20-Somethings - loss of friends?




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KateRN
10-01-2008, 10:57 PM
i think its a generally well known fact that everyone can be friends with the fat girl! we're non-threatening, funny and easy to talk to. girls can be our friends, no fear of us stealing their men, guys can talk to us to get to our skinny friends.

anyone ever wonder if you are going to lose friends when you become more of a threat? i have a few "friends" who have been very consistent in my life, but are def trying to sabotage my weight loss and who go out of their way to talk about how many guys like them, send me pictures of themselves in swim suits and talk about how sexy they look and how nice their abs our - for no real reason other than to make me feel bad, as far as i can tell.

ever wonder what will happen when you lose weight?
ever experience this?


nicoledg
10-01-2008, 11:01 PM
I have definetly felt that way before! I've lost contact with most of those people after I lost quite a bit of weight a few years ago. It doesn't happen much anymore though cause I'm off the market, I guess I'm no longer a threat lol

kelly315
10-01-2008, 11:35 PM
Last year, I went back to school after a year break (and after losing about 60 pounds) and I found that everyone was really friendly and it was easy to make friends. Unfortunately, shortly after I came back, I started gaining the weight back and eventually gained about 90 pounds throughout the year. It may have been because my self confidence was dropping, and I was putting up walls, but people seemed to start ignoring me quite a bit.

Fortunately, I've been able to find a few good people who just don't care, and my great boyfriend has stuck through it all with me.

I definately feel like i have more to prove to hang out with "normal" sized people... but I think it may be in my (or all of our) heads for the most part. a


bananapancakes
10-02-2008, 12:00 AM
Use their negativity as your own motivation and show them who dominates! :devil:

iriswhispers
10-02-2008, 12:09 AM
Kate! that's awful.... they don't sound like very nice friends. I hope you love yourself at your size and will still love yourself as you lose weight, and I hope you find friends who do the same.

SwimGirl
10-02-2008, 12:15 AM
I sure hope this doesn't happen to me! I have so few friends to begin with.. lol. Some girls just baffle me! I've actually had a friend stop being friends with me because I was in a relationship, I guess that was our connection - single girls ready to mingle. I guess its better that its over, because if thats all we could talk about, it wasn't meant to be lasting.

We sure have enough to think about with this weight loss journey, never mind having to worry about this as well.

-Aimee

beachluvr79
10-02-2008, 07:46 AM
I have a mixture. Friends who are very supportive, and friends who never mention it, (Is 55 lbs really not noticeable?). But not so much friends who try to sabotage. Everyone has their own issues, even thin girls. Obviously they have some self esteem issues. It maybe that all they have going for them is their looks. I wouldn't take it as a personal insult to you, they are just trying to make themselves feel better. Regardless, if their comments and actions are effecting you negatively, it may be time to distance yourself from them.

junebug41
10-02-2008, 09:41 AM
I lost my guy friends :(

I was friends with a group of guys through my job. There was never any romantic interest, even after I lost weight. I just didn't feel any different about them. However, when their girlfriends got a look at me they were no longer allowed to hang out with me. It was the first time I realized how insecure a lot of women are and that having guy friends isn't always innocent, especially to them...

Smiling_Sara
10-02-2008, 10:25 AM
i think its a generally well known fact that everyone can be friends with the fat girl! we're non-threatening, funny and easy to talk to. girls can be our friends, no fear of us stealing their men, guys can talk to us to get to our skinny friends.

anyone ever wonder if you are going to lose friends when you become more of a threat? i have a few "friends" who have been very consistent in my life, but are def trying to sabotage my weight loss and who go out of their way to talk about how many guys like them, send me pictures of themselves in swim suits and talk about how sexy they look and how nice their abs our - for no real reason other than to make me feel bad, as far as i can tell.

ever wonder what will happen when you lose weight?
ever experience this?


wow, I've never even thought about this. I will be the same person with the same outlook on life. If my friends are gonna be superficial or like me only bc of my fat and skin, they are not friends at all.

junebug41
10-02-2008, 10:52 AM
It took me a looooong time to accept the fact (or to realize) that I had changed. My core values are the same of course, but I have changed. I've said before that the benefit of going through this experience in my early 20's was that I was able to mature from it and it helped me sort of figure out who I really was and what I was really about. As a result, I approach the world differently and the world approaches me differently, too. I have a lot of the same close friends, but I also now have friends that I'm not sure I would've had before I lost weight as now I'm way more confident in approaching people.

ducky0224
10-02-2008, 11:10 AM
Wow. That is too bad that people would try to sabatage you for their own insecurities. I don't have that many friends, and the ones I have are really close friends, so I don't see them seeing me as a threat. I am in school though, and I am more curiouse how many people will continue to just ignore the fat girl, or want to become friends with me.


http://www.3fatchicks.com/weight-tracker/holiday/img/bar-snowmen/slider-xmaself/lb/250/225/244/.png (http://www.3fatchicks.com/)

http://www.3fatchicks.net/img/bar070/bee01/lb/250/150/244/.png (http://www.3fatchicks.com/)

junebug41
10-02-2008, 11:22 AM
Wow. That is too bad that people would try to sabatage you for their own insecurities. I don't have that many friends, and the ones I have are really close friends, so I don't see them seeing me as a threat. I am in school though, and I am more curiouse how many people will continue to just ignore the fat girl, or want to become friends with me

People are superficial. In fact, part of the learning experience was learning how to deal with the fact that I was suddenly more accepted (or in the case of my male friend's SO's, no longer accepted). I was definitely treated differently from the get-go. But the people who treated me differently didn't really matter in the grand scheme of things. My core group of friends remained. Now, my very best friend since childhood had a hard time due to her own insecurites about herself as our dynamics had changed (she was always slightly overweight and I think being bigger than her made her uncomfortable). She just had to learn to adjust, which she did :)

raw23
10-02-2008, 11:38 AM
i have a few "friends" who have been very consistent in my life, but are def trying to sabotage my weight loss and who go out of their way to talk about how many guys like them, send me pictures of themselves in swim suits and talk about how sexy they look and how nice their abs our - for no real reason other than to make me feel bad, as far as i can tell.

ever wonder what will happen when you lose weight?
ever experience this?

