General chatter - Ruby




View Full Version : Ruby


Jen415
11-09-2008, 11:08 PM
Did anyone catch this show on the Style Network? Ruby is a 475 lb woman on a journey to a healthier life. She's surrounded by doctors, specialists, trainers, and a circle of awesome friends.

You can go to mystyle.com and read about it.


Glory87
11-09-2008, 11:29 PM
I have the DVR set to record it!

mandalinn82
11-10-2008, 12:03 AM
I -just- put it on. I am really fascinated.


brandy922
11-10-2008, 01:04 AM
when does it come on?

EZMONEY
11-10-2008, 01:54 AM
I read about it today but didn't record it....should I?

Amy8888
11-10-2008, 12:22 PM
Yes, I set it to record as soon as I saw a commercial for it. I like it and I like Ruby. She's so honest about her weight struggle and she is generally upbeat, and it's just inspirational.

Thighs Be Gone
11-10-2008, 12:23 PM
Loved the show and loved her. I hope the show helps other people too and brings awareness to the trouble obese people have and how the world is so ill equipped to deal with the issue.

Jen415
11-10-2008, 01:19 PM
The show is on Sunday evenings at 8 pm ET on Style. (Check your local listings...lol)

Ruby made a comment that stuck with me. It was during a scene where they were showing her in her doctor's office. She couldnt find a chair that didnt have arms on the side, so she just wandered around in the waiting room. She finally asked the receptionist for a chair without arms, which she went to get right away.

I'm paraphrasing below...

"The world isn't made for people my size. It would be nice if we were accommodated more while we are working to get healthier and smaller."

I totally agree....

Monkeybean
11-10-2008, 01:53 PM
Jen, thanks for listing this. Otherwise, I would have never seen it! I am looking forward to following her through this journey, because perhaps I can learn some things from the show!

:woohoo:

mandarae
11-10-2008, 02:12 PM
I wanted to see this so bad and missed it! What time/day does it come on?

mandarae
11-10-2008, 02:12 PM
Annddd.. nevermind, I see the post for the times above :)

cbmare
11-11-2008, 12:39 PM
It is also repeated.

She's pretty! I love her outlook! I find it odd and rude that Jim's parents got a cat knowing he's allergic to them.

Gloria could get a bit of a clue in her cooking. I grew up in Pensacola. Both my parents were born in Georgia. I know southern cooking. However, after Daddy's first heart attack, Momma changed some of her cooking habits. In support of Ruby, Gloria could perhaps learn a bit and help her out.

Ok. Off my soapbox and raggin' on Gloria.

I'm looking forward to more episodes.

cbmare
11-11-2008, 12:44 PM
I'm in Calif. I'm looking at the schedule for my Dish network.

It's repeated today, Tues. at 5 PM, Wed. 7 AM and 8 PM, Thurs. 3 AM, Noon and 7 PM, Fri. 5 AM, 1 PM and 8 PM, Sat. 9 AM and 5 PM. For some reason, my schedule is showing episode 2 at 3 AM on Sunday and that is the one that is set to record. Hmmm.

PackersBearFan
11-11-2008, 12:48 PM
I saw it last night and thought it was great! Really inspirational and I really want to see her succeed! She is soooo positive and definitely like a lot of you have mentioned, she says things that really stick with you and you may be able to relate to. I thought it was really awesome how her friend from LA is so supportive! Can't wait for the next episode!

Nichole28
11-11-2008, 12:48 PM
I saw a commercial for it and it looked interesting. I may have to watch this now. Not sure my DVR can handle another show being taped LOL

hereyago
11-11-2008, 12:49 PM
She's pretty! I love her outlook! I find it odd and rude that Jim's parents got a cat knowing he's allergic to them.
.

I had the same reaction.

How can Jim's parents get a cat which would essentially mean he has to leaver their house. Weird unless he is over 18. He looks very young.


Wonderful that she has a great support network meaning her friends. I am sure she is charming and magnetic in person. You can just pick up on that by watching the show. And, she knows how to laugh at herself without putting herself down. That is so hard to do.

PackersBearFan
11-11-2008, 12:53 PM
I have a feeling there's possibly more back story with Jim than we know. He seems like such a sweet kid!

clewles81
11-11-2008, 01:06 PM
I watched it last night and absolutely LOVED this show...I really enjoy Ruby's outlook and character she is very inspirational!

