Weight Loss Support - so boyfriend dumped me for weight reasons...i need some help and kind words!




hotpod
11-19-2008, 11:55 AM
ok so my boyfriend dumped me saying i had gained to much weight for me to be attractive to him!!!! should i tell him the only thing i need to lose is him? he also said he didnt really love me. i just need some reasurance that he must not be a guy worth being around if he says stuff like that, but anyway we broke up, and now we have to live together till he finds an apt, which isnt soon enough, however he has noticied my recent 17 lbs loss!!!! which i have done by just eating healthy, cooking my own food and working out, my weight loss started out for him or in spite rather, but now im enjoying the results and im getting motivation to go workout from you all! (thanks so much!) so what should i do? now he is totally fine, but he still says like...i hope you dont rebound like the other million times you have done this. i dont know...are people really that mean? he says he is just being honest and not being mean at all....i just dont know what to do, he wants me back but i dont know he said those things to me...it tells alot about his character right? is he not a good person? i need oppionions!

P.S. he said the reason why he wanted to let me know things were getting hefty is becuase....we are gay and there are plenty of other men out there who are available....what the heck is that supposed to mean?


PhotoChick
11-19-2008, 12:03 PM
Dump his a$$.

Seriously. My guy met me at my heaviest weight (over 240) and now that I'm down to 165 or so, he is incredibly proud of me. He always tells me how good I look ... but reminds me that he met me and fell in love with me at my HIGHEST WEIGHT EVER.

You need a guy like that in your life. Not someone who is so shallow that he'd cut you down for your weight.

.

HMS
11-19-2008, 12:04 PM
.. Good going on your healthy eating and weightloss and it is great that you want to be healthier for you etc etc....

... I think it sounds like your ex?? should be given the heave-ho myself ... I think his character has definately been shown up to be lacking ....

Good luck and take care... :)


JayEll
11-19-2008, 12:05 PM
Gosh! Give him a deadline for moving!

You look after your weight for YOU. Forget about him.

When he says that there are plenty of other men out there... say GREAT, GO FIND ONE, NOW! and change the locks. ;)

Jay

mandalinn82
11-19-2008, 12:05 PM
Here's the thing.

Anyone. ANYONE. Who would be with someone based only on physical characteristics and leave them if they don't meet physical standards...is not worth another second of your time. Not. Another. Second.

I would walk, now. Immediately. You can find someone who loves you for YOU, not who is going to criticize you, cut you down, and say he doesn't really love you when you're mid-fight.

And yes, there are PLENTY of other fish in the sea...both people that will meet his superficial ideal, and people who will love you just the way you are.

luvja
11-19-2008, 12:07 PM
Get rid of the idiot.

Not even worth your time.

jmb1981
11-19-2008, 12:13 PM
it means get rid of him! if there are plenty of other men out there, let him find another one! you don't deserve to be treated that way. he said he doesn't really love you. now that you are losing weight he is okay with you again. you don't fall in and out of love with someone as their weight fluctuates. you love somebody b/c you love them, no matter how big or small they are. change the locks and pack his bags, he can find someone else to stay with until he finds his own place!

hotpod
11-19-2008, 12:15 PM
thank you thank you thank you!!!!!! so my gut instinct was right...toss the guy! thank you peeps for all your help!!!! he will need to move out asap. and you know there are other people out there who will love me no matter what.
photochick thanks for that little story, puts thing in perspective! thanks everyone...ill be getting rid of him!

michellenew
11-19-2008, 12:16 PM
just get rid of this guy ASAP!

nelie
11-19-2008, 12:27 PM
Tell him GOOD BYE!!

kuhljeanie
11-19-2008, 12:29 PM
yay hotpod!!!

Moonlight Mistress
11-19-2008, 12:33 PM
Ugh...that guy sounds like a complete shallow loser. Get rid of him and find someone who loves you for how you are on the inside.

Good lord....that makes me sick!

SarahD
11-19-2008, 12:39 PM
Im no relationship expert. But to me it sounds like he should love you for who you are. And that weight should not be a reason to break up, rather something he should support you in. I agree with the others, you are too good for him and should move on.

yoyonomoreinvegas
11-19-2008, 12:46 PM
I like that old saying: "The best revenge is living well"
Dump him and take care of you! He's right, there are lots of other men out there and there is one out there who is going to love you for being yourself.

