30-Somethings - People say hurtful things
09-30-2008, 04:26 PM
People say hurtful things and sometimes I don't think they are really trying to be hurtful but.... on Sunday I went to a Baby shower for a cousin. We played the game where you guess how big her belly is with a piece of yarn. Well I had no idea so I put the yarn around my waste and someone yelled out now cut that in half.
Well it's interesting b/c I would have thought she was bigger than me before I heard the person say that... I don't see myself as big as I am. So I didn't cut it in half but DID use a bit smaller piece and was only an inch off. She due in 5 weeks but is actually very small.
Ends up my 2 year old neice in my avatar got it exactly right which was REALLY funny.
But I thought about that comment and it really hurt my feelings. I think it was my aunt who made the comment and the day before my grandmother made a hurtful comment to me too. Maybe they think they are trying to help or maybe they are just trying to be funny.... who knows.:(
09-30-2008, 04:30 PM
I have some of those supposed joke tellers in my family and I think they do it cause they know i'm trying to loose weight - soon the joke will be on them.
Keep your head up and loose your weight and soon you'll be laughing at them.
09-30-2008, 04:30 PM
:hug: I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I can't believe some of the things that come out of ppls mouths. Have they never heard the " if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all" before?
I can't imagine anyone thinking saying something so hurtful would be helpful.
09-30-2008, 04:56 PM
Too bad your aunt thinks she has a sense of humour when she really hurt your feelings.
That just floors me when people have no idea that they are hurting other people's feelings.
09-30-2008, 05:16 PM
Oh, my sympathy is with you! Sometimes, I feel I'm blessed NOT to live near any family. I get to choose everyone I spend time with! It's amazing how rude family could be! Just turn your hurt into determination and come here for support. 3FC is great!
09-30-2008, 05:32 PM
<shakes fist> You'll show them!! Thanks for venting here! Hugs
Well, that's just horrible. :hug: :hug: :hug: Big Hugs for you. It doesn't matter if they think they're being helpful or funny, it's not helping and it's not funny. I would tell them flat out, or politely, that you don't appreciate it.
09-30-2008, 05:45 PM
You know, I had a family like that until I finally got brave and just told them their remarks hurt my feelings.
Maybe it's time to do that. So what if their feelings are hurt - they deserve to feel a bit of discomfort and maybe they'll think first next time.
09-30-2008, 06:38 PM
That's awful! :hug:
I went to a shower, that played that game, when I was at my high weight. The mother-to-be was super skinny before getting pregnant (she's a model) . I measured my waist and just used that as my length and she was one inch smaller. So I feel ya!
Try not to let it get to you. If anything like that happens again, I'd sit down the "offender" and have a little chat. Just because they're family doesn't mean they can be rude.
09-30-2008, 07:48 PM
Thanks for the "support". I'm not shy so I did say something back to my grandmother but when it was said in front of the group I just let it slide... at that point I wasn't even sure who said it. I did say that that wasn't nice!
I still look better than most of them now anyway :) I've never had a big problem with people saying things to be. I was skinny until my mid 20s so in my mind I'm still skinny :) or at least not as big as I am.
I made the mistake one time of thinking someone was pregrant... it was a friend that I hadn't seen in a while and I swear she had ALL her weight in her belly. I've always been very careful about that b/c I knew it would hurt my feelings if I said that. I couldn't believe I did it. I apologized immensely but the demage was done.
09-30-2008, 08:46 PM
Sorry that happened to you. Just keep doing what you're doing. You can do it!!
10-02-2008, 12:03 AM
When you get down to your goal weight they will still be hating so ignore them and keep doing what you're doing sista!
10-02-2008, 12:12 AM
You can't pick your family -- but you can pick the people you choose to spend time with. If someone does not make me feel positive and nourished, they get very little of my time, family or not. Life is waaaaay to short.
10-02-2008, 01:37 AM
this is one more reason to never go to a shower :) I avoid them like the plauge!
anyway, maybe your aunt has a mouth that works faster than her brain? You said the mom-to-be is very small so maybe it just came out and she didn't mean it to be hurtful. I suffer from foot-in-mouth and things just come out that can be takent the wrong way.
10-02-2008, 01:47 AM
If a person with a noticable physical disability or bad acne was in their company would they feel the need to comment on their obvious issue. People are just plain mean-but I do believe in Karma, remember what goes around comes around so just sit back-you don't need to do a darn thing. I quite enjoy the expression-"just rise above it". I use that one daily when dealing with negative people(family or otherwise) and surprisingly others notice it as well. When people treat your poorly it's a reflection of the person that they are-are they unhappy in their station in life? Like Mr. Rourke used to say,"Smiles everyone, smiles!"
10-02-2008, 01:51 AM
You need some staircase wit, to let people know when they're being mindlessly (or mindfully) hurtful. Watch this:
If you haven't seen Joy Nash (her fat rants are on You Tube, just search for her name), you should...not only is she hilarious, but she makes a lot of sense. Her rant on staircase wit is about having the self confidence to realize that you don't have to take harsh comments (nor do you have to be a total b-tch in order to stand up for yourself).
10-02-2008, 03:20 AM
She has several others and a blog