Glory87
11-11-2008, 03:17 PM
Got a chance to watch it last night - so many mysteries. The nephew's parents really got rid of him for a cat? How did Ruby lose the first 200 lbs (isn't she down from 700+)? Are her friends trying to kill her with brownies AND praline cheesecake AND cheesy macaroni? How on earth did she ever meet that chick from Sweet Valley High and where is the other twin?? How can she teach Sunday school and work out but yet claims disability instead of finding a job? (I suppose her job is the show now)

She seems sweet on the surface, but she strikes me as very manipulative.

kaplods
11-11-2008, 05:26 PM
As someone who is on disability, - the requirements of holding down a job that can support oneself is a lot different than the requirements needed to have a once weekly obligation of teaching Sunday school, and the non-time dependent chore of working out (unless she's working out eight hours every day, and never misses a day). Many of us on disability could hold down a job - if we were able to find a job that allowed us to work according to our needs (but what if that meant taking a half hour break every two hours - how many employers would accept that do you think?). Most employers require you to be able to work a specific shift, with limited breaks, and require regular and predictable attendance (even requiring two sick days every month could prevent a person from being hired by 99% of employers, especially if you can't predict which days you'll be unable to work).

kaplods
11-11-2008, 10:56 PM
I did finally see the show tonight - and I don't think it's any secret to say that she can be manipulative - she talks about that, and I think it's part of the reality of any addiction - finding a way to get the substance of the addiction, by whatever means necessary. Though a friend handing her a piece of praline cheesecake (after she already had a brownie and a full, fatty Southern meal) is pretty much the equivalent of buying and bringing crack to a crack addict. It was one thing for the friend to say "this is how we eat" (as in, I'm not going to change my habits to help her), but the food pushing - what was that about?. And yet that is exactly what many of us face, even with loved ones who tell us how we've "got to do something" about our weight. My mom was the stereotypical food pusher, constantly telling me I shouldn't be eating whatever I was eating, and then pushing food on me, and getting upset if I wouldn't take it. She does that a lot less, but I know when we visit for Christmas, there will be some of that too.

I do have to say there must be a lot of weird stuff in that family they're not talking about. Getting rid of a kid to have a cat? Doesn't make any sense at all. The kid is definitely under 18, because they're talking about home-schooling (if he were over 18, then he'd be getting his GED, not being home-schooled). My guess (anyone else get this vibe) that the boy is gay and that's why his parents really wanted him out of the house? I don't know, but hubby and I got the same vibe, and couldn't believe we both came up with the same theory.

I guess what really struck a cord with me, is so many of the similar experiences and goals I have with her. The longing for simple things most people don't consider luxuries like riding a horse and taking bubble baths, the emnity with armed chairs and seat belts...

The show made me realize how far my measly 60 lbs has brought me. I no longer have sleep apnea, I can reach the top shelf, I can latch most seat belts (can't always breathe very well with them latched, but I can latch them) and I don't usually encounter chairs I can't fit into anymore. There are still a few, and restaurant booths are often still not my friend, (though recently I was able to fit into a restaurant booth that I hadn't been able to in the past, and you would have thought I'd won the lottery).

So far, I like the show. I think it's realistic and honest without being sensational. Is Ruby perfect? Of course not, a person with all her **** together probably wouldn't ever reach 473 lbs (or whatever she started at).

Amy8888
11-12-2008, 10:50 AM
Thanks for sharing your reflections on the show, Kaplods. I think you might be right about the nephew being gay then rejected. How sad. :( But I'm glad his Aunt Ruby is there to take him in! And I was confused about the GED comment even while I watched the show. I thought they actually said he HAD his GED, or helped him get his GED (as in past tense), but they did also say he was homeschooled. Eh, well the show isn't really about him anyway.

cbmare
11-12-2008, 01:37 PM
How did Ruby lose the first 200 lbs (isn't she down from 700+)?

I wondered the same thing.

cbmare
11-12-2008, 01:39 PM
I do have to say there must be a lot of weird stuff in that family they're not talking about. Getting rid of a kid to have a cat? Doesn't make any sense at all. The kid is definitely under 18, because they're talking about home-schooling (if he were over 18, then he'd be getting his GED, not being home-schooled). My guess (anyone else get this vibe) that the boy is gay and that's why his parents really wanted him out of the house? I don't know, but hubby and I got the same vibe, and couldn't believe we both came up with the same theory.

I thought that perhaps he was a troubled kid. Maybe had a drug problem?

Bee20nine
11-12-2008, 02:31 PM
If you go to the mystyle.com site and look at the reviews for the show the LA Times article is wonderful insight.

kaplods
11-12-2008, 02:49 PM
Yep, a drug problem would also make sense. I'm guessing that they're deliberately leaking information on Jim slowly - sometimes it's easy to forget that while the show may be unscripted, the producers are controlling what we learn and when. The show may be about Ruby, but as with any good soap opera there are subplots added for added suspense. Reality shows are unscripted, but they're carefully editied. I even wonder whether the huge meal and the food pushing was actually the producer's idea (the audience has to see Ruby eating, and witness the codependent nature of the relationship with her friends).

