALL, but everyday I get up and try again. And there's something to be said for owning the gain you've had and then resetting your brain back on track so that it doesn't get WORSE!!

JulieJ08
11-21-2008, 07:23 PM
ok I got on the scale, this was 20 lbs of weight gain, scary in just a few months.

That's OK! Really. 'Cause you're here now :carrot: Onward!

horsey
11-22-2008, 12:40 AM
Onward. Bought new journal from bookstore tonight, Best Life Now, one page you check off lists, other is a blank page for thoughts. I was doing best with this journal because my issues aren't just counting calories and I know that. On the blank page I was writing lists like decluttering my home, organizing, books to read, counseling, notes on nutrition, etc. Guess it doesn't matter why I let myself go like this so quickly in such a short amount of time other then there is the trend of my mood swings when I come upon problems and I need to cut that out and stay as stable as I can even when facing challenges. Back to spirituality and help from upstairs. Some things I don't think I can handle and we never get more then we can - but we do best when exercising, eating right, when we are organized and don't let our emotions and moods take over. Yes I was doing this to be more healthy for me, and especially my little boy - physically and mentally healthy. So onward we go...

Lori Bell
11-22-2008, 10:44 AM
Twenty pounds is not that bad, and can be stopped and reversed. I'm not a good person to coach you on this though. 5 years ago after some dieting I weighed around 195, a Thanksgiving binge set me off on a downward spiral and I gained around 20 pounds by Christmas. I remember the following New Years I joined e-diets at a weight of 221...Then I gained another 112 pounds on top of that. I'm begging you not to go where I went. I always though...if I would have just followed through at 221 I would have never put my body through all this trauma.

Just remember, no man is worth feeling worthless over. NONE!

CountingDown
11-22-2008, 11:09 AM
horsey - great to have you back! You CAN do this! You are here, which means you know that you need to get back on plan. You are on the right track - journal everything, and forgive yourself for your past eating. Dwelling on it won't change it. Learn from it, and move on.

Post here every day - with what you are feeling and how you are doing. You know this - getting support will help you stay on track - particularly at this new beginning.

:hug: You deserve this - now, get movin'!!!

fatmad
11-22-2008, 06:37 PM
Horsey: have you figured out what the triggers were that made you so unhappy that your ex would be back in town?
Has it been as bad as you thought?
We all hope that you can find the strength to get back to yourself, but I also want for you to be able to handle it ok in the future, without starting to self-destruct. I am sure I don't have to tell you that he's absolutely not worth it.

you have me thinking about the stressors I have coming up, both the planned things, (work committments, holiday stuff, etc) and the stuff you can't plan for. (like my aging parents may pass away, stuff with my teenage daughter, workplace issues etc) and then there are **** happens stuff (I can't bear to think of examples). How do people get through it without their comfort foods?
I have been doing more yoga, meditation etc. I am hoping it will help me thru.

Maybe meditation, counselling, prayer, spiritual guidance will help you so you can avoid the weight gain in the future. Thanks
fatmad

horsey
12-01-2008, 09:40 PM
Yes it's true I'm not only back to dieting, but since I'm an emotional eating I'm having to get back to the root of my problem - eating when stressed. Of course a MAN isn't world it, and yes it was worse then I'll admit here. I guess I went into post tramatic stress or something, I just was out for a few months, ate, drank, didn't exercise, didn't care. I just didn't care and that's crazy, as before I was working so hard. So in my journal I'm writing my daily moods, tracking them as some depression book said to do, and that's helping actually. I can catch myself just starting to feel down and do something about it rather then sink. LIke yes, yoga, meditation, quiet music, prayer and letting go letting god. yes I went through the death of a father, a marriage and during the period of actually the worst stress - you know what - I got into the best shape of my life. I worked out and was a size 6-7 just a few years ago. i didn't sit around moping like the past few months, or whatever that mode was. Not a good place to go though. So back to my "tools" of nutrition, exercise, yoga, readings, etc.... I know once someone's been depressed before, it can happen again, quicker and easier, and I just found out in my relapse that the books are right about that. It's something to do with being hammered in life over and over again, so it takes work to keep the moods better. At least I am seeing patterns, the first step thus sayeth the shrink is seeing patterns and then doing something.. thanks