What jerks!! Don't they have anything better to do? Geez. Meet some new people, these girls don't sound very nice.
I've never experienced anything like this, but I don't bond with women very well. I've always been around guys and I have a hard time connecting with most women. Your situation being one of the reasons - women are catty!

Fat Melanie
10-02-2008, 12:39 PM
I have not always been heavy. And I've had a heavy friend for years, since I moved to NC from NY. She's always been very heavy but beautiful. When we were 18, there was a very cute guy who she liked... but he was attracted to me. I did not flirt with him or anything like that, but he was interested in me, not her. Fast forward a year. She moved to Conneticut with her cousins and when she came back down, she had lost some weight. She was still heavy, but she had lost some weight and I was really happy for her. And I started gaining weight.

She couldn't have been more thrilled, I think.

She has a wonderful boyfriend who I've known longer than she has, and he used to like me. Now they are crazy in love and I couldn't be happier for her. She loves how he loves a thicker figure but is insecure because his ex was skinny and she always complains about it. Never did I think I'd be the target..!

I've been losing the weight I gained and now she's started hanging around me less and less. One day she and her BF were over for a few hours and she acted like she couldn't wait to get out of here. A few weeks later, I got up with her via telephone and she told me she's noticed how I've been losing the weight I gained and how nice I looked that day in a figure flattering shirt and jeans. I appreciated that. But then, she confessed to me that she noticed her BF staring at my @ss and supposedly, everytime I got up, his eyes were following me! And that she knows he finds me attractive and she somehow found out that he used to find me attractive.

I didn't notice this at all and quite frankly, think she's being paranoid. And I tried to tell her so, but she kept saying she saw him checking me out everytime I got up and that he was eyeing my chest, my booty, everything. She said she even tried to make eyecontact with him and stare him down to let him know that she noticed, but he would ignore her and look at me with the look only boyfriends give to their girlfriends. Wth!?

And she's been breaking a lot of plans with me recently and doesn't seem all that apologetic.

I'm thinking it's time to cut her loose. She didn't have a problem when I was thin back then and she was single... so why is it that I'm losing weight (though definitely not thin) she's getting angry at me for it? She could do the same for herself if she really wanted to.

I can't help where her BF's eyes roam, although I didn't see this going on.

It's dissapointing.

junebug41
10-02-2008, 12:54 PM
I don't think it has much to do with you except that you (unwittingly) are holding a mirror up to her, excacerbating her insecurities. It was like that with my best friend. It can really give people a gut-check when someone is successful at something that they haven't quite figured out and it can really make people uncomfortable. Now, it sounds like her insecurity is a little out of hand and I'm not sure if I would tolerate her actions. I just HATE the notion that since I've lost weight, I'm obviously on some mission to steal every man I can get. :rolleyes: You're right it's disappointing and silly.

JulieJ08
10-02-2008, 12:57 PM
i think its a generally well known fact that everyone can be friends with the fat girl! we're non-threatening, funny and easy to talk to. girls can be our friends, no fear of us stealing their men, guys can talk to us to get to our skinny friends.

anyone ever wonder if you are going to lose friends when you become more of a threat? i have a few "friends" who have been very consistent in my life, but are def trying to sabotage my weight loss and who go out of their way to talk about how many guys like them, send me pictures of themselves in swim suits and talk about how sexy they look and how nice their abs our - for no real reason other than to make me feel bad, as far as i can tell.

ever wonder what will happen when you lose weight?
ever experience this?

I don't know. I hear this stuff over and over. Never happened amongst any of my groups of friends, at any age.

DRose
10-02-2008, 01:04 PM
I've definitely noticed this. My cousin, whom I've been best friends with my whole life, has always been very thin and I've always been the fat one. So recently as I've been trying to lose weight I notice her maybe trying to sabotage that... For example, she'll want to go get ice cream or something...then I order nonfat frozen yogurt and she seems to get annoyed or angry. I'm not sure whether it is because she would "feel fat" if she had ice cream and I was eating nonfat yogurt....or because she doesn't want me to be losing weight. There are other instances where it seems that she wants to get something particularly fattening, I end up ordering something healthier and she gets annoyed. I don't recall her ever saying anything about my losing weight either.

raw23
10-02-2008, 02:35 PM
I dont understand that at all. How does someone's weight affect anyone else? That's just stupid.

Fat Melanie
10-02-2008, 02:52 PM
A lot of people are very insecure, even thin girls.

My sister hated me when I was thin. She was thin as well but I got more compliments. When I started gaining weight, she used every opportunity to put me down because she was very insecure about herself and felt more superior when I packed on some lbs. I think it's pretty pathetic to be that way!

It will kill her when she sees I've lose my weight, but I don't care. She needs to deal with her own insecurities and stop trying to be number one all of the time.