I constantly have to remind myself that reality tv isn't necessarily 100% "real." Still, I much prefer this type of "day in the life of," style of filming than the "let's put people in situations they'd never encounter in real life and see what happens," especially in terms of weight loss. Ruby's experiences, even if some of them are set up just for the camera, have a lot more relevance to my life than TBL.

ghost
11-12-2008, 05:00 PM
For those who don't get the style network, or don't have cabel tv, I found Ruby on iTunes today and immedialty downloaded it. I plan to watch it while I do cardio tonight and I can't wait. ****, I may even end up watching it on my computer here at work today with my boss.

cbmare
11-12-2008, 05:02 PM
Yep, a drug problem would also make sense. I'm guessing that they're deliberately leaking information on Jim slowly - sometimes it's easy to forget that while the show may be unscripted, the producers are controlling what we learn and when. The show may be about Ruby, but as with any good soap opera there are subplots added for added suspense. Reality shows are unscripted, but they're carefully editied. I even wonder whether the huge meal and the food pushing was actually the producer's idea (the audience has to see Ruby eating, and witness the codependent nature of the relationship with her friends).

I constantly have to remind myself that reality tv isn't necessarily 100% "real." Still, I much prefer this type of "day in the life of," style of filming than the "let's put people in situations they'd never encounter in real life and see what happens," especially in terms of weight loss. Ruby's experiences, even if some of them are set up just for the camera, have a lot more relevance to my life than TBL.

Well put. What's TBL?

Another thought on the weight she's lost. Remember the jerk? I would really love to put stronger language about him here but I know it'd be VERY censored. "I'll marry you if you lose weight". That guy. Did anyone besides me want to push him off that motorcycle?

EZMONEY
11-12-2008, 11:07 PM
The Biggest Loser ~ MARE

cbmare
11-13-2008, 01:35 PM
Thanks. I should have known that. I think I'm the only person on here who doesn't watch that show.

Jen415
11-13-2008, 04:02 PM
According to what I heard/saw on the show....

--Jim is 19 and has his GED. I think he's probably lived with Ruby awhile. Although it doesn't explain the conversation with her roomie about encouraging the kid to go to school (unless he is getting his full HS diploma).

--Ruby met Brittany when Ruby lived in LA for four years. Ruby was the receptionist at the gym (?!?!) where Brittany worked. Brittany is currently on some show on the WB I think.

--Georgia (the friend) cooking the big southern dinner was probably a set up for the cameras, although I am sure they ate like that a LOT.

MyStyle.com has more details about the folks in the show.

LandonsBaby
11-13-2008, 04:26 PM
Well put. What's TBL?

Another thought on the weight she's lost. Remember the jerk? I would really love to put stronger language about him here but I know it'd be VERY censored. "I'll marry you if you lose weight". That guy. Did anyone besides me want to push him off that motorcycle?


Actually, no. This woman has an addiction that controls every aspect of her life. Would you be upset if she were a crack addict and he said that? If she were an alcoholic? I can totally understand him wanting her to deal with this before marrying her. She didn't and so he left. Now, maybe he is a jerk but I wouldn't say he's a jerk just because of what he did in that particular situation. Most people don't want to hop into marriage with a person who has a full blown addiction controlling their life and in reality, killing them.

cbmare
11-13-2008, 07:55 PM
Actually, no. This woman has an addiction that controls every aspect of her life. Would you be upset if she were a crack addict and he said that? If she were an alcoholic? I can totally understand him wanting her to deal with this before marrying her. She didn't and so he left. Now, maybe he is a jerk but I wouldn't say he's a jerk just because of what he did in that particular situation. Most people don't want to hop into marriage with a person who has a full blown addiction controlling their life and in reality, killing them.


Now that makes me rethink what I said. You are absolutely right about an addiction. I wouldn't want to marry someone who is a crack addict, etc. Thanks for making me think.

However, that could very well be the reason she lost those 200 or so lbs. Maybe - maybe not.

Luminous
11-14-2008, 12:28 PM
I'm watching it now, with trepidation. I feel for Ruby and the concern of her friends and doctor seem genuine, but I can't help but also feel that it's a recipe for disaster. Admonishing her to take half a brownie instead of a whole brownie at the friends' get-together is…pointless. That extra 100 calories means absolutely nothing. It's like focusing a microscope on a single loose thread in a Medieval tapestry and ignoring that the whole gigantic thing is frayed.

I don't know about everyone, but I know in my case it's not an extra half-brownie here and there that got me over 300 pounds. It was a long-term, concerted effort of massive consumption. And people chiding me over half a brownie once in a while only made eventually succeeding at weight loss seem more futile. "They're busting me over this little brownie, when what they don't know is I'm going to go home and eat a bag of Doritos. If they're right that a bit of brownie could make me this big, how much worse I must be for really pigging out."

