General chatter - Family....grrrr.....

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10-23-2008, 12:25 PM
Ok, I'm going to have to do a family rant here, because they're all insane. Certifiable. I love them all, would do anything for them and on most days wouldn't trade them for the world...but GOOD GOSH. :dizzy:

My mom died in early 2004, quite suddenly. After that, my family sort of started falling apart. My brother, his wife and their three kids live in a 4 bedroom, 3 bath manufactured home on a couple of acres of land they can't afford to pay for. He's had to work 15-16 hour days, 7 days a week, to afford the lifestyle they have, which is WELL beyond their means. He and the wife also drink quite heavily, and their now-teenage kids (17, 15 and 13) are rebelling in a MAJOR way. It'd take me a year to post about all the problems they have had, so I won't. But back to the money/ brother has a 2008 Toyota pickup, fully loaded, that he was paying about $1,000 a month on. Then he bought his wife a 2009 Scion literally three weeks ago, and they have yet to make a payment. Add those payments with everything else and they're broke all the time. Well, he got a call Monday and has been laid off, has no job, no prospects, enough money for only one month of bill paying.

My dad...after a few years he started dating my late mom's sister. She looks like my mom and has massive health problems, and lately mental issues. They're living together and she's blowing about $1,500 of HIS money every month, and he refuses to see it or do anything about it. He wants to retire more than anything but can't afford to, because of HER. My thought is that he feels guilty about not being around immediately when my mom had her heart attack/strokes and died (he's a truck driver and was several states away), so he's overcompensating by taking care of my aunt. He's promised her he'll support her for the rest of their lives, basically, and even though he doesn't WANT to anymore because of the way she's become, mentally, he's going to continue to do it until she kicks him out of the house.

And my sister...she's a couple of years older than me and has this recent obsession with moving to Ireland/Scotland. She spent last Christmas over there with a friend she met online, and his parents, and loved it. They wanted her to move there, marry the guy and live forever, and she considered it but decided she didn't love him. Now they want her to come spend this next summer, and she's planning to leave at the end of May 2009. And never come back...she's applied to teach through some program that recruits American instructors and pays 'em big bucks to teach over in Ireland. She's already applied and is in the midst of an FBI background check. She's saving money and planning to buy plane tickets. Oh, and she hasn't told ANYONE but me. It might give my dad a coronary when he finds out, because we may LITERALLY never see her again.

Sorry so long...but I feel SO much better now.....:o

10-23-2008, 12:39 PM
girl...please know that you aren't alone when it comes to crazy families. My husband's family could make a movie with how dysfunctional they are.

About your brother not being fiscally responsible... we know people who are the same way. Some friends of ours - more like acquaintances - have the same problem. The husband works off-shore in the oil field, making about $1000 a day for 6 weeks at a time. The wife works in a day care. They easily make over 100k a year. They live in a rent house and have one child in elem. school. My husband has recently started making a lot more, but before that and for the first years of our marriage made practically nothing in his grad school stipend. We were always continuously surprised when the other family had no money - we actually lent them money out of our savings to make a car payment one month...but they had the best of everything. Biggest television(s), best video game systems, newest games, best cell phones, biggest cars, every electronic you could think of. They made fun of us when we said we weren't able to go out to dinner with them one night because it just wasn't a good decision financially.

It doesn't take much anymore to make a ton of money, but being able to afford to live takes a lot of effort and matter how much money you make.

10-23-2008, 12:41 PM
After my mom whole family started to fall apart. Everyone has a crazy fam.

10-23-2008, 12:41 PM
Gosh...I didn't even go into my husband's family. That'd be a novel...

10-23-2008, 12:44 PM
Wow. Mindi. It sounds stressfull. I can offer nothing but kind thoughts. I hope you will be able to keep your own wellness in check.

10-23-2008, 03:32 PM
Hi MindiV,

So sorry that your family is so out of whack right now, but you know what?
You have no control over anyone else but you.
My family's just as crazy/disfunctional, but I came to the conclusion that they're not me and I can't fix them, so what happens to them is out of my control. I hope that doesn't sound to flippant, but you've just gotta worry about you. My mom worries about everybody and I tell her all the time that there's nothing she can do about it, so why stress yourself and make yourself all upset. I know it's hard, but for your sanity sometimes you just have to step back and distance yourself.

Best wishes to you :)

10-23-2008, 05:25 PM
You're right,'s the hardest though when my dad calls me once a day to gripe about ALL of it...I want so much to be able to fix it since I seem to be the only stable person!!!

10-23-2008, 06:14 PM
In your sister's defense, perhaps she wants to move away to get away from the crazies. That's why I moved 1000 miles away from my family. I can't say I regret it. ;)

10-23-2008, 06:34 PM
It's not up to you to fix anything, MindiV! :hug: Live your life, do what's right for yourself. They are going to do what they do--just don't (a) lend them money, (b) co-sign any loans, (d) expect to be remembered in anyone's will!


10-23-2008, 08:58 PM
I agree with JayEll---don't loan money or co-sign for ANYTHING!!! I'm so sorry your family is having a rough time right now...

10-24-2008, 02:17 AM
i totally understand you. i've been struggling for the last 4 years to get over my family- they got in over their heads w/ the bills, my dad was laid off for a long time & they just said screw it all and moved overseas, left all their debts and responsibilities behind. I don't think I'll ever see them again. I am so furious and I have no idea how to ever forgive them for it.

and then there is my husbands family which is a giant mess....

you are not alone and i agree- never ever ever even consider co-signing for anything for them ever.

10-24-2008, 10:14 AM
Lizzie - wow....

10-24-2008, 10:21 AM
Well, my sister's problems go a LOT deeper than the craziness. With her it all goes back to high school, and a LOT of it is tied to weight. She was always the biggest girl, and where I was "lucky" enough to be a thin child growing up (until about high school), she was always larger. She was picked on for her size, her frizzy hair and her love of mythical things like unicorns, etc. Like, severely picked on. She got waaaaaaaay into the Internet because it let her meet people from other places LIKE her, who didn't judge her. Later on (after being used/abused/dumped by Internet boyfriends - one she lived with, gave a credit card number to and he ran it up and literally left her high and dry one day) she started taking trips overseas and realized she was more accepted there, and wasn't judged as much.

If it makes her happy, then she should go for it. I'll just miss her a lot.

10-24-2008, 10:22 AM
Oh, and there will be absolutely NO co-signing. My brother and sister wouldn't dare ask their little sister for's the husband's family we've got to keep an eye on with that stuff, for sure.

10-24-2008, 03:48 PM
I have one of those crazy families too, but I couldn't love them more. Kids taking turns moving in with the 'rents, the 'rents going crazy because their folks are nutter butter too! Break ups and reunions and money and time... if none of that existed chick flicks wouldn't be nearly as entertaining.

10-24-2008, 05:10 PM
I know it can be stressful and difficult to watch (and listen) your family go through this, but the fact is they're adults. You can't live their lives for them and they need to make their own choices. If they ask for advice, then you should give it to them, but don't offer it unless they ask.

I also agree about not loaning money. If I ever decide to loan family or friends money I don't expect to get it back, I view it as a gift. Of course, that never happens anyway...

I'm sorry you are going through this. :hug: