20-Somethings - I thought I was doing okay...

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10-10-2008, 10:53 PM
but I guess not. I've had issues with this for as long as I remember, and I'm going through one of those self loathing stages again. One of those stages that leads me to start binging and purging and starving.

I so badly want to stop this before it starts again. I've started trying to pray but it's not helping me. I feel sick right now from all that I've eaten tonight already.

I just hate my body so much. I hate my stretch marks and my saggy skin and I know it's never going to go away. I don't even understand how my husband can find me attractive when there's a million other more beautiful women out there. How can my husband find a saggy belly attractive? Or saggy breasts? He's deployed right now, but I just feel so sick of myself. I can't believe I did this to myself. I'm never going to have a beautiful body, because I'm always going to have ugly stretch marks and ugly saggy skin and ugly saggy breasts, I hate this. I hate it so much.

I can't stand feeling this way. I've seen a therapist for these issues and they go away... but then the come right back out of the blue. I was doing fine in the beginning of the week, and now it's all just gone to crap again.

I don't know why I posted... I guess I just needed to vent.

10-10-2008, 11:48 PM
Never say never.

Plastic surgery is an option for saggy skin and breasts.

If you're really *that* unhappy with your body, it might be worth looking into, imo.

10-10-2008, 11:54 PM
Never say never.

Plastic surgery is an option for saggy skin and breasts.

If you're really *that* unhappy with your body, it might be worth looking into, imo.

I know that, and I posted my issue with that in the General Chatter forum.

Even if I did decide on plastic surgery, it wouldn't be for another 2 years or so. I'd have to save the money and everything. I don't plan on having children until I'm 30 (I'm 20 now) but what's going to happen to my body then?

I want to give everything time to tighten back up but UGH. I just wish I was at my goal weight already.

10-11-2008, 12:04 AM
While I don't know the God you pray too. However, my Jesus knows exactly how he feels about you. I hope you will take these verses and claim these as your own.

Psalm 139:13-18

13 For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mothers womb
14 I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well
15 My frame was not hidden from You, When I was made in secret And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written The days fashioned for me, When as yet there were none of them.
17 How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How great is the sum of them!
18 If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand; When I awake, I am still with you.

I have been doing a bible study authored by Beth Moore named "The Patriarchs" It has been the best bible study I have ever done. She has given several great quotes in this study but this one we just covered last night: The troubled child of desperation is obsession, but the healthy child of desperation is devotion.

Please focus on the perfect man that loves you, Jesus. He loves you no matter what you look like, how your framed. He doesn't want you to be in bondage to yourself, that is not what he died for. I am sure your husband loves you for who you are outside and inside. He has committed to you to be there through thick and thin, lean on him and let him love on you.

I don't want to sit here and pretend like I don't have problems with this because I do greatly. I have claim the promises that my Jesus has made to me and how he feels about me everyday. I will lift you up in prayer, that you will seek after him and find yourself whole in him because that is the way he sees you. And also that your husband will be returned to you without harm.

If you ever need anything PM me.

10-11-2008, 12:07 AM
Aw, hang in there :hug: Use your knowledge - you already know that the feeling will pass. Could it be hormonal? One thing that seems obvious, but sometimes it just isn't, is your feelings don't have to determine your actions. You can feel crappy and still do your exercise or choose your foods. Just like you still go to work.

You can choose to recognize that this is a hard time, and try to maintain instead of lose for the moment. Maybe if you feel less deprived you won't feel as much need to binge. You don't have to push, push, push yourself all the time.

10-11-2008, 01:17 AM
you're husband will love you no matter what you look like! i try to remind myself that my boyfriend doesn't see me as what is on the outside. my body is just something to hold and be close to that represents me. it is my soul and inner self that he is in love with. your body is only temporary after all!

Iconised Ghost
10-11-2008, 01:53 AM
seems like maybe your husband didnt marry you for your body, but for who you are- what a catch he is! ;) i would also say never say never, bodies are funny things and you never know what changes might happen as you get towards your goal

10-11-2008, 09:50 AM
I think Bee20nine had some wonderful words of wisdom for you. God loves you just the way you are, and believe it or not, so does your husband. Beauty really is skin deep, but your spirit is what people truly love about you. I too have lost quite a bit of weight, and have had 2 children. I have enough stretch marks and loose skin for 3 people.:D While in a perfect world it would be nice to always have the body of an 18 year old, it's not a perfect world and it's not meant to be. Perfection is our reward after this life. My husband is CRAZY about me just the way I am. Even at 46 years old he chases me around like a teenager!! He's a very handsome man and he finds ME the most beautiful woman in the world. We even have an ongoing joke that he wouldn't trade me in for 2 twenty year olds!!:carrot:

Your husband loves you and sees you the way God sees you, as his perfect creation! LOVE YOURSELF LIKE GOD LOVES YOU and everything will turn around.