I hope Ruby winds up with fewer people telling her to exercise control and walk on a treadmill and more people teaching her how to manage the mental angle.

Ashley
11-14-2008, 12:41 PM
I love this show.

cbmare
11-14-2008, 08:39 PM
Should we start a weekly discussion thread for Ruby? Or just keep this one going?

Kim_Star060404
11-15-2008, 11:15 AM
I'm loving the show as well. I haven't been able to actually catch a full episode, but I'm planning on rewatching them when they rerun. I think she's a beautiful person with a very real and very dangerous addiction. I'm hoping for her success and can't wait to see everything unfold.

kaplods
11-15-2008, 03:17 PM
I think for Ruby, the "the mental angle," is being addressed by her therapist. I don't think her friends and family can play that role, and encouragement to exercise and deal with food issues is the best that a non-therapist can offer. For me, "half a brownie," wouldn't be a realistic suggestion, because I have such a difficult time with refined carbs, that it's better to avoid them altogether (not that I've been entirely successful with that) . But I don't see help from others, even when it's occasionally misplaced, as a deterrent to weight loss. Rather, as Ruby said, she needs the help of others, for some folks it does "take a village," to lose the weight. Some of the advice she is going to get is going to be good, some if it terrible and a good deal of it absolutely useless.

I don't think that all fat folks, even extremely fat folks have serious mental issues. Obviously, I think from watching Ruby's interaction with the therapist that she may have serious abuse issues. Not remembering anything before age 13, isn't a particularly good sign. Those need to be dealt with, but getting Ruby to move, in itself, will contribute to lessening depression and the learned helplessness, that being in such a large body can contribute to. You don't have to fix all of the mental issues before working on the weight - which I think Ruby has proven, having lost 225 lbs or more before the first episode. Seeing a therapist, I think is important for Ruby, but I don't think that everyone in her life has to act as a therapist. Sure, she's going to get a lot of bad and useless advice from friends and even the "professionals," and the good advice is going to probably be rarer- but that's just reality.

Will she be able to control her weight, by exercising control, and learning to eat like a "normal" person? I don't know, but I wouldn't discount the possibility. The "how" we gain weight, and the how we lose weight, isn't very well understood, and I don't think it's the same for us all, even for some of us that get very large.

In my life, I've had people tell me that I had to addess my "mental issues," and that I must have serious mental issues to have gotten as large as I have. I even started to believe it, and wonder what I was hiding from myself. Then I (finally) discovered two physiological contributors to my weight loss. By changing my bc to provide constant levels of progestins, and reducing carbs, the weight loss has been so much easier than ever before. I am having trouble sticking to my low carb diet, because I do have an addictive response to carbs, especially refined carbs, and they are difficult (psychologically and physically) to avoid. I'm getting better at it, though. And my weight loss is responding, in a way I'd never imagined it to. I'm losing weight without feeling like I'm tenuously holding on tooth and nail in misery to my food plan. The more success I have, the more motivation I have, and the better I do.

I think even when dealing with drug addictions, there are "addicts" who turned to drugs because of mental issues, and there are folks for whom the drugs caused the mental issues, and I think for many it's so intertwined, it's difficult to say which came first, the mental issues or the addiction, but sometimes "breaking the cycle," in itself can start the positive changes needed to return to functionality.

I think that the threshold for food addictions (which are primarily carbohydrate and fat addictions), is generally much lower than for drug addiction. In a sense, every human on the planet is food addicted. The physiological drive to eat, kept our ancestors alive. Living in a world where high calorie food is abundant is not a natural condition, because in the "natural" world, population explosion tends to occur before widespread obesity. In a sense, it's actually more of a surprise to me how many people are not obese.

If cocaine and opiates were as abundant and as intertwined in our culture as food, how many drug addicts would we have, and how many would be able to remain abstinant? If these drugs were cheap, legal, and use was not only socially accepted, but expected - and friends, relatives, and even strangers were pushers from the time we were small children - how prevalent would drug addiction be?

I think that the idea that fat people, even outrageously fat people must have serious underlying mental and emotional issues is more myth than fact. However, seeing the super morbidly obese as more normal than not is a threatening idea - because it means it could happen to almost anyone under the right conditions.

cbmare
11-15-2008, 03:25 PM
kaplods, I enjoy your posts. You have some really interesting things to say and more times than not, your comments really make me think and consider things differently.

cbmare
11-16-2008, 08:07 PM
What did you think of episode 2? It was interesting. I think Denny did a good job of controlling his temper. I know he wanted to bash orange hat in the head with a pipe.

kaplods
11-16-2008, 11:31 PM
Darn I missed it, but I think it's playing again in a half hour, so I'll have to catch it.

