Hello everyone. I lost a lot of weight during the course of last year, before I started working with my current coworkers. So when I came to work with them, I was my smallest. Since I have started working there, I have gained some weight back. Anyway, they are all quite a bit overweight (a couple could probably be considered obese), and they are always talking about losing weight, diets, vitamins, etc. Don't get me wrong, I am not FAT. I've just gained some weight so when I hear them talk about it, I like to say a few things too. Whether it be "I have gained weight and I'm trying to get it under control" - or just things like good exercise, low calorie foods, etc. Well the problem is I get attacked! Even if I ask a question while they are talking about it. On one hand I can understand why they would feel that way towards me, and on one hand it can also kind of be seen as a compliment - but on another hand, it's like they don't believe me that I struggle with the same things they do! Like I haven't been very overweight before!! And still struggling to not get back there again. I just want to openly join in on the conversations with them... because I could probably give them some helpful advice, and I just simply like to talk about it because I have struggled with this for my entire life, and just LAST YEAR did I finally do something about it. Anyway, I guess this is just a little rant!!!
Why don't you just explain to them that weight differences don't mean a thing, you can just as easily have the same problems as them and have every right to join in their discussions.. Considering you have lost the weight, I'd be very happy to listen to you're input and I think they too should.
I personally would just be very blunt with them. But then I tend to be a blunt sort of person.
The next time one of them attacked me I'd say something like "Did it ever occur to you that I used to be very overweight myself and have WORKED my *** off to get where I am right now? Did it ever occur to you that I might be able to relate to what you're saying and offer my thoughts and suggestions?"
And then I'd walk off. But that's me. I don't put up with sh*t like that from anyone.
I personally would just be very blunt with them. But then I tend to be a blunt sort of person.
The next time one of them attacked me I'd say something like "Did it ever occur to you that I used to be very overweight myself and have WORKED my *** off to get where I am right now? Did it ever occur to you that I might be able to relate to what you're saying and offer my thoughts and suggestions?"
And then I'd walk off. But that's me. I don't put up with sh*t like that from anyone.
"Wow. That's pretty judgemental of you all. Up until last year I was VERY overweight, and only recently have I mostly gotten it under control. I still struggle, every single day of my entire life. I thought we might all be able to share our pointers with eachother, and encourage eachother, but if you don't want to learn from my experiences, so be it."
do you have a pic of you at a heavier wieght?
maybe if you showed them it would inspire them and open up their ears to what you have to say.
i bet they would be coming to you for advise then.
I agree with PhotoChick and Faerie and also I would suggest that maybe they just do not want to be friends with you. Some work situations have their little cliques and do not want to let anyone else in.
Sometimes, I think that people just like to talk about weight and losing weight, instead of losing it. I think it's a matter of just not being ready to really buckle down and do something about it. It's kind of like how some women complain constantly about their men but stick with them. The trouble with losing weight becomes a bond, something to talk about.
I've caught myself avoiding talking about my weight loss lately, even though I've had a couple of situations where I could easily have said, "You've lost weight? So have I!" But I've felt very reluctant and haven't talked to anyone outside of this board about it. I just don't want to get drawn back into the cycle of talking but not making progress or losing progress. I think that's a cycle I've been in.
I'm not sure what I'm saying is true; it's just a sense that I have. I'm not even sure if I'm explaining it well.
Sometimes, I think that people just like to talk about weight and losing weight, instead of losing it.
I was actually thinking the same thing. I complained about being fat and talked about changing my lifestyle for years before I actually committed to doing it.
Then again, if they don't know you used to be overweight, I can understand their reluctance to talk with you about being fat. Do they know how much weight you've lost?
Last edited by UrsusMaritimus; 10-05-2008 at 02:19 PM.
Sometimes, I think that people just like to talk about weight and losing weight, instead of losing it. I think it's a matter of just not being ready to really buckle down and do something about it. It's kind of like how some women complain constantly about their men but stick with them. The trouble with losing weight becomes a bond, something to talk about.
I think that is often true. If so, they may not be any happier with your contributions after they know you've lost weight. Because it just reminds them that they are only talking, not doing. But you never know. They might jump on board!
What do you mean by attacked? What was the conversation they were having? What did you say and how did they attack you (what did they say, what was their tone of voice, what facial expressions did they have that caused you to feel attacked)? Were they aggressive (and how) or did they just seem obviously uncomfortable or uninterested?
There's a big difference between them saying "what do you know?" or "shut up," than disagreeing with your advice for another reason, or being uncomfortable talking about the topic when you join in.
It may not be because you are thinner than they are and giving advice (though it could be), it may be because they felt attacked or intruded upon, or a thousand other reasons.
I know that it can be difficult for a woman who is larger to fully appreciate that a much thinner woman (even one who was once larger, sometimes even someone they knew larger) giving advice 1. Knows what it's like to be very heavy or has any advice that can help a much larger person or that 2. A thinner person who attempts to do so, isn't gloating, criticising or judging.
I've also been in work situations where a clique developed, just by working very closely with people over time. It can be hard to trust a new person introduced into the group. There have definitely been times where I remember having a new person try to break into a work clique, and topics we were comfortable talking about with each other (whether it be the boss, weight loss, relationship troubles or other subjects), we weren't comfortable talking to the new person about those issues yet. It may have felt unwelcoming, when we just didn't know the person well enough yet to talk about intimate or personal subjects yet.
I know that I have to fight very hard with myself not to assume that someone much smaller than me, or even someone I don't know very well, isn't gloating, criticising, or judging or just clueless about my personal struggles when they attempt to give me dieting or exercising advice. It's the first thing I think of, even if they're trying to be nice. Even when I remind myself it aint necessarily so, and force myself to be gracious, I'm not always able to fully hide my discomfort with them giving me that kind of advice. I'm more comfortable discussing the topic with certain people (sometimes it's because I've known them a long time, sometimes it's just someone I'm not sure why I feel so comfortable with), and sometimes I may have a reaction of disinterest or discomfort because of how a person gives advice, how well I know them, and even my experience with the particular piece of advice they are giving. If it's something I've heard 1,000 times before, or something that I know does not work for me, or someone I don't know well enough to know their motives or trustworthiness, I tend not to have as much of an interested, positive response.
because I could probably give them some helpful advice
I'd say, put this out of your mind... In my experience, both as an overweight person and having lost, people do not want helpful advice unless they specifically ask for it (as members of 3FC do on this board).
They see you as someone with no problem, especially the ones who are obese. It would probably be best not to take part in those group conversations. You might do better by talking one-on-one, where there isn't that group dynamic going on.
I have the same thing going on at my office. I get attacked for succeeding at anything. Weightloss or my success in going back to school, they don't want to hear anything. They'd love to see/hear me fail though.
It seems to all boil down to that they like to just complain about it, but they don't want to suck it up and do it. It burns them that we can resist the temptations and succeed. I use it to my advantage.
These days though I take the path that Ufi does. I go to work, do my job, my time and leave. This is the only place I'll turn too regarding my wieghtloss.
I can't talk about it with my coworkers.
I lost a lot of weight during the course of last year, before I started working with my current coworkers. So when I came to work with them, I was my smallest. Since I have started working there, I have gained some weight back. Anyway, they are all quite a bit overweight (a couple could probably be considered obese), and they are always talking about losing weight, diets, vitamins, etc. Don't get me wrong, I am not FAT. I've just gained some weight so when I hear them talk about it, I like to say a few things too. Whether it be "I have gained weight and I'm trying to get it under control" - or just things like good exercise, low calorie foods, etc. Well the problem is I get attacked! Even if I ask a question while they are talking about it. On one hand I can understand why they would feel that way towards me, and on one hand it can also kind of be seen as a compliment - but on another hand, it's like they don't believe me that I struggle with the same things they do! Like I haven't been very overweight before!! And still struggling to not get back there again. I just want to openly join in on the conversations with them... because I could probably give them some helpful advice, and I just simply like to talk about it because I have struggled with this for my entire life, and just LAST YEAR did I finally do something about it. Anyway, I guess this is just a little rant!!! 
