20-Somethings - My boyfriends hotter then me
10-07-2008, 10:38 PM
So my boyfriend
(ok, we got back together 3 days after we broke up... we did a lot of talking and realized that we weren't communicating and neither of us were happy because of it - so, we are trying again)
My boyfriend is hotter then me. He recently got into mountain biking, and working on bikes is his job - so he's in pretty good shape from all that lifting and exercise. I however have some weight to loose, and I feel very unattractive to him. No matter what he can say - my self confidence is still keeping me from feeling like I'm totally attractive to him. how do I deal with this... I hate it so much :(
10-07-2008, 10:42 PM
my bf is a mountain biker too, and he's always been smaller and better looking than me. It took me a long time to get over worries that I'm not good enough for him (actually, I still have those feelings at times), so I know how you feel.
But you have to remember, that those who love us usually see the things what we can't see. He picked you for a reason! Would you ever settle for someone you didn't think was good enough for you? No! People don't generally do that (short of having a serious emotional/self esteem issue).
10-08-2008, 12:21 AM
Just because someone is smaller or weighs less doesnt mean that they are better looking. From your pic you look great! Im sure he truely thinks your beautiful.
10-08-2008, 01:11 AM
I feel you. The boy I was with in San Francisco I was having sex with a boy who was so tiny his hip bones left bruises on my chunky thighs.
But what I've found is that, if they're with you, they think you're cute.
10-08-2008, 01:18 AM
Ooh, that's a tough one. Ultimately it has to be up to you to decide that you are attractive enough for him. Even if we all tell you that you're beautiful - and that he obviously must think so, too - it seems to me like that has to be something you must recognize yourself. Think of all the things about you that ARE beautiful, things you like about yourself (and imperfections can be very beautiful, too!). Or, on the flip side, think of all of your boyfriend's flaws. ;) (Jk!)
10-08-2008, 09:41 AM
I'd like to believe physical attraction is what draws us to people, but it is their personality and especially for men, how we make someone "feel" is what keeps us what them.
Just think, you see it all the time, someone who you think looks so much better than their partner and you think to yourself, why is the more attractive person with the lesser attractive person, what is they see in them? Well, maybe they're mature enough to see beyond that person's physical being, maybe that person supports them and uplifts them, something they haven't been able to find in the 'beauty queens' or the 'macho guys'.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Cliche? Yes, but true.
10-12-2008, 05:40 AM
My boyfriend is much better looking than me! He is very slim, tall, great features, beautiful smile, and really well dressed (spends more time getting ready than me!). Then there's me, totally overweight, not that cute, and really kind of frumpy.
I admit that always being on a diet, I am always like--Oh, I'm not going to buy nice clothes now, I don't want to waste money while I'm fat when I'll just lose the weight. It's almost like spending $20 on a shirt that fits now is agreeing that it's okay to weigh this much. This has gone on for years. Couple that with a few years of depression and I've gone from one of the most stylish among my peers to a girl that just does the bare minimum.
I really think if I lost some weight and put more effort into my appearance, we'd look like more of a match.. but right now, I think people must view us as a really odd looking couple.
10-12-2008, 07:20 AM
i have always felt somewhat insuperior to my boyfriend....
he is very attention seeking and selfish at times....
i dont think he likes the fact i have lost a lot of weight....
and is trying to make me feel bad because of it....
saying my legs looked fat in my new dress is an example....
especially when nobody else thinks so....
especially people i can trust for honest opinions....
10-12-2008, 07:35 AM
bah, what's all this talk about pretty boyfriends making people feel down. No one can make you feel anything without your consent.
I personally find an exceptionally hot date or flirt of the day boosts my ego and overall mood... men arent blind... they must see something equally hot in you to date you.
10-12-2008, 11:25 AM
A person of 5'4" and 130 pounds can hardly be called repulsive.
10-12-2008, 11:44 AM
Hmm.. When I met my boyfriend, he was skinnier than me, and he's 6' 2"...
he's always had a build so even though he was skinnier than me he was still strong, but still, he was skinnier. I was also at my highest weight, 192.
We've been going out for almost 4 years now, he's put on weight, and I've lost weight.. no matter what though, he's always, always, always found me attractive, and I had a tough time believing it myself but after a while you realize it's all in your head!
In general, he finds a bit of extra weight on girls sexier b/c in Spain (even though he was brought up here), "thicker" women are considered more beautiful than thinner girls.. That's not to say that I'm scared he won't find me attractive when I get to my goal, b/c he always has, but it just goes to show how much weight & beauty is something that comes down to the person... I think guys have a better chance of finding diversity in what they consider "beautiful" among women, but females think that media portrayal of women is what ALL men want and that just isn't true.. And that is just from a physical standpoint, don't even get me started on how much personality decides how attractive a person is. I've definitely found "hot" guys to not be my type and therefore unattractive to me just based on the way they act/personality.. So don't judge yourself so harshly, most of it is mental anyway.
on a sidenote - I wish I was your weight right now!
10-12-2008, 11:53 AM
Btw garstar, after seeing your pictures in the "photo album" thread, I might have to give you a kick in the butt for this thread LOL. You are d*mn pretty, girl! It's no wonder your boyfriend finds you attractive! Maybe you should start wondering if he's handsome enough for you... ;) Hehe, jk. But I think you are very pretty, so it sounds like this may be more of a self-esteem issue than anything else, so what I said before still stands. Somehow you have to find it in yourself to recognize that you ARE pretty. I'm sure it will be hard, but you have to believe it!
10-12-2008, 11:54 AM
Have you ever brought this up to him, considering you're both unhappy that there's a lack of communication? Communicating feelings can be really hard, but it's a big deal if you don't.
I feel very unattractive a lot of the time -- so during those low points I don't feel like being amorous or romantic or even going out (though that last one isn't quite so hard). This was a change for me, and my husband was under the impression I was angry with him, or didn't find *him* attractive.
I was like, wait wait wait... it's about ME here. *giggles* Boyfriends also worry about how you view them... he might have some insecurities to get off his chest too!
One thing you shouldn't do is nag your b/f about whether or not he thinks you're attractive, and definitely don't point out girls you see around and say "Why are you with me and not her" and expect an answer. No answer to a loaded question like that will make you feel better.
But mention it sometime, honestly, and not as a way to fish for a compliment. If he can openly talk about the touchy subject with care for your feelings, he's a keeper ;)