Spooky
11-16-2008, 11:50 PM
I love this show. The first thing that struck me about Ruby is how beautiful she is -- she has really beautiful skin and gorgeous hair and eyes. I don't know if that's the wonder of Hollywood makeup or what, but I wish I had her complexion.

I love how upbeat she is and I can relate to her in a lot of ways. I've never been that heavy but I know what it's like to worry about fitting into places and things (like chairs, although my biggest fear is always being too fat to fit in a rollercoaster). I absolutely agree that she is manipulative and sneaky but she seems genuine and I'll be rooting for her success.

I'm happy to see her seeing a therapist (and it sort of makes me wonder if I should see one). I'm a bit disappointed to see her using pre-packaged meals after Brittany went to the trouble of showing her healthy foods and Georgia/Jim how to cook them. I'd like to see her plan out healthy meals according to a diet plan and assist in preparation as she is able rather than using this option. Hopefully she'll transition to this later.

Mostly, I think she's brave. And I want to move to Savannah.

Amy8888
11-17-2008, 10:23 AM
Another good episode! Watching Ruby get made fun of was hard, but I'm glad they showed it because sadly, it is the reality for most fat people. What gives people the right to openly mock anyone? I've had it happen to me before and I still cringe when I think about it.

Extasee58865
11-17-2008, 10:29 AM
I'm glad I'm not the only one that watches that show! My husband laughs at me for watching it, but whatever, he doesn't get it! I can't wait to see how she does & I hope she sticks too it & loses that weight she wants too. That boyfriend, Denny, he's gotta go though, he seems like he's not good.

hereyago
11-17-2008, 10:35 AM
It is really amazing how upbeat she is without putting herself too down.

There was a 3 month span between the first episode and the second one, and you can really tell that in her face. Did they say she had lost 50 pounds or so during that time? Not sure.

Right after that show, another one came on TLC - Half Ton Mom about a 29 year old mother of two girls who was 900 pounds. Same kind of spirit as Ruby, but in much, much worse shape.

Luminous
11-17-2008, 12:24 PM
Sorry, I wasn't clear about the "mental angle" thing. I didn't mean to imply that all people carrying extra weight have mental issues either; in fact, it's probably the exact same proportion as the population as a whole.

I was referring to that thing I don't have a name for. Where you're just totally calm and chill about your whole weight-loss-plan-thingy. Maybe someone can help me! It sort of involves talking to yourself. Like when you begin really freaking out wanting to eat a whole lot of something. And then you ask your body if it's hungry and if it really wants ten doughnuts. And your body says, "Well, I'm not hungry and I don't really require doughnuts right now. But — if you really want to do it, you know what? I can handle it for you. If it will make you feel better, go ahead and eat them, I'll deal with it." That feeling of calm, that your body is your partner and cares for you, and will even suffer for you if that will make you feel better.

It's the feeling that lets you eat that whole brownie at the friends' get-together because you know you're fitting it into your plan of partnership with your body — and you know you don't have to feel guilt or worry about what they think because you're so secure in your plan and how you're caring for your body that outside negativity doesn't impact you.

Okay, I'm weird.

kaplods
11-17-2008, 04:12 PM
Amy, sorry if it sounded like I was spazzing on you. I bristle at the suggestion that either the solution or cause of weight issues is primarily psychological. I believed it for so long in my life (it's just mind over matter) and so I "knew" it was only my lack of strength and willpower that prevented me from losing the weight. Because I thought it was a psychological failing on my part, I wasted a lot of time trying to fix a problem I didn't have, and wasn't even looking for the problems I did have (because every time I even considered them, I was reminded or reminded myself that I was "only making excuses.")

Finding the bc change and carb restriction has been a miracle for me. I need to work at STICKING to my lower carb plan (ok, that part is mental), but even so the difference is miraculous. I not only don't binge anymore, bingeing hardly ever crosses my mind. For most of my life, I was either bingeing or holding back from a binge (wanting to, but forcing my self to stay on plan, no matter how miserable I felt, and boy was I miserable most of the time). I finally feel "normal," or what I've always imagined normal to feel like.

It turns out I don't need much willpower or determination when I address the physiological. Which is good, because I think in the four decades I've been struggling with my weight, I used up almost every ounce of willpower and determination I had. I just find it so hard to muster up even a fraction of the motivation and energy that I once required on a daily basis just to keep from eating everything in sight. And yet I'm still succeeding. Progress has been very slow, but very low stress. I can't say that I've ever experienced such low stress success ever in my life. I feel like I'm "on vacation" from my old way of trying to manage my weight (or more accurately, "retired"). I think that's why I sometimes have such a resistance to putting in a little more mental effort to speed up my success - I am so afraid that it would mean returning to the stress of the "rat race." I've become lazy, but it feels so good to be lazy and succeeding than it ever did to be working nonstop and yet still failing.

kaplods
11-17-2008, 04:41 PM
Oh, I did want to comment on the second episode. I know it's not restricted to fat women, but she's got a terminal case of "niceness," which is so common in overweight women (and I find so personally irritating). God forbid you express your REAL feelings.

