or, perhaps, a better title would be 'an example of behavior that contributed to me weighing 500 pounds.'
see - it's all about how i react to other people's requests and agendas. a friend called me last night - after several months of silence [not a big deal, but when she reminded me on her msg that the last msg i left her was about finally finding a place to live, and not being homeless, i realized that she hadn't responded to that msg. not that i expect the world from folks, but a little bit of timely congratulations would have been nice!].
her phone msg was just a nice 'haven't talked for awhile, would love to catch up'
However, her timing is suspect. in a couple of weeks, the east coast knitting convention is being held, and she has a habit of hooking up with people who are going for an as-close-to-free hotel room as possible. not that she mentioned it in her msg -
soooo, the old me - the formerly trusting person - would have taken this msg at face value, not thinking of the agenda. and i would have called her back immediately, and the request would have been made, and i'd have been tongue tied. do i allow her to bunk with me? i made these reservations about 3 months ago - i planned ahead!!!
my inclination is that i DON'T want her to bunk with me. and if i did agree to it, i'd only be resentful most of the time, and would be EATING THROUGH IT just to avoid dealing.
so, i'm probably not going to call her back for awhile.
grrrrrrrrr. but i can't afford to gain another pound!!!! i JUST CAN'T!!!!!
I agree... it sounds suspect.
Does she know you're attending? Tell her your playing it by ear this year if she asks and you dont want to make any promises. But, that's kinda a lie. Would she not split the room cost with you?
This person doesn't sound like a very good friend, especially after not responding to your being homeless call. I would be tempted to not return the call at all, until after the conference.
You could find another room-mate to share with, and then call her back, and just tell the truth.
You could say you're staying at your cousin's house, and there's no more room.
You could bring a sweetheart or a non-knitting friend along and they could go see some sights while you're at the conference.
I agree, don't let her stay in your room, it's not good for you.
Where is this conference? It sounds like fun!
Oh...call her back! Visit awhile. Maybe she does just want to chat. Just stay on guard though, and right when you feel she's about to ask you if she can bunk with you, turn the tables and say, "Hey, do you got a room yet for the convention? I was hoping to go but can't seem to find a room yet..." Then you can always say later that the hotel received a cancellation and hooked you up at the last minute.
First, A knitting conventions....O Wow! You lucky girl! I didn't even know that such a thing exists. Forget about your not-so-nice friend and just take me!!!!LOL!!! I do want a full report about this convention though!
All have good advice and so...... I suspect the reason she didn't call you is because she didn't want to get involved. Ignorance is bliss, but if she did know that would mean she would have offered to help out. Doesn't sound like a very good friend to me. I've gotten good at saying "NO" here lately and never was able to do that for many, many, years. Or you could say, "You know I hadn't heard from you in quite a while, which is too bad because the knitting convention is coming and some friends and I have great accomodations." If she says room for one more, a nice "NO" and change the subject. I think it is better than rooming with her and putting her eyes out with a chocolate covered pretzel. LOL! Don't fret about her, fretting leads to guilt and guilt leads to compensation which leads to FOOD!!! Put down the pretzel, please!!!! Full steam ahead to the wonderful, guilt-free, convention!
Don't call! Email If she couldn't be there for you whne you needed help but its pushy enough to ask for a shared room (even in the hypothetical) email her cheap arse! if she does ask Say No I'm not homeless any more but it looks like you are!!
You are far too important to eat through anger.
and btw i'm having that day too Jiff!
I personally wouldn't call her back until after the convention ("Oh, sorry, you know how hectic things get! Let's catch up now!"), or else if you do call her back, be friendly while you're talking, but when she gets to the subject of the convention, cut her right off. ("I haven't gotten a room yet..." "That's a shame. Better luck next year!") She'd have to be pretty friggin' bold to go on and beg after that. And if she does, just be firm and direct -- you don't owe her explanations. ("Can I share the room with you?" "No, I'd rather not." "But I have nowhere to stay!" "Now you know to make reservations further in advance!")
Of course, you could be a sassypants and really cut her off at the pass. Call her, and the second she picks up the phone, just say: "Wow, it's so great to hear from you! For a second I had the crazy idea you'd be calling to try to horn in on my hotel room -- silly me, as though you'd ever be so gauche! Now let's catch up, sweetie!"
Any which way, good for you for standing up for yourself and deciding not to put yourself in a stressful situation that you'd be tempted to eat through!
I agree I would wait until after the convention and then call her. You know your busy with the move and all and I don't think this person has all of the best of motive.
I've been used recently by someone that was very dear to me. This shed a lot of light on things and it was very hard. I'm still heartbroken over it. I can't belive this has happend and this person also lied about me. It's very sad but I had to deal with it. I too am/was/will have to learn how to NOT be a stress eater. I wanted to turn to that love but I can't. I did have a mini-melt-down during that time and was really stressing about things but I got through it. Now I'm at the stage of not being hurt but now I'm angry!! Life teaches us lessons and I try to be a fast learner......LOL
A couple of weeks is a long time to dodge her if she's persistent. If you have caller ID you could just not answer her calls. I have the same problem telling people no. It's a **** of a place to be. If you let her stay with you and resent it ...you'll be miserable. If you're like me and you lie to her or say no you'll feel guilty. Honesty, I believe, is very important to our keeping this weight off. So, if you can't avoid it you may just have to buck up and tell her you'd prefer to have the room to yourself. You can honestly tell her you've been going through a lot lately....lots of changes and challenges... and you really need the time and space for yourself. You can say it in a very nice way and tell her you hope she understands. And if she doesn't....then tell her you're sorry she feels that way. I know it's easier said than done. I'm having lots of problems with the same issues. What makes us think we are responsible for everybody else? Whatever happened to personal responsiblility? Why can't we say, " I don't want to do that" and just let it go at that?
If you feel like you must talk to her, or if you pick up the phone and there she is, and she actually asks to stay with you, you can always say, in a pleasant voice, "Oh--I'm sorry, but now is just not a good time for me to have a guest." Repeat that as needed.
She may be disappointed, but she'll get over it--and as long as you say it in a pleasant way, and aren't unfriendly about it, there should be no lingering bad feelings.
And if you don't hear from her again, you'll know that she really was just cadging for an invitation.
If you feel like you must talk to her, or if you pick up the phone and there she is, and she actually asks to stay with you, you can always say, in a pleasant voice, "Oh--I'm sorry, but now is just not a good time for me to have a guest." Repeat that as needed.
If you need to practice saying this, do. My vote is for Jay's advice.
Good one Jay!!
a small rant
If she couldn't be there for you whne you needed help but its pushy enough to ask for a shared room (even in the hypothetical) email her cheap arse! if she does ask Say No I'm not homeless any more but it looks like you are!!