Circebee
11-19-2008, 12:48 PM
Good for you! And if karma has any truth, may your foolish ex be struck with the world's slowest thyroid, and gain 30 pounds in a month. Then he will be both fat and shallow, and maybe will realize what an insensitive moron he was. Then, you can tell him that you may be able to forgive his behavior, but that he will never have enough inner strength of character to be a partner to someone as awesome as you are. Heehee.

cakses
11-19-2008, 12:50 PM
Wow, well it sounds like you've given him the heave ho thank goodness. You don't need that kind of negativity in your life. You will find someone else who will appreciate you just the way you are!

rubbytummy
11-19-2008, 12:52 PM
This guy sounds verbally and emotionally abusive -- and what's worse, he's saying these jackass things and then trying to spin it like he's the good guy for saying them! ("Oh, I was just telling you to help you, I swear..." Bull****!)

Dump his ***. Make him move out asap. Throw his **** on the lawn. You get the picture.

Ufi
11-19-2008, 12:55 PM
Good for you! I hope you meet someone appreciative soon.

UntilMOMMI
11-19-2008, 01:16 PM
Lose him....If he doesn't value you now, he never will. You could be large, small, tall, short, change colors, or glow like the moon and he'd never be happy. He is probably "totally fine" with things because he realizes nobody else would put up with him like you have. He told you the truth.. if he doesn't love you now, there's no way he will love you later. Too many available men out there to deal with that.

Jealous of your progress.... btw... keep up with those positive changes you have been making. (Now make one more... lose the dude.)

Melody2006
11-19-2008, 01:26 PM
Dump the chump ASAP. He did you a favor and showed his true vain self before you were married to the guy. What if you had brain surgery and had to go bald? Would he have verbally let you down then? Don't do this guy any favors with the living situation, he didn't do you any for your ego. :hug:

sarahyu
11-19-2008, 01:52 PM
I'll jump on the dump him bandwagon also. He doesn't deserve you at all. If he could fall out of love because you got heavy, then he'll fall out of love with you for a lot of other reasons. It's his problem, not yours.

My dh is just now starting to make comments about my weight, (I put back on about 25 pounds over the last few years) but it's not mean...it's more like "hey, do you want to go to the gym with me?" and "I'm worried about your health, I don't want anything happening to you" type comments. nothing about "I don't love you because you're heavier then what I like"

So, be happy he's not in your life any longer and kick him to the curb if he tries to come back. Tell him he doesn't deserve a second chance and definately doesn't deserve you in his life...you're too good for him.

Sarah in MD

Tomato
11-19-2008, 01:53 PM
should i tell him the only thing i need to lose is him?

Yeap - that's exactly what you should tell him.
Also, give him a deadline by which he is allowed to stay in the apartment - and don't be too generous. Even if he begs on his knees to take him back. The sooner he is outta there, the better.

motivation86
11-19-2008, 02:11 PM
Wow you do not deserve to be treated like that. Dump him, you can find better. Good luck!

JulieJ08
11-19-2008, 02:35 PM
Buh-bye to the ex! Let the door bump him on the *** on the way out.

hotpod
11-19-2008, 02:50 PM
you people....are soooooooooooooooooooooooooo supportive!!!! thank you thank you.....you have truly made me feel better and more confident....and you know what you all are right!!! thanks for letting me see his true colors. also circebee. lol wow....i want to be more like you! lol and thanks for the weight loss comments...you guys are awesome awesome awesome!!!

urockmom
11-19-2008, 05:43 PM
So, all the chicks here are obviously right-as they so often are. :D

My .02: When someone asks what happened to jack***, reply "Gone. LONG GONE" and smile :) because every time someone asks you can reaffirm to yourself that you are better off without that sad, sorry, sack-of-s***.

Thighs Be Gone
11-19-2008, 06:47 PM
Kick his *** to the curb for good. Goodbye to bad trash.

Ookpik
11-19-2008, 06:50 PM
I agree with the others...dump his sorry *** and throw him out of the apartment! You deserve someone who will still love you even if you were to gain 200 pounds. What he said about there being lots of available men out there applies to you too...I'm sure you can find someone who can appreciate you for not just your looks.

BTW, congrats on the weight loss!

jenguin
11-19-2008, 07:09 PM
I would kick him out and tell him you feel really good about losing (insert his weight here) lbs - that it was the best diet plan you've ever tried!

BillBlueEyes
11-19-2008, 08:50 PM
Hi hotpod - Sorry about the breakup, that's always rough to get through, particularly since you have to live together for a spell.

But Congrats on the weight loss and BIG Kudos for the transformation that the loss is for you.

I agree with all the others that a guy who says those things to you isn't good for you. In response to your question, I don't know what it says about his character. I do suspect that it says he was into you just for the physical aspect or just as eye candy, while you were into him for a relationship. A bit of a mismatch that doesn't have much chance of working.

Good luck in getting physically free of him so that you can pursue your own life. I hope you continue to post on 3FC to encourage your eating plan and exercise plan. There aren't that many of us men - I'm glad you're here.

Naia
11-20-2008, 03:30 AM
I agree with everyone else,and also want to add---

Don't take him back, even if he starts complimenting you!!!

If he says those mean things to you now, he's not going to stop. Trust me, I know! I went through the same thing, and if they're like that they're not going to change. I put up with it for a long time, until I came here and got soooo much support from everyone.

So anytime you're feeling unsure, just come back here and we'll all give you support to stay strong and stand your ground!

Iianae
11-20-2008, 06:35 AM
Wow, I completely agree with EVERYONE here, you do NOT need this arse in your life what so ever. The best revenge IS TRULY living well, enjoying yourself and your life and being a positive influence on others through example. I agree there are a lot of men out there...but even if there weren't...love yourself! NO ONE can make you feel inferrior without your permission!

Keep up the great work!! You are an inspiration to me for sure!

Hope Floats!
Jennifer
(many apologies for any and all spelling errors...I suck at 5am)

4star
11-20-2008, 10:17 AM
I would kick him out and tell him you feel really good about losing (insert his weight here) lbs - that it was the best diet plan you've ever tried!

My thoughts exactly! He's of no good to you unless you need someone to run your esteem down. If you were seriously injured or disfigured in an accident, could you see this person standing beside you through it all? If his love hinges on weight, it's not likely. Therefore, he just don't have what it takes to make it long term in the kind of relationship you want and need. He's just not your type. ;)

Extasee58865
11-20-2008, 10:36 AM
Let me first say, most importantly, congrats on the 17 lbs loss! WAY TO GO!

2nd, GET RID OF THIS GUY NOW! How/why would you love someone so superficial? You fall in love with people based on a connection to them. Yes some is physical, but to say it's ALL physical is insane! You don't need such an a** in your life... You can do so much better then him & you can find someone who is going to love you regardless of your outside appearance. You need to find someone who will love you for who you are, not the amount of weight you carry. Leave him in the dust, continue to lose the weight you want too, get SEXY and find yourself a new man....

Michelle98272
11-20-2008, 12:09 PM
P.S. he said the reason why he wanted to let me know things were getting hefty is becuase....we are gay and there are plenty of other men out there who are available....what the heck is that supposed to mean?

I don't care if you are gay, straight, bisexual, asexual, agnostic (kidding) He's just plain MEAN! and correct me if I'm wrong, aren't their less gay men around that straight men? Less gay men overall = less gay men that are available. He's not just mean, he's stupid.

Be done with him and do it without whining, begging, pleading...keep your pride while he lives there like your room mate. I've had to live with someone too after we were broken up and it's not easy!

You are better off single than in a relationship with someone that thinks that little of you. Keep up the good work with your weight loss and treat yourself well. Breaking up is like having the flu...be sweet to yourself, read a good book, watch a good movie, take long baths with candles and bubbles.

Hang in there!!

Pandora123a
11-20-2008, 05:14 PM
hotpod,

Its great to be with someone who loves you when you look good and feel better. Its just not real...the real good ones love you when you look lousy and feel worse. They love YOU not the wrapping.

I met my husband at my lowest adult weight ever. (149 the night before we went out for the first time.) He's loved me and found me sexy all the way up to 254...and now down again. He absolutely is thrilled for me that I'm smaller (and he appreciates it) but he constantly reminds me that he loved me at every size and that won't change.

You may convince yourself that you will control your weight and be able to keep him...but there are lots of things you can't control...you will age. You may get sick. Bad things happen.

Do you really want to be with a person who will dump you any time he finds you less physically desirable? You are worth more than that!

Get rid of this guy. Give him a date when he has to leave the apartment.

Keep posting...keep taking care of yourself. There is someone wonderful out there for you...this guy isn't it.

SBD Sass
11-20-2008, 05:19 PM
I agree with everyone else. You don't need him. There are lots of other guys out there in the World -- heyyyyyyy. Now that you're free, enjoy yourself! Always concentrate on you and never lose focus of what's really important.

Hang in there. *hugs*