I mean she keeps stressing that she has no interest in Denny, and can't understand why he thinks she's still in love with him - and yet she's all flirty and sweet to him - and "can't be mean to him," OF COURSE he thinks she's still into him. When she says "you broke my heart," and it's in a smiley, sweet, coy way it does NOT say "sorry dude, you had your chance," (besides what's so mean about saying that?).

MissCely
11-17-2008, 06:30 PM
Oh, I did want to comment on the second episode. I know it's not restricted to fat women, but she's got a terminal case of "niceness," which is so common in overweight women (and I find so personally irritating). God forbid you express your REAL feelings.

I mean she keeps stressing that she has no interest in Denny, and can't understand why he thinks she's still in love with him - and yet she's all flirty and sweet to him - and "can't be mean to him," OF COURSE he thinks she's still into him. When she says "you broke my heart," and it's in a smiley, sweet, coy way it does NOT say "sorry dude, you had your chance," (besides what's so mean about saying that?).

Couldnt have said it better...

That dumb Danny or whatever his name is, he just wanted face time on tv.:censored::censored:

cbmare
11-17-2008, 06:41 PM
Did you hear him say that he is a personal trainer?

How many bikes does he have? In several scenes they are riding the chopper (high handlebars) and in another scene the handlebars are normal.

How long are they waiting between filming? I think someone mentioned that episode 2 was several months after episode 1.

angeline
11-17-2008, 07:33 PM
Oh, I did want to comment on the second episode. I know it's not restricted to fat women, but she's got a terminal case of "niceness," which is so common in overweight women (and I find so personally irritating). God forbid you express your REAL feelings.

I mean she keeps stressing that she has no interest in Denny, and can't understand why he thinks she's still in love with him - and yet she's all flirty and sweet to him - and "can't be mean to him," OF COURSE he thinks she's still into him. When she says "you broke my heart," and it's in a smiley, sweet, coy way it does NOT say "sorry dude, you had your chance," (besides what's so mean about saying that?).

kaplods, i totally agree with you and this is one of the reasons that i don't like ruby (along with the manipulativeness and sneakiness). i know there were other instances that made me shudder although can't pinpoint them now.

i like the show and really hope she succeeds. however, i'm not sure i like the person. i'll be curious to see how she changes.

i really like her nephew and her roommate. i didn't hate denny either however i wouldn't have seen him.

kaplods
11-17-2008, 08:24 PM
I find Ruby very likeable, but maybe because I see a lot of myself in her. I also think that she is less manipulative and less self-deluded than most people - of any weight. But manipulation, and even self-delusion is part of being human. I believe, most of us are far more manipulative and even "sneaky" than we admit to others and ourselves, but when gorgeous people are manipulative, we call them charismatic, and when less attractive people are manipulative we call them sneaky.

I feel bad that Ruby feels she has to be nice, even in situations that don't warrant it. I was also raised to believe that fat girls to have any friends at all HAD to be nicer than normal girls - the fat girl role was to be everyone's best friend, be there when anyone needed me (and understand when they didn't have time to be there for me), and never, ever bother thin friends with my "fat" problems. Thin girls were entitled to occasional nastiness, but for fat girls being a b**** was an unforgiveable sin.

Ruby is imperfect, but her friends and room mates are far from perfect, and aren't blameless either. They have contributed to her problems, and while protecting Ruby from herself isn't their job, they have played a role in keeping her fat, whether they've realized it or not. They had a stake in keeping her fat, and to be helpful to Ruby they need to learn to see that and change it. Many of us find in our relationships that some of our loved ones, at least in part, secretly want us just the way we are, because it's easier for them. As much as they say they want to help, often they engage in sabotage without realizing it because they don't understand or acknowledge their stake in keeping us fat. It's easier for them to feel good about themselves. It's easier to have us to criticise for our problems. It's easier to have us ALWAYS available to listen to their problems...

It will be interesting to see how Ruby changes, and how her friends and their relationships change as well.

Jen415
11-18-2008, 12:22 PM
I think they said at the beginning of Ep 2 that it had been three months since she started her program and she had lost 50 lbs.

I also think that they brought Denny back in "for dramatic effect".

kaplods
11-18-2008, 01:10 PM
That's what I do find frustrating some times about the show. It's the illusion in the name of reality. Ruby and her friends are like "why on earth is he calling now, after six years - what a crazy coincidence...."