10-11-2008, 12:03 PM
I gained a pound this week but it only motivated me to push myself harder. i think the most important thing is to never give up and knowing youll eventually get there. You didn't put the weight on in a short period of time so it cant just disappear in a second.

10-11-2008, 02:53 PM
i agree with the above statement....
not seeing the scales move make me work harder....
but it does get a little disheartening....

Its Courtney
10-11-2008, 03:27 PM
Look at your progress though! It's incredible! AND you're so very lucky to have a husband that loves YOU and ALL of you, inside and out. Not everyone experiences that in life.

Maybe you could continue seeing a therapist? I have a friend that's in the same position as you, and getting everything out in the open and talking about it helps. Also, try and see past your insecurities on the outside and see how far you've come thus far. Make a list of things that make you amazing and unique...writing them down on paper and reading over them when you're at a low will probably cheer you up.

Hang in there hun!

10-11-2008, 03:54 PM
I gained a pound this week but it only motivated me to push myself harder. i think the most important thing is to never give up and knowing youll eventually get there. You didn't put the weight on in a short period of time so it cant just disappear in a second.

Yeah, I know that. I've been doing this for the last 2 years, though. It's getting pretty old.

10-11-2008, 06:19 PM
Lovely - Are you feeling better today? There must literally be something in the air...or atmosphere (since we are probably far away from each other) but ahhh...I'm right where you are today...and the fight with the scale is just crazy to me. I was 159.8 on Monday. This morning I was just over 164 and 10 mins ago it said 167.1. Like seriously, how is that possible??? So what did I do about it??? Went and got out the gram crackers and choc and ate till I felt sick. Nice idea...

On a higher note I checked out your progress pictures and can't wait to look like you do! You really do look great even if you don't see it today.

10-11-2008, 08:02 PM
I hope you are feeling better :) girl..i know alll about stretch marks and saggyness..sometimes i feel like i should have had 4 kids the way my body is looking:( whenever i'm feeling low about the way my bf sees my body i just remember something that the comdeian kat williams once said on the subject and it always makes me smile he said: real men dont get phased about things like stretch marks coz they know you got them from one of two things, either you was small and you got big or you was big and you got small :D i know this may not mean much coming from someone you dont know but i just have to say im just starting my weight loss journey and people like you inspire me :hug: you've come so far.
your husband loves you..and you are not not body or your looks..feel better :hug:

10-11-2008, 08:11 PM
Do you realize what a huge accomplishment 90 lbs is? I know you may think, oh my saggy skins, my breasts.... But you know what, I bet even with that stuff that makes you feel uncomfortable with your body, you feel 1000 x better then you did at 234... Right? Try to look on the bright side. Your husband will love you regardless of how you look, that's why they say "forever". Try not to focus so much on what you are unhappy with, instead, focus on the good things you do have & what makes you feel good. :-) Hang in there!

10-11-2008, 10:46 PM
Thank you so much guys. I sent an e-mail to my husband about how I was feeling and his response did make me feel better, as well as what you all have said.

I've been really stressed out lately. My husband is deployed and I'm living with my mom and step dad. I'm in school this semester, and next March I'll be moving back to NC to be with my husband when he comes back from deployment so I'm trying to save money. My mom is planning on filing for bankruptcy and moving back to california at the end of the year, thus I'm going to end up going with her because I'm not going to have enough money to move back to NC. She's saying stuff about leaving my step dad and going by herself, and then saying that he's coming. Honestly, whatever she wants to do she can do, but I hate her contradicting herself and putting it all on me. I'd rather be left out of it. Because 1, she only talks to me about things when she's angry at my step dad, then when they make up it's "None of your business." I just want to be left out of it. Then she tells me that she's going to try and sell her other house, and with the money from it she wants to buy me a boob job, and honestly I'd rather if she gave me money to just have my credit card payed off so I don't have to worry about it anymore. I told her that and she's like, "but I'd rather buy you boobs."

I want my husband home and I want to live my life with him and I want to go back to NC and I don't want to be stressed out about this anymore.

*sigh* I'm just so frustrated with life right now.

10-11-2008, 11:36 PM
*sigh* I'm just so frustrated with life right now.

Sounds like your husband is the only sanity in your life! Hang in there for a while :).