20-Somethings - Invisible?

View Full Version : Invisible?

10-13-2008, 10:52 PM
So, ok, I started at grad school a while ago and class participation counts as part of your grade. I have a thing about speaking up in class as I'm self concious and I HATE it. But know what? I've been doing it! So my school is really rather small and the professors make a point of learning everyone's name. Guess the only person's name they haven't remembered? Yup, mine! Ugh! Seriously, one prof just points at me and smiles (she calls on everyone else by name-even the people who NEVER talk) and the other called me by a completely different name altogether (again, he knows everyone else's name-even those who never talk).

So then this guy-who I sincerely disliked before and now just kinda hate, was talking to a group of my friends who mentioned me. And he didn't know who I was! I mean, I sit with my group of friends everyday...and he's friends with them too. So he sees me sitting with them, we've had a conversation or two, and he couldn't remember me. And then today, another guy, who I've talked to and worked with in class was like, "wait you're in this class too?" and then was all like well it's ok bc it's not like you know my name...and then i was like actually I do (it's a unique name which is why I remembered it). And he was like now I feel like an @ss. To which I said, you should...we're two classes with 20 people and we've worked together!

But seriously, I'm starting to get a complex. It's like I don't exist. Not important enough to remember....sigh. I was talking to my friends today and they said that I'm getting prettier like everyday. Which I tried to tell them that it was a compliment for them to say so, but basically they were saying that I'm fat/ugly and no one remembered me before because of this (specifically guys) and now that I'm losing the weight (esp in my face) guys are starting to notice me. Which is like...is this supposed to make me feel better? I don't know, it's just making me sad and reaffirming those feelings I have in my head, kwim?

Has anyone else had anything like this happen to them before? Or am I the only invisible girl on the board?

10-13-2008, 10:56 PM
This sounds exactly like me. I don't really have the problem with teachers, but definitely with my peers. Nobody ever remembers my name or anything. Or if I meet someone briefly they don't ever recognize me after that. Maybe I just have a better memory so I remember people better than others? Or maybe I'm just forgettable?

10-13-2008, 11:01 PM
That was a major problem for me before I started dieting, and still sometimes to this day. I'm slowly getting my self confidence back, though. It helped that one professor, who couldn't even remember my name after the first month of class, offered me a job as a research assistant (me, out of the whole class, the one she forgot!) by the end of the quarter. I think it was mostly in my head, even if she did forget my name at first.

10-13-2008, 11:06 PM
My weight has fluctuated quite a bit and I do notice a patten between skinny and fat attention. Sad, but true.

10-14-2008, 04:48 AM
Well, I relate. I was like this so badly in school...and then I kind of 'found myself' and with that keep self appreciation and it seems that's when people started noticing me. There will be a time when people notice you, but it's not going to be because you've lost a huge amount of weight or how gorgeous you are, it will be because of the person you are.

Look within yourself and find all of those characteristics your friends love you for that make you YOU, and let everybody else see them.

10-14-2008, 05:13 AM
I don't think it's just a weight thing, because I STILL have this happening to me. I've even had the lovely experience of knowing someone for YEARS only to have them forget my name, and I chalk it up to my still not having a clear identity. Even though I've lost all of this weight I'm still trying to find myself and be more of a "people person", you know?

So I usually don't take it personally. It's not always a bad thing to be able to blend in and, let's face it, some people are just distracted and oblivious ;)

Also, someone recently told me something interesting. They said that people tend to like and remember those who remember and use THEIR name and things about them, and it's so true. I know that if I meet someone new who makes it a point to use my name the next time we meet, or mentions something personal about me, then I remember them as well and my estimation of them goes way up.