Uh, no crazy coincidence - the producers called him and asked him if he wanted to be on tv. Just like the friend flying in from California to be with Ruby. What a wonderful friend to drop what she is doing and come all the way to visit Ruby and get her up in the early hours of the morning to exercise. Isn't she special and wonderful and caring, and surely it doesn't have anything to do with wanting to be on tv?

That's the part of reality shows that I have to remind myself are NOT real. The set ups are artificial, and even the emotions and reactions of the people are not unaffected by the camera. Would I get on the treadmill every day, no matter how horrible I'm feeling, if a camera crew were following me? Sadly, probably yes. I say sadly, because the attention isn't going to be permanent. Ruby is going to have to face, at some point, the cameras disappearing. The attention and interest of all these professionals and even some of her friends are also going to disappear or diminish when the cameras leave.

I mean a single woman on disability normally would never be able to afford the weight loss services she is receiving - a prepared fresh meal service, a gym membership WITH a personal trainer, a therapist and, a bariatric doctor and dietiecian, that souped up treadmill she has in her apartment...

I'm definitely not saying it can't be done without all of the advantages, but it does make it a very different story than most people in her situation would face. To a degree the viewer has to keep that in mind. Before someone thinks if Ruby could do it, why can't they or someone in their life do it as successfully and as quickly - they have to consider whether the same access to people and tools is available.

Luminous
11-19-2008, 11:57 AM
Amy, sorry if it sounded like I was spazzing on you. I bristle at the suggestion that either the solution or cause of weight issues is primarily psychological. I believed it for so long in my life (it's just mind over matter) and so I "knew" it was only my lack of strength and willpower that prevented me from losing the weight. Because I thought it was a psychological failing on my part, I wasted a lot of time trying to fix a problem I didn't have, and wasn't even looking for the problems I did have (because every time I even considered them, I was reminded or reminded myself that I was "only making excuses.")

No worries! For me, it is a psych issue so I am prone to focus on that and occasionally forget to remember the very real physiological and other causes that exist.

Now, the problem in the general population's perception of "overeating is psychological" is that, as with all addictive behaviors, grand motives somehow become ascribed to it. For instance, I'd bet dollars to doughnuts (haha) that Ruby's memory issues are due to sexual abuse. Are Ruby's food issues due to sexual abuse (or whatever it turns out to be)? Her psychiatrist will probably say so. The conclusion will be that she turned to food not only to comfort herself, but to make herself fat and unattractive to the abuser.

And he'll be entirely wrong. The part of the brain that pushes us to seek comfort from heavy stresses in any way possible isn't concerned with the future or long-term effects. All it wants is to feel better NOW. It's the most ancient part of our psyche, known as the reptilian brain because it functions the way reptiles' brains do today — always in the now, the moment, always seeking food, shelter, comfort. If Ruby's problem was triggered by abuse, she was overeating to feel better right then, not making plans for the future.

I know now I didn't, and don't, overeat for grand motives. I'm didn't do it at 14 because it would make me less attractive to the leering gazes I kept getting which made me so uncomfortable. I know now that I did it at 14 because being overly stuffed put me in a calmer, non-worrying state.

Similarly, alcoholics don't overdrink so they can feel free to act like jerks while drunk. That may be a side effect, but it's not the primary motive, which is the seeking of comfort. Same for drug users. It's not so they can get effortlessly thin (and then get those wonderful meth "OMG there are spiders crawling on my face!" scratches and scabs). It's to escape whatever is stressing them horribly.

Rational-emotive therapy (a subset of cognitive psychology and behavioral therapy) teaches us that we aren't broken people with deeply troubling psychological faults and problems. It teaches us that past is past and that while dwelling on past events may evince catharsis, addressing present behaviors is the only way to move forward. And that addressing must be done from a core mindset of caring. The conscious "you" — the neocortex of the brain or ego/superego — must listen to and care for the reptilian, id part of you.

Get this. Behavioral therapy is the ONE successful form of psychological therapy. Psychoanalysis and the others rarely produce results, and when they do it's often not long lasting.

Anyway, for those for whom eating too much is due to psych issues, I think eating too much = smoking = drinking too much. It's a bad habit or addiction, which became magnified over time. It gets blown way out of proportion and made into a bigger monster than it needs to be.

And who knows? I swear I've seen research on the very, very obese (those people nearing the half-ton range) that showed the part of their brains that controls satiety was non-functioning. In other words, when they said they always felt hungry, they weren't lying.

Drat. No one's going to read this far, and I have a question. Can episode 2 be viewed at the Style website? I saw ep1 there but can't seem to find 2.

cbmare
11-19-2008, 01:26 PM
Amy, I posted the schedule on page 1 of this thread. Maybe you can catch one of the reruns.

JulieJ08
11-19-2008, 11:46 PM
And who knows? I swear I've seen research on the very, very obese (those people nearing the half-ton range) that showed the part of their brains that controls satiety was non-functioning. In other words, when they said they always felt hungry, they weren't lying.

I'd only add that showing changes in their satiety area doesn't prove, or really even imply, cause and effect. They could certainly be the result of chronic overeating for other reasons. Same things may apply to depression (and many other things). Primary changes in brain chemistry may cause depression, but depression from other reasons, or even behaviors, may also cause the changes in brain chemistry.

But in both cases, the anatomical or physiological changes are still relevant. The same treatments may work, regardless of whether the chicken or the egg came first. In any event, it sure is fascinating.

Jen415
11-20-2008, 10:59 AM
Amy girl, I read your whole post! I think something huge will come out in her therapy!

Glory87
11-20-2008, 11:48 AM
I have to give up on the show, her syrupy sweet fake nice voice gets on my nerves. She has a normal voice too, but most often she's doing this weird, high pitched, super sweet tone - like fingernails on a chalkboard.

Skinny4baby
11-20-2008, 01:57 PM
Kaploids post on how fat girls must be nicer than normal, fat girl aren't entitled to nastiness, being a bi*** is an unforgiveable sin. Ouch! Boy did you just give me a lump in my throat and a stomach full of knots. This was so me. I have NEVER been able to express it?:( As I have gotten older, I have lost friends because I DID speak up for myself or tell them the TRUTH. My dh tells me I don't BS people...I live in truth...and people don't like that.

You have me thinking now that it is not that people don't like MY TRUTH??? It is because I am FAT? I even lost my best friend of 25 yrs. over this. She was the thin, perfectly dressed one is high school. The one who had the clicky friends...and then there was me...the one who drove out of her way to pick her up. The one who she lied to over and over. I was always there...smiling. Then she had a major meltdown in her life, and I told her like it was. I told her the TRUTH, because I think that is what true friends do. IShe viewed it as me betraying her, and she hasn't spoke to me in almost three yrs.

If I think back many years ago...I was the one who when out with friends..."the girls" always talked to me...as I was great for a laugh; but I was NOT the one they called the next day.

I was the fat one. Thanks for this wake-up. I knew it...I had just buried it or could not express it.

kaplods
11-20-2008, 02:32 PM
I'm not saying that it's an absolute that pretty b#'s will have tons of friends, no matter how they act. Nor that a fat girl will lose all of her friends if she's ever blunt. BUT, I am saying that in my experience, the threshold seems to be much more narrow for the fat girls. We're often cut less "slack" than pretty girls. I thought it was mostly my own paranoia, until in college and graduate school I studied perception and social behavior - and learned that research supports it - attractive people are seen as being nicer and more confident - they are given more benefit of the doubt, whereas an unattractive person has to prove him/herself and still may never be seen as being as competent as the attractive person.

It's not just fat - taller men get more and better promotions and make more money. Bald men get fewer promotions and make less money. Appearance matters. And no one is immune. No matter how unbiased you think you are, you make many of the same judgements that everyone else does. We instantly decide whether someone rubs us the wrong way, and it's on such an unconscious level we may never attribute it to the fact that the person doesn't "look right." Their eyes are too close together or too far apart, we may not even consciously be aware of it (we don't think hey that guys eyes are too small and too close together) we just know that they look weak or "dishonest."

I remember we had a professor who showed us slides of different people and we had to write down a personality trait that we thought the person seemed to have from their facial expression (later he pointed out that they all had the same facial expression eyes straight ahead and a slight closed mouth smile) - and one that struck home for me for some reason were the photos of people with weak chins (you know the people who seem to have a slanting chin or no chin at all). Just like everyone else I had written down negative personality traits. I don't know why the weak chin "stuck" so much in my mind, as the other traits were just as biased, but now whenever I see a person with a weak chin, it reminds me that my instincts regarding the person's personality could be based on their physical appearance.

cbmare
11-20-2008, 02:39 PM
Wow. That was an interesting read, kaplods.

Skinny4baby
11-20-2008, 03:30 PM
Actually, I was BLESSED with really good looks. Not trying to toot my own horn here...just trying to make a point. My nickname in high school was Brooks...as in Brooke Shields (same eyes, a little fuller lips, curlier hair but same color and thickness, more apple cheeked than her)...except I weighed 250 pounds at my high school graduation.

I view it more as worthiness. If you are FAT...and they are friends with you..They are doing you a FAVOR. So you owe them? You owe them your undivided attention, your free couseling sessions, your time, heck sometimes even your money. That is why, when you cross the line and be not so nice...they have the right to drop you...because after all..They were the ones doing you a favor allowing you to be worthy of their time and interest? It is very sad...but this is how I see alot of people being..especially WOMEN.